I Bear It So They Don't Have...

By AllYouKnoww

697K 24.6K 7.7K

Clarke can't deal with the guilt she is carrying from the events at Mount Weather. Can Lexa help her through... More

Lost
Broken
Waiting
Forgiveness
Burden
She Wins
Home
Camp Jaha
Return
Feast
Hangover
Wakening
Realisation
Torture
Delivery
Fear
Hope
Support
Treatment
Disbelief
Gone
Gun Point
Unfair
Goodbye
Punishment
Aftermath
Leaving
Damage
Dreams
Escape
Relief
Re-introduction
Mistake
The Daughter
No Other Choice
Help
The Girl
Stuck
Answers
Reunion
Extreme Measures
Bad Timing
Memories
~NOTE~
Betrayal
The Deal
Healing
Calm Before the Storm
Liar
The Signal
Surrounded
Searching
The Blockade
Alone
Taken
Unrecognisable
The Plan
Faith
No Matter What
The Execution - Part I
The Execution - Part II
Stand Off
It's Over
Epilogue

Rage

8.7K 360 92
By AllYouKnoww

Clarke's POV;

I stand in front of Bellamy with my sight going in and out of focus, but I can still make out the confused look on his face.

Neither of us say anything and just stand staring at each other. Why does my mind have to be so cruel?

"Clarke..." Bellamy says trying to break the silence but he is still at a loss for words.

I frown to myself thinking about how convinced I was it was Lexa who I was talking to, not Bellamy.

"I'm sorry..." I say quietly, my voice layered with confusion and doubt. "I thought you were... I don't know what happened.."

Bellamy looks at me but I can't bear to see anymore sympathy in his eyes. I look down at my feet completely avoiding eye contact.

While I'm looking at the fallen leaves beneath my boots a sharp pain spreads through my head. I lift my hand to it wondering why it has suddenly started to throb.

"Clarke are you alright?" He asks noticing the grimace of pain on my face.

As the words leave his mouth the whole forest seems to begin to spin. I blink multiple times try to get my vision back to normal but it only seems to spin more.

"Yeah." I respond trying to act as natural as I possibly can. "I-I just need to get back to camp."

I start to walk back in the direction of our makeshift camp but as soon as I take a step I feel my legs wobble beneath me. I have to lean against a tree to stop myself toppling over.

"Clarke it's obvious something is wrong. Are you feeling alright?" Bellamy asks from behind. I can tell he sees right through my attempt at hiding the pain.

"I said I'm okay Bellamy." I say getting frustrated at both Bellamy and my inability to even see straight.

I chance taking another step as I notice my vision clearing a bit. My leg wobbles slightly but I know that I am steady enough not to fall.

Pushing myself away from the tree I start to slowly make my way back to the camp. I hear Bellamy jog up to me from behind but I ignore him and continue focusing on not falling.

"You thought I was Lexa didn't you?" He asks, his voice tinged with sadness.

I ignore him again not wanting to talk about what happened beside the stream.

Bellamy seems to get the picture as he doesn't open his moth again until we can see the glow of the camp fire in the distance.

"We can't ignore what happened back there Clarke." He says finding the courage to speak up.

"Yes we can." I say back to him as I continue walking towards camp.

"No we can't Clarke! Something is up! I can't watch you tear yourself apart from the inside anymore!" Bellamy yells as he grabs my wrist and swings me around to look at him.

I feel anger take over my whole body as I look at him.

"I said I don't want to talk about it Bellamy! Can't you just lay off for a second?!" I yell back pulling my hand from his grasp.

I stalk over to the camp fire where Octavia, Lincoln, Raven and Wick are all still sitting. After plonking myself down on one of the logs everyone turns to look at me obviously wondering why I look like I want to murder someone.

"Something got you down Princess?" Raven asks laughing a bit.

I respond to her question by giving her a dirty look but it only seems to make her laugh more.

"Woah, calm down! I was just asking a question." She says sarcastically.

"Please shut up Raven." I reply, having enough of her care free attitude towards everything.

"There's no need for that." Raven responds more seriously this time.

"Yes there is!" I yell standing up. "I'm so sick of how you always act like nothing matters and none of this shit is going on!"

Everyone looks at me in disbelief, confused at why I have gotten so angry all of a sudden. Even I am confused why I'm so filled up with rage but I can't seem to hold it in.

"She was only joking around.." Octavia says trying to calm the situation down.

"But that's all she ever does!" I respond pointing over at Raven who still seems shocked by my sudden outburst.

"Clarke please calm down." Bellamy says after walking over to stand beside me.

"Oh of course you have to be here don't you?" I ask turning to him, laughing humourlessly.

"Maybe you should go to your tent so you an cool down." He says ignoring my last comment.

Bellamy reaches out to put his hand on my shoulder so he can guide me to my tent but I quickly swipe it away.

"Don't touch me." I say staring at him intensely.

"Why are you being like this?" He asks returning the intensity of my glare.

I don't bother answering but instead I push by him, roughly banging into his shoulder on the way by.

I walk away from the group who are still shocked and confused at my sudden mood swing and into the forest.

With the moon as my only source of light I stumble through the trees until I can't walk anymore.

Sliding against down a tree trunk into sitting position I can feel the tears starting to fill my eyes. What have I done?

I'm driving away the only people I have left..

I reach into my pocket and take out the pills. I need relief right now.

Pouring a pile into mind hand I pick up one and pop it into my mouth but after swallowing I feel no better.

I look down at the handful of pills and before I know it I have swallowed every single one.

My eyes instantly begin to feel heavy as sleeps calls to me from somewhere deep within my mind.

Once I close my eyes I hear someone calling my name but I don't pay any attention and instead I gladly greet the darkness that I spreading through my head.

~~~

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