When Leah fell asleep, I gently laid her down on my bed, carefully removing her shoes and covering her body with a blanket, before silently escaping the room, closing the door behind me so I wouldn't disturb her sleep.
I sighed silently once the door was closed, and walked back to the living room, sitting on my couch, my mind loud with thoughts.
Now I was certain, there was nothing I hated more than to see my girlfriend cry.
Seeing Leah vulnerable, her tears a poignant reminder of the pain she carried within, stirred something deep within me.
In that moment, I realized the depth of my love for her, and realized that if one day I was the one making her cry, I'd probably never forgive myself for it.
The thought of causing Leah even a fraction of the pain she had endured was unbearable, a prospect that filled me with a sense of dread and apprehension. I had no idea what had happened to her, but I could very well imagine how much it had broken her.
In that moment of clarity, I made a silent vow to cherish and protect Leah with every fiber of my being, to be a source of strength and solace in her darkest moments, and to never let her tears go unnoticed or unacknowledged.
And as I sat there, lost in my thoughts, my phone buzzed in my pocket, startling me a little. I sighed and took it in my hands, the screen opening to a picture of Leah at training, a big smile on her lips as she watched a ball fly in her direction.
The message I had received was from Katie. The girl had gradually started becoming my best friend on the team, even though she liked annoying me a whole bunch.
Katie: you got Discord?
Katie: bitch
I giggled at her messages, her silliness creating a good distraction from the whole conversation I had a few minutes earlier.
Me: Was the bitch really necessary?
Katie: Absolutely.
Katie: So, Discord?
Me: No, I don't have Discord
Katie: Well, get Discord. I'll send you the convo link when you do. You've missed out on a whole bunch of drama (and pictures of Vivianne snoring on the bus)
I chuckled at Katie's insistence, her playful banter a welcome distraction from the weight of my thoughts.
I downloaded the said app, while wondering why we weren't simply using WhatsApp, then made a profile quickly, not bothering too much with the name or the profile picture.
When I had done that, Katie sent me a link and I joined the Discord conversation, composed by basically every single girl on the team, though I assumed most of them didn't even talk on here.
Valentina: I am here.
Katie: took you long enough.
Valentina: @TheIrishGoddess bro, your @ is crazy.
Katie: thanks. Yours suck.
Valentina: I've been here thirty seconds you're already bullying me.
Beth: #freeVillanueva
Valentina: thank you @meado9. At least someone here is nice.
Viv: @ValeVilla323 you have seen the draw for the Conti Cup?
Valentina: We're playing London City yeah?
Beth: yep. Which means we're playing Katie's ex-girlfriend
Valentina: no way?? @TheIrishGoddess??
Katie: shut up.
Valentina: Oh, I can't wait.
Katie: shut up.
Valentina: if you punch her in the face mid-game, I give you twenty bucks.
Katie: Wow, twenty whole pounds to completely ruin my career? How could I refuse??
Lotte: huge deal. I'd take it if I were you.
Katie: no way you're that broke @LotteryWubby.
Lotte: 20£= 16 Gregg's sausage rolls??? Girl I'm not broke, I'm smart.
Viv: you counted that really fast
Lotte: girl math.
Alessia: that's not what girl math is
Lotte: who said it couldn't be??
Valentina: okay. I have a question.
Valentina: two, actually.
Valentina: why is the group called 'stool', and why is the group photo a picture of Flash McQueen?
Viv: Katie is the administrator.
Valentina: and that explains everything.
Katie: also means I'm the only one who can give timeouts to people.
@TheIrishGodess gave @KiriKyra a 5-minute timeout in [stool].
Beth: ?? She didn't even talk.
Katie: I am god here.
I closed my phone and settled back on the couch, a smirk on my lips. Those girls had some magical way of calming my racing mind. I loved them for that.
Then, I looked at the time and stood up, silently rejoining my bedroom, opening the door slightly to see if Leah was okay.
