"Experience is what you'll get when you don't know what you wanted."
"So what are we gonna do tonight, Babe?" Tisha asked, snaking her arm over Alex's as they walked towards his car. Alex glanced at his watched, 7:30 pm, and they just finished having dinner at Café Ysabel.
"Ummm... ikaw?" was all he could come up with, giving her a faint smile. It was the same line he's been repeating as he tried to put up with Tisha the whole afternoon they were together. This was him being polite, he thought as he let her drag him wherever – movie, window shopping and all the whatnots. Truth is, he wasn't in the mood but he didn't want to ruin whatever plans Tisha had for them today.
Eight hours have already passed but he could still remember everything. The conversation he had earlier at the hospital with Drei repeated over and over in his head. What happened between them somehow changed everything because she seemed distant and cold, which is why he had the urge to run after her. The thought of finding out what's going on in Andrea Buenaventura's mind tickled his fancy. Was she being bitter?
What's the point? What for? It's not like we're in a relationship or something. Why would I be awkward around you?
Tangina!, he cursed to himself, hating the fact that he still kept thinking about her. But damn her! Damn, Drei!
Drei is now a part of Alex Lizares' statistical list and he smiled proudly at the thought that she was now a line in his book. What they had shared was nothing but fun – mind blowing fun – and at least he was relieved that there wasn't any attachment or some sort between them. Or so he thought. Sure she was different, because she defied him and she made sure that she was an exception to the rule when she walked out on him. And for the first time in his life, Alex acknowledged his defeat by this woman even if it annoyed the hell out of him. With his ego bruised, he set the thoughts slide as he had no choice but to charge it to experience. No more thinking of that woman, he convinced himself.
On through with the next, he thought as he glanced at the pretty, hot thing beside him. He needed a distraction and here she is, all ready for him. Tisha. A devious smile curved on his lips and his hand circled her tiny waist. Alex felt her belly button ring. Sexy.
"I can't wait to get you alone..." he whispered as he pulled her closer and nibbled her ear. She giggled and she turned to face him. He cupped her face and playfully nipped her lips, teasing her and she let out a moan as she fisted her hand on his shirt. "But I'll save that for later, Babe!" he added as he opened the door of his car and ushered her in.
"Babe, what are you thinking?" Tisha asked narrowing her eyes on him as he settled into the driver's seat and started the car.
He glanced at her direction and gave her a sinister smile. "A lot, Babe! Really dirty thoughts!"
Thirty minutes later, they found themselves inside Tisha's bedroom. She slowly guided him to her bed and hovered on top of him.
"Hmmm someone's excited..." Alex teased running his hands over her body and she quivered.
"Oh babe, you have no idea!" she answered. Straddling him, she stripped him off of his shirt. Alex smiled. "Whoops, this has to go!"
"You're so hot, babe! So hot!" Alex could feel the heat rushing through Tisha's body and her eyes darkened with desire. Her mouth found his, nibbling his lips again with so much need and desperation. Hearing her soft moans, Alex closed his eyes and savored the feel of her lips on his. Getting himself lost in her kiss as their tongues darted each other hungrily.
"Alex..." he opened his eyes to a familiar voice. He loved the sound of his name as it escaped her mouth. He always did. "Alex..."
Eyes heavy lidded, he smiled as he cupped her face and stared into her eyes. There she was staring back at him with those almond eyes. Those almond eyes that gave nothing away was now staring back at him with so much affection that he has never seen before.
Drei.
He blinked.
Drei.
He blinked once more, his hands still cupping her face. Startled he stared at her closely, now wide eyed, his sight adjusting to the low lighting of the bedroom, it wasn't her. He wasn't staring into those almond eyes because that the eyes he was staring into were big and round. Big, round eyes that belonged to Tisha.
What the fuck?!, he thought to himself.
"Babe, are you okay?" Tisha asked smiling sweetly at him.
Composing himself together, he smiled and looked at her. "I was just wondering what's inside that see-through blouse you have. Hmmmm... can I take them off?"
She giggled as Alex slowly unbuttoned her blouse revealing her black lacy bra and she unhooked them.
"Yummy!" he complimented as he marveled at her plump breasts, his fingers rasping her nipples. He closed his eyes once more as he kissed her.
Drei.
He gave himself a mental shake and trying to erase the thoughts of Drei in his head.
This is not Drei, he reminded himself. Not Drei! This is Tisha! Yes, Tisha!
