// Sadie //
"So how was your break?" Dean asks awkwardly. I clear my throat and adjust my seat belt over my chest,Turning slightly in my seat. "Good. It was good." I mumble,Twiddling my thumbs. "Great." He nods.
"Yep."
I turn in my seat once again,Trying to find a comfortable position but it seems nearly impossible. Traffic is pretty heavy tonight. After getting off the plane,The superstars and divas all bought their rental cars and headed off to the hotel. Most of them should already be there but some of us were unlucky enough to get caught in the heavy traffic of London.
Me and Dean have been in this car together for about an hour now and it's been nothing but awkward between us. Neither of us have spoken about the kiss and he refuses to acknowledge the awkwardness. If he won't then I won't.
"So...Do you miss your sister?"
I can't comprehend why he's even talking to me. Why can't he just be like he normally is? Quiet,Shut off and annoyed when I try to speak to him. Why does he choose now to try to talk to me?
"Yeah,I do a lot. We were both crying like babies when I had to leave." I laugh. It's the truth. I had a really hard time saying goodbye to Aymie. I just wanted to shove her in my suitcase and bring her with me.
"I'm sure she can come back soon. Trips and Steph honestly wouldn't care if she toured with us all the time,As if she was a WWE diva." He laughs. "Really?" I raise an eyebrow. I thought they might be strict when it came to having people tour with us.
"Yeah. As long as you continue to do your job and she doesn't get in the way,Which she won't,and as long as they don't have to pay for her expenses,Which they won't because the expenses are hotel rooms and she stays with you in yours,Then they'll have no problem with her touring with us. You really don't even have to ask,Unless we're gonna have to fly somewhere then of coarse they have to make sure there's room on the plane." He explains. I hum. This is good. I'll tell her about it later. I'm sure she'd love to come back soon. She was really enjoying the long drives and the new places.
"Thanks. I'll make sure she knows." I smile.
"No problem." He says.
******
I sigh,Peeling invisible pieces of lint off of my sweat pants. Fifteen minutes from the hotel. That's all. We're just fifteen minutes away,But it feels like fifteen hours. Traffic had gotten better for a short period of time but we were immediately engulfed into more traffic shortly after it had cleared up.
I wouldn't really mind this if I wasn't trapped in this car with Dean. The awkwardness is killing me. Silence has always made me a little antsy. When we're not silent though,It's even worse. Small talk isn't made for us I guess.
I can't go on like this. I really can't. This thing between us is stressing me out. How long is this going to last? How long are we gonna be awkward around each other? How long are we going to do this? I can't let this happen every time we see each other. I don't have the strength.
"Dean..." I mutter.
He hums,Glancing at me before looking at the road again.
I gulp before shutting my eyes tightly. "We really need to talk about this." I sigh.
He clears his throat and I can hear him let out a heavy breath. "About what?"
I open my eyes and turn to look at him. I narrow my eyes at the side of his head before speaking again. "Dean,You know what. You kissed me-"
"That? That was six days ago." He laughs nervously.
"Then why are we still acting awkward?" I ask matter of factly. "Look,I don't know why we're acting so weird around each other now,But I know that I don't want to deal with this every time we see each other. It's impossible to avoid each other so,We need to fix this."
"You managed to avoid me Tuesday. Remember? We didn't see each other for the whole day and you didn't wait for me so I had to catch a ride to film smackdown with Roman and Kofi." He growls.
"Sorry." I mumble.
"Whatever." He huffs. "I have no idea why we're acting weird either. We've kissed before and even then it wasn't this awkward. I don't know what the problem is...Why don't you just tell me what you think?" He asks.
I shrug. "I think...Well it's like what I said Monday. I think we shouldn't be kissing when you don't mean it." I cross my arms over my chest and look out the window as I hear him laugh sarcastically.
"It's that simple,Hmm?" He asks. "You just want me to stop kissing you?"
"Um...Yes?"
"It's not that simple!"
"It is totally that simple!" I state,Throwing my hands up in frustration. "How hard can it be to not kiss a girl that you don't like? Why do you keep doing that Dean? You keep on kissing me out of nowhere and then saying 'Oh I'm sorry that was a mistake!' How many mistakes can you possibly make?" I ask through clenched teeth.
"...What are you trying to say?" He asks.
