“This is it,” Niall whisked his hands into the air while he took a seat on the cushions of the DART train. “The official start of our adventure.”
“Why?” I asked, plopping down next to him. “I thought Dublin was the start.”
Niall shrugged. “I guess, for you. I’ve been there a billion times before. And we were staying in Matt’s flat so it was more like a little visit, rather than an adventure, you know? Now we’re on our own. No one to feed us or house us. Just me and you.”
I thought about this for a second and decided Niall was right. We had always had somewhere to return to at night; someplace where we knew there would be food and a place to sleep. Who knew what was going to occur now that we were pushing past the safe enclosure of the Ireland that Niall knew.
“Where are we going?”
“Bray,” Niall pulled his backpack onto his lap. Niall had asked me if he could put all of his belongings into my bag. I had surprisingly managed to jam it all in but now my bag looked ready to burst at the seams. Niall’s bag seemed fairly full too, so I wondered what he’d kept in it.
“Bray?”
“Yeah, the wonderful Bray.” Niall raked his fingers through his blonde hair. “It’s like down the road. We won’t be here for long.”
Soon enough, the train halted at the trim village and Niall and I exited into the town.
“Welcome to Bray,” Niall held his arms out and spun in a slow circle, the overstuffed bag on his back wobbling between his shoulders. “It’s one of the oldest seaside resorts in Ireland.”
“You sound like a walking travel guide.” I teased, resulting in him sticking his tongue out at me. I swept back my thin curls into a ponytail, considering it was fairly hot where we were. The salt in the air pricked at my skin, reminded me of a time that didn’t seem as long ago as it actually was. My family used to spend every summer at the Jersey Shore with my cousins up until a couple years ago. It was what I looked forward to all year when I was a kid, and when happiness was found at the bottom of my ice cream cone. I felt a hint of sadness for what used to be before I pulled myself back to the present and saw Niall staring at me.
“What is it?” he asked, thoughtfully.
“Nothing, I’m fine.”
“You looked sad for a second.” He cocked one eyebrow.
“Just remembering the past, that’s all.” I assured him in a lost voice.
“Oh,” Niall nodding, saying nothing as his eyes glazed over in a faraway fashion, as if he too was being pulled into ghostly memories from the past.
Just as suddenly as he’d drifted away, he was back, his blue eyes back to their original shine. “So what do you want to do first Brookie-Bee? Climb Bray Head? Go to the Heritage Center? Visit the Nation Sea Life aquarium? Walk through the Killruddery House gardens?”
I smiled at him, remembering how he’d asked a similar question the day this adventure was dreamt up. I answered in the exact same way, “I don’t know.”
“That’s what you said when I asked what you wanted to do in Mullingar.” He accused, clearly thinking of the same memory. “At least then I knew the town. Here I know nothing. I’m as clueless as you are.”
I thought for a moment before answering, “Bray Head. Let’s do that one.” Honestly, it was the only thing he said that I could actually remember.
An hour and a half later and Niall and I were positioned in the shadow of a ten foot cross, hundreds of feet over the sea. Niall sat down on the ground, resting his back against the symbol as he dropped his pack at his feet. I sat down next to him, embarrassingly attempting to return my breathing back to a normal pace. The hike up the outcrop had been a tad more difficult than expected, mostly because I’d been climbing several hundred feet on only a few hours of sleep. I did have to admit that all the hard work was completely worth it, considering the view was impeccably stunning.
I carefully fished my camera out of my bag as Niall nursed a water bottle, snapping a few snazzy pictures of the town and the bay spread out beneath me. I playfully turned the camera in Niall’s direction; he posed jokingly with the water bottle hanging out of his mouth causing us both to laugh. I quickly captured the moment before putting the camera away.
Without speaking, Niall handed me his water bottle and I took a few tentative sips before Niall assured me that I could have the rest. I immediately started gulping the cool liquid down, what with me being so parched and worn out.
