"Ooba dooba do bap- a ooba dooba do bap"
I leisurely sang as we made our way down the stairs. Jam bobbed their head slightly from side to side in rhythm, whilst babbling behind their pacifier.
"Bay-wah, bay-wha, bay-wha, a bay-wah~"
I laughed and tickled their side, making them smile and wriggle.
"Are you being silly jam?"
Jam giggled
"Jambam?"
Jambam giggled more
"Jam... Abamalamadingdong?"
They screeched again and i laughed right along, unknowingly committing one of the worst offences a father can. Riling the baby up before naptime.
I took us into the kitchen and began pulling things out to make a bottle. One handed, as the other was occupied with the baby.
Jamie leaned against my collarbone, swaddled up in their blanket and contently watching as i went about.
But once I placed the purple planet covered bottle down on the counter they began to fuss, squirming and letting out a long whine. I assumed it to be Jamie's usual build towards claiming to be too big for a bottle and attempted to nip it in the bud.
"Ahah jamie, none of that now. We gotta get your milk into you before your nap. It's gonna keep you nice and warm while you recoup~"
I nuzzled the side of their face as i fell into baby talk, inciting some happy gurgling sounds from jam.
"All yummy nummy in the lil pup's tummy~"
I thought that would be it but jamie was not quelled. They first squashed my initial assumption as they pointed to the bottle, then began impatiently pulling on my shirt and insisted in one adorable word
"Hep!"
I smiled, mirroring the eager one Jamie had directed at me
"Aw I'd love your help jam"
I hummed, thinking quick on how to include jam in a babyspace friendly way.
"Ok! I've got a very important job for you"
I put jamie down on the counter, blanket wrapped around their shoulders and handed them the bottle. I held my hands over theirs as I instructed them, mainting some jokingly intense eye contact.
"I need you to hold your bottle super super tight, and keep it still for me while i pour the milk and your special stuff in"
Jamie nodded and pulled the bottle back towards their chest, definitely holding it tight and still, but not in a way i could access it.
I chuckled
"You're on the right track pup, here let me show you-"
I guided Jamie's hands to rest the bottle down on the counter between jam's legs
"Yeah just like that jam, now there's a lessened chance I'll spill everything all over you"
Jamie giggled as they held the bottle perfectly still with the counter support.
I grabbed the packet of Jamie's milk mix, opting for the vanilla and dug out the long measuring scoop perfect for the bottle.
I carefully emptied in the nessecary scoops as Jamie focused completely on their own task.
"Alright pup, you are being the biggest help to me"
I quickly praised before moving onto the actual milk, but jam was definitely affected by the compliment. From the proud smile on their face, it was evident.
So as I slowly poured, I praised again.
"I should've had you making up the milk ages ago. You're just so good"
Jamie let out the littlest noise of glee from that, and I was greedy for a bigger reaction so built it up.
I stopped with the milk momentarily and planted a light kiss to Jamie's cheek.
"You're the best Jamie, you're so so good"
Jamie squealed and bounced their legs in glee. I beamed at them so happy
But as i went back to pouring, Jamie's happy noises and giggles began to teeter off. Their smile began to fall as their eye's dulled.
"Eheheh..hehe....heh.."
When the most dreaded noise sounded in the kitchen. A sniffle.
Given the past couple of hours I may have reacted too sharply, really not wanting any more tears today.
"No no no jamie come on we're finished with upsets for now"
Jamie let out a strangled whimper and looked away from me, still gripping the open bottle. I saw the tears begin building in the corner of their eyes and slowly raised my hand to wipe them away with my thumb.
But jamie squeaked and pulled back suddenly, taking away their hands from the bottle which tipped dangerously.
"Woah-ho"
I steadied the bottle and moved it down the counter. When i looked back Jamie had their hands up at their eyes, rubbing harshly in a way that would definitely hurt if they kept it up.
"Jamie..."
I urged while trying to carefully pull their hands away. But the little one held tighter against me and cried out. I let go.
I took a breath and, keeping my voice soft, told jamie my movements.
"Bambi, I'm gonna pop my hand on your back. Is that ok?"
Jamie made no sort of protest so i placed the hand, recieving not much response.
"What if i picked you up?"
I got a quick 'uh-uh' and jamie shifted anxiously away but back into my hand. I cooed and reassured while rubbing soothing circles on their back
"I won't bambi"
Jamie sniffled again and by this point, knowing i couldn't stop the inevitable, I just watched as they started to cry outright, carefully letting them know it was ok.
"You're alright bunny, do what you need to do"
Jam went through a few hiccups and sniveled, then stopped holding back and let out a long low-pitched cry.
I couldn't help noticing the differences in jam's crying from other times, especially just earlier.
The cries weren't horrible and pained, they sounded more like a cranky child overdue a nap. So I took that as a somewhat good sign, hoping it was just exhaustion catching up.
"Pup pup. I know you don't feel too good, why don't we get this bottle done and you up to bed. I swear you'll feel so much better after"
Jamie cries only increased in volume. I winced.
