A/N: GUYS I'M WRITING THE WEDDING! WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE?!?! Send me thoughts, all the thoughts, please, please, please :) Also if you have spicy thoughts, that works too haha!
To Kathryn, it all felt like some sort of cruel dream. Like she was going to wake up and she'd be back in the Prisoner of War Camp or on that march and this was all just some sort of cruel trick of fate to make her believe that it was all really over . But the simple fact of the matter was that it was, in fact, real.
That first night with the Allies, Kathryn did not relax. She didn't know how to. Didn't know how to let go of the very tension and fight that had willed her to live and to fight for her own life. It wasn't until Gale was cleaning the blood off of her face that she even registered that they had made it.
That they did not need to fight their way home anymore. That in the morning, they'd be sent in a truck to a plane—and they would travel to Thorpe Abbot. None of it seemed real—it was all just too much for Kathryn Egan to be taking in.
And so as he was gently scrubbing the blood from her face, Kathryn inhaled sharply and he stopped. And it seemed like for the first time since their initial escape, he was seeing her—and she was seeing him.
He didn't fail to notice the tears pooling in her eyes. "Oh darlin'," he murmured. That seemed to break the floodgates for Kathryn, for what she had been through, for everything she had seen and done . And the tears began to come out in silent gasps.
Gale Cleven was not perturbed by the turn of events. He was more expecting and waiting for this sort of reaction as she collapsed against him, crying into his shoulder as he held onto her. Because against all odds—against Hausmann and the SS Officers, the attacks, the brutalizations, the torture, the illness, the death march, their escape—Kathryn Egan had made it through all of that. And she had made it out with her heart intact.
So when she asked him to stay, he wasn't fazed. He had been planning on asking her if he could stay. Because the thought of parting from her in any way after leaving Bucky, after losing George, after making it this far—it was too much for either of them to bear. And if Gale Cleven had his way, he and Kathryn Egan would never be parted again.
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Those next few days of traveling to Paris and then to London were chaotic, to say the least. The most interesting part was most certainly finding out that Kathryn was indeed, somewhat famous. Evidently after her being taken as a Prisoner of War, the nurses of Thorpe Abbot had written to several political leaders—and the story had spread like wildfire about Doctor Death of the United States.
The rumors were salacious and interesting—as she half-expected. But being pulled into meeting General Eisenhower upon arrival in Paris was truly something else . He had streamlined the entire process for her and Gale to get back to Thorpe Abbot, citing that the United States needed more women like her campaigning for the soldiers and boosting morale.
It was strange , to say the least.
But that plane ride, sitting in the back of the plane, Kathryn nearly cried at the sight of London in her sights. And it wasn't until that plane was touching down on the ground of Royal Air Force base Thorpe Abbot that she even processed the fact that this was the closest to home that she had been in what seemed like forever .
Just before they got out of the plane, Buck gave Kathryn's hand a squeeze. "Are you ready for this?" He murmured quietly.
"As ready as I'll ever be," she murmured back to him.
And then he was hopping out and helping Kathryn down—and someone was already calling to him. "Major! Welcome back!"
She only had a split-second to process the man as Harry Crosby before Kathryn was being tackled by a tight hug. Kathryn was nearly knocked off of her feet as Poppy descended, crying and grabbing her face and peppering it with kisses. When Kathryn finally broke free of her, Poppy just let out a loud sob.
"These are the—ugliest clothes I've ever seen you in!" Poppy exclaimed.
For the first time since Buck Cleven went down, Kathryn Egan let out a genuine laugh, nearly giggling. The sound caught Buck's ears and he glanced over, finding a bright smile on her face—and the very sight of it took his breath away.
"I've missed you too, Poppy. Where's—" Kathryn's gaze had fallen on a jeep not too far from the runway. Standing there at the jeep, arms crossed over her chest was Laura Wilde—a deadpan expression on her face, accented only by the baby bump that was so clear. "Holy shit!" Kathryn blurted.
Laura practically ran to her at that point and Kathryn had so many questions running through her mind. "Oh you stupid—stupid—Egan—" Laura was mumbling into her hair.
