We are back in the dormitory now. Packing our things. In my case, I am packing one thing-- the iPhone thing. Lamar decides to pick up the iPhone off of the nightstand beside the bed he slept in the first night here, just in case we somehow get separated or something. We'd figured it'd be useful in that case. He also takes the thumbdrive.
Alice packs her iPhone and everything she had dropped that I'd picked up when she fled back to the faction system, she also packs one of Anthony's sweatshirts. I'm not sure anyone is sure why, but I am. She wants to hold onto every piece of him that she still can.
Grace packs only the iPhone. She has nothing else to pack. Same goes for Faith and Adrian.
Matthew packs nothing, he doesn't trust technology that was produced by Erudite or anyone similar. As do the other factionless that were given a room.
Oddly, the factionless that got separate rooms were a few I hadn't met before, plus Angelina and Nate. Nate isn't going to get his room until he was released from the infirmary, but he won't be stuck here. And his freedom is not something I was looking forward to.
Lamar and I had gotten the keys to the rooms before we came here, we plan on giving Angelina and Nate the two farthest rooms from ours. And, as we had already planned, all of us-- excluding the factionless and Nate-- will sleep in the same room for the first few nights.
"Is everyone ready?" Lamar asks. He stands by the door, with his hand on the knob, seemingly eager to get out of here.
Everyone nods, I do as well and start towards him. We had changed out of the clothes we wore in the training room, I-- somehow-- found an outfit in a smaller size than the first one. These clothes almost fit.
***
As soon as we are in our room and have given away all of the keys but ours, Lamar and I lie down on the bed, shoulder to shoulder. He rolls onto his side to face me, I do the same.
"Hey," he says.
I smile. "First of all, hello. Second, at what moment in the past week or two have you not seen me, causing you to greet me?"
He chuckles. "When we slept? Showers?"
"Those don't count."
"What about when you went to the bathroom when we got back from the training room?"
"That took like 30 seconds."
"You were still out of my sight."
"I had to pee."
He snorts, smiling. "Fine, I'll just stop greeting you."
"I wasn't intending that," I say. "I never said you should stop. I was just asking why you do it so frequently."
"I don't know. Greeting you is my only way to be happy?"
"It is not," I say.
He moves his arm so his head rests on it, I sit up and his expression clearly questions why. I lean back so I am propped up against the pillows. I cross my legs.
"Well, fine," he says. "You're moving to a new position, so am I."
I laugh lightly. He moves around until his head rests on my crossed legs, he looks up at me, his hands folded over his stomach.
"You comfortable now?" I ask. He laughs and nods. "Good."
After a short moment, the door knob rattles and Alice walks in. "Um," she says. "This is obviously a bad time . . ." She takes a step back.
Lamar and I spring apart. "No! Alice, it's fine, come back," I say, panicked.
She hesitates before shutting the door behind her and sitting in a chair near the bed. She crosses her legs and folds her hands together. "You obviously don't realize how awkward it is for me to sit here with the two of you staring at me and Storm's hair more ruffled than it usually is."
I glance over at Lamar, his hair is a bit too ruffled.
"It'll be okay," he says. "Just ignore it."
Alice laughs quietly. "Put a hat on or something."
"What makes you think we have any hats?" I ask.
"I have an idea," Lamar says, he stands and gestures for me to as well. He pulls the comforter off of the bed and pulls it across his shoulders, we sit down again. He forces the comforter over his head so it covers up his hair, and wraps an arm around my shoulders.
We all laugh.
"So, Alice," I say. "What's bothering you?"
She shakes her head. "You know, the war. Your tests. Anthony. Same old, same old."
"Wait-- why are you worried about my tests?"
"Stella, it's you. We can't afford to lose you. Especially me and Storm."
"But--"
"And you have to go through memory and death serum before we can leave and I don't want you to forget or die so just don't."
"Alice," Lamar says. "Stella already went through memory serum."
"What?! When?!" She sounds panicked.