“Thirsty much?” Niall grinned, his eyebrows arching adorably as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
“It’s hot out,” I mumbled weakly, my mouth still full of water. A blush tainted my cheeks as I knew that the heat wasn’t the reason for my thirst—more like my easy-fatigue. I never did inherit my mother’s athleticism. I should probably work out more or something.
Niall reached over and gently ran a thumb across my chin, catching a stray droplet of water on his finger. I literally felt all of the air rush out of my body at his touch, and wondered how such a small gesture could have such an imploding effect on me. My heart was hammering as if I’d just ran a marathon and a half and suddenly I felt as if every single nerve ending in my body existed on at the point where Niall’s skin connected with mine. He let his thumb linger for a few seconds longer than necessary and I could see his eyes deepening as they locked with mine.
He broke away from me, looking away and removing his hand abruptly, as if he’d only just become aware of what he was doing.
“Wanna play a game?” His lilting voice cut the through the tension as both of us pretended nothing had even happened. Although, I could still see the blush on his cheeks, and I was sure mine looked similar.
“What kind of game?” I surprised myself with the ability to speak; I’d thought my body had shut down when Niall’s thumb had withdrawn.
“I don’t know. Just ask each other questions, and stuff.” He fiddled nervously with the straps on his backpack.
“Okay, I can do that. You said before that this is as new to you as it is to me.” I blushed an even deeper shade of red as I realized that sentence could be taken in a different way. “Erm, visiting here, I mean. Have you traveled before?” I mentally vexed myself for being so awkward.
“Yeah, but not in Ireland. But I’ve been to Italy, Spain, France and America, but in this country I’ve only ever been to Dublin.”
“Woah.” Images of those faraway places danced in my mind. The Coliseum, a bullfight matched with plates of paella, the Eiffel tower and finally the Statue of Liberty all faded in and out of my imagination. “You’ve been like... everywhere.” I said, still in awe.
“Not really,” Niall laughed. “There are still a lot of places I’d like to go. What about you? Have you been anywhere?”
“This is my first time outside of America.” I admitted, resentfully.
“Well, you’ve seen a lot of America, right? That’s an accomplishment.”
I felt completely ashamed of my lack of travel experience. “Actually, I’ve only been to Massachusetts and New Jersey.”
“But what about all of those places and things you were telling me about? The California Redwoods and Carolina Beaches and Maine’s Fog and the Plains of Oklahoma.”
I shrugged even though I knew Niall didn’t see it. His eyes were trained on the town stretching out below him. “Books. Movies. Television. In my mind I’ve been so many different places but in reality I’ve never had the guts to go anywhere. My mom’s been suggesting I come here for years, but I was always too afraid to get on the plane and leave behind everything I’ve ever known.”
“Why?” Niall asked, turning slightly to face me. He hugged his knees tightly to his chest. “It’s just a vacation—it’s not like you’d be moving here or anything.”
“I know.” I picked at the weeds underneath me, shyly avoiding Niall’s heated gaze. “But at home I at least had Jake and Sophie. I would’ve loved to see the world, I just didn’t want to leave and come to find that everything had changed.”
“So why now?”
“Jake broke up with me,” I stopped pulling at the crinkled grass, but still didn’t meet Niall’s eyes. “and Soph went to Los Angeles for modeling. So it was either stay home and wallow in puddles of self-pity or come here and at least be able to say I did something.”
“Your life is far from pitiful.” Niall picked up a piece of grass that I’d yanked out of the ground and started tying knots with it. “You have great friends, a family that loves you, and once upon a time knew what it felt like to care for someone with all of your heart and have him care for you the same way. I’d say you’ve led a very full life so far.”
“Jake never cared for me like I cared for him.”
“Well, that was pretty stupid of him.” Niall hopped to his feet and held out a hand to help me up. I took his outstretched hand gratefully and he tangled our fingers together before tugging me from my spot on the lush ground. Once I was up he let my hand drop and it swung limply at my side. “Come on, we still have a lot more of Bray to see before the day is over.”
