⋆｡˚. ੈ.✾. ⋆｡˚. ੈ ⋆｡˚. ੈ⋆｡˚. ੈ⋆｡˚. ੈ
𝑆𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙
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"Achoo!" Beomgyu sneezed and covered his nose with his clothed arm.
Despite the sneeze, he stayed focused on his homework that was laid on his lap, his pen in the strong grip of his dominant hand and tissues scrunched up in the other.
"Wow you're really sensitive to temperature changes" his coworker, Hajin, remarked as she played with his long hair, parting them into half before tying pigtails.
"Only at the beginning of the season" Beomgyu mumbled, his right hand busy writing down equations to reach the answer to the math problem.
It had turned much colder recently, signalling the near end of autumn and the start of winter. The leaves had gradually began to fall from the trees outside, the once vibrant and rust-coloured leaves now clung precariously to the skeletal branches. Streets that were once carpeted with fallen foliage now echoed with the crisp sound of footsteps on chilly sidewalks.
With winter around the corner, it could only mean one thing to Beomgyu.
Finals were near. The national finals that would determine his future were close.
Tucked away in the corner of their locker room for the employees, the long haired boy continued to study hard for his exams, wanting to waste no time at all even while waiting for someone to pick him up after work.
He never had the privilege to get proper tuition or attend cram schools. Competition against those who had extra resources would be extremely tough, and Beomgyu was never the brightest student to begin with, but he had Taehyun.
It was something that he had learnt recently, that Taehyun was one of the top scorers of last year's national exam. Beomgyu might not have professional help, but he had the best possible tutor he could ever afford.
"You know it's fine to ask for leave? You can spend your time studying instead of working" Hajin voiced out as she twirled Beomgyu's hair around her finger before bringing them up to the top of his head, forming space buns.
"I don't know if I should" Beomgyu chewed on his lower lip, "I need money regardless I get into a university or not."
"Take some days off though" Hajin attempted to convince him and pinned those buns with clips she brought to play with his hair.
"I'll think about it" the boy mindlessly replied as he studied the next math problem.
It wasn't long before someone came into the locker room with a grin on his face, "Beomgyu, your rich boyfriend is here to pick you up!"
As soon as he heard that, the long haired boy quickly dumped his study materials into his bag and scurried to the door, not without shouting "he's not my boyfriend!" as he left the room.
"Wait! Your hair-" Hajin didn't even have time to point it out when Beomgyu had already left.
The moment Beomgyu spotted Taehyun waiting right outside the door, a smile bloomed on his face. They had been meeting up often to prepare Beomgyu for his exams, and each time Taehyun would seem a little less uptight and less cold. There was warmth beneath his actions, and every time he spoke, his words were gentle, like a comforting glow emanating from genuine sincerity. Though subtle, Beomgyu noticed the thoughtful deeds and small gestures Taehyun had performed. The acts of extra consideration made Beomgyu feel a little special. He had been doubtful at first, but he came to learn that Taehyun was not expecting anything in return.
The change was strange, and as much as Beomgyu was skeptical about everything, he never questioned it, deciding to just accept it and go along with the flow.
"Hi" Beomgyu greeted him with a small wave.
"Hello... what an interesting hairstyle that you have today" Taehyun's gaze sat atop of Beomgyu's head with an amused smile spreading across his face.
"Huh?" Beomgyu's hands reached up to feel his hair and felt the space buns. Flustered, he tried to untie them, not knowing that there were clips securing them in place and he ended up yanking his own hair, "ow! It was Hajin!"
"Stop, I'll remove them" Taehyun pushed his hands away and took a few steps closer, his meticulous fingers now working carefully to remove the clips, "it surprisingly looks good on you though."
"Okay, but I won't be wearing them even if it looks good" Beomgyu complained as he stayed still, eyes involuntarily staring at Taehyun's chest.
It took a while for the silver haired to take off all the clips. Stepping away from the long haired boy, Taehyun noticed him staring blankly at his torso.
"What's in your head?"
"You know, you've seen all of me but I haven't seen all of you" Beomgyu gave him a serious frown.
"You want to see me naked?"
"Not really but if you see it from my point of view, it's a bit unfair."
"Then what will make it fair between us?"
Beomgyu considered it for a very long while before heaving out another serious sigh, "I think I have to see you naked."
"I don't think that's the most appropriate conversation to have out in the public."
Both boys turned to the right to find Hajin squatting on the ground beside them with her chin resting on her hands and eyes looking up at them with a grin.
"You said you're not boyfriends, so what's up with the naked talk?" she asked with a giggle.
