I had no idea how I ended up heartbroken and girlfriend-less one minute and finding myself in an apartment full of goons, about to spend the night, the next.
Apparently the alcohol police, A.K.A Gavin, wasn't fond of Darian driving "under the influence", but he was too lazy to drop us off.
I could definitely see why Darian stayed friends with the goons all throughout high school though. Gavin and Aaron were an entertaining pair, especially Aaron. I still wasn't over his masturbation advice. The guy was hilarious.
Not long after Darian declared that he and I were spending the night, Aaron and Gavin headed out soon, saying they were tired and had to sleep. They made sure to leave us thick blankets and various pillows, so we could make ourselves comfortable. Gavin appeared genuinely exhausted while Aaron looked borderline drunk, so Gavin had to escort him to his room as Aaron rubbed his eyes and said goodnight to me and Darian.
Once they were out of sight, Darian and I sat on the couch. In complete silence. For a full two minutes.
I stared ahead at the blank TV while Darian's eyes scanned the apartment as if he hadn't seen everything multiple times already. I doubted it. Gavin and Aaron were his best friends, and he seemed to spend a lot of time with them.
I couldn't help the pang of jealousy I felt at the thought. I should have been his best friend that he spent a lot of time with, but I had to remind myself that Gavin and Aaron stole that title from me a long time ago.
Even with my jealousy strong as fuck, I couldn't be angry at Gavin and Aaron. I hated to admit it, but they were fun to be around. They were funny and not as bad as I thought they were.
"Did you have fun?" Darian asked when the silence became too much.
I bit my lip as I thought about it. "I did actually. I had a blast. You guys were great distraction from the breakup."
"I'm glad," he said, and we were silent again.
My eyes moved to scan the apartment for the first time since I got here. There wasn't a lot of light, but I could definitely make out a couple maps. Or twenty. Damn. How many maps did they have? Costa Rica. Lithuania. Mongolia. Chile. Malawi. There were maps of countries all over the world, splattered on the apartment's walls.
"Gavin and Aaron really like maps, don't they?" I said, turning to Darian.
"That's all Aaron," he muttered, making my eyes widen. "He's really into collecting maps from different places all around the world. His room is worse—maps all over the place." My eyes stretched out even more if that was possible, and Darian chuckled. "My boy isn't a complete delinquent, you know."
"I..." I didn't know what to say because I never saw Aaron for the collecting type.
"We have interests," Darian mumbled, his eyes locked on mine.
His stare was intense and when I couldn't handle it anymore, I looked away. "Of course." I ran my hands through my hair, getting flustered. "Sorry. I don't really know them, so I have no right making assumptions."
"It's okay." His gaze remained on me.
"I like Gavin and Aaron though," I reassured him.
"Really?" Darian's eyes lit up, and I nodded. "I don't tell them this enough, but I don't know what I would do without them. They're my boys, and they always have my back, and I always have theirs."
He stared past me as he spoke, intensifying the jealousy in me. I should have been the one he spoke so fondly of. I knew it was childish and immature of me, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how much I missed Darian.
I missed being his best friend, and I missed hanging out with him. I missed being his "boy" even though he never called me that. Darian always called all of his guy friends his "boys", ever since he was little. Whether it was Clay and later on Gavin and Aaron, they were all his "boys".
But not once did he ever call me that, even though I was once his best friend.
"Kenji?" Darian brought me back to the present.
I blushed slightly. "Sorry, but yeah. Gavin and Aaron seem cool. Weird, but cool," I reaffirmed. "If I didn't know any better, I'll say they're trying to set us up or something."
"In a way, they are trying to set us up," Darian admitted with a laugh.
"Why?" I raised a brow with an amused expression.
"Well, t-they aren't trying to s-set us up r-romantically or anything like t-that," Darian stumbled over his words, sweating slightly.
What the hell was wrong with him?
Darian cleared his throat, patting his chest. "But," he continued, seeming to get his cool back, "they were t-trying to get us alone, so we could talk and 'bond' one-on-one."
"That's nice of them."
I hated to admit it, but Gavin and Aaron seemed like good friends. Throughout high school, I kept hoping they would turn out to be horrible friends, so Darian would come running back to us.
He never did.
"Do you think we need it though?" We did, but I wanted to see where his head was at.
"Yeah," Darian said. "That dinner wasn't enough to make things right between us."
"It'll take time," I added.
"It will," Darian agreed, "but I'm willing to try."
I smiled at the nervous look he sent me. This was too weird. I never saw Darian lose his cool like this. That alcohol sure fucked with him.
"I'm willing to try, too," I said.
A full blown grin took over his face, but it was short-lived as his expression soon turned serious. "I really am sorry."
I liked the sound of him apologizing. It was music to my ears because I had been waiting a whole year for it.
"Like I said before, I want to fix things between us." A taint of red moved up Darian's face. "I meant it when I said I missed you," he said as he rubbed his neck, avoiding my gaze. "I meant it even more when I said I missed you a lot."
I lifted his chin so he could look at me. "I missed you, too." I released him with a smile, and Darian's cheeks grew redder.