“Niall?”
“Yeah?” He turned to me, stepping backwards so that he could still walk while keeping me in his view.
“Do you regret dating Chloe?” I completely hated myself for asking but at the same time I felt no shame. I was truly curious about Niall’s only relationship—what had he seen the beautiful yet bitter girl that once trailed smiles and laughter?
“Sometimes,” Niall said slowly, obviously thinking over every word and forming his sentences carefully. “She used to be different. She was happy and hilarious and beautiful and just,” He paused, searching for an adjective to use. “alive. When her dad died, everything changed.”
My thoughts briefly shifted to the man I’d only ever met once or twice. I had very few memories of him, and the only thing I knew about him was that he was my mother’s brother and had married my Aunt Shannon right fresh out of high school. Her grandparents had thought that they were far too young, but they had been too in love to care. I racked my brain for other recollections that would help bring my uncle to life in my memory, but I unfortunately knew nothing else of the laughing man from my mother’s vintage family portrait.
“He and Chloe were really close.” Niall continued, slowly. “Losing him completely destroyed her but she tried to play it off like it didn’t mean nearly as much as it actually did. Instead of reaching out to people she completely caved in on herself and began to shut the world away. I tried to help her; I wanted to talk to her and make her feel better, but nothing worked. Then, her and Shannon were at the airport to pick up family for the funeral, and well, she saw me there talking to another girl. In the weak state she was in she refused to believe anything I said. I think my ‘unfaithfulness’ was just the excuse she needed to completely break down. And she did exactly that. When she returned to school she was all cruel and had sort of a mean glint in her eye—one that I’d never seen before. I tried so hard to make her see my side of things and explain, but she simply blocked me out. She even managed to turn someone who I thought was my best friend, against me.” Niall shrugged helplessly, his eyes soft and watery. “It killed me to see her like that, but in the end I suppose it helped me realize that the girl who I thought I was madly in love with, wasn’t who I thought she was. That evil side of her was always there, stowed away for a time when she could use it. So when she came to me pleading for my forgiveness and asking me to take her back, I refused. She claimed she was sorry and she was finished being mean but I didn’t want to be with someone who had that level of cruelty inside of them. I said no and she was embarrassed by the rejection. Whenever other people were around she was the queen of insults, acting like I meant nothing to her, and she didn’t care how much I was hurting. But when she caught me alone, she would cry and beg me to be hers once again.” Niall’s words were choked up and felt my heart aching for him.
If it were possible to kiss away someone’s agony I would’ve done it right then and there. I wished I could draw the hurt out of him and keep it for my own. Seeing Niall—someone who was normally so bright and cheerful—in such a saddened state pained me to no end. He didn’t deserve what Chloe had done to him.
He didn’t deserve the sting of her sword.
“I couldn’t believe that the girl I thought I knew better than myself, had transformed into a two-faced monster. Niall said, his eyes flickering to mine briefly. “It made me question if love was real or if it was just a punishing, forbidden game played to tear at our emotions and weaken us until we no longer had the power to carry on. It took everything I had to get up every morning and go to school—I’d lost all my friends and I felt so alone. Chloe would shout insults and no one would ever go against her word because they too were scared of her by that point. There were only two places I actually felt safe. One, in the graveyard in between our houses—only because I knew Chloe would never go there. And the other was the airport, where I could just blend into the surroundings and disappear. I’d been going there for years already and no one knew my story.”
I batted at my cheek as I felt something land on it, expecting to see a fly buzz away. But instead the hand I removed came away wet and I realized it was a tear rolling down my face. I tried to brush away the others that joined it, but soon enough, I was full-on crying, silent tears pooling down my cheeks. Niall looked up, his face turning alarmed once he saw how embarrassingly distraught I was.
“Brooke? What’s wrong?” When I didn’t respond he grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “Brookie? Are you okay? What did I say that upset you?”