She was still asleep. When I tried to close the door again though, I heard her mumble:
"No, stay."
Hearing Leah's sleepy plea, my heart swelled with warmth, and I couldn't help but smile at her. Quietly slipping into the room, I approached the bed, careful not to disturb her peaceful slumber.
Leah stirred slightly still, her eyelids fluttering open as she gazed up at me with sleepy eyes. A small smile graced her lips as she reached out, her hand finding mine and intertwining our fingers together.
"Stay with me," she murmured, her voice barely audible in the quiet of the room.
"Okay, I'm staying, I'm right here," I whispered back, settling down beside Leah, pulling the covers over us while she scooted closer to me, her nose brushing against my neck. "You okay?" I asked, and she nodded.
"Yes. I just want a hug." I wrapped my arms around Leah, pulling her close to me in a gentle embrace. I could feel the tension leaving her body as she relaxed into my arms, her breaths slowing into a steady rhythm of contentment. "Distract me." She then asked me, playing with the collar of my tee shirt anxiously. "Please."
"Okay, how about this?" I began, my voice soft and hopefully soothing. "Tell me what would be absolutely disgusting on a waffle."
Leah giggled at the question, then seemed to think for a few seconds, before answering. "anchovies and peanut butter." She said, and I made a yuk sound at the idea, making Leah laugh softly. "Your turn."
"A brick."
Leah burst into laughter at my absurd response, and it instantly brightened both my eyes and my heart.
"That's so stupid." She said, and I chuckled softly, gently stroking her hair.
"Well it's distracting, isn't it?"
Leah nodded, her laughter subsiding into a soft smile as she snuggled closer to me, her warmth seeping into my bones.
"You know what's crazy?" She said, after a few minutes of silence. I didn't answer, I simply let her talk. "The first person I had a crush on was a black boy with a thick English accent who loved playing rugby. He was my neighbor. A bit older than me. Two years I think. And I can't even fathom how did I like the both of you seeing how much he was the total opposite of you."
I chuckled softly at her words. "Oh yeah? How old were you?"
"God, I can't even remember. 6,7?"
Did you ever tell him how you felt?"
Leah shook her head, a wistful expression clouding her features. "I don't remember I did. We would've never worked out. Me, with a rugby player? No way." She said, and I giggled at her playful words.
"I would've said you with a boy no way."
"Yeah well, now I know better. Boys stink." She said, and I snorted. "And here I am, falling for a Mexican-American girl who's a complete football freak and who's... 6 years younger than me?"
"Age is just a number," I replied, gently brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face. "I am extremely mature for my age."
"Yeah, right." She replied, rolling her eyes and chuckling. "Do you remember your first crush?" She asked, and I blushed slightly at the question.
"It was you," I said, and her eyes widened immediately at the answer.
"Me?" she echoed, her voice barely above a whisper, her eyes searching mine for any sign of jest.
I nodded, my cheeks flushing at my confession. "Before you, I thought I was asexual. It's not just that I didn't think I was a lesbian, I just didn't think I would ever fall in love with anyone. Though I was... immune to the whole shebang." I explained, shrugging. "Boy was I wrong..."
Leah's eyes softened with tenderness as she listened to my heartfelt confession, her gaze filled with a mixture of surprise and affection. "I had no idea," she whispered, her voice laced with emotion.
"Yeah, well, you kind of snuck up on me," I admitted with a shy smile. Leah reached out, gently cupping my cheek in her hand, her touch sending a jolt of warmth through my entire being.
"I'm glad you found me," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "Love can be shitty, but no love at all... it's just terrifying."
I smiled sadly at her words. "I'm glad I found you too," I replied, before gently kissing her cheek. And I could've sworn I had felt it warm up against my lips. "Come on, how about we do something fun now? Like watch The Simpsons while I try to put an entire Terry's Orange in my mouth?" I proposed, and Leah squinted her eyes at my words.
"That sounds absolutely disgusting. Let's do it."