I huff. "Obviously,What I'm saying is,Unless you mean it don't kiss me."
"Sadie." He growls. "I fucking like you,Woman."
"W-"
"No shut up!" He spats hitting the steering wheel. I jump,Startled and watch him hold onto the steering wheel tightly. He breathes loudly,His chest rising and falling and I can see that he's biting the inside of his cheek. "I'm so damn frustrated because I like you and I shouldn't. Okay? There I said it. I really do like you. And I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I hate myself for it!"
"Dea-"
"And for whatever reason,I can't get you out of my god damn system! You're just-You're pretty and you're nice and you're actually so much funnier than I thought. And...God it's so annoying. Sometimes I can't control myself and I just have to grab your cute little face and fucking kiss you as if you're mine. I wish I could do that all the time. You have no idea." He huffs.
"Well..." I mutter. "I,Well I mean I've been hurt in the past and you have too. But I like you too. I really think I do. So maybe we could give it a try-" "What?" He laughs. "You're kidding right? No. We're not gonna give us a try! There is no us! There's nothing to try! It's.Not.Happening.Get it through your head." He spats.
I sigh,Staring at him for a moment before shaking my head. "Fine then. There's no us. Just do me a favor alright?" He nods so I continue. "I'm not yours and you're not mine. So don't grab my 'cute little face' and don't kiss me. Don't lead me on like that. Try to control yourself yeah? Don't kiss me until you mean it. That's just a dick move." I growl.
He doesn't say anything. He's probably shocked at my angry tone and my slight profanity. Heck,I'm shocked too. I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm not supposed to be feeling like this. I know this feeling. It's anger. I don't like it. I usually don't feel it very often. But Dean has a way of making me feel it.
// Dean //
When we finally make it to the hotel,I can't be any happier. This ride was a disaster and I'm not looking forward to the next one. "Here." I mutter,Handing Sadie her bag. She smiles at me and pats my arm softly. "Thanks,Dean."
Now I'm just plain confused. She was upset with me just minutes ago. Now she's smiling at me. "Are you okay?" I ask. "Why wouldn't I be?" She asks. Her smile is wide but her eyes are glossy. She's shaking slightly and my mind wonders back to what Aymie said a few days back.
Is this her shutting down?
"I-"
"Look before you say anything,I wanna say I'm sorry about everything." She says. "I shouldn't have gotten upset with you. Everything is alright now. We're alright. I'm gonna go now. Nice riding with you."
I watch in confusion as she pulls her luggage along and walks towards the hotel. Well this is...I don't know what to think. She really did just shut down and start acting like nothing bad happened. This is definitely not healthy.
******
The hotel bed is comfortable. The covers warm my bare skin which had been cold from the winter wind. The pillow is soft,But not so soft that it swallows my head. Just right. It started raining almost as soon as we got into the hotel,So hearing the rain drops can be heard landing on the window.
The quiet hum of the TV is nice and soft and the blue light from some commercial is the only light in the room. All in all,This is a peaceful place. Yet my mind won't rest. I can't find sleep no matter how hard I try.
I keep thinking about Sadie and what she said. I know what I've been doing is wrong. I'm leading her on and that isn't okay. She was right. She's not mine,I don't have the right to kiss her. But still. Her lips look inviting...
Don't kiss me until you mean it.
That sentence won't stop running through my mind. Basically,She said I'm not allowed to kiss her until I actually want it to go somewhere.
Is that ever gonna happen?
Well truthfully,I do want it to happen. I want to hold Sadie in my arms,Kiss her every day and every night,Give her hugs and make her happy. But can I ever really do that? I'm not a good human being. I don't deserve her. I'm bad news. I'd be poison to her.
I'm a monster,Incapable of loving anyone besides myself. That's what Renee told me when she left me. But she was wrong. I don't even love myself. Maybe since I don't love myself I could love Sadie.
I'm a messed up person. Sadie is entirely too good for me and I know it.
I'm a very selfish man though. I know she's too good for me but I still want her...
And I guess I intend to get her.
Maybe we'll see how this goes. She's the missing piece of my puzzle after all.
A/N: Was this a good chapter?? I feel like it's all over the place and I don't think I wrote the argument right? Anyways,Hope you enjoyed. XX. love you sexual kittens.