"Today," I say. "I'm fine though, just a little--"
"NO STELLA YOU ARE MOST CERTAINLY NOT FINE," Alice says. "You don't know what that serum does to people, it might be delayed for you but it'll get you, I've seen it."
"Alice stop," I demand. "I went through the serum a few years before our Choosing Ceremony. Christine put me through it so nothing would influence my decision besides what went on in my head."
"So, you've been through it twice? And nothing bad happened?"
"I forgot things the first time, and when I found out about the injection, things started to come back, and the second time, more came back but I'm fine."
"Well, do you want to talk about it? I mean, not to sound like a therapist but, you need to talk about it. I've seen people who've experienced this and never talked about it. It's bad Stella, trust me, you have to talk about it. If you don't it might kill you."
The exact moment I glance at Lamar, his head whips around so he is looking at me. "Stella, you need to talk about it."
I get off of the bed so I'm not close to either of them. "Okay, now I'm just overwhelmed." I press a hand to my forehead, trying to calm down. My breathing is too shaky for them not to notice.
"Oh, my God, it's happening," Alice says, she is immediately on her feet, almost before Lamar. "Stella you need to calm down. Slow your breathing and control your heart rate."
I shake my head. "I'm fine," I say. "I'm fine, nothing's happening."
"Stella, sit down!" Lamar says, his voice is so panicked, the words almost sound blurted.
I press my back against a wall and sit down, hug my knees close to my chest and stare at the floor. I take deep breaths. After a few long minutes, I force myself to my feet, having found calming down here to be impossible.
"To the roof?" Lamar asks. I nod. "Alice, you can stay here, we'll be back soon." She nods and sits down in the chair. Lamar and I rush to the roof.
***
It takes me about 20 minutes to be completely calmed down. I don't even know what it was that started that.
Lamar is certainly concerned. He won't quit asking me if I'm okay and if I'm sure. It's becoming annoying, but I know if I tell him to stop, I might start something that I'd rather not deal with.
We are in the cafeteria now, with the group of six that we are a part of. I don't eat much, I didn't get a plate of my own because I wasn't hungry, but now I am, so I pick pieces of food off of Lamar's plate occasionally. Every time I do he watches me put the piece I stole into my mouth. This time, I reach for a crumb of his cake.
"That one is off limits," he says, not making any effort to stop me.
"Is that so?" I say as I put the crumbs in my mouth.
"Very," he says. "If you want cake, I can go get you some."
"No, I think I'm good," I say, leaning against him.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure."
Everyone else is deep into a conversation about Grace's loneliness and how she never got into a relationship.
"You tired?" He asks just as I begin to yawn. I nod. He smirks. Lamar stands and takes me into his arms, one under my knees, the other under my neck, his hands holding onto me so I don't fall. I wrap my arms around his neck and smile.
He carries me to the apartment and lays me down on the bed and lies down next to me. After a few moments, the other four members of our group pile into the room. I had forgotten that we'd agreed to all sleep in the same room for the first few nights.
"Lights on or off?" Grace asks.
"On," Alice says. "Door locked and someone on watch."
"I'll take first watch," I say.
Everyone refuses to let me take any watches tonight. Even Adrian.
Faith takes first watch, she'll wake Adrian, he'll wake Grace, she'll wake Alice. The four of them seem to have agreed to let Lamar and I sleep. Odd.
Alice and Grace sleep in chairs, Adrian sleeps on a couch, and Faith sits next to him. Faith watches the door carefully.
Lamar and I bury ourselves under the comforter, one of his arms rests on my waist, while the other is under my head. I roll over to face him. He touches his forehead carefully to mine, I feel his breaths along to the bridge of my nose. "Sleep," he whispers. "The doors are locked and Faith is watching. We'll be okay."
"Aren't you worried?" I ask him. "I have to go through death serum tomorrow. Are you avoiding the subject because you forgot, or because you think if we don't acknowledge it, it won't happen?"
"Of course I haven't forgotten. Have you forgotten who you're talking to?" He asks. "I just didn't want to remind you of it because of what happened today."
