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Chapter 17
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Sometimes, I just want to close my eyes and go to that peaceful place I dream of.
Sometimes, I want to sleep until everything is okay again, until I know that I can trust tomorrow.
"Wake up!"
A piercing pain erupts in my side. I can't breathe, though I think my attacker was hoping more for a cracked rib. Gasping sharply, I inspect hovering eyes filled with unfiltered hate. My hands cradle my wounded side. I blink away tears, biting my bottom lip so I won't cry out.
"You overslept," Raze hisses, leaning down towards me. "Are you trying to get us killed?"
"It was an accident. And that's no reason to kick anyone like that."
"I do what I want, Phee-phee. Especially when I have to wake up a girl who almost got me killed!"
I stand up, still clutching my side, and hobble towards the watch post at the edge of the clearing. The desire to leave makes me hurry. Raze's eyes are on my back as I stagger, burning holes in my flesh. My legs itch to run.
"Oh," he suddenly says, "I wouldn't tell anyone how you bruised your side."
Turning around, I catch sight of his figure in the early morning light.
"Are you threatening me?"
He chuckles before tramping away, his laughs eerily empty. Shivers trail down my spine. I shift into a swift jog. My conscience waxes silent as I barrel into the jungle, leaving the Fortunate pack behind. The promise I made the night before emerges forgotten and revoked. I won't stay a moment longer when someone like Raze prowls about.
Especially since I know this is only the beginning. Threats turn into promises and promises into actions. Pretty soon, one finds themselves choked in impossible chains, freedom a distant memory.
That's how it starts.
That's how it always starts.
The low morning temperature chills my skin. Goosebumps rise on the exposed parts of my legs and arms. I'm not altogether sure if it is just the cold giving me goosebumps though. The danger hastily becoming farther away still frightens me.
Raze's eyes flash in front of me, reminding me of Cuth's beautiful irises that hid so much. Pausing, I grip a tree for support and wait until the world stops spinning.
It does, hastily replaced by the sensation of hands gripping me harshly and someone whispering in my ear. Their words come through intelligible and that's a blessing. If I could understand what they said my cheeks would burn with fires of shame.
The pit of blackness hidden in depths of an unknown I dare not explore opens, immersing me in the awful past. I grip the tree tighter and beg no one in particular to make it all go away.
It doesn't.
It never will.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I scuffle through underbrush for a long time, tearing the soles of my worn moccasins. My lips crack and dry. Thirst leaves my mouth foamy. I stop at a trickling stream and rest in the mud on it's shores.
Leaning my head back, I let the warm sun tickle my face. The stream's water seems drinkable. Unlike the clear water my tracker advised me to drink, it's an ugly brown.
Dana said it was safe to listen to your tracker until the fiftieth day. After that it purposely led him to danger.
That fact unsettles my stomach, especially after Dana said that every year the shadowlands change the date. What if the day when your tracker becomes your enemy is different? What if it already passed?
Thoughtfully, I examine the square and it's strange grey hue. The time when it tried to kill me filters into my mind. My blood turns into hot, melted iron.
"Phoenix!"
I leap to the moon.
It's Fahim. He frowns at me, black eyes focused on my lips. I note the sharp rock clasped in his hand and his brown moccasins sinking into the mud.
It takes me awhile to find the sense to respond, and even then my heart chugs like a train.
"How did you find me?"
"It wasn't hard. You're a lot louder than you think."
I take a ragged breath.
The foliage behind him stirs, eventually revealing Elisa as she walks into the sunlight. I gulp, glancing to the muddy river. There's no where to run.
"Why did you leave?" She walks to Fahim's side and stares at me, the gentleness in her hands palpable. I guiltily contemplate the swirls in the mud.
"I have to find some people," I whisper. "My family."
Fahim steps closer. "You should have told us. We can help you."
Looking up, I meet Elisa's gaze, mind swirling with unanswerable questions. Why did they follow me? They barely know me.
"Why would you want to?"
There is always a catch. Fahim grins, placing his broad hand on my shoulder.
"We Fortunates stay together, we help each other. It's our honor, remember?"
I nod hurriedly, thankful that my dark skin hides my guilty blush. Elisa smiles. Raze and Lily catch up, panting just the slightest, and the pack heads in the direction of the Western river.
"I think a lot of Graduates go this way," Elisa muses.
Fahim nods. "There are frequent airdrops at the river too, so we might get lucky."
Everyone takes a hopeful sigh.
Raze glances at Elisa, his jaw tightening. "The airdrops should be dropping weapons for us about now, so if we see one we should fight for the contents. We can definitely steal at least one from the Raiders."
His comments make Fahim stiffen and Elisa frown. Apparently they know the folly of messing with Raiders too.
I traipse in silence, eavesdropping on Elisa and Lily's chatter. They talk about Requiem, a Fortunate city that sounds nothing like Helion. My head snaps up in attention when they begin to discuss a Dana Roman.
"You know him?" I interrupt.
Elisa grins. "He's one of the best warriors the 90 days has ever seen."
