After I had sent Ashton's call to voicemail, I turned to face the computer, getting started on what I planned on doing today: figuring out who he really was.
The magazine had said 5SOS which I assumed was their band name, so I typed it into the Google bar and hit search.
The first thing that came up was their website which I clicked on. I scrolled through the pages looking at photos, music, their calendar, and merchandise. They looked extremely official.
Next was their Wikipedia page which I read thoroughly, learning about their background. So they had become a band in high school and filmed YouTube videos when a famous boy band named One Direction (that I had actually heard of) discovered them and they moved to London, working on their music and opening for the popular group.
Then they released an EP and now an album which they were currently touring.
So he was still on tour.
According to the calendar on their website, their were between instalments of the tour, their next one starting in Japan in a few weeks.
I left their Wikipedia page and moved onto google images where pictures of the boys covered the screen.
There they were, in all different types of shots. Smiling, laughing, making weird faces. There were pictures of them on stage and I paused on one particular one of Ashton drumming.
He looked so happy, a grin across his face as he held his drumsticks in the air. A red bandana was tied across his head to hold his hair back.
I must have scrolled through the photos for at least an hour until I had seen enough and went back to the search bar.
I typed in Ashton Irwin Twitter and pressed on the first link that took me to his Twitter page.
His profile picture was one of the entire band from some type of photo shoot. My eyes scanned down until I reached his biography.
'Holding onto a dream, giving my heart and soul.'
I laughed.
That sounded like something he would say.
I began to scroll through his tweets, reading each one.
Some were from conversations he was having with the boys or replying to his fans, but some were deep thoughts and quotes that made me start to breathe a little shallower. Most of those types of tweets were about love.
I kept going until I reached a photo he had shared that made my eyes mist up.
'Birthday fun' was the caption and beneath was a selfie he had taken of him and the other boys, wearing the same outfits they had on at the surprise party he had thrown for me just a few days ago.
Beneath that was a photo that I had taken of him in front of a giraffe, his hands in the air as he held up a peace sign.
I scrolled a little longer then went back to the main screen, getting a little bolder with my search.
Ashton Irwin girlfriend.
I regretted it as soon as it popped up.
The first link was to an article that I opened and began to read, my eyes getting wide.
5 Seconds Of Summer's drummer Ashton Irwin has been getting cozy with mysterious new girlfriend that 5SOS fans are calling "Mystery Girl."
They've been photographed several times by fans but have only shown minimal PDA such as hand holding and one (cute) kiss on the forehead, but on a zoo trip with Irwin's family, fans captured the new couple being totally ADORBS and we're seriously jealous!
There was a video below and I clicked on it, my hands twisting together out of nervousness.
It began to play.
At first all it was was me and Ashton walking along the sidewalk, the video taken from behind us. His hand was holding mine and I was holding onto Gracie's.
Ashton leaned in and said something into my ear and I turned my face to look at him with a smile on my face. That's when he leaned in to kiss me which I happily accepted.
I remembered this moment.
He had whispered to me that I looked beautiful.
I also remembered it because I had been extremely embarrassed that he had kissed me so passionately with his mom right next to us.
The article continued below the video clip.
Total cuteness? I know! But wait until you see this next one, you're going to change your mind.
I hit play on the next video and my body slumped in the chair.
It was when Ashton had taken Gracie to see the elephants and was bringing her back over to me.
The video showed him setting her on the ground and her running across the sidewalk to me where I picked her up and spun her around.
Ashton then came into view again as he walked up to us and put his arms around us both and leaned in to kiss Gracie's cheek, a cheerful grin on her face.
Cute has just been taken to a whole other level ladies and gentleman.
Ashton hasn't confirmed his relationship to fans, but fans are hoping he will drop some details about her in coming up interviews where she is sure to be a topic. Though putting information aside, let's be honest, don't we all wish we could be this girl?
I finished reading it and exited the page.
If only they knew.
Next I searched a little more until I found a Twitter page about 5SOS updates and began to look on their page where pictures of me, Ashton, and my family were plastered across their page.
The most recent photos were of me and him on our special date night as we were walking down the street. It was a set of four photos. The first was of me taking off his hat, the second was me placing it on my head, the third was him looking down at me with a smile, and the fourth was me looking back up at him with a matching smile on my face.
Then I began to read the comments underneath.
'wow gold digger much?'
'I already don't like her oops'
'I like Jenna better...and we all hated Jenna'
I remembered the name Jenna. Ashton had mentioned her one night long ago, at the very start of our relationship. She was one of his ex girlfriends and they had dated for a year, twice as long as me and Ashton.
Being brave I typed into the search bar for Ashton and Jenna and wished that I hadn't. There were pictures of them, holding hands, hugging,...kissing...and she was beautiful. She had to be a model or something. I didn't even compare.
Going back to the other screen I read a comment that stabbed into me like a knife.
'Management must have hired her for publicity for the tour, don't worry guys she's just another press puppet.'
That wasn't true, I hadn't been hired by anyone, but that still hurt.
There was no way he would use me as publicity tool...would he?
I let go of the computer mouse and dropped my head into my hands, a rough sob escaping my lips.
