I was absolutley dragging the next morning and it took all of my willpower to get out of bed at 5:30 so I would have enough time to get everything together. I stayed as quiet as I could so Ashton could sleep and got back into my regular morning routine.
A shower was first on my list and I made sure to save hot water for Ender before getting out and getting dressed for the day.
I let my hair air dry and didn't put on any makeup because I would only be working today.
At 6:00 I woke up the tiny sleeping monster and made him get into the shower which he was not happy about.
"Ender just do it, I don't have time for this." I sighed and closed the bathroom door on him.
He groaned loudly and seconds later I heard the shower start.
He was lucky I didn't start the washing machine to steal his hot water but instead I went down to make breakfast.
I started the coffee pot first since that was obviously most important.
Fifteen minutes later Ender was still in the shower and I figured he had done what he normally did in the morning when he didn't want to go to school and sat on the shower floor.
Annoyed now I threw a load of towels into the washer and started it. Two minutes later the shower upstairs stopped and a few moments later the door slammed open.
"Carter, stop!" Ender yelled down the stairs and I rolled my eyes.
"Then get up and that won't happen!" I shouted back and then remembered Ashton was still asleep.
I continued making breakfast and Ender came down dressed and his backpack slung on his shoulders.
"Ashton's still asleep so don't yell." I told him and he nodded before grabbing some orange juice from the fridge.
"Cereal and toast." I set the boxes of frosted flakes and coco puffs on the counter and snatched a pice of toast from the toaster and tossed it on a plate.
Ender and I ate breakfast quickly since we had to leave.
Ashton was still asleep so I left a note on the kitchen counter telling him I would be back and to help himself to breakfast.
"Come on End, let's go." I ushered him out the door and we grabbed our bikes from the storage area and began the ride to school.
We passed Ashton's jeep in the car lot and then made it to the main road. Surprisingly we made it there a few minutes before the bell rang and I watched to make sure he got into the school okay before I left.
Ashton was sitting at the kitchen counter when I got back, scrolling through his phone with one hand and shovelling cereal into his mouth with the other.
"Morning." I chirped as I walked in.
"Morning." He smiled back and slid his phone into his pocket.
"Sleep well?" I asked as I poured myself another cup of coffee.
"Mhmm. Very well." He got up and walked to wash out his bowl giving me a kiss on the cheek.
I took my coffee cup with me and walked out to the shop to which Ashton followed.
"Woah what happened in here?" He asked at the boxes and supply items everywhere.
"Im cleaning out this place." I laughed.
I booted up the main computer and then went to the closet to grab a rag and a bottle of all-purpose cleaning spray.
"What do you want me to do?" Ashton asked walking towards me.
"Um, you don't have to help me clean." I laughed.
"Well I want to." He smiled.
"Okay then." I nodded towards the closet, "Grab a rag then."
I had him spray and wipe down one set of shelves while I did the other.
When we were done with that I checked the store email and filed a few billing statements then moved on to putting the items back on the shelves.We made a little assembly line and Ashton would hand me the products and I would place them on the shelves.
We were stacking some of the oxygen tanks on a bottom shelf when the door to the shop opened and the tinkling sound of the bell filled the previously quiet air.
Confused as to who would be here during the off season I turned to see Dylan the I.T. guy walking in.
"Dylan?" I wiped my hands off on a towel and stood up.
"Hey!" He waved. "Woah, what's going on?"
"Cleaning." I took a step forward, giving him a friendly smile. "What are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to see how the computer was running?" He pushed his thick framed glasses up his nose and messed with his hair a bit.
"It's working great! Thanks so much for your help." I continued to smile.
Dylan returned the look then his eyes glanced behind me and his eyes got a little wider.
"Oh sorry, how rude of me not to introduce myself, I'm Dylan." Dylan waved at Ashton behind me.
"I'm Ashton, nice to meet you." I felt Ashton take a step forward so he was right up against my back.
"Ah, so you're the boyfriend." Dylan nodded and Ashton placed his hand on my waist.
"Yes, I am." Ash gave him a tight lipped smile.
The air was a little awkward for a moment and I shifted, Ashton's hand following my body.
"Well thanks for stopping by." I smiled at Dylan.
"Sure, no problem! Let me know if you have any more issues with it." He smiled back and then said goodbye.
The door closed behind him with a clang and Ashton immediately burst into a fit of loud laughter.
I jumped at the sound and looked to see him holding his sides as he laughed.
"What's so funny?" I quirked but that only seemed to make him laugh even harder.
"Ash! What is it?" I let out a breathy laugh of my own.
"He- totally- has- a- crush- on- you." Ashton gasped between words trying to catch his breath.
"What? No he doesn't!" I squeaked.
Ashton took a deep breath and stood up straight in an attempt to calm down is laughing fit. "Oh Carter, sweet, innocent little Carter. How you don't know you have every guy falling at your feet is beyond me."
