// Sadie //
I groaned and reached blindly for my phone which I found was under my pillow. I peeked an eye open to see what I was doing before pressing the 'accept' button. "Hello?" I mutter pushing my phone up to my ear.
"Hey Sadie,How are you?" I hear my mothers soft voice call out. I smile slightly. "Oh I'm good mom. Great to hear from you. We haven't talked since I've been on tour have we?" I ask sitting up. "No we haven't..." She sighs a little.
My mom has always been there for me when I've needed her...Well almost always I suppose. Well actually...She didn't pay me any attention until I tried to commit suicide. Then we started to have better communication and we started to actually form a relationship. But I've come to know that I'm more of a charity case and more of a bump in the road for my mom than I am a daughter. We're civil towards one another but it's often awkward between us.
"So,Um. How are. Rob and Maggie?" I ask. Rob and Maggie are our neighbors.They're an elderly couple who we've known since we moved into our current house a year ago.
"Actually,Neither Rob or Maggie are doing so well..." She mutters. I furrow my brows. "What's going on?" I ask. "Well,Rob fell down the porch steps when he was leaving his house the other day and now he's got a broken hip which obviously isn't good." She sighs. "And Maggie is so upset because of it. She can't stop crying and shaking,Her breathing is uneven and her blood pressure is skyrocketing by the minute so she's in the hospital with him. It's just not looking very well for either of them." She sighs.
"I'm so sorry." I mumble. "Yeah it's alright." She says. "Oh but I've got good news though,I've found myself a man." She laughs. I roll my eyes before trying to sound perky. "That's good mom...So how's Aymie doing?" I ask thinking back to the other night.
"Oh,Well I haven't seen much of her the past few days. Haven't heard anything from her either-"
"I did the other night. She was drunk." I blurt. "Have you checked in on her at all?"
"No. You know how Aymie is. She's always been into drinking and partying and now that she's 19 there ain't no stopping her." She laughs. "I figure she's probably alright where she is. Anyways on to my new man." She giggles. "He's handsome,Strong,Rich. Oh he's just a dream." She breathes.
I bite my lip and shake my head slightly. Mom is always out finding a new man. She hasn't been married since dad,But she's been dating since two months after he passed. Mom's goal in life seems to be to find a man and she's found several of them,But she never sticks with one.
"So anyways Sadie,I just called to check in on you...You're okay right?"
"I'm fine mom."
"I know but...Are you really? I just don't want another incident to happen-"
"Mom." I growl through clenched teeth. "I'm.Fine. Listen I have to go but it we great talking to you. Bye!" I hang up without giving her a chance to talk. I'm obviously not an easily angered person but the very thought of my mother makes me upset.
I love her but I also resent her a lot. She was never the best mother and sadly I know she never will be. All she did through out my childhood,After dad's death was sleep around and abandon me and Aymie to spend time with her friends and boy toys. When dad was alive she did basically the same thing. She often left me and Aymie with him while she went out clubbing or golfing or shopping. We never were allowed to go anywhere with her as in her words 'We'd just be a bother'
When it did come time for her to spend time with her kids,She focused her attention on Aymie. I was always left in the dark as she played with Aymie and spoke to her nicely. When it came time for her to talk to me,It was always to nag me and tell me I was getting fat or that I was bugging her with my 'constant whining' which was only me trying to get at least a little of her attention.
One of the reasons that I was so unhappy was her. The bullies and their words haunted me late at night but even that wasn't anything compared to her. She made me feel small and worthless without even knowing it,Or maybe she did know it and just didn't care.
When I think of my childhood I don't think about playing with Barbies,Playing tag,And doing my makeup horribly. Instead I think of my father's death,My mother's taunting,And my bullies. Total unhappiness.
My only friend was Aymie. She was the only one that cared.
Even after my suicide attempt,Mom was cold and distant. She,As my mother,Made sure that I was okay and of coarse she was sad and upset. She spent hours crying by my bedside but she wasn't crying for me she was crying for herself.
'We're the joke of the neighborhood now.'
'How could I let this happen? I'll never live it down.'
'I wish this had never happened. I'd be at the hair salon or something,Not doing this.'
'Why aren't we normal? Why can't life be normal?'
She acted as if my mental illness affected her more than me,As most parents do I assume.
It's always,Oh it hurt me so bad to see her like that. I hate that she does this to herself. It makes me sick. I feel horrible,Me,me,me,I,I,I. They aren't the one's going through it. Why do they act like they are?
I roll my eyes to myself before huffing. If I think of her any longer I'll get angry and I don't want that. So I throw the covers off of me and shuffle towards my suitcase to find something to put on. Today is an off day,Since I'm not needed at the live show. Who know's what I'll get into.
