"Not everyone you lose is a loss."
-
"But, Jack, you told me that you're going to come with me." I whined to my boyfriend.
"I'm going with my friends to the game; I can't miss it for a stupid hang out." He rudely said, standing up. I watch him as he takes a cigarette from his jacket's pocket, lighting it up with a lighter and then frustratingly walking back and forth in my bedroom, it was something he always do when he try not to get mad.
"A stupid hang out?"
"Yes, I've been waiting for this game for so long, I have to go. You'll be fine without me there, you have your friends, and I promise you I will come with you next time." He tried to make it look so simple and actually smiled to make me believe that everything is just fine, but I know what he's trying to do.
"This is the fifth promise and you never come!" I yelled angrily, having enough of this boring conversation already. I just don't know why he never agrees on going with me anywhere, he always chooses his friends over me.
"Jade." He stopped his pacing as his voice was full of anger now.
"I am not coming with you and that's final." he grabbed his phone from the bed, storming out of the room as seconds later I heard the door of my apartment shut closed. I sighed to myself hopelessly.
Ever since I knew Jack, I was so in love with him, everything was perfect about him. The way he dressed up, the way he treated me and how he was there for me whenever I needed him. Without him, my life would be missing something; it would be empty. I couldn't even think about losing him.
Everything was picture perfect before; he was my source of happiness and my light in the dark. Even though every day we fight like an old married couple, at the end of the day we know that our love is worth it all and because we love each other so much I thought that we will always find a way back.
Days went by and he just keep changing for the worse, nothing went back to the way it was before, and yet I still find ways to forgive him like nothing happened. Every time I tell my best friend, Candice, she always advice me to dump him. I've been seriously thinking about it for over a month now, but unloving him is hard.Sometimes I hate myself for being that weak, for not fighting for what's right for me and for forgetting every bad he has done by just a simple apology and a flower.
I just can't understand how come what once was my source of happiness be the cause of my sorrow?
As I sat here starting at the ground, I asked myself my everyday questions; what am I going to do now? Bail on my friends again because of him?
no
not this time
I got up, walked to the mirror and stared at my sad, pathetic reflection. I looked terrible. I tried to put this all aside and did my makeup, within a few minutes I was done. I texted my friends that I'm coming, and of course they were surprised and excited. After all, It's been a long while since we went out together as I always bail on them.
-
"This is not even the best part of the story guys, he gave me the tickets for free!" Candice said in excitement and they all cheered for this good news.
My little group of friends and I were in the mall, Candice was talking about some concert tickets to their favorite artist and because I didn't have a favorite artist, I didn't really care about it. I just faked some excitement and took a sip from my drink.
My group of friends -like I said- was not that big, but it has everything you can imagine. I've got three best friends; Candice, Grace and Scarlett. We knew each other from the place I used to work in, but now I don't. We used to hang out a lot back then and see each other every day so we got used to each other so quickly.
Candice Rivera is the socializing blonde, she's everyone's friend. She gets involve in everything anyone can imagine because her parents are so rich and they love spoiling her. She's actually my secret keeper which makes her my favorite one in the group but comparing me to her? Don't even bother 'cause she's the girl who gets everything and anything she wants, she's gorgeous and any guy wish to be with her and I'm just a potato next to her, but she also has a big kind heart and we got along so fast at first because she was so easy to talk to and that's what I love about her.
Grace Miller is my second favorite redheaded in the group, she's the opposite of Candy at some ways. She's not rich, she's not a blonde, she's socially awkward and she's actually a potato like me. We both hate and love the same things that's why it's so much easier to talk with her just like Candy.
Scarlett Johnson is the weird one in the group, not like the rest of us is normal but she adds this unique weirdness to us that makes her more special but what bothers me that she's not as connected as us in the group, she has her own world and her own style. She doesn't hang out with us all the time but she knows what goes on anyways.
And there's this guy, a friend of Candice. His name is Niall, she makes him hangs out with us, him and his girlfriend, Chloe. I'm not exactly their friend, I just see them a lot but we're not even close to friends. It's not like I'm intending to anyways, from the look of it Chloe doesn't seem that nice. I can't see myself a friend with her.
But Niall...He's something else, I don't know how to describe him but he's just different, he's a gentleman and also so nice. But I catch him gaze at me sometimes and I find it weird, I don't get the chance to talk with him a lot either, unless it was necessary. I never wanted to be the first one to start the talking because I didn't want to cause any problem, maybe he doesn't want to, and maybe his girlfriend doesn't. Either way I don't really care about them.
I was never like this, getting bored and zoning out every minute. I was once upon a time just like them, happy and excited on everything. Somehow, I feel like my happiness is getting sucked out of me that it's getting so annoying. It's like I'm drowning in fears, worries and sadness and nobody can see or feel me.
"Seriously guys, you all need to come." As she continue inviting us and get all excited and such I was busy watching every couple walk past us, envying them for what they have and I don't.
I felt something vibrates in my pocket, cutting my thoughts off. I grabbed the phone out of my pocket and as I unlocked it, it appeared to be a message from Jack.
'I'm not staying the night don't wait for me.'
