Frank pov
"I'm sorry I'm late." I apologized as I approached my mom and sat across from her at the table. Her hair was pulled into a messy bun, and she was wearing the clothes I last saw her in. Her face was unbelievably pale and bags drooped heavily underneath her eyes.
"It's fine. I wasn't waiting long."
"So how have you been?" She asked awkwardly. She knows how I've been.
"Pure hell." I replied with a half hearted chuckle.
She stared at me remorsefully. "Frank. You know I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." She reached a hand across the table to rest on mine. Her touch felt weird; this whole situation was bizarre to me.
"Well you did. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you or wish I had you. What you did was unfair to me."
"When I was alive you never wanted me around like you do now." She observed aloud.
"You weren't fucking dead then. We could still call to talk. I would have the choice to physically see and speak to you. Now all I can do is remanence all the shitty memories we've had. All the arguments." I'v never really thought about how most of the memories I recall are of all the bad times. Probably because all the good ones were too far in the past to remember.
"If our times together were shitty then why do you miss me so dearly?" Her demeanor was more irritated than anything else.
"Because it wasn't specifically you who made the memories bad." I exclaimed.
She sighed. It was quiet between us, and she despondently stared at the table.
After awhile she finally spoke, but didn't meet eye contact. "Frank, you're so complicated. You claim how unfair it was for me to leave you when you left me first. Frank I was alone with the son of a bitch. It was a living hell, I couldn't be there anymore. I didn't want to leave you. You were just an unfortunate sacrifice I had to make." I could hence she was slightly upset because her voice was stern.
I'm not going to lie, I was feeling a little frustrated myself; which I kept controlled till I heard what she said.
"I left the house. I didn't fucking kill myself!" I scooted my chair out, and I stood up. I'm appalled that she compared such drastically different actions.
"You're seriously angry? Have you forgotten that you were going to?!" She yelled back.
No. I didn't forget.
I shut my eyes and inhaled a deep breath before exhaling. All the nerves in my body calmed but I could still feel the anxiety creeping up my throat and invading my chest.
"You're right, but at the time you didn't care for me as much. I was alone!" I argued feeling myself become sad as I recalled the dreary feeling.
"I've always cared, Frank. It was just difficult-"
"Everything was difficult." I scoffed, frustratingly shaking my head grimacing.
"Would you stop with the damn attitude?! I loved you, Frank! If you can't see that it's your own damn fault!" She huffed.
"I wouldn't be so blind to your love if you weren't fucking dead! You're a nonexistent thing with no ability to feel or emit emotion! You can marvel on forever about how sorry you are; I don't care! You're gone and unable to help me. I need you, and you're not here." I yelled.
"Frank do you really think me being alive would change your current situation. Me dead or alive won't change the fact that Ray is dead." She stated as if it was that simple.
I cringed at the sentence. The fact that Ray passed is still difficult for me to process. "I know that," I snapped. "Look, All I've got is Gerard and his family. They've got a lot on their shoulders right now, including me. If you were still alive I'd be one less responsibility for them." I explained.
"All you ever cared about was Gerard." She nagged shaking her head.
"He's the only one who's still here for me." I retaliated.
"Frank, I really am sorry." She tried again. After a moment of silence.
I remind quiet and shoved my hands into my pockets. "What do you want me to do?! I can't magically make myself come back to life, and even if I could I wouldn't." She frowned and tucked some fallen strands of hair behind her ear.
"Of course you wouldn't." I spat. I couldn't help but look at her in destain.
"I don't mean it that way. Honey, there's nothing left for me. I fucked up pretty early in life. There's too much pressure to handle. You're the perfect example of a the aftermath, Frank." She ranted.
I frowned and thought about what she had just said. "Only because I'm worried about Gerard and Mikey. Once Ray is at complete peace, and Gerard and Mikey are recovered, we can get back with our lives. Then it'll all be worth it." I took a step back and licked my lips nervously.
"Keep telling yourself that Frank. Once this speed bump is passed another one is going to come, and it's not going to stop until your car is substantially damaged, and you're too financially broke to fix it."
I felt my eyebrows furrow together in thought, and my lips press into a line.
"You're ridiculous." I hissed.
Not wanting to hear anymore bullshit.
"Am I? Frank, you're all mentally disturbed. This will never be over." Her voice was so cold that it stung. I felt my hands tremble and I grabbed my hand watching it shake.
"Don't you think I know that?!" I yelled impulsively dropping my hands.
-----
I sat up sluggishly in my bed slightly confused. I couldn't decide to classify my dream as a nightmare or just plain miscellaneous. I shut my droopy eyes as I thought about my dream.
Out off all the scenarios my mind could have forced me into; It had to be with my mom. Ever since Gerard asked me about my mom couldn't stop thinking about her.
She was nothing more than an illusion. Everything she said in my dream was nothing more than all the worries that have been crammed into the back of my brain. Occasionally, these things come up and it depresses me for a few days.
I looked over at the clock, and it read 10:30am. I groaned and rolled over closer to Gerard.
"Hey." He said. I should've known he was awake.
"Morning." I sighed. I released a groan as I stretched my arms and legs.
"How'd you sleep?" He asked as he climbed out of bed. Gerard's hair was messy, and he looked at me with sleep deprived eyes. He was only wearing boxers, and I couldn't help that my eyes briefly dragged a little below the equator.
"I slept fine, actually. I get the vibe you had trouble. You okay?" I asked as a yawn wrecked through my body.
"I was up all night thinking about Ray. The funeral is today and all. Also the fact that Brian Hood is having a retrial." He shrugged as he ran a hand through his hair.
I almost felt my eyes pop out of my sockets at what Gerard had just said.
"Retrial?"
"They want to trial again since Brian's now a murderer. The moment Ray died, Brian became a murderer." Gerard explained.
"Oh. When did they announce this?"
"My mom got the call yesterday night. Do you wanna go to the trial?" Je ran a hand through his hair and leaned against the dresser.
"When is it?" I mumbled trying to fight the urge to get back u see the covers.
"November 12th."
"Okay. We can go." I know Gerard is not gonna miss it and besides I need to know this shit show ends up.
"What if they ask you to testify again? Would you do it?" He asked, searching through his dresser for something.
I let my legs hang over the side of the bed and I leaned on my elbow and rubbed my eyes. "I don't know. It was pretty emotional last time." I sighed. The first trial was absolutely horrible for Ray's family. Mrs. Toro was crying most of the time. Ray was still alive then though. But I think she knew he was going to die.
That trial is something I'll never forget, unfortunately.
Leave comments plz?? I feel like I need to improve as a writer. Idk
~Kayla