Darian wasn't much of a blushing person, so this was strange. Then again, I had no right grabbing his chin like that.
What the fuck was I doing?
Guys didn't do that shit to each other. That was something you did to your girlfriend—not your ex-best friend.
"If you don't mind me asking, what happened?" Darian asked. "Between you and Rosalyn, I mean. Like Gavin said, you guys seemed happy, and you two were going really strong." A brief scowl formed on his face.
"Well," I began, leaning back on the couch, "it all started deteriorating near the end of my senior year. Rosalyn was always paranoid about us drifting apart when I had to leave for college, and I had to constantly reassure her that we wouldn't. So after high school, we had the best summer ever, enjoying our last few months together before I left."
That summer was filled with car rides to all the places imaginable in Shirley Heights. Adventurous sex in various positions and locations. Awesome booze and of course, Rosalyn and I both getting our tattoos.
I also got both of my ears pierced that same summer. Tou-san was a little hesitant, and he said me doing so would only make more people question my sexuality, and it didn't make me appear any tougher. Well, I said fuck that.
I didn't want to look tough; I wanted to look fly.
If I may say so myself, I accomplished that. I smiled and stroked my left earring at the thought before moving behind my ear to feel the ink of the three teardrops.
Darian's eyes followed my hand, but I continued my story. "It was amazing, and Rosalyn and I had the time of our lives. Then college started, and we hung out one final time when I recently moved into my apartment with Honoka."
I remembered when I saw Darian and Aaron walking on the side of the street as Rosalyn and I drove by in her Jeep. That day, I never would have expected myself to be in this situation—talking to Darian past midnight about my and Rosalyn's breakup.
"But that was it." I shrugged even though the thought hurt like a bitch. "After that, we barely contacted each other, and Rosalyn's fears came true. We started drifting apart, and even though I didn't want to believe it while she was breaking up with me, she was right. I was a terrible boyfriend who allowed us to end up like this. Maybe it was better for us to end it after all. Rosie deserves better."
I knew that was the logical thing to do, but that didn't mean I wanted to cut her out of my life. I would much rather have Rosalyn in my life as a friend than not at all because at least then, she would continue being that support system I so desperately needed. Rosalyn was my rock, and I didn't want to lose her.
"But it doesn't make it any easier," Darian said.
"Got that right."
He nodded. Before another episode of silence ensued, he asked, "What were you touching behind your ear, by the way?"
"My tattoo."
Darian's eyes bulged out. "You got a tattoo? Since when?"
"The beginning of this summer—right when I turned eighteen." We had to lie about Rosalyn's age at the parlor, but the people didn't seem to care too much. "Wanna see?" I grinned, and he nodded. I patted the spot on my left. "Come here." It was behind my left ear, and he was seated on my right. Darian moved in a heartbeat.
When he was seated to my left, I pulled my hair back and turned my head to the side, showing him the tattoo. "Wow..." he mused.
"Cool, huh?"
"Yeah..." His voice came out softer than usual. "You never showed an interest in tattoos before," Darian said, staring at me. "In middle school, whenever I talked about it, you usually brushed me off."
"Yeah." I shrugged. "I've changed a lot since middle school, in more ways than just my views on tattoos." I moved my hair back into place, concealing my tattoo once more.
"I see." Darian nodded in approval. "I have a tattoo, too."
"I know," I said. My eyes moved down to the Japanese inscriptions running along his right arm. "Everyone knows you have a tattoo because you always showcase it to the world in your infamous wife beaters."
Darian laughed because he knew it was the truth. He always wore wife beaters, showing his arms and his tattoo for the world to see. While I kept my tattoo hidden, he flaunted his.
"If you're going to go through the pain of having a tattoo, might as well enjoy it. I thought you'll know all about showing off, Mr. Jordans-are-Life."
I chuckled at his mockery. "I don't mind flashing my Jordans in people's faces, but I think I'll keep my tattoo private."
"Why?" he asked.
"See this?" I pulled my hair back again, showing him the tattoo one more time. "It's three tears." He nodded, urging me to continue. "Those three tears represent my pain."
"Your pain?" Darian laughed. "Most people put tears on their face, Kenji."
I shook my head. "Your face is too out there. Everyone can see it. Behind your ear, especially if you have long hair like me, is more private. My pain is private."
"Oh," Darian dragged out, seeming to get it.
"I don't want anyone to see my pain, unless I allow them to see it—just like this tattoo."
"Why three?"
I hesitated, not knowing if I should tell him, but looking into those expecting green eyes had me done for. Why the fuck not?
"They represent the three most painful events thus far in my life."
"Which are?" Darian encouraged.
I gulped. "My mother choosing Caroline Leigh over me, Tou-san and Honoka." Darian nodded in understanding. "Camila's death and the aftermath of that night." His face fell slightly, and I turned to hold eye contact with him for the last part. "And the deterioration of our relationship." I motioned between the two of us.
Darian's expression softened and his lips parted, no words coming out for a while as we stared at each other. "Kenji—"
"Don't," I interrupted without malice. "We can fix it now." His expression didn't change. "Relax." I almost reached for his hand, but I stopped myself. Why the hell was I being so touchy tonight? "I allowed you to see my pain, didn't I? That says something."
