Ashton's POV:
Soft light filtered past my eyelids causing me to squeeze them shut tighter. My throat was dry, my head was pounding, and my eyes slightly burned.
Opening my eyes I blinked a few times and then dropped my gaze down, my heart stuttering over itself.
Carter was in my lap, her head against my chest and her knees pulled up to her chin. Her eyes were a little swollen and there were shiny marks on her cheeks from where her tears had raked down her beautiful face.
Her mouth was slightly parted and slow, even breaths escaped her lips.
If she was like me, last night had been the first night she'd been able to actually sleep for the past few days.
Last night had probably been one of the worst of my life, and I didn't think it was over. We had never gotten to a final decision. Our entire relationship was still up in the air and it was up to her whether we continued it or not.
She was still wearing the promise ring I had given her and that gave me hope, but I needed more than hope, I needed her.
My arms were still circling her back, holding her and she moved in her sleep, her hand that was against my stomach coming up to clutch the fabric of my tee shirt.
Maybe she needed me too.
There was a light area on my shirt from where her tears had fallen and then dried.
Using my hand I began to stroke at the hair behind her ear. She nestled into me, sighing in her slumber and it felt like a little weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Would she be able to forgive me?
I had the urge to kiss her face but I refrained, I wasn't going to do that until she wanted me to.
Carter started to stir beneath me, little noises coming from her lips and then her eyes fluttered open, revealing the grey irises I had come to love so much.
Her fingers released their grip on my shirt as she came to realise she had fallen asleep on my lap last night.
She tilted her head up to look at me and a little smile appeared on my face.
"Hey." I said to her, my voice gruff. My fingers were still petting at her hair and she didn't move away or say anything so I continued.
"Hi." She said just as dryly, reaching up to rub at her eyes. She looked down at our compromising position and sat up a little more making me worry. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."
"No, you're fine." I assured her but she shook her head.
"No, it was a mistake, I shouldn't have done that." She started to get up but I stopped her.
"Don't say that. Please." I pleaded. "Come back?"
She bit her bottom lip, thinking, then carefully sat back down on my legs, drawing her knees back up to her chin.
My hand went to her back and she sat there for minute just breathing before she spoke.
"I shouldn't be doing this. I'm supposed to be mad at you."
"Are you?" I asked her.
"No." She sighed. "I'm not."
Even though it should have, that didn't make me feel better, she hadn't forgiven me yet I could tell.
"So where did last night leave us?" I asked again, hoping for a better answer.
"I'm not sure." She breathed. "Ashton, you really hurt me."
"I know that baby, and I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."
"I believe you." She said and looked up into my eyes.
"Do you believe that I love you?"
"Yes." She answered.
"Do you still love me?"
"Yes." She said lightly. "But that doesn't change anything Ashton, you still lied to me."
"I want to do whatever I can so that you trust me again. I want us to go back to normal."
"I want that too. But I don't know you like I thought I did...I'm going to need time to learn you again, the real you, before I make a decision."
"That sounds fair." I nodded.
She was about to open her mouth to speak again when a voice was heard at the top of the stairs.
"Daddy!" Gracie gasped and I looked up to see her in her purple onesie, her hair in two braids and a huge smile on her face.
Carter stood up quickly and I did too, watching her as she took a few steps away from me.
Gracie barrelled down the steps and straight toward me, latching herself onto my leg.
She reached her arms up to me for me to pick her up and I looked to Carter to make sure that was okay with her. She hesitated a moment before nodding and I hoisted Gracie up onto my hip, kissing her cheek.
"I missed you." She said happily as she cuddled into my shoulder.
"I missed you too Gracie." I hugged her back and Carter looked at the both of us like she was about to cry.
"Are you going to stay?" She asked me and I looked back to Carter, Gracie doing the same.Carter looked like a deer in the headlights, the spot light on her.
"You'll stay for breakfast?" Car asked me and I nodded, giving her a thankful smile. She turned around and headed toward the kitchen to start the coffee maker.
Carter had just taken Gracie from me and set her in a chair at the bar when I heard footsteps at the stairs.
