Ashton's POV:
For the second time today I awoke with Carter asleep on me.
She looked so peaceful in her dreaming state, unlike the crying and hurting girl just hours before.
She was exhausted. Last night had been rough on both of us and today hadn't helped at all. She needed to sleep for not only her health, but to figure out what she wanted to do.
I knew Carter was confused and I wanted nothing more than to help her but this decision on whether or not to be with me was all on her. All I could do was love her and do everything in my power to make sure she felt loved and safe and could also learn trust me again.
Last night she was so hurt and broken that it felt like she had ripped my heart out and I couldn't help but get emotional. I'd never cried about a girl before, but Carter had me wrapped around her finger, and the thought of her leaving me had tears springing to my eyes.
My hand went to Carter's back and I began lightly trailing my fingers up and down her spine.
I didn't know where we were going to go from here. Was she going to let me move back in and see the kids, or was she going to make me stay here until she was ready for me to come back, or was she never going to let me come back at all.
Maybe she needed to take some time to herself to sort out her feelings. I would be okay with that and give her all the space she needed, just as long as that temporary space didn't turn into a permanent break.
Carter shifted on top of me and I looked down to see her moving up my body, her head from where it had been laying on my stomach was now wedged between my shoulder and neck. I stopped my fingers from moving as to not wake her up.
"Don't stop." She suddenly breathed against my neck and a smile played on my lips as I returned to stroking her back.
I turned my head to the side, inhaling her strawberry scented shampoo and nuzzling my nose into her hair. She did the same by nestling her face into my neck, letting me feel the flutter of her eyelashes against my skin.
I noticed the goosebumps on her arms and pulled her tighter against my side.
"Are you cold?" I asked her and she nodded.
Reaching down to the floor I picked up the blanket I had thrown down there the other night and spread it over us, her immediately snuggling into its warmth, making me chuckle at the cuteness of her actions.
"Did you have a nice nap?" I asked her sweetly.
"Yes." She adjusted her head on my neck. "Did you?"
"I did."
She exhaled and then hugged onto my chest tighter. "What time is it?"
"2:40." I said glancing at the clock on the night stand.
"I have to get Ender from school in twenty minutes." She suddenly sat up and I already missed her bodily contact.
"I'll take you." I said and sat up as well.
"It's not that far, I can walk." She tried to wave my offer away but I wasn't having that.
"No, I'm going to take you. Besides you have to get Gracie."
"We." She said and looked at me.
"We?" I raised an eyebrow.
"We have to go get Gracie." She said and I bit my lip trying to hide my idiotic grin from her.
She stood up and stretched her back before grabbing her phone. She sighed before pressing a few times on the screen then held it up to her ear.
I turned away to act like I wasn't listening in on her call.
"Hey Ari, I'm sorry, I didn't hear your call." She apologized. "Okay, um I'll be by in a few to come get her." She paused and then glanced back at me. "I don't know yet."
She waited for a few more seconds then said goodbye and hung up the phone.
"Gracie woke up from a nap and started asking for you." Carter said as I had my back turned to her.
"Really?" I asked with wide eyes.
"Yeah." She said and gave me a half smile. "I guess she misses her dad."
I couldn't fight my grin at that point.
"So what does this mean for us?" I asked, not wanting to get my hopes up too soon.
"Um..." She gnawed on her lip.
"Dont do anything you're not comfortable with." I made sure she knew that.
"No, I want you to stay the night, I'm just...making sure that I'm thinking with my head and not my heart."
"Here, why don't I take you home, and you think about what you want, and then let me know. I don't want to go over there and then have you regret it."
"I've never regretted any time I've spent with you." She looked at me, a dead serious expression on her face.
"Neither have I." I said to her and she nodded as if she knew.
"If you do end up staying over, don't tell the kids. I don't want to confuse them anymore."
"Okay."
She grabbed her phone and I took her hand as I led her from the upstairs bedroom and out to my jeep.
When we arrived at the school Ender was jubilant over the fact that I was here and I could see Carter giving him solemn glances the entire time I drove to Ari's house so we could pick up Gracie.
"Daddy!" She laughed brightly when Carter finally walked her out to the jeep and I smiled.
Carter fastened her into her chair and I hurried to get them home so Carter would have time to think if she wanted me to come over tonight.
I walked them down the docks when we arrived at the marina and Carter told me to come inside.
"Ashton are you going to be here for dinner?" Ender asked me with a happy expression.
"Uh, not tonight mate, sorry." I said and his smile immediately faltered.
"Why?" He asked.
"I just have some other things to do, End." I said.
"Don't lie to me, I know Carter kicked you out of the house again." He said bitterly and my eyes widened in shock. Ender had never taken that tone with me before.
"Ender!" Carter exclaimed at him, a horrified look on her face.
"It's true, isn't it?" Ender shouted at her and I intervened.
"Hey." I said sternly and Ender looked back at me. "I know things are confusing and difficult right now and I'm sorry about that. But it's not your sisters fault so don't take it out on her."
"But it is! She's the one who took you away from me." Ender fought back.
