"Aiden and Blake can sleep in the guest room next to my room."
I walked straight to Nathan's living room, ignoring what he just said, and remained staring at my phone as I settled myself on the sofa.
'Why is he not replying?'
"I can sleep here in the living room."
Umalog ang upuan nang ibinagsak ni Leigh ang sarili niya sa tabi ko. And maybe my reflexes got into me because I unconsciously flipped my phone so fast, afraid that he would see something for some reason.
"The fuck?" he, who doesn't curse often, exclaimed unbelievably.
"What?" I asked in an innocent tone.
This is the time when I wished Leigh was gullible and easy to deceive.
"You're hiding something."
I almost scoffed when he smirked like he just found out something very interesting.
"I just hid it because you and your friends are damn nosy." I said like they were just some random guys who I just met randomly tonight.
"Just make sure the person isn't committed, bro."
So he already concluded that whatever I was hiding from them was my landi?
Well...
Even I don't know what this thing is between me and Atlas. But it's certainly not something two friends normally do...
"Don't worry, I'm not planning to be someone's other man, Leigh." saad ko, sinasakyan na lamang ang kanyang mga sinasabi para hindi na humaba pa ang usapan.
"I'll go upstairs. Make sure to lock the front door."
Sinundan namin ng tingin si Nathan na paakyat na sa taas. Pagkatapos ay nagkanya-kanyang galaw na sila, ang iba ay umakyat din at matutulog na yata habang ako ay nanatiling nakaupo sa sofa.
We are currently at Nathan's unit because we decided to spend the night here after studying at Rain's unit. Tomorrow will be the first day of our exam week and some of us are too lazy to go home, including me.
I side eyed Leigh beside me and made sure that he was minding his own business before I opened my phone again.
'Is he not done reviewing?'
Probably.
The last message I received from him was telling me that he would put his phone on dnd to focus on his readings and review.
And that's why I shouldn't bother him. But why am I still waiting for his reply?
Bullshit.
"Go upstairs, Blake. I'm going to sleep here after I take a shower."
My brows furrowed when Leigh elbowed me.
"We can share the sofa." I said and grinned to tease him.
I can actually sleep on the other side since it's a sectional sofa.
"I'm gonna kick your ass."
Right. I forgot that this man doesn't like feeling someone's skin on his. Even if we do sleepovers, he makes sure to put a pillow in between him and the person next to him.
"Watch and I'll sneak my way to you later." I said with a grin before getting myself off the sofa.
That was a joke though.
I know how to respect someone's personal space.
I walked straight to the stairs to go to the guest room next to Nathan's room. Aiden and I will sleep here I suppose.
Habang pinipihit ang doorknob ay nakatingin lamang ako sa aking cellphone, nagbabakasakali na may matanggap na mensahe galing sa kung kanino.
There were messages from some acquaintances and some were from unknown numbers, but I ignored them. I only want to read messages from one person and it's certainly not from them.
"You can sleep with me in the next room." my head raised when I heard some deep voices whispering coming from the inside the moment I opened the door.
The scenario I wasn't expecting to witness tonight made my brows furrowed.
"I don't want!" I heard Aiden respond in whisper but in deep voice.
They were talking in whispers while I, on the other hand, remained standing in the frame of the door, and I can't seem to continue walking, especially when Elijah crawled on the bed where Aiden was lying, and slowly shoved his face on the latter's neck.
The fuck?
"We are not going to do anything."
My jaw almost dropped when I heard faint chuckles from Elijah as he settled himself close to Aiden.
To save myself from whatever's about to happen, I stepped backward and closed the door very carefully, making sure that they won't notice my presence because what the fuck.
What the hell was that?
I ruffled my hair and slapped my face lightly to pull my shit together. Before going to the next room, I tilted my head to look at the door I just closed.
That was nothing, right? There's no malice in that, right? They are friends, so it's natural for Elijah to put his face on Aiden's neck.
Yeah, it's... normal... I think...
Fuck.
