"If you're planning on selling me, know that I made the test, and I'm only worth 5 million bucks," I said, as I put on my seatbelt.
Leah chuckled at my words, raising an eyebrow and turning on the engine of her car. "Really? Ah, it's okay, I'll just sell you by the piece."
Leah's playful remark echoed through the car, and I couldn't help but laugh. Her easygoing attitude always managed to lighten the mood. As we drove through the London streets, I couldn't help but wonder where she was taking me. The city lights blurred in the background, and I didn't know London enough to be able to guess anything.
"Seriously though, where are we going?" I asked, and she flashed me a seductive smile.
"My house." The mention of Leah's house caught me off guard, and my mind raced as fast as my heart. "I promised you a welcome party, didn't I?" She said. "Don't worry, everything is ready for you. And for Emily. We've got Beth as the DJ, Viv's making some food, and Katie brought a bunch of alcohol."
"I can't drink. I'm not 21." I reminded Leah, who chuckled at my words.
"Maybe in the States you couldn't, but you're in England now. Legal drinking age is 18. Plus, it's not a proper welcome party without a little celebration, right?"
I shrugged. I had only drunk once in my life. A beer, when I was 17. I liked the taste, but a single beer had been enough to get me drunk.
"I don't know..." I said, scratching the back of my neck.
"I mean, you don't have to, but, I mean come on, it's gonna be fun. I promise I won't let you get too carried away. And you can even sleep on my couch." She added, while parking her car in front of a surprisingly big and modern townhouse. She turned off the engine, then turned her body to look at me, taking my hand in hers and staring right into my eyes. "Come on. Please?"
I hesitated for a moment, looking into Leah's eyes. Then, as she looked at me, realization hit me like a ton of bricks.
Shit. I was a lesbian.
Charlotte had been right the whole time. I was just denying it. I was lying to myself.
I wasn't in love with Leah, but her manners, her smile and her eyes were undeniably captivating. Because she was a woman. Because no matter how hard I tried, I'd never find something like that in a man. I'd never find that magnetic pull that Leah had on me in a man. In another woman? Sure. In a man? Never. Men simply didn't have the same effect on me. Men were fun, and sometimes caring. But men didn't make my heart race, my palms sweat, and my thoughts spin. Women did. And men weren't as caring, as sweet, as considerate, as cute, or as beautiful as women were.
I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the realization settling in. Leah looked at me expectantly, her hands still holding mine. It was as if she sensed the internal struggle within me.
"Alright. Let's go, then." I finally said, and Leah squealed excitedly, clenching her fist in victory.
"Yes! Trust me, you're gonna love it," Leah said, her excitement contagious. We got out of the car and headed towards Leah's house.
I contemplated the house in front of me, and found myself completely in love with its look.
It was made of red bricks and windows, all surrounded by black metal. It wasn't large, but it was tall. Four floors tall. I wondered if Leah owned every each of these floors.
Leah opening the door kept me from staring at the house any longer. She invited me inside. As soon as I stepped inside, light music and voices reached my ears. The interior of the house was as modern as the exterior had been. The floor was made out of dark wood, the walls were all white, and the staircase leading upstairs had its rail black.
I took my shoes off, even though Leah insisted it wasn't necessary.
Leah then guided me to the living room, where a bunch of my new teammates stood. The living room was incredible, to me at least. Everything was black and white except the floor, and the wall at the back was made of glass, letting appear a small garden and patio, with the grass cut so well I wondered if it was fake. I absolutely loved the house.
"Valentina! You made it!" I heard Lotte say, taking me out of my thoughts. Lotte approached with a cheerful grin, wrapping her arms around me in a friendly hug. "Yay! I'm so happy you're here, and Leah definitely didn't yell at me for spoiling everything!" She said, and I giggled, reciprocating the hug.
"I did not," Leah said, chuckling, before escaping to the kitchen.
"She did," Lotte whispered to my ear before stepping back.
The living room was filled with laughter and chatter as I greeted my teammates. I wondered if the whole team was there. It seemed like it anyway.
There was food around, and drinks on the counter. Beth's 'DJ setup' consisted of a speaker and her iPhone, which she constantly had to reclaim from Alessia's hands to make sure she wasn't putting weird stuff on.