"What? Come on, you're just saying that." Now it was my turn to laugh.
"Nope. You're just that amazing." A massive grin settled into his face and I shook my head before placing a hand on each side of his face and leaning up to give him a kiss.
"Dork." I giggled and bumped my nose against his and his hand landed at my waist.
"I don't want to leave, I like being here with you." He whispered, even though we were alone.
"Then don't." I whispered back and he pecked my nose with his lips.
"If only it were that easy." He sighed.
We stayed like that for a few more minutes before letting go.
"I'll go get us something for lunch, what do you want?" He asked as he dug around in his pocket for his keys.
"I don't care, whatever is fine with me." I smiled in his direction.
"Alright, I'll be back soon." He walked over to give me a kiss and then waved as he left the shop.
My heart was beating a million times a second, as it always seemed to do whenever Ashton kissed me, or touched me, or was even in the same room as me. I didn't want that feeling to ever go away.
Ann had said yesterday that Ashton was head over heels for me and I think I was starting to actually believe her.
I continued to organise around the shop until a majority of the mess was cleaned up. Ash came back around 45 minutes later with two Greek salads and had stopped by the coffee shop and got me a cinnamon latte and a straight black coffee for himself.
"Thanks." I smiled up at him as we set up lunch around the desk.
"So, what time do we need to pick up the little tyke from school." Ashton asked before taking a bite of his salad.
"In a few hours. He's going to be so excited that you're coming with me." I took a sip of my coffee.
"Hey why don't I take him to school tomorrow? You can sleep in and I'll get him there, we can have some bonding time." He suggested.
"He would love it. That's so sweet of you." I grinned.
We finished lunch and made the attempt to finish cleaning before we had to go get Ender.
"Mind if I turn on some music?" Ashton asked and I said sure.
Soon soft music filled the room as Ashton selected a song.
I never really listened to music much. I used to when I younger and my father would play classic rock whenever we were working on the ship together but when my parents died I just hadn't had the thought to really listen. All of his old CDs were still in the TV stand in the living room, but I didn't have the desire to move them.
The lyrics were singing something about amnesia but I was more focused on Ashton's humming that sounded so pure and sweet.
"This is a pretty song." I mused as I wiped off some oxygen tanks.
"I think so too." Ashton said from beside me and leaned over to kiss my hair.
By the time we were finished it was time to pick up Ender from school so we locked up the shop and took Ash's jeep up to the school.
We pulled in front of the building and waited till the bell rang and a mass of kids came pouring out of the doors.
Ender and his friends Trey and Reid jogged up to the jeep when they saw us.
"Hey bro!" I waved at him and could see his beaming smile from across the schoolyard.
" 'Sup mate!" Ashton greeted Ender as he and his friends approached the jeep.
"Hi!" Ender grinned.
"Are you Ashton?" Trey, a little Asian boy with short, straight, black hair and deep brown eyes gawked up at Ashton.
"Yeah," Ashton laughed, "And let me guess you're Trey and you're Reid?" He gestured to Trey and then to Reid who had flat blonde hair that touched the tops of his ears and bright blue eyes.
"Yeah!" They both got big eyes when Ashton got their names right.
"Cool! So are you two both trying out for the football team?" Ashton asked.
They both eagerly nodded.
"Yeah! My brother Davie played footie and I want to play too!" Reid announced, his eyes squinting from the sun as he looked up to us in the jeep.
"I'm sure you'll all do great!" Ashton grinned.
"Okay, well Ender we have errands to run and you have homework to do. So, bye guys I'll see you later, and say hi to your parents for me!" I said to his friends and Ender tossed me his backpack before climbing up into the jeep.
"Bye!" Ender called out as we drove out of the school lot and onto Main Street.
I directed Ashton to drive me to the post office so I could pick up a few things and then went by the hardware store so I could check on my paint order.
We decided on an early dinner at the pizza place and Ender did his homework as we ate. I helped him with some English and math while Ash helped him with a science problem.
As always Joey was our server and struck up a nice conversation with Ash and I while he waited on us.
Eventually when the pizza was gone and Ender's homework was done, Ash paid for our meal and we rode back to the house.
"I put your laundry on your bed so fold that and then shower before any games!" I instructed Ender as we walked through the door and at the mention of the word games he bolted straight to his room.
"That seemed to work." Ashton laughed.
"Mention video games and he's all ears." I joked and went to clean up the kitchen.
Ashton made himself some coffee as I wiped down the counters and the sink and then tossed the dirty kitchen towel into the laundry basket.
I wanted to change into some sweats and began to make my way upstairs, Ashton following. Ender was still folding his laundry that had added up over the week and our little vacation.
