Chapter 28
"Eww! You boys are all sweaty and gross!" I squirmed as my brother purposely gave me a bear hug. I could just feel his sweat dripping onto my body, ugh, disgusting.
"Sweat means a good show." Harry said with a small nod as he downed a water bottle in at least under ten seconds.
"Sweat means you all need showers."
"Yes, Mother." Liam snorted as I rolled my eyes at him.
"You like the show?" Zayn smirked at me, hair a mess and his v-neck out of place since the boys were jumping around and having a good time like always. It was low enough so I had a glimpse of his toned chest. His eyes were gleaming, still on his concert high.
"It was l-loud." I said with a small laugh. "The quieter songs were my favorite." I admitted sheepishly.
"Gotta love the fans." Niall smiled a little as he glanced on his phone.
We all sat around the comfy couches in the boys small backstage and dressing room area, making small talk. I sat next to my brother, leaning on his head as I pulled up my twitter to do something at least. Management came in, said a few words to the boys - mainly "Good show" and some plans to escape without being killed.
I felt Zayn staring at me halfway across the room. I looked at him for a second, catching him staring at me with his soft brown eyes, then muttered "Dork" under my breath.
I started to text Perrie. Maybe we could get together. She was off her tour. Maybe later this evening.
"Your dork." Zayn replied with a small laugh.
"Nope, just a dork." I said, causing everyone to laugh a little. "Kidding. Love you."
"Love you too."
I dialed Perrie's number, got off the couch, and excused my self.
"Yo, Pezza!" I said once she answered with a small laugh.
The arena was cleared out now so I stepped out onto the stage and stared out into the empty seats the boys had sold out in a matter of seconds.
The stage lights were still on so I had the full affect. It was amazing, just standing there. I wasn't even doing anything yet could hear the roar of the crowd and chills from the music.
"Oliviaaa!" She sang back, with a laugh too. "What's up?"
"The boys just finished a concert and are no doubt gonna get drunk later - "
"Typical." She snorted.
"Sooo, you wanna just like grab a coffee with moi?"
"Sure! Text me the info and I'll meet you there."
"All right. See you soon!"
"Hey, Liv?" She softly asked after some silence.
"Mmhmm?"
"Everything all right?"
My world slowed down a bit. I froze in front of the huge center stage instead of absentmindedly dancing around on it earlier like I was as I spoke over the phone.
"H-How did you know?" I whispered softly, feeling my heart sinking a little more with each word.
"Just a feeling. I'll see you soon, babe. Bye."
I hung up and I'd never felt so empty in that second. I shoved my phone into my pocket and wanted to crumble onto the floor but I felt Zayn come from behind me and wrap his arms around my waist.
"Hey doll," he whispered huskily against my neck.
I smiled. "Hey." I looked out at the arena. "You do this every night?"
He smiled wide and nodded. "Every night. It's literally like a dream."
"How did you know that you wanted to sing?"
"It was just a feeling inside me. It never went away. I just longed to perform and be on stage, you know?" His voice sounded dreamy and soothed my tender heart.
"I've never had that feeling about something before." I whispered softly.
Zayn frowned.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"It's nothing." I said, shrugging it off.
"Olivia - "
"I'm meeting Perrie at a Starbucks nearby. I'll talk to you later, okay?" I quickly kissed his lips as hugged him. "Have fun with the boys tonight!"
He didn't let me go to easy.
He pulled me against him and left a tender kiss on my lips and a soft one on my head.
That really meant, "You know you can trust me, doll, right?"
But all that came out from his lips was a quiet "See you later, doll."
And I left him on his stage of dreams.
Perrie and I talked over coffee. I needed a girl to talk to. My mum wasn't the most helpful, still in and out of her depression and Rosie and Chelsea weren't always the best with advice. I just needed someone to listen.
Zayn might suffocate me. Ben was busy with college. Josh might flip. Zayn would flip if I talked to Harry instead of him, so now Perrie was my only option.
The hot coffee warmed my numb body. Perrie's bubbly personality made me feel a little better.
"What's bugging you?" She asked, looking up at me earnestly.
"I don't know." I whispered, tapping the side of my coffee cup. "I just kind of feel lost. I'm not sure who I am. It's scary because I won't be a kid forever. I'll be off to college in like a year. I don't even know what I want to do with my life."
"Everyone's just good at something." I continued to ramble. "You, singing, and my brother's all smart - "
"Not Josh right? Ben?" She interrupted, making me laugh.
"Well they're both idiots." I snickered, smiling at the memories I shared with my big brothers. "But Ben's the smarter one. But, I just feel so out of place."
"Fashion, Olivia."
"What?"
"Livi, you have an eye for fashion are you kidding me! Look at your outfit!" She said, gesturing to my clothes.
"W-What this?" I looked down at my gray marled sweater which layered over my white button up shirt. My caramel colored skirt was smoothed out, and a pork pie hat on my head. My purse leaned on my shoulder in a relaxed way.
"Dr. Martens!" She grabbed my left foot, making me squeal as she continued to prove her point. "THIS IS VINTAGE, DEVINE!" She screamed, grabbing my purse. "I'm useless my butt." She shook her head as I sheepishly smiled.
"Be Little Mix's new stylist."
I almost spit out my coffee.
"P-Perrie!" I practically screamed, my tongue burnt from shock. I coughed a little but Perrie just stared at me innocently.
"I'm not kidding. You got fashion sketches?" She said, sipping her coffee.
"There's something in your coffee. I'm serious. That's a horrible idea." I protested, trying to snap Perrie out of it.
"It's a wonderful idea." She stirred her drink with a small smile. "Our current stylist is no good anyways. Gosh, we've been going behind management's back and shopping ourselves, goodness." She said dramatically, making me laugh.
But she pressed on in all seriousness.
"I can get you a job somewhere. Come on, Olivia, think about it." She encouraged, her eyes begging me to at least try.
I stared out the window, my teeth sinking into my lip hard. People of all kinds walked past in the dark of the night, guided by the lampposts.
I'd never thought about fashion. Maybe this was my chance. Maybe this was my special talent.
Perrie said something that made me smile before our little coffee date ended.
"Zayn isn't the only one that's trying to help you find yourself."
I smiled, but was a little confused.
There were others?
Perrie got up after handing me the money. She grabbed her coat and fixing her newly dyed hair a little.
"Don't push people or opportunities away, darling. I gotta get going but please call me tomorrow about this offer! I mean it, Liv!" She squeezed my arm a little before pulling me into a big hug and saying goodbye.
The cafe wasn't too far from my home so I walked. Perrie's words were still in my head.
Finding myself.
That's all this was. A long journey to find myself.
I opened the door to my quiet home and wandered in aimlessly in the dark. Only the kitchen light was on. I expected it to be maybe Ben studying or doing his college prep but it was my mother, drinking a bottle of water.
'Don't push people away.' Perrie had said.
Without hesitation, I hugged her. I held her the tightest that I'd held her in a long time. She felt weak and fragile in my arms but she seemed to have enough strength to hug me back.
The journey to find myself would be a long path taken but it couldn't be taken alone.