This is Leigh's fault. Kung hindi niya ako pinaakyat ay hindi ko makikita iyon.
I sighed heavily and opened another door, and thank heavens I only saw Kiel sleeping. I don't think I can see another show that will blow my mind.
I took a shower, hoping to erase my damn friends' image in my mind but it wasn't effective.
'We are not going to do anything.'
Do what? Do what exactly, Eli?
I'm going to punch you real hard tomorrow, I swear.
I was zoning out the whole time I was drying my hair after taking a hot shower when my phone lit up from a text message. My eyes that were looking off earlier widened when I saw who it came from.
It's from Atlas.
I got distracted earlier that I forgot about him.
Atlas:
Hi, I just got home. I left my phone in my unit. I'm sorry.
Are you done with your review? I can drive you home.
I blinked my eyes slowly as I read his messages.
He just got home? But he said he would study, which is why he put his phone on dnd. Where did he go? Did he lie?
I licked my lower lip while thinking about what to reply to him because I don't know. Something was suddenly blocking my mind.
I want to ask him where he went but that would be too much. I am in no position to question him.
Atlas:
I had to give Rina the handouts she asked to borrow, so we met at a convenience store near my condo. It was so sudden.
I nodded my head while reading another message from him, but my fingers stopped working. They won't type a word.
He met Rina, the woman he was with in the library some days ago, his partner in a worksheet. At this hour. Maybe she needed those handouts that they couldn't wait to meet tomorrow and give it to her instead. Maybe it was so important that he paused his review and left just to meet her. Because she needed the handouts...
That's right.
I read his messages for the last time and turned my phone off. I don't need to reply so he can rest. Maybe he is tired... from meeting her. Did he walk from here to the convenience store? If yes, then maybe he is tired.
A feeling of melancholy suddenly seethed through me that I walked to the bed and sat on it beside Kiel.
Maybe what I felt earlier with what I saw was better than what I'm feeling right now. Maybe I can fathom seeing Elijah putting this face on Aiden's neck again than reading that kind of message for the second time.
I don't like this. I don't like what I'm feeling right now. It's ugly. It's toxic. I don't like this.
And it's funny because Atlas didn't do anything wrong but the thought of him meeting someone at this hour bothers me so much, and I don't understand. He has all the right to do that. He can meet whoever he wants.
"Aren't you going to sleep yet?"
I slowly turned to Kiel when he suddenly spoke. I was sitting on the bed for I don't know how long, looking nowhere and thinking deeply when he moved and spoke.
"I'm just reviewing what I read earlier. Baka makalimutan ko." I said as an excuse. I even chuckled and pinched his cheeks, but he slapped my hand away.
"Or maybe you can sleep so you won't think about it deeply. I can't sleep soundly because the lamp is still on." he complained.
This brat.
I sighed and reached for the lamp to turn it off and I lied down after so I could sleep.
It took me hours and hours before I finally fell asleep because I was drowning in thoughts.
Morning came and I was greeted by Atlas' messages.
Atlas:
I guess you're already asleep now. I hope to wake up to your messages tomorrow. Good night.
That was the last one he sent. There was also an unanswered call from him, which I don't know about because I left my phone in the drawer last night.
"We will eat breakfast in Rain's unit." Ram said when he saw Aiden, who just went downstairs, peeking at Nathan's kitchen.
I raised my brow when he was followed by Elijah. He also went out of the room where Aiden came from. The room where I was supposed to sleep. I guess they decided to sleep there?
I followed them with my gaze, trying to see something but they look normal. Aiden was knitting his brows at him like usual. They looked normal.
Was I hallucinating things last night?
"Let's go." I stood up and walked to Elijah to give him a punch on his arm.
"What's your damn problem early in the morning?" he asked flatly.
I shook my head and walked past them. I should forget what I saw last night. Maybe I am the problem and my mind is just polluted.
We went to Rain's unit to eat breakfast before going to the university. Request daw ni Red.
Habang kumakain ay kanya-kanya kaming bukas ng mga reviewer namin dahil unang araw ng exam.