"Ashton!" Ender said happily and ran down the stairs to give me hug.
Carter looked at Ender nervously, like she was scared of what he might say.
"Hey, little mate." I smiled and clapped his shoulder.
"I knew you'd come back." Ender smiled up at me and Carter quickly turned away, handed Gracie her sippy cup filled with orange juice and then walked briskly up the stairs.
"Keep an eye on Gracie, mate." I patted Ender on the back, not taking my eyes off Carter, and then quickly followed her up the stairs.
She was standing in her room, her fingers clipped to the bridge of her nose as she took deep breaths.
"Are you okay?" I asked her as I stood in the doorway.
"I didn't want the kids to see you yet. I don't want to send them mixed signals." She said, shutting her eyes tight.
"What do you mean by mixed signals?"
"Like if this goes south and they see you here it's going to be harder for them."
By "this" I assumed she was referring to us.
"Do you think it's going to go that way?" I asked her carefully.
"I don't know." She answered.
"Do you want me to leave?" I asked.
"No. If you do then Ender's just going to get mad at me and I've already fought with him enough this week." She sighed and looked down at her feet.
"You've been fighting with him?"
"He's been angry that you weren't here and I wouldn't really tell him why. And then he went off on Gracie because she kept on asking where you were." She explained and my heart broke a little more.
"I'm so sorry." I said, feeling so guilty. I was hurting her in more ways than one.
She looked up at me and then shook her head, convincing herself not to do whatever she was about to, even though I wish she would have.
"We should go downstairs." She said and I nodded, following her to the kitchen where both kids were eating at the bar.
I stood there awkwardly before she looked over at me.
"You can help yourself to some coffee." She said and I gratefully took the opportunity and made a beeline for the caffeine when I paused in the middle of the kitchen.
Sitting on the counter, pressed up to the tile backsplash was a bottle of scotch.
Had she been drinking?
The bottle looked about half full and I felt a surge of frustration pass through me but this wasn't the place to ask her about it.
That wasn't the Carter I knew, but I guess I wasn't the Ashton she knew either.
I took sips of my coffee as I watched her handle the kids by herself, it didn't feel right for me to just jump back in like nothing had ever happened.
"Okay, Ender go get dressed we need to leave in fifteen." She said as she came down with Gracie dressed in a pair of the shorts I had bought her and a oversized navy tee shirt that said chase marina tours. Her hair was in her braids still and she had on her tiny converse.
That was my little girl.
Carter had changed too into the same sweater she had been wearing the first night we were ever intimate with each other.
I checked to see if the ring was around her finger and thankfully it still was.
"Hey love, why don't you go play with Bear in the living room for a few minutes." She suggested to the little girl and Gracie ran off do as such while Carter motioned for me to follow her outside.
Once there she leaned against the wall of the house while I stood in front of her.
"I have to take them to school, but I really want to talk about us." She said.
"Why don't I take you guys and then we can go somewhere and talk?"
"No, I can take them. I just don't want Gracie to be there."
"Do you have somewhere you can take her? And I'd feel a lot better if you'd let me take you."
"Let me make a phone call." She said and slipped inside. She came out a few minutes later.
"You can take us to the school to drop off Ender and then we'll take Gracie to Ari's house." Carter said.
"Was Ari okay with you talking to me?" I asked her.
"It's not her relationship it's mine." Carter replied.
Ender and Gracie came outside and I led them to my jeep that still had Gracie's car seat in the back.
Carter buckled her in and sat down in the passenger seat, not looking my way the entire drive to the school.
We dropped Ender off and then I made my way to Ari's house.
Carter hopped out to take Gracie inside while I sat idly in the jeep.
When she came outside and got back in the car I asked her where she wanted to go and talk.
"Let's just go to the coffee shop on main." She replied and I nodded, driving us there.
I went to open her car door for her when I parked in front of the building and she hesitantly got out of the jeep, walking inside so we could figure out where we stood.
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Here's the next part!
I'll have the next chapter up soon!
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much love xx -m