"No. I'm the one who took myself away from you. Carter has every right to not want me here. It's hard to understand, but we just have things we need to figure out and then things will go back to normal."
"No it won't." Ender shook his head at me. He was clearly extremely emotional and my heart hurt for and because of him. "You're supposed to be my sister." Ender turned on Carter and I heard the gasp escape her lips before her hands went to cover her mouth.
"Ender, I need you to take a deep breath. Go to your room and when you feel ready to apologise to your sister then come back down." I said to him in a firm tone that meant I was not to be tested with right now.
He looked at me for a moment then whipped around, marching up to his room and shutting the door behind him.
Turning my body, I went to check on Carter and found her in total disarray. She had walked outside and was leaning against the house, her head in her hands.
"I didn't know things were that bad." I said and she nodded. "I'm sorry."
She took a deep breath to calm herself down.
"He'll get over it." She said and stood up straighter. "I'll text you later when I decide."
"Okay." I nodded and she moved to go back in the house when I reached out to softly touch her arm. "Hey." I said and she turned back to look at me. "I love you."
"I...I love you too." She said back and then moved herself from my grip, re-entering the house.
Slowly I made my way back up the docks to my jeep.
I would go back to my room at the bed and breakfast and take a shower before waiting for her to tell me if I was okay to come over or not.
Doing just that I also changed into a new shirt that wasn't tear stained.
I laid on my bed plotting ways to win back her trust when my phone buzzed beside me and I shot up like a bullet.
'Come over.'
She wanted me to be there with her, that was a good sign.
'What time?' I responded.
'10:30.'
'Okay.'
I had time to kill before I left so I decided to stop by The Grill and grab a bite to eat before sitting in my jeep for almost an hour until it was time for me to drive over there.
For some reason I was nervous and I didn't know why.
I knocked on the front door and was soon greeted by Carter who had showered and changed into a sweater with short shorts underneath.
I had barely stepped into the doorway when she pressed herself to me, her arms going around my neck as she hugged me.
I was surprised for a second but soon put my arms around her, holding her to me. She relaxed in my arms and I placed my hand on the back of her head to press it against my chest.
"I needed this." She whispered.
Carter held on for another second then let go, holding a finger to her lips and nodding at the sleeping Gracie who was on the sofa.
Carefully and quietly we made our way up to her bedroom where she closed the door behind us and turned out the light.
I took off my shoes and then went to my normal position on the bed, back against the wall as Carter slid in next to me, her body stopping short before it could touch mine.
"Is it okay if I hold you?" I asked her and she nodded her head.
Carter was laying on her side so I slipped one hand underneath her and one on top of her waist and dragged her back to me so that she was up against me.
"What are we supposed to tell the kids tomorrow." I dropped my head down so that it was slightly resting on her shoulder.
"Just tell them that you came by for breakfast and to take End to school." She replied.
"Did he apologise to you?"
"Yes. I think you scared him." She almost giggled.
"Good. Just because I'm the one that caused all of this doesn't mean he should take it out on you."
"I don't wanna talk about that tonight." She said and I blinked.
"What do you want to talk about then?"
She thought for a moment. "I want you to tell me everything you love about me." She said quietly almost as if she was afraid to say it.
"Everything I love about you?"
She nodded and I adjusted my grip on her before I dove in.
"Well for starters, I love holding you. You're warm and soft and I like being close to you. I love that you're an amazing sister and mom to Ender and Gracie, and how even though you're not really their mom, they love you like you are. I love how you love them and take care of them because you're all they have left, and I love the fact that I've gotten to be apart of their lives."
Carter moved in my arms, turning her body to face mine.
"Do you want me to keep going?" I asked and she nodded into my tee shirt.
"Alright, I love how you always get as close to me as possible at night because you're cold, and how I wake up to find you holding onto my shirt. I love how in the mornings you let Gracie fall asleep on you and carry her around because it's literally one of the cutest things I've seen. I love how you make the best coffee and know exactly how everyone takes their drink."
A little smile appeared on her lips at that.
"I love how my Mum loves you and your family. I love how my friends love you and the kids and consider you apart of our family. I love how everyone instantly loves you the second they meet you because you're just that amazing. I love how you opened up to me and told me about your parents and I love that you still make it seem like they're around for Ender by keeping up family traditions."
She squeezed her eyes shut tighter at that and I began to lightly play with her hair.
"I love how beautiful you are and how you don't even have to try. I love your body and how it feels when I hold it and I love how you react every time I touch you. I love kissing you because your lips are perfect and it's one of my favourite things to do. I love making love to you," I began and her cheeks immediately flared up in a blush and she hid her face from me, embarrassed, "and how you make me feel things I've never felt before. I love how you hold onto my shoulders whenever you like the way something feels." I said with a smirk and she hid her face even more but I could tell she was smiling.
"And I love the way you say my name when you hit your high and pull me closer to you."
I brushed the hair that was covering her red cheeks away and pressed my lips to the pink skin. Her eyelashes were damp and her skin a little clammy from where she had burrowed her face into the warmth of my chest and the blankets.