Noong nasa university na ay parang gusto ko na lang umuwi. It was too crowded with students and it pisses me off whenever someone greets us and we need to stop.
"Let's go barhopping after the exam?"
I neither nodded nor shook my head, and my friends only laughed at their invite. I guess we all aren't interested.
"Mauna na kami ni Rain." lumingon ako kay Clara na naaalibadbaran na yata na nakatayo sa tabi ko.
I signaled my friends to leave, which they followed, and we went to our designated buildings after.
The first day of exam was a bit hard because two out of the three subjects we took were major.
"Blake, who are you going to ride home? You didn't bring your car again."
I shrugged my shoulder at Elijah and watched his moves when he stood next to Aiden. I still can't get over what I heard and saw last night.
"I can commute." I nonchalantly said and fixed my bag.
"You're kidding." Red said like he couldn't believe what he just heard from me because I would rather bother them than ride public transportation.
I was serious though. I can book a grab or whatever. Parang ayaw kong makisabay kina Aiden ngayon. At tama nga sila na hindi ko dala ulit ang sasakyan ko.
It was intentional because someone told me that he could drive me home so I won't need to bring my car. At nasanay na rin ako na hindi nagdadrive dahil ilang araw niya na rin akong hatid-sundo.
"I'm not, so mauna na kayo. I can book a grab." I showed them my phone and grin, but they shook their heads.
"We will bring you home, Blake. Let's go." nauna nang lumabas si Elijah sa silid at sumunod naman kaming tatlo.
"What's the problem with your car again?" Red asked me as we walked out of the room.
"Tire." I lied.
I'm kind of guilty because there's really nothing wrong with my car, and I keep on lying to them.
"You can have it fixed. You've been commuting the past few days?"
Sasagot na dapat ako nang mahagip ng tingin ko ang isang pamilyar na bulto hindi kalayuan sa pinto ng lecture room namin.
I didn't expect to see him materialize in front of me today that my lips parted in awe and I stopped walking.
What is he doing here?
"Ang tamad mong magpaayos ng sasakyan mo."
Hindi ko pinansin ang sinabi ni Aiden at nanatiling nakipagtitigan kay Atlas, na ngayon ay pasalit-salit ang tingin sa akin at mga kaibigan ko. And I don't know if I should be thankful that he didn't stride his way to us.
Baka may ibang pinuntahan?
"Mauna na kayo. I'll just-" I didn't know what alibis to tell them that I stuttered. "May dadaanan lang ako." I continued.
I convinced my friends later on and they left. Before turning to Atlas, I composed myself and took a deep breath. I walked towards him with a grin on my face.
"Yo!" I said like how I usually greet him. And like usual, he was just looking at me like he was reading my mind.
"You're done with your exam?" he asked calmly.
"Yup. What brought you here, dude?" I casually asked.
I could feel my lips twitching from grinning too much. The grin that didn't even reach my eyes.
"You are not replying to my messages."
The grin that I was sporting slowly faded.
He's right, I didn't dare replying to him since last night. I was busy. I didn't have time to open my phone.
"I was busy."
The melancholy feeling I felt last night came back as the afternoon air danced around us and as I stared at his chin, trying to avoid eye contact with him.
I suddenly can't look at his eyes.
"I understand. Did the first day of exam take a toll of your energy? You look tired." my gaze went to his foot when he took a few steps forward.
"I'll go now." those steps made me want to leave the place because it suddenly felt suffocating.
"Oh." he looked taken aback when I stepped backward, ready to leave. "Did you bring your car?" he asked even before I could turn my back, so I nodded my head.
"Una na ako, tol." I turned around to leave.
Binuksan ko ang cellphone habang naglalakad upang magbook ng grab. It's funny because I told him I brought my car but I am not heading to the parking lot.
I stood near the campus' gate 1 for a few minutes, still trying to book a grab, but I don't know how this works, when drops of rain suddenly hit my skin. I looked up and cursed breathily when I realized that it was raining.
