The snow turned into mush that morning. It slowly panned against the window above the bed. I awoke to the smell of pastries and George. He always smelled so good. Not like cologne. Just George. It may seem odd to explain but it was only knowing unless you were in his arms, in bed, with his warm breath on the back of your neck.
I slowly pulled his arms from around me off and got out of bed. He snored typically and I broke a small giggle. Knowing he was no longer a virgin and I was the one to have it....it felt remarkable.
He turned around, facing away from me and I found this as my chance to head downstairs. Still only sporting George's shirt and in my undies, I smiled to see missus Harrison on the sofa, watching television and drinking tea.
"G'morning mummy." I teased, plopping beside her. She giggled and began to serve me. I grabbed the pot out of her hands and poured myself. She was thankful for the gesture.
"Good morning Molly love. George still snorin?"
"Just lightly this time. Where's mister Harrison?"
"He went down to get the papers. For now, it's us ladies." She patted my knee. I sipped and added sugar.
"George told you everything?"
"About Stuart and your friend yes. I'm sorry love. It isn't fair."
Fair. What happened last night with her son and I wasn't fair. A part of me wishes Stu and Tiff still slept together. Maybe I wouldn't feel as guilty.
"Missus Harrison...were close aren't we? I mean...I think of you as a second mother."
"And I think of you as a second daughter." She smiled. "You can talk to me about anythin. What's stirrin that mind of yours?" She gave me a warm smile. I bit my lip.
"It's very personal."
"I see. If you don't wish to speak about it then...."
"George and I made love last night." I burst out. She froze and just stared at me. Not shocked or in anger. But calm and confused.
"Wha...George and you? Last night when....Molly." She set her cup down. I shook my head and sighed.
"I'm sorry. Well I'm not actually. George and I we...he was a shoulder to cry on. He's been my bestfriend and I understand the age difference but we just...I needed him to know how I felt. I love George. And...we made love. It wasn't sex or some kind of random fu....I mean spur of the moment thing. It was...amazing." I smiled.
"Molly...I don't know what to think. I mean...you're still married and you've gone out on your husband."
I was about to speak but she went on.
"But I see your feelings for George are genuine. You love him. I know you do and always have. I just can't help wondering if you're...using him."
I took another sip of my tea and set it on the coffee table.
"I do love George. I just...I love Stuart as well. He's changed suddenly and I'm so confused." I tried to hold back the tears. But they poured out anyways. Just then George walked downstairs and saw me. He instantly made his way over and held me in his arms. Burying my head in his chest, I felt warm instantly.
"Shhh Molly it's alright. Don't hurt yourself over this."
"I don't want to go back."
"You won't have to. Mum Molly can stay here can't she??" He asked eagerly. But she stayed silent. Probably knowing what George and I could get up to alone. Now that her little boy was no longer a virgin.
"I'll have to think it over with your father..."
"Mum it's Molly! She's spent many nights 'ere! This doesn't need to be discussed!"
"George that was before I found out you two were being a little too friendly with one another."
George turned red as I wiped my eyes.
"You told 'er?"
I nodded. "I did. I told her we made love last night. It meant more to me than you may think George." I broke a small smile. He returned the smile but it soon faded when missus Harrison cleared her throat.
"I think it's only best Molly stays elsewhere." She finally concluded. We watched her get up and leave the room. I looked at my hands.
"I'm sorry I told your mom."
"Me too." He laughed a little. "Did you mean it? We.. made love? No sex or a one nighter?"
I held his hand. "I love you George. I loved every moment of it. It means a lot to me knowing you've allowed me to be the first woman you've touched. The first to be that intimate with." I felt my cheeks get a little hot.
"You're blushin. I never thought I would ever 'ave that effect on ye."
I giggled and nudged him. "Shut up Harrison."
His smile soon faded into a serious tone. "Are you goin back?"
I nodded. "I have to. I don't want to but...it has to be done."
He squeezed my hand gently as we just sat, not knowing what the future held.
....
After discovering George still had a bin of my clothes from when I'd spend many innocent nights at his, I threw on my tight leather jeans and a white top. George lended me his long black coat. My wedges weren't suitable for the slippery weather out but I managed on foot.
Smoking a cigarette, I thought about popping into dad's to talk but I put it off to speak with my husband.
The building was warm yet drafty. The halls that held good times. When we'd run in through the front door laughing from getting rained on. When he'd pick me up and twirl me around just for the fuck of it. When I would kiss him out in the hall before he left off for class. Now...it was just me alone, figuring out why my husband cheated.
I struggled with the decision of whether to knock or just use my key. It was just as much my home as his. But it felt useless now. So I knocked. To my surprise, John answered.
"Oh I...why are you here?" I asked. He opened the door to let me in. I looked around to see Stu sittin on the mattress, this time fully clothed and looking rather ashamed. I walked in and tossed my purse down.
"I see she's not here." I said rather rudely.
"Molly don't be like that." Stu looked at me. I bit my lip to stop myself from lashing out and looked over at John who was watching. I raised my eyebrows.
"Do you have to be here??"
He just leaned off the wall and gave Stu a certain look that bothered me. Like they've been talking about something involving me before. While John left, I sat on a chair and noticed he couldn't make eye contact with me. But he broke the ice.
"Where were you?" He asked.
"With George. His mom let me stay."
He nodded.
"Did you sleep with her?"
"Molly.."
"Did you?? Did you fuck her brains out? Did you make her come all over our...our bedsheets?? Huh?? Or did she fuck you?" I said angrily.
"It's not like that Molly!"
"Then what huh?? What is it then!? Paint me a goddamm picture of what it's like??"
"You really want to know??"
"Yes!! Give me that much!"
"Maybe I'm tired of all this! Maybe I'm tired of playing house and bein a husband! I want other things too ye know!"
"Then talk to me Stuart! For fucks sake don't leave me in the dark! Don't go off fucking my soon to be ex friend in the hopes of me walking in! You have no fuckin idea what that does to a girl!"
He stayed silent and shook his head. "I didn't want this. I don't want to fight Molly."
"Then lets talk. I want to talk Stuart. I want to know...what's going to happen next?" I walked over and sat beside him. He looked into my eyes and I knew. I didn't want to hear him say it. But he did.
"I think...we need a break from each other. Just until this thing with the band..."
"It's John isn't it? He's asked you to leave me is that it??"
He sighed. "We've been talking and he's made a few good, honest points about how maybe we've moved too fast."
I laughed sarcastically and shook my head. "So that's it then huh? You listen to your best bud and he's a fuckin genuis??"
"Were always together Molly. I come 'ome from college, you're 'ere. I go off with the band and I come home, you're 'ere. Fuck I go off to visit me dad and I come home..."
"I'm here. I'm here I'm here I'm here. Is that it?? You've grown tired of me?"
"No. I just think we need time to get to know ourselves before we can get to know who one another really are."
I stayed silent and thought about his words. They hurt. I never saw this side of Stuart and now I began to realize, maybe I don't really know him. I've been so naive and foolish to think this was it. A perfect life. It's not a fairytale. This is real life.
I reached for his hand and enjoyed his tight grip. We just looked at each other until I broke the silence.
"I think I should move out."
"Molly..no this place is yours. You can stay..."
I shook my head. "You're right. We need to get to know ourselves first. I need to be on my own for awhile."
"I still love you Molly. I always will."
I felt the hurt in his tone. The sadness and pain. I only knew this cause I was feeling the same way.
"I love you too Stuart. I love you too."
...........