As soon as Kathryn had broken apart from Laura, her eyes just fell on the baby bump. "Who the hell—"
"Ah, that'd be me," Rosie appeared in her vision, accompanied by Crosby and Buck. Rosie gave an awkward wave and Kathryn's jaw dropped.
"You—"
"We eloped after you got taken!" Laura blurted.
"But don't worry, we already decided you could be the godmother—" Rosie started in a panic.
Kathryn started towards him and Rosie thought that she was just going to hit him for a moment—but all she did was pull him into a fierce hug. "I'm really happy for you! Even if I do think it's the most Becky thing you could have done!"
Buck couldn't help the surprise that crossed his features. The sight of Kathryn hugging any other men was surprising for multiple reasons—and not just because of what she had been through. It just wasn't what she usually did or was like—he remembered she had mentioned being friends with Rosie before all of this. But there were things he was clearly missing.
Rosie blinked in surprise at the hug. "It's good to have you back. Doc." He added the last syllable as he pulled away from the hug and she grinned at him.
Before she could respond to that, Poppy had piped up, poking Kathryn in the ribs. "You need food, you peaky thing."
Kathryn gave a roll of her eyes. Already, Poppy was worried about her figure. She should've guessed. "Well on that note, I think we'll take them from here," Crosby cut in pointedly.
She honestly could have kissed the man right then and there. The thought of being sent away from Buck was too much for her to handle at the moment—between being back with all of her friends in a safe place, finding Laura married and pregnant , and Poppy being, well, Poppy—it was a lot.
Though Crosby was explaining things about some sort of rescue drops and relief missions, Kathryn didn't really process anything he was saying. They were led to the bunkhouse first—where Kathryn had insisted Buck's things continue to be kept. Untouched, right where she had left it, with all of the Christmas presents.
"What's this?" Buck questioned at the sight of his locker.
Kathryn didn't even have the gall to blush as Crosby piped up. "Egan wouldn't let us ship it to your folks and then Kathryn—well she wouldn't let us do that either."
"Us Egan's are stubborn," Kathryn mumbled, a small smile slipping onto her face.
"No kidding," Rosie nearly rolled his eyes. His gaze landed on Buck, who was preoccupied with looking through the locker. "Major, I hope you don't mind, but Operations was hoping you'd be willing to fly with us on this mercy mission."
"It'll be nice to get behind the yoke again," Buck's voice sounded pained as he picked up Bucky's lucky dollar that he had given to him—it seemed like a lifetime ago.
Kathryn's gaze immediately turned on Rosie. "Any chance I can come?"
"Kath—" Rosie started.
"No, I mean it. Where he goes, I go," Kathryn said pointedly. "Besides...I've seen a lot of death here. I'd like to see some kindness before this war is over."
Crosby just looked unsure at the concept. "We'll see what we can do." He paused for a moment, curiosity brimming. "Bucky didn't make the breakout with you?"
"No," Kathryn said quietly.
"But he's okay, right?" Crosby pressed.
"He had to stay behind and take care of the others. Have you ever known him to not be okay?" Buck questioned.
At that, Crosby shook his head. "I guess not." He slapped his knees and got to his feet, glancing between the two of them. "Medical have a chance to look at either of you once you got back with the Allies?"
Buck let out an awkward cough. The answer was no—and that had more to do with Kathryn's lack of trust in literally everyone than anything else. "Do I count?" Kathryn questioned, rocking on the heels of her feet.
"No, emphatically," Rosie deadpanned.
"Then no."
"Do I need to hide the brandy if we take you to the hospital?" Rosie pressed, crossing his arms.
Buck's head snapped towards Rosie at that. "Brandy?"
"No," Kathryn rolled her eyes. "I'll have you know I'm fully sober."
"That's a relief. I don't imagine there's much alcohol access where you were."
"What's he talking about?" Buck questioned, narrowing his gaze at Kathryn. Kathryn was dead silent for a moment, a slight blush rising on her cheeks.
"Just that the last time she was here, she drunkenly cussed out the Colonel," Crosby said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I thought you made several good points though."