******
When I got down to the lobby I was shocked to see that it was empty,Other than,Of coarse,Dean. I started walking,As quietly as I could but he turned his head and narrowed his eyes at me. I gulped as he started walking closer to me at a quick pace. I have no idea what I've done to him but I am not trying to find out.
"Come with me. Now." He mutters walking past me. His shoulder bumps into mine roughly as he passes and I gasp before speed walking to catch up to him. He presses the button to the elevator frantically before it finally opens and he grabs my wrist and pulls me inside.
As soon as the elevator doors close he pushes a button which makes the elevator stop. My breathing picks up slightly as I look around the small space nervously. This is a nightmare. I can't say I'm claustrophobic but small spaces aren't my best friends and elevators aren't either. Plus,Being in a small elevator with a big man who doesn't exactly like me seems like a bad thing to me.
"I-"
"Stop." He snaps cutting me off.
I look at his narrowed grey eyes and let out a small,Shaky breath. This is like a horror movie. I always promised myself that I wouldn't be the first white girl to die in a horror movie but it seems that I will be. Where are the cameras?
He breathes heavily and rubs his hands over his face roughly before pacing around the small space.
"I...I'm sorry I pulled you in here." He grumbles. I raise my brows. He is not the apologetic type. "It's okay." I squeak out before letting out a hiccup. He only nods before turning to face me. His facial features seem to soften for a minute before they harden again.
"I just,I didn't know how to go about talking to you. We won't be in a car together again until Friday and seeing as it's Wednesday I just couldn't wait that long. I don't know your cell phone number or your room number and if I'd asked someone for it they probably would've called the fucking cops because they're all assholes who hate me." He rolls his eyes and I just nod slowly.
"Um,Anyways I'm really irritated right now. I just,It's not fair! Everything was normal until you came along some weeks ago!" He waves his hand and rolls his neck. "After our little talk last night I've been going crazy. I don't know I can't stop thinking about you." He sighs.
I blush a little before looking down.
"Look,The only way I'll get past this thing is if I tell you about how I'm feeling." He sighs. "I...You remind me of my ex girlfriend. Renee. She was really sweet and full of life and just,Great. She looked past all my flaws,Though I didn't have as many back then,And she was patient with me and she didn't get angry very much. She was my heart. I loved her. She's the only girl I've ever loved or even liked as more than a friend and as more than a fuck toy. And anyways,You make me feel the same way she made me feel. And I don't like it. At all. So that's why I'm so hostile towards you. I don't want to have feelings for you..." He mumbles.
"So you have feelings for me?" I ask.
"No! I mean...Don't let it go to your head. We're nothing and we never will be." He says sourly.
"May I ask what happened to Renee?" I ask.
"She moved on." He spats. "She left me. I guess I cheated one to many times." He chuckles bitterly. "Or at least that's what she thought. I never did cheat on her but she made it her business to cheat on me every chance she got." He rolls his eyes.
"I'd never cheat on you." I mumble softly. "I mean,Not that I'm saying we'd have a relationship. I'm just saying I'm not the cheating type. It's far too much energy." I giggle slightly giving him a half smile. His expression stays blank though.
"They all say that. They never mean it." He shakes his head. "Do me a favor. Stop being so nice to me." He growls before slamming the button to make the elevator go again.
I sigh before walking slowly over to him. I reach out and push the button again,Causing the elevator to stop. "Dean,I won't stop being nice to you. I'm really sorry but I won't call you names,I won't tell you you're worthless and I won't be rude to you like everyone else is. You don't deserve that."
"Yes.I.Do." He growls.
"No you really don't. Stop thinking that you're a bad person,Dean." I raise my voice a little before taking a breath. If he notices I'm starting to get upset he'll take it and run with it. "I told you,I see right past this. You are a good person turned sour. And you aren't going to push me away because you've got a hard shell and a cold shoulder."
"God damn it I hate you." He mutters softly. I smile and let out a little giggle.
He sighs,A ghost of a smile on his face,And he reaches around me to press the button that makes the elevator jolt back into movement. He doesn't move away from me once we're moving though,He just hovers over me,Looking down at me.
I can't help but notice how handsome he is. It's no secret that Dean is a good looking man,Though it does take a while to notice. I've just never noticed how pink his lips are or how pretty his eyes are up close.
"Stop that." He mutters.
"Stop what?"
"Stop looking at my lips." He chuckles,Leaning down a little.
I simply shrug a little,Not uttering a word.
My heart is racing and my blinking is rapid.
I can't say I've never been kissed,I can't say I've never had a boyfriend,And I can't say I've never been intimate with someone. I have. But it was with one guy,Once. He was my boyfriend for a year. But I prefer not to talk about him.