"Nuhnunnun"
Jam babbled at me through tears, gritting their pacifier between their teeth. They suddenly yelled out a series of jumbled up words, like when they tried to talk before.
"Ah! Uh-muh! Ama-ya!"
I hastily began shushing them, almost begging.
"Bambi please, you remember what i said earlier. Your head has already been under so much strain. We need to keep things easy puppy"
Jamie cried again and angrily hit their hands down on the counter, really realising how limited their exausted body was.
"I know pup... I know it's not fair. But i promise when you're feeling bigger we can work this out"
I tried to comfort. It felt completely contrary to my usual approach, putting off the feelings talk, but i just needed to get jam to bed.
However in typical jamie fashion, they refused.
"Nuh-no"
They took a few harsh breaths and continued crying. They were still weakly trying to hit their hands against the counter (with some seemingly aimed at me) but with significantly less energy.
As their hands started to creep up towards their hair, no doubt to pull at in frustration. I decided their hands needed to be occupied.
I looked around and saw the daisy blanket had fallen off their shoulders. I grabbed it and pulled it around, quickly giving it over.
"Look look puppy, can you hold onto your blanket for me? You can squeeze it as hard as you need to- oh it's so soft isn't it?"
Jam whimpered and scrunched the blanket in their little fists. They were distracted for about a moment doing some test squeezes, before they resumed their meltdown.
"Nuuuuh"
Jam screamed at me, thankfully keeping their hands to the blanket.
They hit me with another attempt at a sentence. And among this series of jumbled sounds, one stood out to me as more important. Based on Jamie's little jump on it, kicking out their legs and beginning the cries all again.
"Umba!!"
I sighed, finally deciding it would be easier to give in this time and let jamie work this through. Cause clearly putting off Jamie's feelings for the sake of a nap wasn't working. So i prompted jamie to repeat what they said.
Jamie did so.
"M' ba!"
I, understanding none of that and looking more forward to my own nap than Jamie's at this point, hooked my thumb into their pacifer ring and removed it.
"One more time puppy"
"Am bah!"
I furrowed my brow in confusion, putting the pacifier down.
"Y....you're bad?"
Jam nodded and my face fell. I thought we were past this idea, my fault for thinking we could resolve it that quick.
"Oh god no, jamie you're not bad. What's got you thinking that? Poor pup~"
I cooed, hoping I'd be able to keep jamie away from an older headspace conversation with the baby talk. But Jamie was Jamie.
"I'm bah! I'm mean, ihs not good! Don' duhservs- to be call good!"
I rubbed their back as they explained, frowning just a little as their wording aged up slightly.
"Mean ta ben, really mean, says'd stupid mean stuff"
"Aw jamie"
They sniffled again and wiped at their nose.
"Havta say sowwy!"
I couldn't help smile a little at Jamie's proclamation. I commended them.
"Now that's the very best thing you can do and I swear we can give him a call later Bambi but first-"
That wasn't enough for Jamie, who fixated on the call idea.
"No no! Call now, need do now! S-say sorry"
They pulled right at my heart strings with that.
"Honeybun.. what you're trying to do is very mature and I'm very proud but I don't think you're in the best headspace right now to have this big talk with ben"
Jam whimpered
"How about we call him right after your nap huh? Let yourself rest and maybe you'll feel a bit bigger then"
Jamie sniffled and rubbed harshly at one of their eyes again.
"Why do i havta be bigger ta talk to Ben? Thought ben was ok me bein' small"
"Of course he is jam-"
"Then why doesn't he wanna talk to me!"
I panicked as a waver in Jamie's voice inferred another round of tears. I thought Jamie would have some anxiety about talking to Ben while feeling small. But I'd really been missing it with the assumptions today.
"That's not what I'm saying Bambi"
"Souns like!"
Jamie fought back like it was life or death, so I disarmed as best I could.
"I'm sorry I misled you but Jam... you know Ben loves talking to you no matter how little you feel"
There's never a point in arguing with a tired toddler. I desperately needed Jamie satiated. I was extremely grateful upon hearing them sniffle and mutter very quietly.
"I know.."
There was a second of silence, then they followed with.
"Buh Da... don' wan ben noh like me"
Their voice was so small and worried.
"Jamie, hun that's not gonna happen. Saying something... like you said 'stupid' can't ruin a friendship like the one you've got with ben. Not at all"
Jakie didn't say anything, so i threw out another example
"I mean I've said some stupid things to you before, maybe some even today"
Jamie shrugged.
"And do you never want to talk to me again?"
Jamie very quickly shook their head, i almost laughed.
"Thank you jam... But do you see my point?"
I gave their shoulder a little squeeze and jamie took a few breaths, seeming to have calmed down. They uttered dejectedly.
"W-wanna be sure. Peas Daddy"
I took a long breath and rubbed the exhaustion from my eyes. I could feel my parents disaproving tuts in my soul over the parenting style i was developing. But it was a clear way to get jam to bed. So i caved.
"Alright we'll call"
Jamie revealed a tiny smile and I breathily laughed.
I could've left it there, but I wasn't letting them away without a smidge more communication.