"Everywhere I go, people are sharing my shit," Kathryn threw her hands up in annoyance.
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That first physical that Kathryn had, it was with Laura. She was the only person that Kathryn trusted implicitly to be able to not react in horror to her body—and she didn't. But Laura did have to blink back tears as Kathryn recounted some of the medical problems that she had experienced in the time she had spent as a Prisoner of War.
And then she had been left alone in the hospital wing to spend the night there. She needed rest and observation, according to Laura. She trusted her opinion—even if she did think it was a little overkill. Maybe it was Laura's way of being merciful. Because if she went back to the nurse's cabin, she would have to spend time with Poppy, who would certainly ask questions about her body and what had happened to her. And she would not be able to sneak Buck into her cabin.
It came as no surprise to Kathryn that after dinner hour was done, Buck Cleven came strolling into the hospital and pulled up a chair next to her bed. As soon as he was sitting, he gently grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss to it.
"Have a nice time socializing?" Kathryn questioned, a half-smile tugging on her lips.
"It would have been better if you were there."
"You mean you're not sick of me yet?"
Buck rolled his eyes at that. "Oh honey, you're not gettin' rid of me that easily."
"No, I suppose I'm not," Kathryn admitted, hand tracing over the lines of his palm. "That chair doesn't look all that comfortable."
He cracked a smile. "You Egan's really do like to cuddle."
She couldn't resist the grin that slipped onto her face. "We're incorrigible."
"Damn right," Buck still slipped into the bed with her—propriety be damned at the moment. It was different now that they were back. But the truth of the matter was that neither one wanted to even attempt to sleep without the other at least in the room. They were each other's lifeline and anchor to safety and security. To home.
She inhaled deeply, recognition crossing her features. "You found your aftershave in that locker?"
He nearly laughed. "Of course you'd notice that."
"Hey, all the men know your aftershave. It's not just me."
"I guess you've got me there," he grinned. It was so oddly reminiscent of when she had been in the hospital wing and received stitches in her forehead—but that was a whole lifetime ago and they were different people than they were then. That Kathryn Egan and Gale Cleven were not the same as the ones laying in the hospital bed together now.
They had been weathered and faced the storm together. They had come out on the other side and they were still looking for how to patch up the fractures and holes that they had received. But they had survived it all.
"Your physical go okay?" Buck questioned quietly.
Kathryn forced a smile onto her face. "Well it's the cleanest I've been in months, so that feels great. I think she put me in here just so I didn't have to put up with Poppy's questions."
"Poppy is formidable," Buck agreed. "And your hair does smell nice."
"Well of course it does," Kathryn insisted tiredly. What happened next, she hadn't been expecting in any capacity. But Buck withdrew something from his pocket and she nearly laughed at the sight of a piece of twine. "What's this, then?" She questioned, piquing an eyebrow at him.
"I'm still getting you a ring. But in the meantime," Buck promised, carefully tying the piece of twine around her ring finger.
Kathryn was so floored by the gesture that she couldn't help but lean forward and press a gentle kiss against his lips. This time, it was not hurried, it was not rushed—and there was no reason to hide from what they were doing. No SS Officers who could get the wrong idea. It was just Kathryn and Gale in this hospital wing.
He gently cupped her face, holding her as tenderly as he could. For every stolen moment that they had shared in that damn Prisoner of War Camp, this was stealing back their moments. And if he thought that he had found himself in her eyes, he certainly found himself while kissing Kathryn Egan. She was the kind of woman that only came around once in a lifetime and was truly one of a kind.
That night, he fought off the nightmares and she held him close to her—and outside that hospital wing, Rosie threatened anyone who dared to walk too closely by. Because if there was any two people who deserved peace and rest, it was Major Gale Cleven and Doctor Kathryn Egan. And he'd be damned if he let anyone interrupt their rest or make fun of them. He thought it was rather sweet, if he was being quite honest.
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Kathryn wasn't quite sure how she felt about wearing a dress. Staring in the mirror, she hardly recognized the woman in front of her—she had left her dresses with Poppy when she went to the front. She had no need for them there. But now, standing in her blue dress and hair curled, lipstick on—she could almost pretend that she was her old self again.