"Ngayon pa talaga? Really?" I glared at the clouds before I tilted my head to where the waiting shed was and walked towards it.
Ang daming taong nakasilong at ayaw ko sanang makipagsiksikan ngunit wala akong magawa. Medyo basa na ang buhok at balikat ko.
"Blake." I nodded my head at someone when they greeted me.
Tumango lamang ako dahil hindi ko kilala o baka hindi ko lang matandaan.
"Wala kang sasakyan?" tanong niya kaya umiling ako.
"I have." I simply said, kasi meron naman talaga, hindi ko lang dala.
I think I should call Red now or Nathan. Sila lang naman ang pinakamalapit dito. Si Rain hindi rin pwede dahil hindi pwedeng mahassle iyon. I can be a bother to my friends but not to Rain.
"Muntik na akong umiyak kanina, wala akong maisagot kaya hinulaan ko na lang."
I heard the people around me talking while I remained looking at the drops of rain.
"Okay lang 'yan, kapag hindi ka nakapasa pwede kang maging manghuhula."
The side of my lips stretched as I listened to them, but that was for a few seconds only when a familiar car stopped in front of us. Very familiar that my heart skipped a beat, especially when the person inside went out with an umbrella in his hand.
"Rina, it's Atlas. Did you ask him to fetch you?"
The hope I had faltered when I heard the familiar name came from behind me. I tilted my head and there, I saw the woman, who is now looking at Atlas, who is walking towards us.
Oh.
I swallowed the lump in my throat before going to the side, making a way for Atlas so he would see the woman. Yumuko ako at binuksan ang cellphone upang tawagan sana si Red nang may maramdaman ako sa aking braso.
"You said you brought your car, why did you head here instead of going to the parking lot?"
Natahimik yata ang ilan sa mga tao sa paligid namin nang tumayo siya sa tabi ko at nagsalita, maliban na lamang sa mga walang pakialam.
I looked at the woman again before settling my gaze on Atlas.
"Nakalimutan kong hindi ko pala dala." I said in a low tone.
He sighed and I felt his hand behind me, rubbing it lightly, as if feeling something there.
"You're kinda wet. Did you run from the gate till here?" he asked, worry was evident in his voice.
"I walked." I said, matter of factly.
Kaya medyo nabasa ako dahil imbes na magmadali kanina ay naglakad lamang dahil hindi naman kalayuan ang waiting shed.
"Do you want me to give you a ride or you want to commute?"
I looked ahead and watched the rain's droplets again. They are now heavier this time. But it's nothing compared to the heaviness I am feeling right now.
"I can call my friends." I said cooly, which made him sigh again.
My fingers were about to dial Red's number but my mind doesn't want to.
Is being an ass for no reason normal for me or is this also new to me? Why am I acting this way?
I replayed everything that had happened last night and the reason why I started acting this way was when I read his messages.
Guilt was suddenly creeping into me that I turned to him, only to feel more guilty when I saw how he was standing beside me, very patient and with hope.
"My friends are busy." I said and turned my phone off.
"Hmm.." I felt his hand again on my back. "I can give you a ride."
This time, instead of turning his offer down, I slowly nodded my head.
"Atlas, you're going home na? Rina is here."
Inayos ko ang damit at bag na parang walang narinig at hinintay si Atlas.
"Yeah. Just went here to fetch Blake. We will go now." I bit my tongue to suppress the damn smile that's now slowly kissing my lips. "Let's go." he said and opened the umbrella so we could share.
"Your blockmate was there. You're not going to let her ride with us?" I asked in a casual tone as he fastened my seatbelt.
He then closed the door without answering me. I glared at him through the windshield until he entered the driver seat.
"Why should I give them a ride? They can manage." he started the engine and said those like it's nothing.
"I thought you were just too kind to say no to them..." like last night.
"How was your day?"
This man seemed so good at changing the topic that his question sounded natural.