Instead of getting all embarrassed, Beomgyu gave her an earnest answer, "it's something we have to settle. Like, it's not fair. I know our relationship is a little strange but it's so unfair? He saw me, but I saw none of him. It was embarrassing for me, you know!"
"Well, good to know that you're not embarrassed about sharing this piece of information with me" Hajin laughed and turned to Taehyun, "so why don't you just get naked for him?"
Taehyun forced a smile, his left eye twitching with the absurdity of this situation, "he doesn't want to see it."
"I don't but I need to" Beomgyu argued. His innocent mind was all about settling the score and it hadn't occur to him that this whole conversation was just shameful and mortifying.
"We'll talk about this later, okay? Let's get going" Taehyun grabbed Beomgyu's wrist and started to slowly pull him away.
"Have fun, boyfriends!" Hajin waved enthusiastically at them.
"We aren't going to have fun, I will be studying and for the umpteenth time, we are not boyfriends" Beomgyu scowled as he was dragged away by the silver haired.
Once they were away from the cafe, Beomgyu sneezed again and looked up at Taehyun with a questioning tilt of his head.
"Where's your car?"
"We are not studying today."
"Huh? But exams-"
"We're going to have dinner."
"I can study while we eat-"
"Kai and others will be joining us."
"But-"
"You need a break. I need a break too" Taehyun cut him off, "you are more than ready for your exams. I appreciate how hardworking you are, but I need you to rest before your body breaks down again, and you wouldn't want that. To be honest, you don't even need me to tutor you anymore. I have nothing more to teach or correct you on."
Before Beomgyu could put a word in, his phone rang with urgency. Fishing the device out of his pocket, he answered the call, already knowing who it was.
"Hannie, if you-"
"I know you're with Taehyun right now! Call it twin senses or whatever but I want you to stay far away from him" Beomhan's angry voice came sounding through the phone. It was loud enough for Taehyun to hear the call despite not being on speaker mode.
His twin had been calling him everyday since the day Taehyun got punched by him, constantly nagging him and cursing Taehyun out for approaching Beomgyu. Beomgyu had thought his lie was perfect and well orchestrated, but apparently not. Beomhan had easily figured out who left those nasty marks on his neck and had been extremely furious since then.
Beomhan's anger was valid. Beomgyu is his twin after all, and it was clear that Beomgyu had not wanted to be touched or kissed by Taehyun. But at the same time, Beomgyu was the one who allowed it to happen, Taehyun was not to blame fully. Beomhan was understandably worried for him, but in Beomgyu's defense, it had happened months ago, and Taehyun no longer did that anymore. Taehyun was just helping him with his studies and Beomgyu saw no wrong in hanging out with him.
What made things worse was that Taehyun loved to aggravate the situation, much to Beomgyu's dismay and to Taehyun's own sickening pleasure.
Luckily, Beomgyu had learnt to be quicker than the both of them. Before Taehyun could speak into the phone and before his twin could curse anyone out again, the long haired boy swiftly hung the call up and muted his phone.
"I want to study" was all Beomgyu told Taehyun.
"No, you are not."
And Beomgyu could never win Taehyun.
•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. ˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩.
Perhaps Taehyun was right. Beomgyu did indeed need a break in studying and staying cooped up before his textbooks and endless sheets of mock exams.
He couldn't stop himself from smiling in the presence of Taehyun's very own friends, Kai, Dami and Suho. There was something about them that just made him feel relaxed and comfortable. Maybe that was why Taehyun was friends with them. Taehyun probably needed that energy more often than anyone does.
Beomgyu felt good surrounded by warmth like this, by kind and humble people in a heated small store, with a bowl of hot yukgaejang that felt warm between his cold hands, and sounds of quiet laughter as the friends narrated their entertaining encounters and stories.
"We were in Paris! The city of love! But Suho didn't propose me" Dami faked a dramatic cry, which her boyfriend laughed softly at.
"Not when we're still studying and young, but I will eventually" Suho had a soft and calm voice, and Beomgyu's heart immediately melted at the subtle declaration of love he had for Dami.
It was just so sweet, and Beomgyu might be a nosy person but he loved seeing couples and listening to their adventures. He would feel overwhelmingly excited and happy for them, always hoping that things would work out perfect for couples. He loved hearing other people's stories.
Taking a spoonful of soup into his mouth, he glanced at Taehyun, wondering what he was doing for he had been extremely quiet by his side.
He didn't expect to meet eyes with him as soon as he turned around. Taehyun just seemed as surprised as he was, his black eyes widening slightly before he smiled warmly at him. It made the tips of Beomgyu's fingers tingle with something foreign. Beomgyu didn't know how long Taehyun had been watching him, but it made him feel strange, as if his heart had went on a roller coaster ride, dropping from a high point and accelerating to the bottom. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, nor was it unpleasant.