But that was a few years back and I haven't been on a date since. I haven't even had a crush on a guy since then. I didn't even think I had any feelings for Dean until now. He's been rude to me since I first met him and I've been scared to even look in his direction most days. But now he's in front of me,Leaning closer every second and looking at me like he wants some sort of permission to kiss me and I find this situation...I don't know. I like it.
My rapid blinking stops as my eyes slip shut and only seconds later I feel the warmth of his lips on mine. I was expecting a rough,Hard,Fast kiss that wouldn't be very enjoyable for me. Instead,I got a slow,Soft kiss. So gentle that I found myself wanting more,So I slowly pushed my lips closer to his and wrapped my arms around his neck.
Our kiss was short as we heard the elevator doors open. I pulled away first and then him. He just stared at me for a moment before unwrapping my arms from around his neck slowly. "That was a big mistake...See you Friday." He mumbles.
I simply stare up at him,Blinking slowly. I don't have anything to say. I don't even know what to think. He sighs before walking out of the elevator before it closes,But I stay in and press the button to get back to the lobby.
******
I somehow found myself walking along a dirt road. I don't really know where I am. I drove for a while before coming to a stop when I didn't feel like driving any longer,And then I got out and walked. I took several twists and turns and,Well it's a dirt road. It all looks the same. I have no idea when I'll be able to find my car again and I really don't care. My mind is clouded.
I keep thinking about my kiss with Dean. It happened only about four hours ago,But it's still fresh in my mind. He was a lot gentler than I could ever assume. His hand caressed my cheek while he kissed me too. His rough hands felt good against my skin.
But I also remember,Quite well,How he said that kissing me was a big mistake. I can only assume that he didn't say that because I'm a bad kisser...He obviously isn't willing to give into his feelings for me because of what happened between him and Renee.
But maybe he was right. Maybe the kiss was a mistake.
For one thing,Dean's heart is cold,Bitter and broken as it is. Me toying with it would be inhuman. I don't even know if I like him. He's handsome,He's a great kisser. But I know nothing about him and though I'm not angry with him,He's been nothing but rude to me. How would I ever know if I liked him?
I was wrong for kissing him back. I should've stopped it before it could get started good.
And plus,I'm not interested in finding any type of relationship right now. After the way my last one ended...Well there's a reason why I haven't been with another guy since then. I'm just not ready.
I don't even know why I'm thinking so hard about this. Dean wouldn't date me if I was the last female on the planet. I simply remind him of his ex and that's all that he sees in me. If he can look past that,He'll get over me just like that. He doesn't want me he wants her back.
I sigh as my phone starts ringing,Breaking the silence that filled the air.
"Hello?"
"Hey..."
"Aymie. Are you okay?" I ask.
"Yeah I'm good I just figured I'd call you because I obviously scared you the other night..." She mutters.
"You need to stop getting drunk so much." I sigh.
"Yeah I know. But there's nothing else around here to do. Mom is too busy to even look in my direction,As usual." She snorts. "Anyways,I know this is early but do you think that maybe I could come visit? Just for a day or two?" She asks.
"I'll have to ask my boss." I mumble. "But I'm sure you can. Are you sure you're okay?" I ask.
"Yeah it's just,The atmosphere around here is overwhelming. I wish I could just get away from it all." She says. "Speaking of,How's your house haunting going?" She asks.
"Oh I haven't even really thought about getting a house. I've been busy I guess." I lie. I haven't been all that busy but I have been distracted. But I'll be getting a few days off soon and I wanna have a house by then. That way I can just go get my stuff from mom's house and move in. I can't live there anymore.
"Still thinkin' about Florida?" She asks.
"Yeah. It's the only place I'd ever consider moving to." I smile softly. Dad always wanted to move to Florida,But mom was against it so we never did. Besides,Moving to Florida would be convenient with my job. "And something tells me you have something important to ask me." I smirk.
"You know it." She sighs. "I don't wanna move in with you. I love you but I don't. I'd feel like a bother! But I need to get away from mom-" "The only houses I'll look at will be at least three bedrooms. We'll live comfortably." I smile.
"Thanks sis." She mutters softly.
"You're welcome. Besides,It'll be fun to live together." I chuckle. "Yeah...Well I'm gonna let you go. I need to take a shower." She says. "Yeah okay. Bye Aymie. Love you." "Love you too."
When we hang up,I let out a long sigh before looking at the sky. It's around three now,So in a few hours it'll be getting darker. I can't even remember what city we're in as of now so it's best that I get back to the hotel room before I'm stuck out here for the night. Now if I can just find my car...
A/N: 3000 words! Wooo!