“Everything,” I coughed, mortified to be crying this profusely in front of him. “How could she do that to you? You don’t deserve to be hurt like that. I hate her, I really do.”
Niall’s arms were suddenly around me, encircling my shaking frame. I leaned forward and started crying into his chest, my salted tears staining his t-shirt. He didn’t seem to care as he brought a hand to my back and started to rub gently in circles, as one would do to calm a frightened child. “Shh,” he cooed, his head dipping so that our cheeks pressed together. I felt more tears run down over my lips, and cursed myself for crying. Niall is the one who should really be upset, but here I was, bawling like an unfed baby. I hadn’t been verbally abused, the sting of words thrown at me like fiery stones, like Niall had. How was I the one who was breaking down? I moved back slightly to wipe away the excess tears that ran like rivers down the sides of my face.
Niall sensed my movement and he released me, sliding back and ducking his head so I could finish crying without having the embarrassment of him watching. Once the last of my tears had soaked into the fabric of my shirtsleeve, I sniffled and attempted to speak. My voice crackled so I tried again. “I’m sorry... for crying. I just—”
Niall reached out, silencing me by cupping my cheek ever so gently. If I hadn’t seen it, I wouldn’t have even believed his fingers had ever touched my face. “You care about me, a lot.” He marveled, his words almost in a question format. His eyes trailed from my teary blue eyes, to my stained cheeks, and paused on my trembling lips.
“Of course.” I mumbled, his fingers still lingering on my damp skin. A final tear fell from the eyelash it had been clinging to and splashed onto Niall’s hand. He looked at the tear and watched as it ran down his wrist and wrapped its way around his arm. When it disappeared into the sleeve of his shirt, leaving only a faint wet trail, Niall withdrew his fingers from my skin.
Niall’s POV
“When Chloe cries over me it’s not like that.” I whispered, my eyes staying glued to hers, by some invisible force. “That was...” I struggled—words getting caught in my throat and twisted around. How could I possibly explain what I had just witnessed? There was no way to describe seeing one’s own pain painted on the face of another, held in place by a connection that neither of us could even understand.
When I’d first seen Brooke across the airport, I knew she was different. I had told myself not to approach her, yet I couldn’t seem to stop my feet that had marched me towards the doors that led to her. It had happened again with this whole ‘adventure’ thing. I told myself that travelling Ireland with a complete stranger was the dumbest idea I had ever had, yet I watched myself send her an email and show up at the graveyard the next morning. Even right now, I’d wrapped my arms around her without a second thought, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And having her there in my embrace, well, it just felt right. It felt like the kindling of love’s lost spark.
I never thought I would ever feel something for anyone every again after the disaster of my first bout with love. Yet with Brooke I knew I felt something—something even stronger than what had pulled me towards Chloe.
Now seeing tears that tainted her perfect cheek, tears that she’d cried for me, I started to believe that she felt the same way. I could see the sorrow, the raw pain in her eyes as she’d listened to my whole story. There was a connection between us, I just knew it. As her tears danced down her face, I felt my own pain escaping into another place. I felt as though I too was setting my sorrows free.
When the last tear that had fallen from Brooke’s long, dampened lash and disappeared into my sleeve, I felt something else disappearing too. My personal burden was no longer mine to bear alone. Brooke had artfully listened and accepted my pain as her own. Together we had wiped our slates clean, erasing the hollow fear of never knowing what love truly meant.
Our pain had been washed away in the salty rush of Brooke’s tears. We had been granted a fresh start, along with the budding promise of love anew.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yes, yes, I KNOW. I included a bit of Niall’s POV for those of you who’ve been asking. And I provided you with huge insight to his thoughts... wowza, what did you guys think?
I know this chapter was extremely emotional, but it was necessary. Ugh, I’m getting sappy on you guys!;) JUST KIDDING.
I wanna know what YOU guys think the whole ‘airport’ thing is about? Muahaha, I want to see if any of you are on the right track... LOVE YA.