Why did this happen to us now?
Our weekend had been so perfect, and I felt so happy and safe on our relationship. Now it was like I didn't even know who he was.
My phone rang again and I regrettably looked at it. It was Ashton again, and again I sent him to voicemail.
I didn't even get a chance to wipe my tears away before he was calling again, he knew I was ignoring his calls.
Declining it, I brought up my text with him.
'Please stop calling me.' I sent him.
'No, we need to talk.'
'I don't want to talk.'
'Please, Car.'
'Not yet.' I sent back and then turned off my phone.
He thought he could just fix this with words? What could he say to me that would possibly make this better, make us better?
Maybe Ari was right...maybe I needed to end the relationship. But was it already over?
But what if I was overthinking this? This may seem like a mess right now, but what if in five years we laughed about this on our wedding night?
I sniffled and wiped at my nose and eyes.
He was right though, I knew we needed to talk about this, but not today, I needed a little more time.
"Mommy come play with me!" Gracie suddenly entered the shop.
I sat up, trying to look like I wasn't just crying. But when I saw her, it just reminded me how Ashton had lied to me. He was so involved with my family, my life, if he left it then I would be in charge of the collateral damage.
"Sure, I'll be out there in a second." I gave her a weak smile.
Knowing I was hurting right now she ran up and hugged my legs.
"It's okay, Mommy." She said as she squeezed my legs.
Holding back a sob I pet her hair. "Thanks, love."
"I'll meet you outside." I said and she let go of me, running out the front door again.
My chest hurt and it felt like someone had literally ripped my heart from it. Was this what a broken heart felt like? Because if so, I didn't know if I was going to survive it.
I took a few moments to collect myself before going outside to play with the innocent and oblivious little girl.
Ender was being dropped off by Reid's mom so I didn't have to worry about him getting home. He wasn't talking to me which was making this whole thing worse. I knew he was mad at me for not giving him a straight answer and for kicking Ashton out of the house (for what he deemed was no reason) but I was the adult and what I said went.
So of course when Ender got home he huffily brushed past me and went straight to the house while I was still outside with Gracie.
I had half a mind to go in there and tell him to get over it but then I remembered he was hurting too, maybe for a different reason, but because of the same person.
When I eventually made my way inside he was sitting at the bar doing homework.
"Did Coach Robin give you a day for me to come to practice."
"Next Tuesday." He answered without looking at me.
"Okay." I answered and wrote it on the calendar then went to the fridge to start pulling out things for dinner.
I made us spaghetti and Ender sulked the entirety of the meal, Gracie stealing looks at him with a "what's wrong with you" face.
I wanted to get Gracie and Ender in bed so I could watch a movie and wallow in my own misery so I hurried to get her in the bath.
She stood in the hallway in her pyjamas after she was cleaned up, waiting for me to finish putting away her things in the bathroom when she asked a question that made my heart sink in my chest.
"When's Daddy coming home?"
I was about to make up an excuse when Ender's rude voice bellowed down the hallway.
"He's not coming home Gracie, stop asking."
"Hey!" I snapped at him and stepped into the hallway, giving him a warning to shut up.
"Why?" Gracie asked, her voice so small.
"Because Carter broke up with him." Ender sneered.
"That's not true!" I exclaimed.
"Oh then he broke up with you." Ender took another jab.
"That's not true either." I said firmly.
"Then what's the big deal?"
"It's none of your business."
"It is too! He's my friend!"
Gracie let out a cry next to me and I rushed to pick her up.
"Just because you're pissed at me doesn't mean you can take it out on Gracie. I'm sorry life isn't going your way but it's not going mine either. Life sucks. Get over it." I seethed and then walked Gracie into my room.
"So Daddy's no coming back?" Gracie asked as I sat her down on my bed.
"Not tonight, no." I answered her and tucked her in.
"Goodnight." I kissed her cheek and then turned out the light and shut my bedroom door.
Downstairs I stuck a bag of kernels in the microwave to make myself some popcorn and then did something I never did. I found my dads old bottle of scotch in the back of a cabinet and poured myself a few sips of it.
I wanted to take the edge off of my mind.
Once my popcorn was done I made myself comfortable on the sofa and started the second Harry Potter movie, just for something to watch.
Taking a little sip of the scotch I felt the burn on the back of my throat, but it gave me something else to think about other than Ashton.
I finished the few sips I had poured and then curled up into a ball under the blanket, my hand occasionally creeping out to snatch a piece of popcorn from the bowl.
Once the movie got to the credits I reached over to my phone and turned it back on.
Ashton had replied to the last text I had sent him with 'Okay.'
I wondered if he had found a place to stay.
I could just imagine him laying on some hotel room bed with his phone in his hand, waiting for me to tell him when it was okay for us to talk.
And that's exactly what he was doing.
--
ugh little Gracie:( it breaks my heart.
I hope you all are doing well! Uni sucks at the moment so I'm sorry if these chapters aren't edited but know that I'm trying and feel free to let me know of any mistakes and I'll go fix them!
as always, comment and vote if you'd like and I'll have the next chapter up soon!
much love xx -m