My thumb began to lightly stroke at her cheek as I continued.
"I love your name, your entire name at that. And you'll probably want me to change it and I won't, but I have your contact in my phone as Halle Carter because it's the prettiest name I have ever heard in my life."
"You do?" She peeked up at me innocently.
"Mhmm." I hummed and smiled down at her.
"Keep going." She nudged my chest with her hand.
"Okay. I love the way your hair always smells like strawberries and your skin smells like the apricot scrub you use. I love how your lips taste like that honey chapstick and now I can't go anywhere without it in my pocket. I love your hair, and your eyes are the prettiest colour I've ever seen and I could look at them all day."
I continued.
"I love this ring on your finger." I laced my fingers through hers. "I love the sound of your laugh and I love your smile. I love how happy I am when I'm with you. I love it when you say you love me and the look on your face when I say it to you. But most importantly, I love loving you."
She took a deep breath and leaned her head into me more.
"And Car, I haven't even scratched the surface." I added and her eyes flashed up to mine.
"That was sweet." She said softly.
"It was true. I meant what I said earlier Carter, you deserve all the love in the world."
She said nothing but continued to rest her head against my chest.
"How about next week you and I go on a date. You can ask me anything you want to about the band and it will be kinda like a first date all over again. I want you to know that side of me."
"I like that idea." She replied and I smiled.
"Good. What day do you want to go?"
"I can't on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, or Saturday." She said and I looked at her oddly.
"I'm assistant coaching the boys varsity team at the school." She answered my silent question.
"Oh. So I'm assuming your interview went well."
"It did. I'm doing a trial run right now to see if I can help their team and if I do then they'll hire me on as assistant coach."
"That's amazing baby." I pressed my face to hers and accidentally touched my lips to the corner of her mouth which made her freeze.
I hadn't kissed her since the whole thing went down and I honestly hadn't meant to do that just then.
"Carter I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to." I backed away, apologising profusely.
"It's okay, I just wasn't expecting it that's all." She said and scooted away from me slightly.
"I won't kiss you until you tell me it's okay to."
She nodded and then rested her head back down on her pillow.
God this had been going so well and of course I had to screw it up.
Her eyes closed and I assumed she was going to go to sleep now so I closed mine as well, exhaling a sigh.
We laid there for what must have been five minutes before her soft voice floated through the darkness.
"Ashton?" She barely whispered.
"Yes?"
"I'm scared that if I kiss you you'll think I forgive you."
"I won't think that. If and when you want to forgive me then tell me. But a kiss doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to."
"Okay." She said after a moment.
Her body was still too far away for my liking but after a few moments she finally turned over on her back and felt around the bed until she found one of my hands. She fit her fingers in the spaces between mine, a smile appearing on my lips.
"Thank you for everything you said, I needed to hear it." She squeezed my hand.
"Of course, love." I squeezed her hand back.
I could tell she was wide awake now by the way her fingers were slightly twitching.
Suddenly, I wasn't sure how it happened, Carter had flipped herself over so that she was straddling my waist. My eyes went wide as her hands pressed flat against my chest and then one slid up so that it was on my cheek.
I watched her with careful eyes as she dipped her head down, her eyes flashing to mine as she connected her lips to mine.
Her kiss was sweet and warm as she encased my bottom lip with both of hers. When she let go I moved to capture her top lip between mine, kissing her back.
I placed my hands on her hips as we started to move our lips more frequently. My thumbs began to massage the skin on her hips and she moved her hair to one side so it wouldn't be in the way.
My hands moved to her thighs then moved to the back, I slid them up over the curve of her bum then up her back until they were woven in her hair.
Carters breath was coming out in short pants as she initiated the move to deepen the kiss. I did as she asked, trying to kiss her pain and confusion away.
When she broke for air she gasped in a breath and moved in to continue our make out session but just as her lips brushed mine I spoke.
"Let's not take it too far tonight." I breathed heavily.
She nodded. "Just a little more." She moved back in to attach our mouths again.
It seemed like she was trying to kiss away her own hurt and confusion. She was trying to make herself feel better.
I continued to kiss her until she was finally ready to quit, pulling away just enough for her to make eye contact.
Her lips were swollen and red like she was wearing lipstick and I'm sure mine didn't look much different.
"Are you okay?" I asked her, my thumb stroking her cheek as I held her face in my hands.
"Yeah." She nodded.
"You'd tell me if you weren't?" I checked.
"Yes. I just needed you."
"You always have me." I gave her an assuring little smile.
She bit her lips to hide hers and ducked her head down to rest it on my collarbone.
Carter was still straddling my hips so I turned on my side so I could lay her back down in order for her to be more comfortable to fall asleep.
But even though I did that she still worked her way back so that she was as close to me as possible.
I turned my head to press my lips to her forehead and held them there.
"Love you." I mumbled against her skin.
"I love you too." Was the last thing she said before she took the fabric of my olive green tee shirt in her hand like she always did and we both fell asleep.
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I love writing chapters from Ash's PoV like so much.
anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
as always, vote and comment if you'd like and I'll see you guys in the next chapter!
much love xx -M