A/N: This chapter may be my meanest yet....so that being said, good luck??
In late October, Kathryn Egan had fallen into a monotonous pattern of living. She barely interacted with anyone besides the nurses and maybe DeMarco if she was in a good mood. She did not speak to her brother and she did not speak to Buck. They didn't speak to her either. It was preferable this way, to the pain of constantly fighting with her brother or trying to drag Buck into the situation somehow.
That month had been hellish, in and of itself. But she had survived it. Survived the harassment of the SS Officers and had somehow made it through it all. They had all kept their heads down, kept working, kept doing what they were told to do.
But on one particular morning, Kathryn Egan had something grim occur to her that hadn't before. She was sitting there and eating breakfast when she realized that out of everything she hadn't accounted for, it was the possibility of pregnancy.
And the fact of the matter was that she could, very well, be pregnant. They all could. It had been just over a month. And it was true, none of them had had a period in the months they'd been on the front, but this was different. They wouldn't be able to know until they were growing or there were surefire signs.
Sitting there, Kathryn felt like she wanted to throw up. Evidently, her face had blanched enough for Annie to lean forward. "What is it?" She whispered.
"Monthlies," Kathryn was barely able to whisper the word above her breath.
Almost immediately, the entirety of the table of nurses froze at the concept. Because evidently, none of them had been thinking about that either. But here they were—and it had happened to all of them. They just had no way of knowing.
After the grim realization, Kathryn and the other women gathered in the cabin mid-day, trying to come up with some sort of way to figure it out. Because for Kathryn Egan, she thought that this would not ever be a problem she would have to face. It was horrifying, thinking about pregnancy in this context—
This wasn't about Becky, who had married someone that she loved and had a sweet baby boy back in London. This wasn't about Poppy and her insane forms of contraception to stop herself from falling pregnant with just some random guy's kid. No, this was a group of women who had survived something awful and were now trying to figure out if there would be further fallout from the entire thing.
"What about the wheat thing?" Tina questioned, blurting the words out and breaking the silence of the women.
"The 'wheat' thing?" Kathryn questioned, narrowing her gaze. "We don't have wheat."
"A uroscopy." Annie stated.
"A what?" Beatrice's eyes went wide.
"We test the urine," Annie crossed her arms, leaning against the door firmly. "We have access to needles and we can see if it rusts red or black. Then we'll know."
"There's still the matter of if we are," Inez murmured into her hand. "Then what?"
"Then we're screwed," Tina mumbled back to her.
"No—" Kathryn just let out a huff of air. "We can't spiral about this when we don't know. We just need to do the test and figure it out later. We'll worry about that if anyone actually is."
"They won't let us live," Maggie said, shaking her head. "You know that as well as we do, doc."
"It's not an option," Kathryn's voice came out as hard as steel. "So we'll figure it out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The last thing that Buck Cleven expected out of his day was to get called into the big house to answer further questions, as one of the Officers had put it. He had half a guess that it probably involved some form of torture and that someone higher up wanted to know if they were trying to hatch any escape attempts.
He determined that if that was the case, he'd rather get shot than give up any of the plans that they were making. He wasn't about to tell them anything . In the past, he hadn't given them any information either. It was where he had gotten the scars on his face from. From not being willing to give in to what they wanted.
So he was fully prepared to sit down and just give his name, rank, and serial number—and say that they were working hard to just stay alive in here. He was prepared to keep his mouth shut and be interrogated.
What he was not, however, prepared to have happen, was to come face to face with Lieutenant Hausmann—who had been one of the first to interrogate him after he had bailed out and ended up in custody. He barely remembered the encounter—except for the fact that Bucky had mentioned that Hausmann had used his name to try and elicit information out of Bucky when he had been captured.
That had been nearly a year earlier and so finding Hausmann back and smiling unnervingly at him just seemed wrong. From what he could remember, Hausmann was in charge of catching spies. Interrogating and finding those that were spies within the homeland.
Buck sat down and studied the man in front of him. He had a scar across his upper cheek and jaw—a marred white line. "Hello Major Cleven. I trust you are enjoying your stay here?" Hausmann questioned.
He had the same disgusting tone of fake-friendliness that Buck remembered from before. "Is there a reason you want to see me?" Buck questioned, cutting straight to the point.
Hausmann studied Buck Cleven for a moment. It had taken him time to dig up information on Doctor Death and her history at Thorpe Abbot. But he had found the threads that he needed. And he knew that all of them being here together was a powder keg that was waiting to be ignited.
He didn't want the powder keg to go off. He wanted it to self-implode and ruin things for all of them from the inside. He wanted revenge on Kathryn Egan for scarring his face and leaving her mark upon him. He wanted her banished from his thoughts. But he could no more banish her from his thoughts than he could strike this scar from his face.
"Always to the point," Hausmann remarked shortly. "This is not an interrogation, Major. I assure you."