I know that every time he tells me that he isn't coming over for the night, it means that he's so pissed off and it also means that he will stay that way for days. It was something stupid, but he always overreacts like he is waiting for anything to start a fight.
Suddenly my eyes started to get watery again and I cursed under my breath that I decided to read it in front of my friends; I can't make them see me cry.
I excused myself quickly, and rushed away to the closest bathroom I could reach. I closed the door behind me, checked that the bathroom was empty and finally started to cry.
I feel like I cried for hours, but it was only for a minute or so. I wiped my tears again, starting to put my makeup when I fully stopped sobbing and crying. As I got out of the bathroom, I was surprised to see Niall, leaning on a wall next to the door's bathroom.
"N-Niall? What are you doing here?" I softly said, I didn't have the power to talk, since I used it all on crying a minute ago.
"We're leaving, they told me to tell you that." He simply said.
"How long have you been waiting?" I asked, hoping that he would say that he just arrived.
"I don't know, a lot to realize that you were crying." He looked at me worriedly and I couldn't think that my cheeks could burn any brighter.
Just great
The person that I never talked with, heard me crying like a lost child in the bathroom
great job jade
"Are you okay?" he finally asked.
"I'm perfectly fine, don't worry about it." I lied, trying not to look at him.
"You didn't sound 'perfectly fine' minutes ago." He argued, walking closer to me. For the very first time I realized how blue and big his eyes were, staring back at my brown ones. He was still holding that worried look in his face and I know that anything I will say now will not make him convinced but this is also so awkward, I don't know the guy and he already heard me crying in a bathroom for god knows how long.
"I'm fine, Niall." I lied again, breaking the eye contact.
"We should probably go back to the others before they get worried." I quickly said so I can escape this disaster, and without letting him talk anymore, I left.
Couldn't help but wonder; why does he even care? He doesn't even know me.
-
At night, when everything was pitch black and no one was with me in my empty apartment, I heard the sound of the door open and shut closed after a few seconds. I tried to figure out whether I was imagining it or someone entered the apartment, so I quickly got out of my bed, and slowly walked to the front door.
"Jack?" He was stumbling on his own feet and he couldn't balance himself like he was drunk. I walked quickly to balance him and walk him to the couch, he was mumbling things I couldn't quite understand anything from it.
"Jade," he called with a low voice, grabbing me by my arm that balanced him to the coach.
"What are you doing here? I thought you won't stay the night." I asked, taking a good look on his state and how badly he looked.
"I'm sorry babe, I love you I won't do it again." He said with the same tone pulling me closer to him by my arm. I should be happy that he came back to me just like any other time. I should smile and forgive him for breaking my heart each time we fight and watch him glue it back but it still looked broken. I didn't feel any of this, I felt nothing.
"C'mon, Jade, I know you'll forgive me." He put his hand over my cheek, I stared at his eyes that suddenly nothing felt alive in them, every spark and every light in them I thought was my guide in the dark, was gone. This is no longer the person I fell in love with, I only look at him and all I see is a stranger. His face moved closer to mine, as he broke the eye contact with mine to stare at my lips. I was completely speechless about how he can change in one day so much and then I thought, it's probably because he's drunk.
"No." I mumbled as I stopped myself from repeating my mistake all over again. He looked at me with a questioning look.
"What?"
"I can't do this anymore." I stood up; he still got the same look on his face.
"Haven't you seen yourself lately? I'm starting to think that you don't see me as your girlfriend anymore! You don't love me anymore, you stopped caring about me, and you only stay with me when you're drunk, look at yourself! This is not the guy I was in love with. I can't keep hurting myself for a person who doesn't give a crap about how I feel." I couldn't stop the single tear that left my eyes to fall; I didn't believe that I actually said that. I thought I would never say anything like that because I was afraid of this exact moment, but everything is just broken, everything is broken and I'm tired of fixing it alone. I'm the one who end up caring too much and I'm sick of it and I'm sick of him.
"Love, you don't know what you're saying let's just s—"
"No! I know exactly what I'm saying, I'm sick of being the only one who cares about this relationship. I'm so sick of the same shit that you do, I'm just sick!" I yelled.
"We're done, Jack. It's over. I can't live like this anymore." I crossed my arms over my chest. I tried to look as strong as I was faking it from the outside; I wanted to show him that I'm not weak anymore. That I'm not going to be that fragile girl who will forgive him every time he makes mistakes.
"What? Jade, love, you can't be serious." He stood up from the couch; he looked like what I said was like a slap in his face that made him sober up from the alcohol.
"I am serious as ever. Get out of my apartment." He stood still, probably trying to figure out what to do, I couldn't read his expression in the dark, but I felt him breathe heavily.
"If I leave, I will never come back again." I didn't say a word, I know that after all of this I can't back down and stop him from leaving. It hit me the realization that this was really it, there's no returning back. Before I knew it, he stormed out of the apartment and for the second time today I was standing still, amazed by how one day can change everything so fast.
I can officially say that my life is miserable and empty and I think no one will ever fix me- let me rephrase this; no one will ever want to try to fix a broken person like me. I thought to myself as it was the last thing that crossed my mind before I finally slept.
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A/N: Tell me your opinion on the first chap guyssss ! x