// Dean //
"And then,She got just a little bit angry,And I saw a spark in her eyes. The girl needs to get mad. She needs to just,Just yell and punch shit. She can do it I know she can-"
"She should've punched you right directly in the face and threw your ass out." Jimmy cuts me off. Jey nods before patting my back roughly. "Come on Uce,You know this ain't right. I want the girl to get pissed off at you too after hearing that story,But to be in here bragging about how you made her upset by bringing up her suicide attempts? Now that's a new low for you. She probably ain't want nobody to know."
"My cousins are right. This is plain wrong. Don't tell anybody else,Dean. I'm serious. Now we know how to keep our mouths closed,But if it gets out to anybody else it'll be the talk of the locker rooms and I'm sure she doesn't want that. Suicide is nothing to play about man. This is getting ridiculous." Roman says sternly. "I'm disappointed in you." He shakes his head.
I sigh. "Sorry." I mutter. I get up after bumping all of their fists,And walk out,Almost bumping into Natalya. "Sorry." She says before walking around me. Natalya...She has a big ass mouth. Okay...What I'm about to do is wrong but it has to be done. She'll probably snap if she finds out I told people about something so personal...
"Natalya!" I yell running to catch up with her. She turns to face me,A confused and frightened expression on her face. Can't blame her. Last time I spoke to her I cussed her out. For what? I can't remember. She just pisses me off.
"Um,Y-Yes? What did I do?"
"Oh nothing sweetheart." I smirk,Rubbing her chin. She moves away from me slightly,A blush on her cheeks as she clears her throat. She's married and she's still got a crush on me. Nice. "I just wanted to come and say that you should really be nice to Sadie." I smile.
"Oh I am." She smiles slightly.
"Yeah I know but,Just,I know she needs extra support since she's suicidal."
"What? She never told me she was suicidal." She mutters.
"Of coarse she didn't. She doesn't want extra support. But she needs it. So,Make sure you tell all the girls so they can know." I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from smirking. She nods slightly. "Oh this is so sad. I'll be sure to tell them."
"Thank you." I smile. "And,You know no one really talks to me much so,Maybe tell the guys too?"
"Of coarse. Of coarse. Dean,You know I always knew that you were a good man deep down. I think this is so sweet of you,You know. You care enough about her that you're trying to help-"
"Bitch no!" I yell. "I don't-Don't you fucking dare tell anyone I care about her because I don't! Just- Just stick to the damn facts." I snap before pushing past her. That bitch,I hate her. I do not care about Sadie,When will people learn that?!
// Sadie //
I smiled as I walked towards the exit. I've had a pretty good day so far. Now that we're done filming smackdown,I'm ready to get to the next hotel. Luckily we don't have much driving to do tonight. It's only an hour long drive.
"Oh hey,Sadie! I've been trying to find you all day long!" I hear Natalya yell behind me. I turn around and smile at her but she only frowns at me. "Is there a problem?" I ask tilting my head. "No,No. It's just...I know what you're going through. I mean,Well actually I kind of don't but me and all the other divas AND superstars are here for you whenever you need us!" She speaks hurriedly.
"I'm sorry?"
"You don't have to pretend everything is okay. It's alright to speak about your feelings. I know that you're suicidal-"
"I am not!" I whisper yell. I can feel my face flushing and I sigh. "But Dean came up to me earlier and told me to tell everyone to be here for you because you know...You've tried to kill yourself. Was he lying?" She asks.
"No..." I sigh. "But I swear to you I'm not suicidal. I did try to kill myself,But that was five years ago. I'm happy now I swear and I-Did he tell everyone?" I ask. "No just me." I nod and breathe a sigh of relief. "I told everyone else." She shrugs. Oh this is great.
"Oh..."
"He told me to tell everyone so that everyone would know to be gentle with your feelings-"
"Um,Natalya I appreciate everything. But I don't need charity,Sympathy,Or anything else like that. Please treat me like a normal person because that is exactly what I am. What happened happened years ago and I am over it." I mumble. "I'm really trying to move past this so..."
"Oh I understand. I'm so sorry Sadie. I should've never listened to Dean and I shouldn't have said anything." She sighs. I nod,Agreeing with her. "Yeah well,What's done is done." I shrug with a small sigh.
"Are you angry with me?" She asks. I shake my head. "You didn't know,You were only trying to help me which proves that you are a true friend. Thank you." I smile. "I have to go. Dean might be at the car already-"
"You're sharing a car with Dean?!" She gasps. Oh crap. "Um...Yes." I smile slightly. "I have to go."
******
I tapped my fingers against the wheel softly and payed close attention to the road. Dean sat beside me,Messing with the radio every now and then,Sometimes shifting around. After throwing my luggage in the trunk I'd immediately gotten in the car and took off,Noticing Dean was already in here. I haven't said anything to him and he hasn't said anything to me. He's stared at me for the longest though.
"Are you mad?" He asks finally. I bite my lip before shaking my head. "Are you telling me the truth?" He asks. I nod. "I'm really getting an angry vibe from you...Something tells me you're angry because-"
"I'm not angry,Dean." I mutter honestly. I'm not. I'm upset with myself because I put my stupid phone on speaker. I'm not angry at him at all.