"You can let her ride with us. Sayang ang upuan sa likod." I tilted my body to look at the people on the waiting shed when the car started. Some of them followed Atlas' car with their gaze including the woman and her friends.
"How was your day?" pag-ulit niya sa tanong niya kanina.
"Malayo ba ang bahay no'n?" I curiously asked, wondering if he knows where the woman is living.
"Why are you suddenly so interested in her?" the coldness in his voice made me turn to him.
Tumaas ang gilid ng labi ko.
"Why? Ayaw mo na may nagkakainteres sa kanya?" I said mockingly and the memories of his messages last night crossed my mind.
"What are you saying?" he confusedly asked and reached for me.
The sudden feeling of his palm on my thigh made me zip my mouth. I got so caught off guard that I couldn't find words, especially when he squeezed it.
"Wala." I said flatly and looked ahead, only to look at the road confusedly. "This is not the way to my house."
Papunta 'to sa condo niya, eh.
"We need to talk before I bring you home."
Damn. I should've booked a grab earlier.
"What's there to talk about, dude?" my tone sounded so casual that the nervousness wasn't evident.
I didn't even know where the nervousness was coming from.
"You were avoiding me." he stated.
I sighed inaudibly and sat loosely on the seat, even though we were at the basement parking already. He went out of the car after parking and went to my side to open the door.
"I was not avoiding you. I just didn't have time to open my phone." I said lazily and didn't spare him a glance despite him standing and unfastening my seatbelt.
I almost laughed when I realized that he was doing all the things for me. From opening the door to fastening and unfastening my seatbelt, now he is raising the umbrella so we could share since it was still drizzling.
"Sure. Did you also purposely forget that you didn't have your car with you? Or you just said that so you won't need to deal with me?"
I sat properly when I heard something in his voice. He sounded like something was upsetting him.
"Nakalimutan ko ngang hindi ko dala." I scratched my jaw and looked away.
"Get out. We will talk in my unit."
I want to go home, not because I don't like his unit or I miss our house, I just want to go home to avoid his questions because even I don't know what got into me last night and today.
I was just pissed at his messages because I thought he lied to me. I was waiting for him to reply to me last night only to find out that he was out... with a woman.
"Why weren't you replying to me all day?" he asked the moment I sat on his living room's sofa.
Pursing my lips, I looked straight to the off TV and put my right leg on the left.
"I was busy." I leaned my head on the headrest of the sofa and closed my eyes.
There was silence for a moment and I almost took a deep breath when I thought he finally accepted my reason, but I was surprised when I felt his presence beside me. The soft, long couch moved and his scent suddenly felt so strong in my nose, indicating that he was close to me.
"I was in a hurry when I went out last night, which is why I wasn't able to text you. The blockmate I met suddenly texted me that she was at the convenience store near my condo, and that she needed the handouts."
Why can't he suddenly say the name of his blockmate?
I almost scoffed but I remained leaning on the sofa, the melancholy I felt earlier disappeared and it was replaced with something else now that he is... explaining.
"How did you go home last night? I went back as soon as possible so I could bring you home, but you didn't reply to my text. I assumed you were sleeping already, was I right?"
I shook my head and opened my eyes, only to get mesmerized when I was greeted by his hazel eyes.
"I stayed at Nathan's unit." I said slowly, feeling lost in his eyes.
"Hmm..." my gaze went to his body when he tilted it even more to face me. "The one on the 16th floor?" he asked softly.
I nodded my head again, unable to utter words because I was, again, lost in his eyes.
This is what I don't like about looking at him, I seem to lose my mind whenever his face is there, just right in front of me, looking ethereal. It looks inviting every damn time. It feels like it's asking me to go closer to it so I can have a feast.
And I don't understand. I will never understand myself whenever he is around.
Why does it feel so different when it's with him? I was never like this towards women. This is the first time, and it's with a man.
Am I having a crisis right now? I don't fucking understand myself.
"You had a sleepover?" his voice sounds so soft too despite having a very hard physique.
"Hmm.." I hummed.