Beomgyu noticed a camera resting on Taehyun's lap, something that the silver haired had brought around with him recently. He hadn't seen him taken a single picture, or perhaps he was just unaware and oblivious.
He didn't know why, but he never asked what it was for. He was curious, but somehow he knew better to not ask him. Taehyun had always been a mystery to Beomgyu, an enigma he had wanted to unravel but too afraid to do so. Beomgyu was a simple person, and he himself knew that. Taehyun, on the other hand, was a very complicated person. There was meaning behind his every action, while there was none and just an empty mind behind Beomgyu's.
Beomgyu had grown braver over time, his confidence building up steadily... all thanks to Taehyun. But it never seemed enough to match Taehyun's, and never enough to ask the more personal and sensitive questions about Taehyun. He could pick up a fight with Taehyun about studies and argue with him about hard and soft peaches, but he just couldn't bring himself to ask Taehyun what he was thinking, or what he wanted, or why he did all the things he did. He was sure he did try in the past, and he was always met with a vague answer or a rhetorical question.
"Beomgyu, look what we got you!" Kai's voice pulled his attention back to the friends, and he turned away from Taehyun to look at Kai and the small lengthy rectangular box in his hands curiously.
"Good luck on your exams" Kai and the couple wished him merrily as Beomgyu opened the box to reveal a fountain pen with intricate details, his name engraved on the subtle sheen.
His eyes grew large and sparkly at the gift and looked up at them in disbelief, "really? This is for me?"
"Who else would it be for? Your name is literally on there" Dami laughed, "Taehyun mentioned that you have really pretty handwriting and that you wanted to try a fountain pen."
Beomgyu whipped his head to Taehyun, who showed no reaction at all as he chewed on his beef brisket.
"Thank you..." the long haired boy held the gift to his chest to show his gratitude and thanked them sincerely.
His heart felt full with the warmth surrounding him, a pretty smile permanently etched on his face for the rest of the dinner.
When dinner came to an end, Beomgyu felt reluctant to bid goodbye to Taehyun's friends. A small pout now sat on his lips as they parted ways.
And finally, it was just him and Taehyun again.
Silence fell over the two as Beomgyu gazed up at night sky. He quietly stared at the moon and his body shivered when a chilly breeze blew right past them.
He then felt a jacket draping over his shoulders and he didn't need to look to know it was Taehyun who had given his jacket. He clutched the jacket tightly and muttered a soft thank you to the boy beside him.
"It's round... the moon looks beautiful today" Beomgyu whispered as he admired the moon that carried a hint of orange. The city lights had polluted the sky, obscuring the stars but the moon remained shining bright in the dark night.
"I'd be happy to die."
"What?" Beomgyu cocked his head to the side with a small furrow of his brows, "please don't die? What does that mean?"
"I wonder" Taehyun still had his eyes trained on the moon.
"Are you not happy with life?" Beomgyu grew worried as he tugged on Taehyun's sleeve, wanting him to look at him.
So Taehyun did. He turned his attention to the long haired boy and shook his head with a laugh, "that's not what it means. I'm okay with life."
"Okay... please don't say something so concerning" Beomgyu begged, suddenly feeling upset and incredibly perturbed.
"I won't, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry if it disturbed you" Taehyun reassured him and reached out to caress his cheek, but he stopped himself in time to pull his hand back, "do you want me to take you back home?"
"No it's alright. You go home too, and the jacket-"
"You can have it" Taehyun interrupted him and took a step away from him, "I'll get going now then. Goodnight, Beomgyu."
"Oh-" Beomgyu didn't have much time to react when he saw Taehyun already walking away into the distance, "goodnight Taehyun..."
Once Taehyun knew he was out of Beomgyu's sight, he took an abrupt turn to the left and began to walk briskly until he saw Kai standing against a lamp post, waiting for him.
"You don't look okay" Kai commented as he studied his friend's face.
Taehyun snorted in reply, "great, thanks for pointing it out."
"I know you like him, but look at him. He knows nothing. I'm sorry to say this but you shouldn't expect anything in return from him."
Taehyun's heart constricted, the ache no way as painful as when he got his elbow fractured at the age of 9, but this pain was much more torturous and unbearable.
He knew better than anyone about what his best friend had just said, and he could only smile bitterly at Kai.
This was just fine. He could get used to this. He could also get used to not getting what he wanted, as long as he could still have Beomgyu by his side for now.
Seasons change, and feelings could change too. Perhaps his complicated feelings for Beomgyu would change and slowly dissipate in the near future.
And by then, he wouldn't feel like a loser anymore.
•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. ˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩.
A/n: I'm going to cry