"Oh my god, it's like Mount Everest!" He groaned at the massive pile of clothes on his bed and Ashton and I both laughed.
"Well it looks like he's going to be awhile so I'm going to take a quick shower." Ash moved closer to me so he could place his hand on the left side of my waist, him warmth and scent surrounding me.
"Okay, I'll be here." I smiled.
"Unless you wanna come with me..." Ashton trailed off and it felt as if every part of my being froze.
He noticed my reaction.
"I'm just kidding, it was a joke, sorry." He laughed nervously and I let out a sigh, but I didn't know if it was out of relief that it was a joke or disappointment that it was a joke.
"It's okay." I pulled myself together and laughed with him.
He pressed a kiss to my left temple and then disappeared into the hall.
As soon as the bathroom door closed I sat down on my bed and began to breathe rhythmically trying to settle my racing heartbeat.
If he hadn't had been joking, would I have gone through with it?
I mean I know we had talked about waiting till I was ready, but was I? How did I know if I was.
I could hear the sound of the shower and couldn't concentrate knowing he was in the next room as me in a state I had never seen him in. Quickly I changed into a pair of grey sweatpants and grabbed my phone before going to the window at the end of the hall and climbing through, finding myself in the crows nest.
I sat to where my legs dangled off the side and called the person who I thought could answer my questions.
"Omg, tell me everything about Sydney how was it?" Were Ari's first words to me.
"Well hello to you too." I laughed. "And it was good, I had a lot of fun, it's so pretty there."
"I know right! Oh I just love it in Sydney! So what's happening doll?"
"I just had a question I needed to ask you..." I bit my lip, anxiety filling my stomach and making it twist.
"That doesn't sound good...what is it?" She toned down from enthusiastic Ari to ready to listen Ari.
"Well, when we were in Sydney, I was in the bathroom changing and Ashton accidentally walked in on me and-"
"Woah! Did he see anything?" She interrupted.
"Everything." I whined.
"Oh my god! Okay, continue."
"So after that we had a talk about you know, us waiting till I was ready to do anything...physically...in our relationship. But how do I know if I'm ready or not?"
"Wait are you asking how you know when you're ready to have sex or not?" Ari coughed.
Even though I wasn't even looking at her my cheeks still flushed red with embarrassment.
"Well...doll, here's my first question, do you love him?"
"Um," I choked, "I don't know?" Her question took me by surprise.
"Well that's one thing you need to figure out. I mean you don't have to be in love with him to have sex with him but it would be easier emotionally."
"He hasn't said that to me yet...so I don't even know if he does." I sighed. "How did you know you were in love with Jason?"
"When I realised that I didn't want to live another day of my life without having him in it. He feels like home." She answered honestly.
I sighed.
"But to answer your first question, if you feel that you are personally ready to physically be that way with him and see each other that way and can handle the emotional aspects of it then I say go for it but you need to be honest with yourself." She said.
"Okay, yeah." I nodded, "I'll think about it some more, thanks Ari." I smiled softly.
"Anytime, doll. Call me tomorrow, okay?"
"Alright."
We said our goodbyes and then hung up.
I dropped my phone next to me and leaned back on my hands, staring out at the midnight blue ocean under the blanket of stars.
Being with Ashton did feel like home. I felt safe when I was with him. He was a great friend and role model for Ender. He made it feel less lonely around here and we needed that. Life was too dark and stagnant for a while, he was the dynamic we needed to bring some happiness into our hearts.
But did I love him? I didn't know.
And as for sex? When Ashton said that one day when I was ready, he wanted to learn that side of me, I admitted I do as well to myself. I wanted to feel that closeness and emotion like they talk about in movies but I had never done anything like that before and I was terrified. I was so scared I was physicking myself out of doing it, blaming it on not being ready.
And Ashton's sexual innuendo earlier hadn't helped my confusion.
See most girls had their moms to talk to about this...I know Ari was there and I appreciated her help, but I wanted my moms advice though that would never happen.
A creaking sound was made behind me and I turned to see Ashton climbing up into the crows nest.
"Ender told me I would find you up here." He gave me a lopsided smile and I moved over so he could sit next to me.
His legs draped off the side like mine and he leaned back on his hands so he could be at my height.
"Whatcha' thinking about?" He murmured softly in the quiet of the night.
"A lot of things." I chuckled softly.
"Hmmm....narrow it down for me?" He hummed.
"Just life," I sighed. "My mom, Ari, you..." I let my voice float away in the light breeze that was playing with my hair.
"Oh." He replied, trying to sense out my emotions and figure out what to say.
"Have I ever told you thank you?" I blurted out randomly.
"Thank me for what?" He turned to look at me but I still kept my eyes forward at the water.
"For showing up in our lives. There was something missing for a long time after our parents died and...you filled this void that I didn't know how to fill in both Ender and I, and I just want to thank you."
