Ale and I hadn't spoken much since the night that we landed back home. She'd tried, but I wasn't ready to talk, not yet anyway. She'd come over to see Jordi every day and we kept it civil for his sake, but she was still staying at Eli's.
I had a meeting with Jonatan today about my return to training, it had been something that Ale and I had discussed when we were pregnant with Jordi. I was due in February and with the season ending in May, it made sense to me to return for pre-season after the World Cup. Jordi would be seven months old and I'd be fully recovered ready to start the season with the team, but with everything that had gone on in the last week, those plans had completely slipped my mind until the reminder went off on my phone this morning.
I didn't have anyone to look after Jordi. Ale wasn't answering her phone, Alba was away with work and Eli had a last-minute appointment that she couldn't get out of, so once again I was left alone to look after him on my own. I had no choice but to take him to the training center with me and hope that he would nap during our meeting. Which didn't happen thanks to the three teeth that were pushing their way through his gums and his new hatred for the car that he had picked up in the last few days.
Ona was the only person in the locker room when I arrived carrying a crying Jordi in his car seat with a flustered look on my face.
"Is Ale here?" I quickly asked, setting the car seat on the floor before unbuckling Jordi and taking him into my arms.
"She's doing fitness tests in the gym, is everything ok?" She asked, taking a step closer to me concern spreading across her face as she looked at her godson screaming in my arms.
"I've got my meeting with Jonatan today about coming back. Eli's busy, Alba's away, Ale's not answering her phone and I can't take him into the meeting like this" I said while bouncing Jordi up and down on my hip trying to calm him down.
"I'll take him, Ale should be done soon anyway" Ona kindly offered, reaching her arms out to take her godson.
"Thank's On, but I'm going to take him to Ale. She's his Mama and it's about time she took some of the responsibility that came with that" I spat, the anger and frustration that had been building for the last week getting the better of me as I marched out of the locker room and towards the gym.
Ale was standing at the side of the room talking to one of the physios when I walked in, the room was already loud with the sound of the rest of the team working out, and that only became louder when a crying baby was added to the situation. Ale immediately turned in our direction before taking a few steps towards us.
"What are you doing here? Is he ok?" she asked as she looked down at Jordi who was whinging restlessly in my arms.
"I've got my meeting with Jonatan and he's teething"
"I thought Mama was having him?" She asked, confusion on her face as I passed Jordi to her.
"She's busy, you'd know that if you answered your phone. I've been calling you all morning"
The gym was much quieter now, all of our teammates seemed to have stopped what they were doing and were focused on the drama that was happening between us. Ale must have noticed as she briefly glanced around and lowered her voice.
"I'm sorry"
"I'm going to be late" I mumbled, kissing the top of Jordi's head before quickly leaving the room and heading down the hall to Jonatan's office.
The meeting went well, the team had been so supportive when it came to the pregnancy and that didn't change at all after Jordi was born. They didn't try to rush me back and were supportive of me returning whenever I felt ready. We decided on a phased return, I'll start by working on my fitness in the gym for a few weeks before gradually returning to full-time training. I was apprehensive about returning, especially with everything that was going on at home, but I knew I needed it. I needed to get back to some sort of normality even if that was just at work.
Ale was standing in the hall when I left the office, Jordi was asleep in his car seat that was placed on the floor as she leaned against the wall.
"How did it go?" she asked, stepping away from the wall slightly and standing upright.
"I start back in the gym next week"
"That's great" She smiled briefly before noticing that was still mad.
"I'm sorry, I'm so used to leaving my phone in my locker that I forgot to take it with me, but it won't happen again. I promise"
"I need you to be available Ale, what if something had happened to him and I couldn't get a hold of you?"
"I know, I'm sorry. I'll have my phone on me at all times from now on"
"I better get him home, are you coming over to give him dinner and put him to bed tonight?"
"If that's ok with you?"
"Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you later" I said quickly, before picking Jordi up and heading towards the exit.
Ona was waiting for me by my car when I made my way outside, leaning against the driver's door as she watched me walk over with a worried look on her face. I knew that she wasn't going to let how I acted earlier go unnoticed, but I was not ready to talk to anyone else about this just yet. I was struggling to understand it myself so the though of explaining to someone else felt impossible.
"What's going on with you two?" She asked, walking towards me, clearly desperate for more information.
"Nothing, we're fine"
"You're lying"
"Ona, please just leave it," I said as I locked Jordi's car seat into the back seat, quietly shutting the door behind me trying not to wake him up.
"No, what's going on!?" She asked, blocking my way to the driver's seat, and placing both of her hands on my shoulders to stop me from running away from this conversation.
"It's nothing"
"You seemed mad at her when you spoke to me, Lucy told me about your little argument in the gym and now you are leaving separately. It's clearly something. I'm just worried about you Is"
"I need to go" I said firmly as I noticed Jordi starting to stir in his car seat, knowing that if I didn't start driving soon it was going to turn into a full meltdown.
"Ok, but can I come over later? I'll bring Chinese food and we can talk..."
"Ale's coming over later to put Jordi to bed," I said without thinking, immediately regretting my choice of words.
"What do you mean she's coming over?"
"I really need to go," I said as I pushed past her and climbed into the driver's seat, trying to close the door behind me but Ona's hand stopped me.
"Is she not staying at the house?"
"No"
"Are you ok?" She asked, her eyes meeting mine.
"No" I whispered, tears building up in my eyes as I answered. My emotions escaped as soon as she asked me that question and it made me realise that I wasn't ok. I was broken and exhausted, no matter how much I tried to pretend I wasn't.
"I'm coming with you" Ona said quickly, before letting go of my door, jogging to the other side of the car and climbing into the passenger seat.
Ona didn't push me to talk when we got back to the house, instead, she pretended like nothing had happened, which I was really grateful for. I wasn't ready to talk about it yet, but it felt nice having someone else in the house to help with Jordi, even though deep down I knew that it should have been Ale.
We ended up spending the afternoon on the sofa watching TV as Jordi napped upstairs. As time went on I could tell that Ona was getting more worried and wanted to know what was going on so that she could help. She kept looking over at me and opening her mouth as if she was about to speak before she eventually did.
"What's going on Is? Why isn't Ale here?" She asked gently, not wanting to push me too hard for information.
"She kissed Jenni" I blurted out, as I kept my eyes focused on the TV in front of me.
She immediately turned in my direction, her mouth agape in shock
"What!?"
"She kissed Jenni... and I've kicked her out" I repeated, breaking down as I said it out loud for the first time and the reality of the state of my marriage hit me.
She immediately moved across the sofa to get closer to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pulling me into her chest, holding me while I sobbed into her t-shirt. I usually hated crying in front of people who weren't Ale, but Ona was different, she'd seen me like this before and I needed to let this emotion out for the first time since Ale had told me about what she'd done.
"I'm so sorry Is" she mumbled into my hair as she kissed the top of my head.
"I- I can't talk about it"
"You don't have to, but I'm here ok? If you do want to talk or you need a shoulder to cry on I'm here and I always will be. You've got me, both you and Jordi."