"Well you should be. I told people that you're suicidal-"
"I was suicidal." I sigh.
"It really annoys you when people don't say it with a past tense huh?" He asks.
"It doesn't annoy me...I don't really like it though. I'm not suicidal anymore so it's inaccurate." I mutter. "Dean...I'm not angry with you for telling Natalya and telling her to tell other people,But I'm really trying to get away from that part of my life. It'll always be in my past and I've got to deal with that,But I was really hoping that when I came here people wouldn't know so that way they wouldn't treat me different." I sigh again.
"...So you're not angry that I'm the reason that you'll know be talked about behind your back and judged to your face?" He spats. I cringe. "I literally told her that you were suicidal like it was something as simple as saying that your favorite color is gold!" He yells. "Why aren't you getting mad at me? What the hell do I have to do to get you to be mad at me?! I deserve your hatred why can't you give it to me?!" He yells.
"Dean,In all honesty,Anger is sadness. If I hadn't been angry at the world I would've never tried to kill myself. I prefer to not feel that feeling that you get in your stomach when you get angry. I rather not stomp around and yell,Like I used to." I shrug. "It's not worth it to me. And Dean,You don't deserve my hatred. Why do you think I should be angry at you? Because everyone else is? Be honest with me please."
"I didn't get in this car to tell you the things that I'd write in my diary if I had one." He growls. "Why don't you tell me about your deepest darkest times and then maybe I'll consider telling you why I want you to be mad at me." He negotiates.
I think for a moment. I really can't trust him,He could just go back and tell everyone and I don't want that. And it's painful for me to talk about that part of my life because I get emotional and also...Somewhat angry. But my curiosity gets the best of me so I start to talk.
"My first suicide attempt was when I was only 14." I sigh. "My dad had died two years before. He wasn't the greatest man ever so I can't say a lot of people missed him..." I drifted off. "A lot of people in town hated him. My mother and sister didn't like him much either. But he was pretty nice to me. I was even closer to him than I was to my mom. Anyways,He died and then I was extremely upset already. But people at school and around town would mock me and tell me they were happy that my father had died. They'd say,'Now if only you'd join him in hell', Stuff like that." I shrug.
"After two years of razors and ropes being sent in the mail,And posters being hung around town with my face on it and cruel words,And after being told by adults that I was only exaggerating and that the situation wasn't that bad,I decided that it actually would be a good idea to end it like everyone seemed to want me to..."
I bite my lip and huff a little. 'Exaggerating'.
God those people were clueless. Cops,Aunts,Uncles,Grandparents,My own mother at one point before my suicide attempts. They all thought I was only being a dramatic teen. They didn't give a shi- They didn't care enough to really look into the situation and see if I needed help out of my hell. If they'd just taken one second and pretended to freaking care for one second,They would've known that I was self destructing at such a young age!
I was fourteen. I knew what I was doing when I grabbed that pill bottle,I can't blame people for my suicide attempt. But if they'd just listened to me,Tried to help me,I feel like it wouldn't have happened. I just needed help...I just needed help.
I cried myself to sleep every night,I sat in my closet and wouldn't come out until I absolutely had to. Not that anyone came to get me. I didn't eat for days,I often got sick from dehydration. How the heck did people think that was normal for a teen? Why didn't they listen to me? I needed their help and no one was there,Not one person not even my mother.
"SADIE!" Dean yells.
"What?" I mutter.
"You were muttering to yourself. You seemed angry..."
"Dean,I don't mean to be rude but I don't wanna play this game right now. I don't want you to try to make me angry right now I just-Please don't." I mumble.
"...Alright."
"Thanks...So ugh,Why do you want me to get angry?"
"Well since you just told me all of that I guess I could tell you..." He sighs. "I just feel like I'm a gigantic piece of shit and I used to hate when people insulted me and called me a scumbag but now I've embraced it and I realize that they were right. I am a scumbag. Now,When people don't get mad at me and call me rude things,It makes me sick. You're the only person who doesn't and it...Reminds me of another woman who didn't insult me who's now gone,Just like that out of my life." He talks quickly.
"I...Wow. You're not a scumbag. You're not a bad guy-"
"Are you stupid? Are you crazy? I've cussed you out,Insulted you,Called you a prostitute,And I'm nothing but mean to you. You should hate me by now!"
"But I don't. And I won't. You're only pretending to be a bad guy because that's what people saw you as. Now you're just playing the part like a pro. But I don't buy in to this character. It's not believable to me." I smile. "Dean,Why is is so bad that I see the good in you-"
"It makes you special!" He cuts me off. "It makes me realize that you're not like the rest. I don't like that." He mutters. "Why don't we just drop this and become friends?" I ask in exasperation. "We'll get to know each other." I smile pulling into the parking lot.
"No. If I stop pretending to hate you I'll find out that I like you and that just can't happen." He whispers. "I won't let it happen again."
I sigh as he gets out of the car and slams the door shut. I pop the trunk and watch as he grabs his luggage and walks towards the hotel entrance. Well...This sucks.