I grin too, remembering the man with a giant scar. The one who's the reason I'm prepared for this hell. He never told me of his standing, in fact he was kinda humble. I wonder who made Elisa and Lily hold him at such a god-like status. It definitely wasn't him.
"Too bad he's an Entitled." Lily adds. I hide my frown at that.
"He was offered an opportunity to train us Fortunates for the 90 days at one time," Elisa says. "It was such a scandal because he refused. He turned the Regent's offer down."
"I remember," Lily says. "They isolated him after that."
"Who is the Regent?" I ask.
Lily snorts a laugh, "I swear, do you bump your head constantly. How do you not know anything about Xaron society or people?"
Elisa bumps Lily's arm. "Lay off her!"
She turns to me, "The Regent's the name of the capital's government. I know you remember, Phoenix."
I pretend to understand the gibberish. The topic changes to Fortunate training scores and I'm quickly lost in a sea of confusion. Quietly, I ponder Dana and the 90 days, trying to understand everything. It's as if I have a single key in a room of doors, ignorant as to which door the key opens.
Whatever is behind the correct door will tell me everything. It's all about finding the door.
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At dark Lily makes a fire and Fahim tries to cook a bird he's caught. But the fire makes the feathered fowl turn an ugly green and fills our nostrils with an intolerable stench. It reminds me of Jamie. In a good, nostalgic way if that makes sense.
I curl beside the fire and enjoy the feeling of heat splaying across my skin. Raze lies on the opposite side of the flames. My stiff back relaxes just the teeniest bit.
My eyelids flutter closed, allowing me to slip into a dream. And for once I dream of something good, something perfect. Kerry's smile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I awake in the middle of the night, roused by the noise of scampering feet. A shadow runs past me and the sound of heavy breathing clouds my ears. My chest seizes and fear tightens like a belt around my waist. A small hand grasps my arm. I shriek. Peeking to my left, I find Elisa looking back, the serious frown on her lips making her appear much older.
"What's going on?" she whispers.
And suddenly, from across the fire someone shouts, "Fahim!"
Rough laughter hits the crisp night air, breaking a tense silence. Fahim's laughter mingles with it.
I squint into the darkness, wishing the fire hadn't died while I was sleeping. My eyes manage to make out a tall figure with pale skin illuminated by dim moonlight. Next to them stands Fahim, his white teeth gleaming.
"Come with me," the pale figure says, "Bring your pack."
Fahim wakes up Lisa and Raze as Elisa smiles and says, "I know who this is."
She gets up and runs to the silhouette slowly edging away. Bewildered and frightened, I follow.
"Steven," she says breathlessly and envelopes him in a hug. He hugs her hurriedly and then just as quickly breaks away.
"We have to run," he chuckles, "The Raiders are closing in from the east."
Elisa's good humor vanishes.
"You idiot! Why are you laughing?"
"Because." He tilts her chin up to him. "They think they can catch us."
As soon as the rest are up, we bolt into the underbrush. The pale Steven leads us on a winding route down hills, through caves, and in muddy streams. I race with legs pounding just as fast my heart, my ears expecting to hear howls with every step.
In my haste I fall several times. Once plunging headfirst down a hill and gaining a mouth full of shriveling grass, meeting the sharp ends of sticks along the way down. The worst happens when I step off the path in a cave, almost falling to my death. Unbeknownst to me, we crept along the edge of a cliff.
A hand grabs my arm, hefting me back onto the sturdy rock.
It belongs to the glowing Steven.
"Be careful," he warns.
I nod awkwardly.
The run turns into a walk when we see glowing orange light probing through the trees. As we get closer, the orange light becomes firelight belonging to another pack. Steven leads us to the center of the herd, where a blazing fire much bigger than Lily's burns.
Heads turn to stare at us. I hear people whispering Steven's name. He clears his throat and throws his arm around the person nearest to him. Me. I shift uncomfortably but he doesn't seem to notice.
"Friends, Fortunates," he bellows, "The Raiders charge from the east in search of blood!"
Angry cheers boom from Fortunates who jump to their feet. The gleam of knives in some of the angry fists shake. Something terrible awaits. The idea makes my palms sweaty.
"And we'll give them blood," Steven laughs. "We'll give them their own!"
The graduates cheer again, chanting Blood, Blood, Blood.
My stomach squeezes, and I remember the night in the woods when the Raiders were on my heels, their faces painted in red. I remember inside the city walls when Jamie whispered the fateful word 'Butcher' and the chaos that followed.
I remember the fire.
I remember the cries.
My insides curdle and I break away from Steven, kneeling on the dewy grass. A passing breezes whips my hair, making it fly free. Acid fills my mouth and I know I can't keep whatever is coming up, down.
The excited, war-hungry graduates around me don't understand. The only blood they'll see is their own.
Author's Note:
It's been so long :(
I'm sorry dear friends I have been battling an awful case of writer's block coupled with a bit of melancholia. But it's so good to be back :), I hope you guys enjoy and forgive me for this terrible chapter. If it doesn't make sense right now the next chapter everything will be much clearer.
love you guys!
Sonny.
(PS. When is a good time to introduce the villain in a novel?)