Eleanor
Everyone might pity me for begging Harry to love me back but I just simply didn't care.
I loved him and I couldn't help my feelings. No matter how hurt I got, it just wouldn't die down that I needed to fight for it.
I was born a fighter and no matter how difficult Harry was with me, I wouldn't back down. I needed him to realize that I was worth his love. That I was worthy of him.
All people might have been wondering why I fell inlove with Harry when all he did was kill my hopes, hurt my feelings and break my heart. But... That wasn't the Harry I fell inlove with.
Harry was once this sweet, charming, curly-haired guy with drowning green eyes who was all smiles and acts fifteen years younger that what he really was.
He used to talk to me about how loved animals and I loved how his eyes lit up everytime he did, like he was talking about the love of his life. He used to ride a scooter, obviously size too small for him, but still ended up falling his ass on the ground. And that was just a few things that added to why I fell for him.
We were getting along pretty well before. So well that I thought we had something. Before I confessed my love for him. Because all of a sudden he... changed.
And I didn't understand why.
He started pushing me away, telling me that I should stop whatever it was that I feel. But I was deep. Too deep that I couldn't help myself out.
Then he stopped talking to me. He started ignoring me. But I didn't give up. I needed him to feel it. I needed him to feel it that he would mirror it back to me.
That was when he started to hurt me. He started hooking up with girls infront of me just to rub it in my face. Although I always reminded myself that it was done to purposely hurt me, I still couldn't help myself not to.
I was ready to give him my whole heart yet he broke it. Nonetheless, I still wanted to offer it to him.
But the endless cycle of mending my heart after he would break it, crushed me slowly. The bandages I put to hold the pieces together was wearing down. Then I realized, I was slowly getting tired, getting too hurt from all the begging.
Why doesn't he want me? What am I lacking? Why is he acting this way towards me when all I do is love him? Why? I questioned myself.
I said I wouldn't give up without having a good fight. And I was fighting so hard.
But not good enough.
Because the man whose love I was fighting for, didn't seem to want me to fight his battle.
And its useless to fight when you have nothing to fight for.
-
"Harry, talk to me. Please." I plead. Shocker.
The night had only started but Harry was already starting to break down the walls around my heart. It wont be long until he destroy my heart itself, just like what he always did.
We were at a party held by one of the boys' friend. Dark place with streaks of neon lights striking everywhere, booming and blaring music, intoxicating smoke and alcohol, and swaying bodies. Most likely the environment whenever I plead Harry to stop rubbing it in my face.
He was sitting on a stool by the bar and I was there beside him. Everything was the same with the last time this happened, and the time before that. The only difference was he didn't have a girl with him. Yet.
"Cut all the bullsh*t, El. Please. All you do is cry your eyes out at me. I'm sick of it." he blankly said without turning to me. I bit my lip.
Wall down.
"I can't! You can't just forget you love someone and move on with life! That's not how it works!" I cried out then fall into loud sobs catching attention from few people. Some of them might have witnessed the same thing between Harry and I from other places but I didn't care. I learned not to care. They could think of anything they wanted, it was none of my business just like this wasn't theirs.
Harry turned to look at me. "Shame on you." he said one last time before gulping the shot he was holding as he stood up and walked to the dance floor.
And another guard down.
I wanted to follow him but he quickly disappeared through the crowd of dancing people and I didn't want to squirm myself through people's sweaty bodies grinding against each other. I decided to just sit and wait until I see him out the crowd again.
I turned to face the bar and I nearly jumped when I saw Louis sitting beside me.
"Jeez! You could've atleast say hi." I sid, my hand placed on my chest because of the mini heart attack I got.
He chuckled "Hi, did I startle you?" he asked.
This guy's sh*tting me.
"No, no, no. Don't worry about it. You just, I don't know, shocked every cell in my body?" I said. sarcasm lacing my words.
Then, the smile on his face disappeared and was taken over by a frown. "How can you still kid around like what happened earlier didn't happened at all?" he said while swirling the drink in his hand. He heard.
My mind flashed the painful yet usual scene earlier.
"Cut all the bullsh*t, El. Please. All you do is cry your eyes out at me. I'm sick of it."
"I can't! You can't just forget you love someone and move on with life! That's not how it works!"
"Shame on you."
I blinked.
Yet another wall crashed.
"I don't know. I'm used to it." I lied. I could almost taste the bitter taste of my own lie on the tip of my tongue.
Louis stared at me with an unreadable look for a while but nodded anyways.
I turned to scan the crowd and there he was. Slightly dancing awkwardly as he never had grace when it came to dancing. I giggled at the sight.
I felt someone watching me so I turned to see Louis staring straight back at me. He blinked then smiled shyly as he scratched the back of his neck. I smiled back.
"I- I'll just go get some air." he said.
"Sure, go ahead. I knew I'm taking your breath away anyway." I joked. He jumped off the stool before turning to me. Then oddly, he just smiled before turning around and went outside.
When I turned my sight back to Harry on the crowd of people, I frowned.
Harry was no longer awkwardly dancing. A random girl was grinding herself on Harry but he didn't seem to mind and was rather enjoying it. His hands were placed on her waist and her back was on his front as she continued dancing.
Crash. Crash. Crash. Came the sound of walls around my heart consecutively breaking down.
Harry looked towards my way and a smirk made its way to his lip. He turned the girl around so she was facing him and he looked down on her before looking back at me, still grinning.
Crash. Crash.
I halted. I didn't even realize I was storming my way towards them until now. Their faces were inches apart but I couldn't look away.
Crash. Down came the very last wall, leaving my bare heart unguarded.
Harry leaned closer and I finally managed to turn around and made my way upstairs before I could witness another scene that would cause my powdered heart into dust.
Too late.
Bandages were worn away and shattered pieces were broken further until it's all ashes.
I heard my name being called out but I didn't look back. I didn't need anyone at the moment because my guards were all down.
When I made it upstairs, I realized I should've just made my way out and went home. The second floor was full of people sloppily making out. And I was too afraid of what to catch when I storm into one of the rooms. So I, instead, looked for a bathroom when I bumped into someone.
"Heeeeey, I know you," he slurred "Eleanor right? The chick that's all crazy about Harry?" I was about to make a remark but when I looked up at him, his eyes were bloodshot red. He was intoxicated with alcohol and something else. I shut my mouth up but he walked closer.
"Wanna go somewhere private and have a good time?" he asked and I shivered. Oh my God.
He grabbed my hand but I pulled it away immediately. "F*ck you!" I spatted out.
I tried to walk away but he quickly grabbed my wrist. I wiggled it away but he wouldn't let go.
I was hoping someone would somehow hear me but everyone else on the floor was busy with their own business that they didn't seem to mind us.
"I know what kind of girl you are, don't be difficult." he said with a sinister grin. My heart was pounding so loud against my chest as he tried to pull me somewhere.
"WHAT?! NO! LET GO! LET ME GO!" I madly pulled my arm away from his grasp but he was holding me too tight.
"You don't want to do it somewhere private? Here can do." he pinned me on a wall and leaned closer but I squirmed away. He held my face between both of his hands. I couldn't move and he wouldn't budge when I tried wiggling away more. He was all over me. I prepared myself for any possiblity that could happen and clutched my eyes close when he leaned closer.
But I snapped them open immediately when I suddenly felt my hands no longer restricted. He was no longer infront of me but on the floor, twitching, having blood all over his face. I turned to look at the person beside me that caused the literal bloodbath.
My eyes must be blurry from all the tears that were brimming, because somehow, I met a fuming mad Harry.