And with that he kissed Tisha again. Kissing her deep, angling his head to get more of her like he was looking for something that would remind him that this was Tisha half-naked in his arms and not Drei. But all he could find were the traces of her and he felt desperate. He could taste her in his mouth. He could smell her citrusy scent. He could hear her soft cries. It was all her. It was all Drei.
"Tish..." he said, breaking off the kiss. "I-I c-can't do this.."
"Huh?" Tisha uttered, as she glided her tongue on his neck.
"I... cant... do... this..." he repeated, stopping her. Tisha stared at him as he sat up, freeing himself from her.
"Why, what's wrong, Babe?" she pouted.
"I...I can't!" he muttered under his breath. Letting out a heavy sigh Alex closed his eyes and pressed the bridge of his nose. What the hell was wrong with him?
"What's wrong?" she asked, with a look of concern in her eyes.
Everything is wrong, because I am thinking of someone else while I was making out with you, he thought.
"I just can't, okay?" he muttered as he stood up, grabbed his shirt and walked out the door.
Alex stood patiently in front of a white gate, tapping his feet as he listened to the music playing on his phone and humming to himself. He had nowhere else to go but somehow his gut led him here. Running his fingers through his hair, he sighed in frustration with what happened earlier to him and Tisha. This is all her fault – Drei. It seemed that she never left his head no matter how he tried not to think of her, like she was just lurking somewhere the back of his mind. And why did he see her while he was kissing Tisha? Was he drugged? Did Drei do some sort of black magic on him for him to think of her? He cursed to himself as he tried to figure out what's wrong with him.
Could this day get any worse?
It wasn't long when the gate cracked half open and a small woman in her mid-fifties peered through. Alex looked down and grinned. "Hi, Mamay!"
Mamay is Johan's mom's sister who happens to be a spinster. She was the one who looked after him ever since he was born. Mamay was like his second mom and when he got married, Johan asked her to move in with them. She's become a lot of help around the Legazpi household, especially when Jeannie got pregnant.
"O, Alexander, napadalaw ka ata?" Mamay narrowed her eyes at him and gave him her signature half-smile. He smiled in return, gave her a peck on the cheek and he made his way inside. Mamay closed the gate behind him and gave him another once-over. "Kamusta ka na, hijo?"
"I'm okay, 'May! Same old, same old! Gwapo pa din!" he answered, trailing behind the old lady. "Saan si Yo?"
"Nasa taas, akyat ka na lang doon," she said pointing to the stairs that led to the second floor. "O siya at ako ay matutulog na ha, good night!"
"Sige po, 'may! Good night din!" he said as he watched the old lady disappeared into her bedroom and then he started for the stairs.
He found Johan outside the balcony of the second floor browsing through his laptop and finishing his bottle of beer.
"So what's up?" his best friend asked without even looking at him.
"I'm okay..." he answered and then headed for the bar inside the entertainment room. He opened the fridge and got three bottles of beer. When he got outside he stole a glance on what Johan was doing – browsing through his company emails and checking on his schedule. Having been promoted just a few months ago, Johan was becoming a very busy man, let alone the fact that he is the new Operations Manager for Metro Manila and him becoming a new father, he had so much on his plate already. Alex cringed at the weight of these responsibilities on his bestfriend's hands, he just couldn't imagine if it was him.
"Ano yan, over time?" he blurted out, taking a seat beside him and placing the beers on the table. "Bro, you're taking work home!"
"Hindi ah, I was just browsing through cos I was on leave, right?" Johan sighed, as he rummaged through his inbox and reading each email. After Jeannie gave birth two days ago, he wasn't been able to open his email and the number of unread mails have piled up already. He was replying to one email and as he hit the send button he took a swig on his beer. "Talk Lizares! I know you came here to talk, simulan mo na."
"Nah I just wanted to catch up on stuff with you and the guys... Di na tayo nagkikita eh..."
"So far so good, Bro!" Johan started and then he continued giving him a run down on what he missed so far.
Pao and Cris were pretty much busy with the wedding preparations since they'll be tying the knot this year in June. And they just found out last week that Cris was pregnant after Pao sent them all a picture of Cris' pregnancy kit test. Meanwhile, Mickey and Tina are expecting their little bundle of joy anytime soon this April. And just like Johan and Jeannie, they're having a boy. Alex smirked and took a sip on his beer. Things are getting different already and on his end, he still couldn't quite accept that. All his friends are heading to that same direction – fatherhood – which left him, somehow, out of place.