Ashton waited a moment before he replied.
"I don't know if it was God or if it was fate that brought me into your life but now that I'm in it, I know I don't ever want to leave."
A feeling of bliss passed though my body at his words.
"I'm going to be completely honest with you," He continued, "I've dated several girls but never have I taken them back to meet my family and I've never felt about them the way I feel about you. You're just so...special to me and I feel myself falling for you more and more each day, like I can literally feel it. It's addicting."
My cheeks were blazing at this point but he wasn't done.
"And I so wish that I was able to meet your parents." He said that and my heart stopped for a second. "I've lied awake at night imagining what I would say to them, how I would've asked your dad for permission before asking you out on a date, how I would've been able to see a different side of you. But that's okay, because I have you and Ender to hear all of the stories from, and I can get to know them through your eyes."
My gaze hadn't lifted from the dark waters but my vision was blurred by the warm tears that swarmed through them.
His sweet words had said everything I had been thinking.
"I just wish they were here." I breathed out a broken whisper and immediately I was engulfed by Ashton's embrace.
"I know, baby, I know." He murmured and let his hand softly pet my hair.
I gave up the resistance to cry and let myself completely breakdown in his arms.
I had cried so many times over my parents death, but those times I was sad, lost, and sometimes even angry, but these were missing them tears.
"There's just so much I'll never be able to do with them. I'll never be able to have those conversations with my dad about boats we like and business strategy, or with my mom about boys and love, I don't get that." I sobbed into his shirt. I didn't even know if he could understand me but he whispered comforting phrases into my hair as I let my sorrows out.
It took about five minutes until I had calmed down and detached myself from him, drying off my cheeks with the back of my hand.
We had resumed our previous positions, my eyes returning to the waves.
"I never told you how it happened, did I?" I said softly after a long silence.
"You don't have to if you don't feel like it." He tried to give me a chance to back out but I pressed on.
"No, I'm okay. Um, it was a Friday night and they were on their way home from the grocery store so we could have dinner then family game night. I was thirteen and finally old enough to babysit Ender all by myself," I actually let myself let out an extremely breathy chuckle, "which was probably a big mistake but oh well. But anyways, uh the phone rang and it was the police saying there had been an accident. So I grabbed Ender who was completely oblivious and we rode our bikes to the crash scene, Ender still had training wheels on his bike."
I took a deep breath.
"And when we got there, the medics had already pulled them out of the wreckage and put sheets over their bodies. The police didn't realise that we were the only immediate family and didn't know how to tell two kids that their parents had just died. But they tried, and told us that their car had stalled and drove off the road into the side of the hill. The walls that surrounded the road were basically rock and there was nothing to cushion the blow."
I paused again and noticed that Ashton's hand had made its way to cover mine.
"Ender was so confused and scared and just stood in the middle of the road the entire time. Finally Ari's mom came and took him back to the house while I had to stay there with the police. It was a mess, I was a mess."
Another deep breath.
"Ender stayed with the Rodriguez's until I was done with the police and the lawyers. He cried when he saw me and I brought him back to the house and had to explain to him that mom and dad weren't coming home." My voice cracked at the word home as I fought desperately to keep my composure.
"You know it still feels like that Friday night sometimes, like I'm always waiting for them to come back home from the grocery store, but they never will."
I had apparently won the battle with my tears because none fell, though my eyes were misty and damp.
My mind was replaying the scenes from that night like a movie montage from hell. The red suburban smashed into the concrete and bedrock. The red, blue, and white lights flashing and bouncing off the road signs. The grocery sacks and produce scattered all across the street.
The reminder of the groceries everywhere caused a bitter-sweet smile to creep up on my lips.
"When I got to the scene the groceries were all over the road, and there was a jar of spaghetti sauce that hadn't broken and I saved it and put it in the back of the pantry. It's still there and every time I look at it, it's a reminder that I'm not broken. I may hurt and be sad but I know they loved me and I'm going to be okay. "
He squeezed my hand.
"I don't know why I'm telling you all of this..." I sighed and let my words fall.
"Thank you." He rubbed the back of my hand soothingly.
"For what?" And for the first time since my sobbing session I looked at him. His eyes were somber but held some kind of light in them that made me feel at peace.
"For letting me in to your life. I know it must be so difficult for you to talk about this but I appreciate you sharing this with me." A half smile graced his perfect lips and I returned it.
"You make it easy for me to talk about it, so thank you." I said.
We didn't say anything else but instead sat there on the wooden floor of the crows nest, staring off into the murky midnight blue of the offing before us.
--
wow that was a lot of emotions in one chapter. Now you guys know a little more about the death of Carter and Ender's parents.
I dropped a MAJOR hint about the story line in this chapter, like majoooorr.
But yea, I'll update again soon. much love and don't forget to comment and vote xx -m