I stared into the pitch black, watching the reflection of car headlights flicker around the ceiling and walls effortlessly. I sighed and sat up, resting my back on the cold, metal headboard. I picked up my phone and turned it on, the florescent light illuminating the dark room, 2:06.a.m
In time the phone switched off automatically I placed it down on the bed side table and looked towards Kian. He was curled in a ball under the thin white sheets with his tense back facing me. His soft snores hardly audible.
I gently lifted the covers off my body and rested my feet on the ice cold wooden floor. With out waking Kian up I walked slowly towards the bare window seat, the cold air hitting against my skin, I sat down and brought my bare knees towards my dry tear stained face. I gazed out the window at the full moon and starry night sky. The street was deadly quiet apart from a few dark colored cars that drove past aimlessly.
I heard a quiet muffled shuffle from behind me. I turned around slowly to see Kian sitting up staring at my silhouette, his hand over my side of the bed. We were about to lock eye contact but I pulled away and continued to stare into the dead street.
Once again I heard more quiet shuffling coming closer too me. The cold wood of the window seat made a slight thudding noise as Kian sat down next to me and rested his elbows on his knees. His face in his hands.
We both sat there frozen in our places. Not a word spoken, the silence between us was deafening. We stayed like that for what felt like years. Even though we weren't making eye contact or any contact, I know that he's thinking the same as me. That its coming. The words that's been on our minds for the past months... The ones that will set us free.
"Kian" I barely whispered with my voice wobbly and hoarse from the endless hours of crying and shouting. He looked up from his hands, "say something...please" another deafening silence fell upon us once again.
"Please" I whispered, now looking in his direction. Our eyes met, as a car headlight reflected into our room and I had a better look at him. He had red puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks and messy hair that went all directions. He probably looked even worse than I did if that was even possible.
There was another silence. Knowing he wasn't going to talk anytime soon I breathed deeply and brought my gaze back to the window, staring at the now cloudy and dull sky.
"Remember our first kiss" he said with a weak smile. I smiled weakly back. "Yeh" I said as I remember back to that summer evening where me and Kian were standing at the edge of an empty pier. He grabbed both my hands and our lips connected together briefly. But then Ricky honked his car horn and we both fell into the ocean, when we emerged from the water we laughed and he asked me to be his girlfriend, "That was the day I fell in love"
"Do you still have those feelings" he asked. I took a deep breath and answered.
"No" he nodded and looked up at me. "Me too" I looked down to my knees and another short silence came over us once again.
"What happened between us?" he whispered randomly.
"It was bound too happen"
"I know... but... but its harder than I thought it was going to be" I agreed by nodding.
"We used to be so in love, we were always together, and happy. But now look at us, we never see or speak to each other at all. But when we do interact we end up arguing or fighting. I haven't slept in days and you cry yourself too sleep-"
"We're both getting more and more depressed and un happy by the day. And other people are starting to see it. The fans, the guys, our families. Everyone" Kian said. He moved his head away from me. I gently held his chin and brought his gaze back too me. And then I started to talk again.
"We've been through a lot in these past two years good and bad but I'm glad I shared it with you. So Thank you Kian Robert Lawley. Thank you for these wonderful memories that I'll treasure forever. Thank you for being my first love, thank you for being my first everything, I know for a fact I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for you" I held his hand and he squeezed back as I rubbed my thumb in small circles around his dry hand skin.
"Thank you Y/N for being there for me, for loving me even though I put you through all that shit. Thank you for being a massive part of my life. Thank you being my fist everything as well. You were the first person I said 'I love you' too and I'm glad I did. I'm sorry for everything"
Silent tears were spilling out of both of our eyes. I smiled weakly and kissed Kian on the lips gently and quickly.
I took a deep breath "Say it... please" I say to him.
He nodded and grabbed both of my hands.
"Thank you Y/F/N for being my everything for the past few years. But I'm sorry, I'm breaking up with you, it's for the best" he chocked on his own words
Tears were pouring out of both of our eyes. I stood up and so did he. "Thank you for everything Kian. Promise me you'll fine love again with an amazing girl. And promise me you'll be back to your happy caring self. The one I met and fell in love with" I said looking into his eyes.
"I promise, promise me you'll meet a gentleman that will treat you right. Promise me you'll find love again and promise me that you'll be your caring, extraordinary and beautiful self again. The one I fell in love with" He said caressing my cheek.
"I promise" he brought me into a warm hug that lasted for what felt like centuries. We both parted. I watched him pick up an overnight backpack, his phone and car keys. We both walked to the front door.
"I'll come back tomorrow to get the rest of my stuff"
"okay, but where are you going to sleep?"
"At the O2L house" I looked down and nodded, "be safe" He opened the door and walked out to his car, I leaned against the door frame and watched as he unlocked the door, he turned around to face me
"Goodbye Y/F/N" he said.
"Goodbye Kian Robert Lawley" I said quietly through tears. But just loud enough for him to hear
He got into his car and drove away.
Deep down in my heart I know that its the right thing too do.
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Did that give anyone the feels? Did the music help? Give me your opinions and creative criticism pls
P R O O F R E A D / E D I T E D