At the back of his mind, he wanted to know how it felt to be in their shoes – to have something to look forward to everyday after a hard day's work. Would it be as rewarding as his friends told him it would be? He had no idea because he knew he was different. Maybe the kind of life they're living wouldn't suit him at all but nevertheless, it intrigued him. And every time the talks about serious matters like this leaves him torn – torn between the curiosity of wanting to experience something new and that part of him who's resistant to change.
"Well I guess this kind of life isn't pretty bad after all, I guess it suits me, Pao and Mickey..." Johan concluded. He just smirked and took out a box of Marlboro's from his pocket. Johan stared at him. The fact that Alex was smoking implies that something is wrong. "Pag-uusapan ba natin o hindi?"
Alex just snickered, as he lit up a stick and started smoking. He knew what Johan meant. "Ang alin?"
"Don't play dumb with me, I know you!" he added then finished off his beer, then Alex handed him his second one. "How are things with you and the new girl? Tish di ba?"
"Uh-huh... yeah, she's okay..." he answered casually, despite the fact that things got pretty weird between them a while ago before he came here. He didn't want tell his bestfriend how he lost his mojo right after he saw someone else while they were in the middle of a heated frenzy.
"So kayo naman ni Drei? I mean I know you guys saw each other kanina sa ospital, right?"
"Yeap."
"And?"
"We're cool." Alex replied. "Okay naman kami."
"Bro, didn't that feel kinda awkward?" Johan raised a brow at him, finding it hard to believe that there wasn't any awkwardness that happened. "I mean you inside the room with the girl who've slept with and the girl you're sleeping with?"
"It wasn't awkward for me, I just dunno with Drei. Pero kanina mukhang okay lang naman siya." The only awkward thing for Alex was finding her there after not seeing her for almost three months. It seemed to him that Drei wasn't awkward at all, that's what she said, but then she seemed distant. She was cold and distant, and that got him wondering why.
"So this Tisha, how long's this gonna be?" Johann asked shifting the topic.
"We've been going out for a month already pero parang nagiging clingy na..."
Johan just shook his head in disbelief as the words came out of Alex's mouth. Nothing's changed when it comes to this side of the fence with Alex. Everything is still the same and he was more convinced now that his best friend's lifestyle was still on the same routine where they left him. Johan felt something twinge inside him for his best friend – pity. It was like Alex was stuck in that bubble while the rest of them were heading on a different direction and leaving him behind.
"We've had our days being like that, you know, laidback, chill chill lang, date date... pero hanggang kalian kang ganyan?" he asked, with a serious tone. "Bro, di ka ba napapagod with what you're doing? All that playing, jeez... di ka pa ba nagsasawa?"
"Hmmm not quite!" he smiled faintly at Johan, knowing where this is leading to. Even if he tried his best to avoid this particular subject on personal matters, his bestfriend already got him cornered. "I guess I just wasn't built for relationships, bro!"
Truth is, Alex never really took things seriously – his life, his family and his relationships. He always made sure that nothing can get to him no matter what the circumstances might be, just his cool, easy going and laidback self. With this in mind, he kept the people in his to a minimum – his dad, Johan, Pao and Mickey, they were enough. He didn't need anyone else for that matter.
"But you always get the great girls I mean... yung mga magaganda, desente, mababait, wife material.. it's like you get the best of both worlds, but then you still don't take it..." Johan pointed out.
And by minimum, he had the same rule when it comes to women. Fun, easy, and no strings attached always worked for him – the less involvement the better. If things aren't fun anymore on his end, then it's time to leave. Getting attached to him was never a good idea because he didn't get attached back, like it was an automatic flight response, he knows he could hurt people that way. He never liked the idea of a being seriously involved and the package that goes along with it, which is why he never let his emotions get in the way. It was enough for him that he have had his share of complications and heartaches a long time ago and he didn't want to go through that kind of hell anymore. Ever. There was no room for that in his life now.
Alex just simply shrugged and a familiar memory flashed inside his head. He can never forget that rainy Tuesday afternoon when he was nine. It was when everything changed and he never looked at life the same way again.
"Because I'm fucked up, Bro and you know that..." he stated matter-of-factly, staring out on the starry night sky, taking a gulp at his beer. They both fell silent.
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Music: Lately by The Helio Sequence
Playing For Keeps © 2013 C.Ellaine. All Rights Reserved