I sigh. "I'm fine, Lamar. I'm fine. Nothing happened. I was just panicked and it took me a little longer than usual to calm down."
Calm down.
"Dad!" A familiar voice screams. "Dad, calm down! You don't have to do this! Leave him alone!"
"Do you want a hit too, Christine?" This is my father's voice. The first was Christine's.
Christine screams.
"Let her go!" Mathew shouts.
"Would you prefer I go get Stella and show her how I deal with bad behavior?" Jake says.
"No!" Christine's voice is panicked and shaky.
"Leave Stella out of this," Mathew says. "She did nothing wrong. I admit it, I had a few beers and drove home. But I'm fine, nothing bad happened."
Jake snorts. "If the Dauntless patrol had gotten you, you would've been in much more trouble. Don't ever do that again."
"I have one question," Mathew says. "What did Christine do?"
Christine whimpers.
"She's been sneaking out of the house at night and going to Erudite," Jake says. "She'll be getting it worse than you, Mathew."
I hear the sound of a belt hitting skin, and Christine crying out in pain.
I shake my head. That can not have been real. My father wouldn't do something like that. But it all felt so real the first time I remembered that, as if I was actually there. And I must've been at one point. It had to be real. But it couldn't be. Please, let it not be real.
"Stella, are you okay?" Lamar asks. I forgot I was in the middle of a conversation with him.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I--"
"Are you sure? You looked really zoned out for a moment, and now you're really pale . . ." he says. "Oh, God, Stella, you need to eat something."
"I just ate, I'm fine, Lamar."
"No, you're not," he says. He rolls over and reaches for something, he resumes facing me and gives me a candy bar.
"I don't need this, I--"
"Stella, just eat it, please, you look like you're about to pass out."
"Fine."
After I finish the candy bar, Lamar asks, " do you have any idea what caused that?" I nod. "What do you think?"
"The memory serum . . . I remembered something, and it was unsettling."
He stares at me for a moment. "What did you remember?"
I tell him, very quietly. I want to cry. If this is real . . . I don't know what I'll do. It'll haunt me.
"Do you think that actually happened?" He asks, his voice still shows concern even though we're whispering.
"I--" I clear my throat in attempt to hide the shakiness in my voice. "I don't know."
He pulls me closer to him, I feel his warmth and scent surround me and they just make me feel like it's okay to cry but it isn't. Not with how Grace is treating me, it just proves that everything she says is slowly becoming more and more true. Maybe I really did shoot my mother and kill Zach for no reason. I bury my face in Lamar's chest. Maybe if I ignore it, it'll go away. Just maybe it isn't true.
"What are you guys talking about?" Faith asks. "Is it something sad, because I'm pretty sure Stella's about to cry."
"Nothing that you need to get involved in, Faith," Lamar says, he's voice shows irritation.
"What's your problem, Storm?" Faith says.
I sit up and interrupt Lamar before he can respond. "It's just the memory serum, okay? I'm alright, I just remembered something that I can't tell if it's real or not."
"Okay-- I forget-- Why are you going through these tests again? Just explain to me why you would do something so stupid--"
"She did it so we could all be alive," Alice says. "So shut the hell up, Faith. It isn't stupid if it's for a purpose."
"We were all supposed to be spared if she went through them, right?"
"Yeah."
"And how did that work out? Almost 10 factionless are dead and so is Anthony. So why should she still go through them?"
"Because it makes it less likely for the rest of us to die. AND DO NOT MENTION HIM IN FRONT OF ME EVER AGAIN."
"Sorry, I was just proving a point--"
"SHUT UP."
"Just stop, both of you," I say. "I'm not going to quit going through the tests. I only have a few more--"
"But it's death serum next, that's the thing. If it were peace serum, I wouldn't be as concerned, but death serum... There's no way you can expect me to brush it of," Lamar says.
"Why does it matter to you if I go through the tests, Faith?" I ask, trying to ignore Lamar's comment.