That didn't set Buck's nerves at ease. He just sat still in the chair, staring at the man in front of him. "Then what is this?"
"A conversation."
"I'm to believe that you came all the way here just to talk to me."
"You and your friends are very important to the Gestapo. Especially that friend of yours—Kathryn, is it?" Hausmann watched Buck's reaction carefully, taking note of the clenched jaw and the way that Buck shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "It's not everyday that the Germans capture Doctor Death ."
He couldn't help the amused expression that crossed his features when Buck's gaze narrowed. "Oh she didn't mention her title? She wouldn't, of course. So humble, that one. The people granted her that after she killed my soldiers. The Gestapo would have tried her as a spy had she remained in my custody that day she escaped. And such a pity that in the fray she lost this."
Hausmann simply placed the necklace on the table. There sitting on the table was Kathryn's locket, the one with a picture of her brother inside of it. And right next to it, a ring. "Yours, I take it?" Hausmann gestured with his cigarette at the ring.
And it was in that moment—that moment when he gestured with a cigarette—that Buck put two and two together. There had been a scar on her collarbone from a cigarette. And he was almost certain that it had been put there by Hausmann.
Buck's gaze just fell on the desk and he tore his eyes away from the necklace, unable to look at it anymore. "I heard that you were engaged to be married. I must offer my congratulations. You must be so pleased that she is now here with you."
What was the point of this ? Why was this Gestapo spy-hunter focusing so much on Kathryn Egan? What was the point of questioning and talking to him about things that he already seemed to know? What was the point of it all?
"Though I must also offer my condolences." Buck's head shot up at that, eyes staring straight through Hausmann. Hausmann couldn't stop the grin that spread across his features, slow and slimy. "Oh, she did not tell you?"
Didn't tell me what ? Buck just wanted to scream and wanted this man to just stop talking—he wanted it all to just stop.
"Did she tell you of my game, Major? I hope she did. Tell me what she told you," Hausmann commanded.
"You shot them. You killed them."
"Yes," Hausmann leaned forward, grinning darkly at Buck Cleven. "And no." He paused, enjoying the look of discomfort on this young American's face.
The fact of the matter was that if you wanted to stop something from happening, you break the hearts and the spirits of the people. You don't have to kill them to stop them. He had learned his lesson. So here he was, breaking the spirit of one of the leaders of the Stalag Luft III. It was easier than he had ever anticipated.
"You see, I see those nurses for what they are. And I see Kathryn Egan for what she is. So when your Allies approached, we did not just shoot your women. We wanted to demoralize your soldiers. We wanted them to regret stepping foot into our country," Hausmann hissed. "So that's right, I took her before anyone else could. Before you—"
Something in the room shifted—
And Buck felt like he couldn't breathe.
"She fought back, but I left my marks on her. Perhaps you've seen them," he said, waving his cigarette in the air. "Or perhaps not. Perhaps she has hid this from you out of fear. I took her innocence and she was turned into the very whores that we offered her a place amongst." Hausmann paused, then gestured at his face. "And she left her mark on me."
A beat of silence. Torturous—horrible—silence.
"Why are you telling me this?"
Hausmann just grinned widely. "Because Buck Cleven—if your soldiers were to ever win this war—and assuming you and her survived—you would marry her. And when you went to bed her, you would know and see that I was the first. And every time that you screw her, you would think of me. And you will hate her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kathryn had been whisked away to the big house for some questioning. She honestly wondered why it had taken them this long to do a further interrogation with her. Especially with the nickname she was garnering along with her reputation. But passing Buck in that hallway—who just looked empty and then their eyes had met and he looked scared , Kathryn didn't know what to think.
The minute that Kathryn Egan had seen Lieutenant Hausmann standing there—she wished she could say that she was prepared to fight like hell. But all she felt was fear and terror. It wasn't much different than before—but everything had changed.
She was shoved into a chair and staring into his face, Kathryn couldn't help the slight satisfaction at seeing the scar on his face. It made her feel better, at least to a degree. That she had done something back to him. Hurt him where everyone would be able to see.
"Hello Kathryn."
Kathryn couldn't speak. She felt like she was just that helpless and scared little girl again and it was maddening.
He noticed that. "How are you enjoying your stay here?"
She kept silent during that entire interrogation. She didn't say a damn thing. She just stared him down until he was so unnerved that he finally just blurted his question. His offer. That if she came with him, she could be comfortable. Could be cared for. She would receive an actual bed. Clothes. Be treated as a woman.
But those things came with strings. Those things came with conditions that she wasn't willing to meet.
So she had spat on him and the next few minutes were total hell for Kathryn Egan. She didn't remember much. But what she did remember was the relentless assault of kicks into her stomach and hitting her across the face until she was down and on the ground. And then she had been dragged from there to somewhere else and she was thrown in a room.