She was still acutely aware of all of the things that were flaws in her eyes. The scar on her forehead and jaw, the way that her feet ached and still hurt, the way that the lotion sat uncomfortably on her hands—the way her ribs poked out and the dress drowned her just a bit without a belt. But it would do.
It wasn't every day that a Major and the only female doctor on the front returned from a Prisoner of War Camp, after all. There had been talks of a party—and while neither she or Gale felt really ready for that kind of socialization, she found herself agreeing to go with the nurses.
Even Barbara seemed happy to see her. "God, that dress really does look good on you," Barbara exclaimed, linking arms with her as the group began to walk to the mess hall where the party was to take place.
The mindless and idle chattering almost set her at ease. But Kathryn should have known that going to a party was the last thing she should have been doing. No, if she was smart, she would have just bunkered down in the nurses cabin and tried to rest. Tried to journal in some way—or go through some of her own things.
To be fair, she had lasted a good five minutes at the party. She had done well—declined a drink and just listened to the band playing. But the minute she had smelled the cigarette smoke, Kathryn was totally and completely overwhelmed. Tingles ran through her hands and she found the room spinning and her heart beating far too fast for herself to catch up with.
Because the smell alone— she was back in that damn forest and Hausmann was burning her chest and she was crying and trying to fight back and he was on top of her and there was just no getting out of this. She was going to die here and these burns would be the only thing left of her. She was going to burn up the same way that those pilots did.
It felt as though her chest was an accordion, being smashed up and unable to expand. She stumbled out of the mess hall, nearly spilling onto the rocks and gasping out for breath. She could hear people's voices all around her but it was too much. Too damn much in between the colors and the forest and Hausmann's face that she was seeing and the burns that were taking up the sensations of her body—
And then someone was grabbing at her hands and Kathryn was shoving away from them, collapsing onto the ground and covering her ears and shaking her head. Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop—
But then there was a pattern on the ground, one that she knew by heart. It was the tune for 'happy birthday' and for a moment, it was all she could do to just focus on the beats. And when Kathryn finally came back to herself, she had tears streaming down her face and there was a small crowd gathered around her.
Buck was crouched directly in front of her—jaw clenched and eyes locked on her. Rosie's hands were still on the ground, and it was clear to her that he had been the one beating the pattern on the ground. Laura and Poppy stood there, wide-eyed at the sight of her—and others were trying to see what was going on and Crosby was telling them off and warning them to get out of there.
Kathryn could scarcely breathe as she chose to just focus on Buck. "It—it was—it was the cigarette smoke—the smell—"
And all at once, he understood . This was a product of Hausmann and his torture devices. And no amount of dressing up or makeup could change the fact that Kathryn was different now. That she was traumatized by what she had suffered.
"Buck—" Poppy started.
"I've got this. You guys all go on ahead," Buck's tone of voice didn't leave any room for argument or questions. He glanced to the side, giving Rosie a nod of thanks for the pattern that had caught Kathryn's attention.
And then it was just the two of them sitting there on the ground.
And Kathryn couldn't stop the tears. Buck moved to sit closer to her and she couldn't help the fact that she flinched—and she knew immediately judging by the facial expression that she had hurt him. So instead, he chose to come and sit beside her, keeping his space and distance—allowing her the bodily space and protection from being singular.
She spoke first, a level of exhaustion and frustration running through her that no one else could possibly understand. "I'm broken ."
"You're not a toy, honey. You're not broken. You're a person. And you've been through hell and back," Buck's voice was firm as he spoke. And Kathryn sensed his own frustration with the situation.
"I'm so tired, Gale," Kathryn said quietly. "So damn tired of it all."
"I know," he let out a deep breath as he looked at her. "But I'm not going anywhere. You take your time. And I'll still be here."
A sad smile crossed her features. "They don't make men like you, Gale Cleven."
"They don't make women like you either, Kathryn Egan."
And that simple line between the two of them—it was a promise. That they'd keep trying. Keep going. And they weren't giving up on this. And that made all the difference.