"That's deep, Kenji." His tone was dead serious.
"If I'm going to have it for the rest of my life, might as well make it mean something."
Darian nodded. "True that."
I glanced down to his tattoo. "Tell me about yours." I playfully smacked his arm, and he grinned.
"I got it senior year. It's Japanese for—"
"'Unleash the chains'," I answered for him, and his grin widened.
"Yeah," Darian said. "I love the message. Unleash the Chains." He narrowed his eyes in thought as he spoke. "We're all slaves to society if you think about it—shaped by and chained to its expectations. We live to work for it and to please it. Well, I say 'fuck society'. I want to live for myself, but even I haven't gotten there yet. I still have more chains to rid myself of, just like everyone else. The ultimate life battle is unleashing the chains society has imposed on us."
"Wow." I stared at Darian in amazement. He maintained his firm expression, as if lost in his own thoughts. At that moment, Darian didn't look like the goon I had gotten accustomed to over the past four years.
He reminded me of the intelligent boy I grew up with.
"That's deep, Darian," I imitated, taking us both out of our daze. He smiled at me. "Why Japanese though?"
Darian was always very receptive of my and Honoka's culture, but I was still curious.
He averted his gaze and scratched the back of his neck. "I got Japanese in honor of you. Japanese for you, Kenji. Every time I look at this tattoo, it reminds me of you. It's a nice reminder."
I sat up straight, my eyes locked on him. We weren't even friends when he got the tattoo. Who would have thought he still thought about me? Especially after junior year? I smiled, a warm feeling spreading through me.
Maybe he still cared after all.
We fell silent again, but for once, it wasn't awkward. It reminded me of the times Darian and I could sit around without saying a word and still be comfortable around each other. I never realized how much I missed those moments until now.
I didn't know how long we sat there, silent, but after a while, I thought of something. "Rosalyn got a tattoo, too," I told him.
Darian noticeably tensed. "Did you guys get matching ones?"
"Hell nah." I shook my head. "She got a tattoo of Camila's name along her ankle. I don't do that matching-tattoos shit."
Darian relaxed. "Good, because imagine how awkward it would have been now."
My mouth dropped as the realization hit me. "Oh, shit! That's so true."
I never expected me and Rosalyn to break up. I never thought of our future together as a couple, but I never imagined my future without her companionship. Either way, I dodged a bullet by not getting matching tattoos.
"I don't regret anything I did that summer though," I said to Darian. I smirked as a certain thought crossed my mind. "I especially don't regret the sex. Man, did we have a lot of sex."
Rosalyn and I had a very satisfying sex life. We never got bored, and we always had the hots for sex. She wanted it because it was from me while I wanted to get off. When we had sex, the amazing pleasure consumed my mind.
"Have you had sex since you two broke up?" Darian asked.
I didn't know why Darian and I were talking so personal so soon, but I didn't feel awkward talking about it with him for some reason.
I frowned. "We haven't had sex since the summer." How the hell was I now realizing this?
My groin stirred at the realization, and I didn't know whether it was from protest or from my cock reawakening. The only release I had gotten since the summer was from my right hand, even though I had a girlfriend back then.
Aaron may have advised masturbating as a way to cure the blues, but nothing could destroy blue balls like someone else working your dick.
I was sexually frustrated.
"I need sex," I blurted out, causing Darian to burst into laughter.
"Maybe Aaron was right after all," he said in between laughs. "Maybe you need to 'release all that built up anger and tension out in the form of your semen'." I joined him, and we laughed loudly, almost to the point of waking up Gavin and Aaron I was sure.
Darian watched me with a firm expression once our laughter died down. "Seriously, maybe that's what you need."
My blood pumped faster at his words. "You're joking, right?"
"Do I look like I'm joking?" I shook my head, and we maintained eye contact. "Well, then it's settled. We should cure your blue balls." He rose from the couch. "I'll be right back. I have to grab Aaron's laptop."
He walked off, leaving me alone in the living room, wide-eyed. What the hell just happened? Was I really going to bust nuts with Darian's help?
No.
Darian would never do that.
The most that would happen was probably going to be us jacking off together or something almost like what Clay and I did in middle school.
Still, the thought of Darian being willing to do anything surprised me.
He returned a minute later, and he connected Aaron's laptop to the TV before searching online for the best porn sites. As he skimmed around for decent videos, my stomach sank. Not from disgust, because I had watched porn plenty of times before, but from anxiety.
This was actually happening.
"So..." Darian glanced back at me with a mischievous smirk. "What's your kink?"
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* That was a drastic turn of events, am I right? Even I got a whiplash as I read it, even though I wrote it. lol
* What do you guys think? Excited? Happy? Anxious?
* Either way, don't forget to let me know what you think through comments. I love hearing what you guys have to say, and votes are always nice, too. :)
* Song is "The Scientist" by Coldplay.
* I know Kenji and Darian probably won't listen to a song like this, but I couldn't help it. It matched this chapter and the state of Kenji's and Darian's relationship too perfectly for me to pass. :)