Leah returned from the kitchen with a couple of drinks in her hands, handing one to me. "Welcome to Arsenal, mate." She said, and I looked down at the beer, hesitating for a few seconds, before taking it in my hand, analyzing the bottle meticulously. "It's beer, Villanueva. Just drink it." Leah giggled, taking a sip off her own bottle.
With a deep breath, I raised the bottle to my lips and took a cautious sip. The bitterness of the beer hit my palate, and I couldn't help but scrunch my face.
Leah chuckled, amused by my reaction. "Oh, yeah, I heard our beers are more bitter than yours. Cheers though." She said, gently hitting my arm with her elbow.
After that, the night went on. I found myself engaged in conversations, forgetting the initial nerves that accompanied socializing with a new team. I talked to basically everyone, and drank a couple of beers, definitely feeling a little tipsy by the end of the second one. I laughed and talked about life outside football, getting to know the girls better.
After a few hours, I sat down on the couch next to Viv, who hadn't seemed to have left it since the beginning of the night. She flashed me a smile, then looked back at her phone. She was definitely less of a chatterbox than the other ones were. It was good, though. To have someone more calm in the team.
Soon enough though, Katie walked to me, Lotte following her with a smile on her face I didn't quite like.
"Oi. We've seen your interview, mate. Really nice." Katie said, and I smiled, nodding gratefully.
"The one I did with Emily earlier? Thanks, didn't know it had gone out already." I said, and Katie chuckled, sitting at my right, while Lotte sat at my left.
"Nah, not that one."
Katie glanced at Lotte, and they exchanged a mischievous look. My curiosity piqued, I raised an eyebrow, waiting for them to spill the beans. Instead of talking though, they turned on the TV, and my face immediately popped up on the screen. And I knew exactly what interview that was. It was the one I had done last year, after I had won the championship with my high school team. And I remember exactly what I was saying in it.
"No, no, no, turn that off!" I said, trying to reach the remote Katie held in her hand, failing miserably. Beth had turned off the music, visibly curious to see what the fuss was about, and soon enough, everyone was watching my face on the television.
I squirmed in my seat as the familiar footage played, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. The interview captured the essence of my teenage enthusiasm, and I could almost hear the cringe-worthy statements I had made. The interviewer had asked me about my football inspirations and my favorite Arsenal players, and I had answered : "I like Katie McCabe a lot. She's the best left-back in the world. And not too bad when she plays offensive either. She's... aggressive. I like it. And, I think Lotte Wubben-Moy's very special too, she's like... you know, a Gooner at heart. Like me. She's in love with the club. I think having players like that is so important. Also, Miedema. Incredible baller. I wish I had even 10 percent of her talent. She's a genius on the field."
At my words, a bunch of 'awww's erupted into the room, while I hid my face between my hands, Katie laughing next to me and Lotte shaking my shoulders excitedly.
"Come on, you were so cute!" Lotte exclaimed.
I groaned, peeking through my fingers at the TV. The footage continued, capturing my teenage self rambling.
My teammates continued to tease me, their laughter echoing through the room as the interview played on. I couldn't believe they had found this old interview, and I was certain I'd never hear the end of it.
Lotte nudged me playfully. "Now that right here is a true Gooner."
I rolled my eyes, still hiding behind my hands. "Yeah, yeah, can we please turn it off now?"
"No, no wait, she's showing her room and her jersey collection next!" Katie said, and I widened my eyes at her words, fighting with all I had to finally get the remote and turn off the TV. When I did, I heard a bunch of disappointed voices whining around me.
"It's on YouTube, just watch it at home," I said, and Katie laughed, punching my shoulder.
"You're right about one thing though, mate. I definitely am the best left back in the world." Katie's playful boast lingered in the room, drawing both laughter and cheers from our teammates, while she flexed her biceps jokingly.
She then grabbed a bottle and two glasses from the coffee table, filling them both.
"Cheers mate," Katie said again, shoving a shot of vodka into my hands.
I chuckled, raising an eyebrow at Katie. "Are you trying to get me drunk tonight?"
Katie grinned mischievously. "Just a bit of team bonding, Val. It's tradition." She said, drinking her own shot before putting her glass back on the coffee table.