"Because we need a leader, if you stopped going through them, you'd be the first they'd kill. And if you died, Storm would be messed up in the head for a long time," she says. "The rest of us would be screwed, we wouldn't know what the hell to do."
"Messed up in the head . . . ?" Lamar repeats. "I never thought that statement would be made referring to me."
Adrian groans. "What time is it?"
"Go back to sleep, Adrian," Faith says.
"No, what are you guys talking about?" He asks.
"Stuff, now go back to sleep, everything's fine."
"It obviously isn't girl talk, Storm's up and Grace is asleep. It's something important. What are you talking about?"
"Me," I say. "We're talking about the tests I'm going through. Now listen to Faith."
Adrian snorts. "Fine. I'll only talk if I have something useful to say."
Faith sighs. "Why is everyone here so stubborn besides me?"
"I'm not stubborn, neither is Grace," Alice says.
"It's basically the guys and Stella then, right?" Faith laughs.
"Yup," Alice says.
The two of them launch into a conversation that I'd rather not get involved in. I turn towards Lamar, I'm almost surprised he's still awake. Yet, I couldn't have predicted it more. As I lean back against the pillows, he wraps and arm around my waist, his forearm rests on my stomach. His head rests against my rib cage.
"You should sleep," he whispers. "We'll talk in the morning."
"What is there to talk about?" I ask. "I mean, I'd like to find out if what I saw was real or not. But I can't just walk out of here back into the faction system and go ask my dad about it. And I can't get the answer from anyone else--"
"Stella," he says. "We'll talk in the morning."
I sigh.
***
I'm pretty sure neither of us sleep. Death serum. I don't like the sound of it. It doesn't matter how many times I've been through it before, it's still stressful. Not sleeping certainly doesn't help. Nothing about yesterday does.
I grab the iPhone thing and click the button on the top. 8: 56 a.m. I groan and rub my eyes, trying to wake myself up. Lamar stirs a little beside me. I feel kind of bad for waking him up, but he's become a light sleeper over the last few weeks and getting up and him waking while I'm not here with him is worse.
"Hey," he says quietly.
"Hi," I reply. "How'd you sleep?"
"Not well," he says. "Your rib-cage is not the most comfortable thing in the world.
I laugh lightly. "I wouldn't expect it to be, it's bone."
He smiles. "Yeah. I just didn't want to move because I didn't want to wake you, you have a big day today."
I inhale deeply. "I know."
"Do you want to sleep anymore? I can stop talking if--"
"I won't be able to," I say. "Can we just go and get this over with as soon as possible?"
"Yeah," he says. "I'll go take a shower, then you can, unless you want to get injected without decent hygiene," he jokes.
"Was that an insult?" I ask. "I believe I just heard you tell me that my hygiene was bad."
"It was a sarcastic comment! You know I can't pass up an opportunity to be sarcastic, and neither can you."
I smile. "I know you didn't mean it."
"Now you sound like a parent, next comes, "you better not have meant it.""
"You better not have meant it." I repeat.
"See? You can't help being sarcastic either."
I laugh. "Go take a shower, I'll be out here. Your hygiene is worse than mine."
"I know you didn't mean it," he says sarcastically.
I smile. "Just go," I say.
"Fine," he stands up on the bed and steps down onto the floor. "I'll be back within the next 10 minutes." He takes clothes out of the closet and heads to the bathroom.
"You're not going to join him?" Adrian says. I forgot we had someone on watch.
"No," I say.
"Why not?"
"Shut up, Adrian."
He laughs.
After a few minutes, Lamar walks out of the bathroom in new clothes. I stand, grab clothes that look little enough to fit me and go into the bathroom.
Hey everyone! Happy Valentines day! I decided to post a chapter for this holiday and the return of The Walking Dead. I'm not returning to the regular schedule yet, I have 3 more chapters to finish before I come back. Sorry. Thank you guys for your patience with me, I'm having a bit of writers block right now, but I will most likely be back before Saint Patrick's Day.
~EnchantedCynder~