And just like what my body does whenever he is close, I raised my hand and slipped it over shoulder to hold his nape and pull him closer to me. And I think he is used to it because he parted his lips even before our lips could touch.
My mind is like a slave to my body that even before it could think, my body is already doing actions that even my mind couldn't comprehend.
"Hmm.." I purred when he went closer, closing the space between us like it would offend him if it stays there.
He snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me closer, my legs unconsciously parted when they turned jelly.
"How's your day?" he asked when we parted, but that was for a few seconds only because he dipped his head again to suck my lower lip.
"Hmm.." I could only respond because he shoved his tongue in my mouth.
"I've been asking you that question since earlier, why can't you answer?"
I snorted and let myself fall on the sofa. I am now lying on it while my feet were still on the floor. I heard him chuckle before pulling my legs and putting them on the sofa so I could lie comfortably.
"I need to review." I said when I remembered that tomorrow will be the second day of our exam week.
"You can review here after we eat dinner." he whispered and I felt him kissing my cheek. "Are we okay now?"
His question woke me up from drunkenness, so I opened my eyes. He is now on top of me, but his elbows that were on the sides of my head were carrying his weight, which is why I couldn't feel the heaviness.
"Bakit? Hindi ba tayo okay kanina?" saad ko at pumikit ulit kahit alam kong hindi nga talaga kami okay kanina.
"You were avoiding me since last night." he said put his face on my neck.
Napadilat ulit ako nang may maalala. The image of my friends in Nathan's guest room flashed my mind. To clear my mind, I held Atlas' head and made him face me.
"What if you saw your friends doing this.." I paused when I realized something-we are also friends.
"Doing what?" he asked. I think I got his attention.
"Let's say you saw one of your friends putting his face on your other friend's neck, what would you think of them?"
He looked confused with my question for a second, but he smirked when he understood.
"Are you talking about us?"
I winced and pushed him but he was too strong.
"Huwag mo na lang sagutin, dude!" I said, which earned a bark of laughter from him.
He then held my jaw and planted a kiss on my lips.
"It depends on the context. Some people are just really close that doing that is normal for them, there are some that are more than close that they are doing it for intimacy. Some aren't even aware that they are doing it for intimacy..." he said slowly, eyes were never leaving me. "Why?"
I shook my head. "What if they're both men?"
I sighed when I felt guilt in me. I shouldn't think about my friends like this. I felt like I am now judging them just because my mind is dirty.
"It's on them. I can't speak for those people."
Tumango ako at hindi na dinagdagan pa ang tanong. I let out a sigh when he slowly put his weight on me this time. We are now chest to chest, and his face went back to my neck.
This kind of thing has become normal for us. Kissing each other has become normal for us and I can't stop myself.
And maybe I'm not doing my all to stop because stopping isn't in my choice right now.
"You should take a shower. You might catch a cold." he said as he stroked my hair.
Naalala ko na naulanan nga pala ako kanina.
"Alis, dude."
I am also doing this with a friend, so I shouldn't question Elijah and Aiden. Maybe I am questioning what I saw last night because I myself was also in this situation. Baka sa akin lang may malisya iyon dahil iyon din ang ginagawa ko ngayon. Being intimate with the same sex.
"Stop calling me that."
We are friends, Atlas. Why can't I call you that?
"I'll take a shower." I said instead of saying what was on my mind.
"Alright." he finally got off me and held my hand to help me get up.
I wish I could resist this damn walking temptation because it's frustrating whenever I make a fool of myself when I say that I'm straight, but still sticking my tongue out whenever he parts his lips.
"Can you please tell me if there's something bothering you next time?" I was taken aback by his statement that I stopped on my track.
So he was really convinced that something was bothering me last night, but instead of squeezing the answer out of me, he instead accepted my reason.
"Communicate with me, okay?"
And maybe it's hard to resist this walking temptation because he isn't just good with his lips when kissing, he is also good with it when he's speaking.
"Tell me your worries."
What if I tell you that you are one of those worries, Atlas?