The music had been put back on behind us, and everyone had gone back to their conversations. Even Lotte had left the couch. I looked at the glass in my hands. It was definitely going to get me drunk.
I raised the glass, looking at Katie, and downed the shot.
The sharp burn of the vodka lingered for a moment, distorting my face for a few seconds, as I put the glass away.
"Good girl!" Katie exclaimed, slapping my back amicably. I felt the alcohol reach my veins, and my eyes immediately began slowing down. Oh yeah, I was definitely drunk.
"I'm gonna go.. outside." I slurred, getting up from the couch with difficulty.
The room blurred slightly as I navigated my way to the patio. The night air hit me, bringing a refreshing sensation that momentarily cleared my head. I leaned against the railing, trying to steady myself as the world swayed gently.
I sighed, wiping away some sweat that had formed on my forehead. The calm of the outside brought back the thoughts I had lingering on before I had entered Leah's house. It spiraled through my brain. I wondered who I was, what was I doing here, or if I was really acting like myself.
As I stared into the night, my mind swirled with questions, each thought like a bomb exploding into my brain. The alcohol-induced haze did little to dampen the intensity of my introspection.
The sound of the sliding door interrupted my contemplation, and I turned to find Leah standing beside me. Her presence was comforting, and I welcomed the familiar face amid the chaos of my thoughts.
Leah glanced at me, her eyes reflecting concern. "You okay, Val?"
At her question, I tried to stand without the support of the rail. She approached me and I smiled, my brain and my mouth clearly not communicating anymore.
"I'm a lesbian. And I'm a little bit drunk."
Leah's eyes widened in surprise at my unexpected revelation, but her response was surprisingly calm. "Well, cheers to both of those things." She chuckled, patting me gently on the back. "Alcohol ain't really your strong suit, is it?" She said, and I shrugged, my mouth feeling suddenly very dry.
"My mom's never gonna speak to me again," I said, slumping down on one of the lounge chairs, laughing for no apparent reason. Leah sat down next to me, listening carefully to my words. "I- Jesus. I'm a lesbian." I said again, running a hand over my face. "You know, she always hated that I liked football. Because sports are for boys. I mean, that's what she used to say. But when she learned most women playing football were lesbians? She just lost it. Took me to Sunday school, made me take down all the posters I had in my room. It was like I had committed the greatest sin. I guess that's why I never really admitted it to myself. Is what my best friend says, anyway. But who was I kidding? I can't keep pretending. I look at women, I look at you, and ... fuck, it scares the hell out of me." The words spilled out of my mouth, a mix of vulnerability and alcohol-induced courage.
Leah listened attentively, her expression a blend of understanding and empathy. The patio lights cast a soft glow on her face, and at that moment, her eyes held a warmth that seemed to reassure me.
"How did you come out? To your parents?" I then asked her.
Leah's gaze shifted to a distant point, as if recalling a memory. She took a deep breath before responding, "It wasn't easy. I knew my parents had nothing against gay people. Didn't make it any easier to actually tell them." Leah continued, her tone gentle yet reflective. "I waited until I felt ready, until I was sure about who I was. When I finally told them, it was a mix of emotions. My mom cried, not out of disappointment, but more out of worry about the challenges I might face. My dad, he was quiet for a while. Then he hugged me and said, 'You're still my daughter, and I love you.' It took time for them to fully understand, but they never stopped loving me."
I nodded, absorbing Leah's words. The vulnerability in her story made it feel like we were connected in a way I hadn't anticipated. The alcohol might have been the catalyst, but sharing such personal aspects of our lives brought a sense of understanding.
"Shit." I simply said, and Leah snorted at my answer. Then, a silence took place. Then, I hiccuped. Then, I asked her; "think you could ever have sex with Katie?"
She burst out laughing at my question. "Where the fuck is that coming from?" She asked, wiping away tears that had come out of her eyes. "Mate, you've had a bit too much to drink, haven't you?"
I giggled, feeling a sense of liberation in the alcohol-induced haze. "I think I might be a lightweight."
"Oh, you definitely are." She chuckled, before standing up, offering me a hand. "Come on, let's get you back inside."