Dean Writing Down His Thoughts......
There was never a time in my life when I wasn't lonely and afraid. Right back as a toddler I already knew I was different, the odd one out, the reason for all the conflict in our family. I knew because I was told that every single day.
" I never wanted to have you," Mum said constantly. "You've ruined my life. You spoiled everything , you did."
Anything that went wrong or got broken was my fault. Everyday they told me I was getting under their feet, driving them mad, making them ill. Their life would have been so much better if I never been born. I was the pathetic, useless, the source of all the family's problem.
When your told often enough that you're plain and worthless, stupid and a lair, you believe it's true. What was wrong with me? Was I rotten and bad? I was only a little boy, trying my hardest to please , trying my best to make my parents love me.
If you think you're worthless, you don't stand up for yourself in life, don't make any demands. You believe you deserve no better. So when there is bad person, an evil person, around, then you're really in trouble. There's no one to turn to and nowhere you'll be safe with. Evil people target you and then your vulnerable.
Right thru my childhood and now being 16, I was never protected, never safe. Most children run to their parents when they are scared and unhappy or when something unspeakable happens to them. For me, that never worked. I was Unwanted . Unloved. Completely Alone.