And she had collided with something solid—and there was a pained sound. When Kathryn looked up, she half-expected to see Gale Cleven sitting there. But he wasn't the one she was looking at. When she looked up, she was looking at her brother—face all bloodied and bruised.
She couldn't help it. Kathryn let out a strangled gasp of surprise and shifted quickly, pulling herself into a sitting position to look at her brother's face. "What'd they do to you?" Bucky's voice was quiet.
"I'm fine."
"Kath—"
"You're bleeding and I'm not," Kathryn insisted, doing her best to carefully dab at the wounds.
Bucky didn't seem deterred by the entire thing and shoved her hands away. "Why do they think you have information?" He questioned quietly.
"Do they think you have information?" Kathryn retorted, eyes meeting her brother's gaze.
"Kath, I'm being serious."
"So am I. They were giving me an offer, if you must know," Kathryn finally answered.
"What'd you say?"
"I told them where they could shove their offer, of course."
At that, her brother just gave a grim grin and nearly laughed as he shook his head at her. "Course you did." He paused, letting out a tired breath. "They didn't ask me anything. Just beat me. Probably 'cause you said no."
Kathryn was quiet for a long minute, just staring at him. Realizing what her actions and refusal had done to him. She was lucky they hadn't been torturing any of the nurses—or really anyone that she knew. Because if she had known that they were torturing them, she would have accepted the offer and gone willingly. And that was bone-chilling enough.
"Are you okay, Bucky?" Kathryn's voice was really quiet as she asked the question, a bit of trembling underlying the tone.
He was silent for a minute. "I will be. We both will be."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her ribs ached and burned as they walked back to the bunkhouse. For the first time in a long time, Kathryn allowed her brother to hold onto her elbow and she steered them in the correct direction—seeing as how they had punched him in the eyes at one point and he had double-vision.
She had priorities, and it was checking to make sure her brother's vision wasn't going to be impaired by the entire thing. Then she was going to sink into bed and try not to cry. Because Hausmann was the one that got away. She had killed the other men, she had put those ghosts to rest in that way—but he was still breathing and the thought of him free and doing those things to other women made her want to burn the entire continent.
When the two Egan siblings walked in, Bucky immediately took a seat in a chair at Kathryn's request. "I'll check your eyes in just a second. I need to grab a few things."
Namely, something to clean up the mess that the SS Officers had left on his face. Kathryn hadn't even made it over to her bunk before DeMarco was leaning over to Bucky and whispering something in his ear.
And she should've known. Should've picked up on the entire thing right then and there. But she didn't. And just as she turned around, she heard her brother curse and he was up on his feet in seconds, a look of fury on his face. It wasn't like anything she had ever seen.
"YOU'RE PREGNANT?!"
Kathryn swore she could've heard a pin drop. Everything that had been going on in the cabin, the card-game, the conversations in the corner, the drawing—it all just came screeching to a halt as Kathryn Egan stared at her brother in horror and shock and realization.
But that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that at that moment, a chair scraped against the ground of the room and Buck Cleven was out the door in seconds. But Kathryn didn't have time to process that—didn't have time to process the fact that he had just walked out and surely it was because he hated her.
No, she didn't have the time to process the fact that Inez had broken down crying and the nurses were just staring at the ground and trying to process any of it. No, she didn't have time to process the fact that every man in that cabin was just staring at the nurses like they had crawled out of some sort of nightmare.
"Answer me!" Bucky's voice nearly made her flinch.
But Kathryn Egan was done taking shit. She just rounded forward, a snarl ripping from her lips. "We don't know."
"We?!" DeMarco choked out the words.
"Oh get a grip, Benny!" Kathryn spat the words out. "It's not like the guards haven't been entirely transparent about what they've been trying to do."
"Hey—" Bucky started.
"No, you don't get to be mad! You don't get to have a damn opinion about the entire thing! It happened to us! Not to you—to us !" The words tore out of her throat like some sort of hurricane ripping through the land.
"But—"
"She ordered us not to tell any of you," Beatrice said—and all heads shot over in her direction for a moment.
"Good God, Kath—" Bucky started again.
"Just SHUT UP!" Kathryn screamed at him. "I didn't tell any of you because I know what you're like! And the last thing anyone needs right now is a bunch of good men getting themselves shot over some deluded thing like honor or justice!"
"You lied to us—"
"Oh be a man about it, Johnny!" Kathryn bit the words out like they were venom. "That's not what you're upset about! You're upset about the fact that I got raped! But you've just gotta learn how to live with that! I am living with that every single day and what I do to keep myself together—to keep all of us together—" She gestured emphatically at the nurses. "It's my decision and theirs. It's our choice. Not yours! And we are not whores. We survived all of that and we are not gonna die here!"
Silence fell and when the call came for lights out, no one had any words. Because what were you supposed to say to that? What were you supposed to do when things had changed so fundamentally—that there was no going back?