"But Jam, just so we're on the same page. I only thought it'd be a bad idea to give Ben a call because i presumed, my mistake, that you'd try push yourself into an older headspace. And remember eggman said that would be way too much for you after the shift"
Jamie was listening to me, but still seemed a bit uncomfortable being so open. Still, them listening at all was good.
"Buh Am fine"
They brushed off with a pouty sniffle. I gave their forehead a kiss.
"Yes but I worry. So for da's sake don't push it"
Jam hmpfed and fiddled with their blanket. I double checked the message got through.
"Jam please don't go forcing yourself to act bigger. You know neither Ben nor I care what level your on. We listen to you just the same"
Jamie nodded
"I know... Don even know if i can go bigger. Too fuzzy, I won't push it"
We shared a warm smile.
'Thank you bambi"
Then a big hug. It lingered a good long while until we eventually seperated.
As we did, I noticed how red Jamie's eyes had gone. It couldn't have been comfy.
"Aw hun your poor eyes, are they sore?"
Jamie nodded. I grabbed the nearby roll of kitchen towel, ripping off a square while rambling on to my pup.
"Big emotions are always killer on the eyes. Its a real pain but I've got just the thing"
I ran it just a second under the cold tap and folded the now damp paper up.
"Shut your eyes lightly jam, just like this-"
I quickly demonstrated for them and jamie followed, gently closing their eyes.
"Now I'm just gonna dab dab dab~"
I said as I dabbed Jamie's eyes with the cool paper. They flinched initially but soon relaxed and let out a relieved little breath at the soothing feeling.
"That feel a bit better?"
Jamie hummed
"Better da"
I gave their stained cheeks and runny nose a wipe to boot. And with a little sup of water, it was like the meltdown never happened. And we were ready to call.
I whipped out my phone, keeping one arm around Jam as i scrolled through my contacts to find ben.
Upon finding him. I hovered over the call button, looking for a final go ahead from jamie.
"All ready?"
Jam nodded firmly
"Yep"
I smiled and gave their shoulder another squeeze and I hit call.
It didn't ring long and I quickly had to raise it to my ear to answer a frightened greeting.
"Andrew?! Hey is everything alright? How're they holding up"
"Hi Ben, everything's ok now. I've just got someone who needs to speak to you right now, or I fear they may never go to sleep again"
"Oh"
Ben sounded surprised as jamie gave me a mixed glare of "how dare you tease me at a time like this" and "wanna bet?". Thankfully ben took the offer.
"Please I- uh I'd love to talk to them"
"Ok one second-"
I took the phone away from my ear and pressed the speaker button, holding it out to jam.
I wasn't sure if jam would want to hold the phone but it seemed they were happy with me being the holder as they just leaned forward.
A few seconds passed and jamie looked a little afraid to start so i prompted gently.
"Go on pup"
Ben also offered out
"James? You there?"
Jamie quickly responded
"Am here"
"Hi Jamie"
"Hi Ben"
It was a bit awkward and jamie really didn't seem sure of what to say. Ben stopped the silence from extending too far.
"What happened james, is everything alright? Are you alright more importantly"
Jamie assured
"Am ok, I'm fine..."
Before giving a little rundown of what happened, so ben wasn't in the dark.
"Went home but ears and stuff wouldn't go away so i hadta try tur- trans- shif- uh..."
"Shift jam?"
I offered when jam got stuck on the word
"Y-yeah i hadta shift all the way. Was a actual wolf for a bit, it was weird... But I'm ok now"
Jamie said like it was nothing but Ben did not treat it as such
"You went full wolfy jamie?!"
His phrasing coaxed a little laugh out of the two of us. Jamie nodded, then remembered Ben couldn't see that so they affirmed
"Yeah... But cause we had to leave fast, I didn't say bye or nothing-"
"No no jamie it's ok, you needed to get home. And seriously james that's amazing, I can't believe that. My best friend, full fledged werewolf"
Jamie giggled further at the high praise.
I loved seeing ben flex his 'put jamie in a good mood muscles', it's like an art form to him.
And with jam edging on the baby headspace, their little moods were shining through. Giggly happy gurgling jam and huffy pouting jam were definitely my 2 favourites. They were just so cute.
But it looked like a similar block to what stopped them from enjoying my good helper praise ealier was triggered again and they trailed off the giggles. Thankfully instead of another meltdown, this time jamie took a breath and forced out some solid communication.
"But that's not why- I mean what i wanted to say- um I... Ben I wanted to say sorry"
"Oh jamie nonono you're alright"
"Buh-"
Ben tried to brush Jamie's worries off, definitely not meaning anything bad. Probably hoping to keep things easy for jam, like myself
"James it's ok, there's really no need"
I watched jamie huff and puff out their cheeks in frustration. I rubbed my thumb reassuringly on their shoulder and jamie went for it.
"No! Ben please.. please let me"
Ben didn't object so jamie explained, speaking slowly as the fuzz was probably making it a bit harder.
"I said alot of bad stuff to you, stuff I didn't mean. But.. still said it and I made you sad and I'm really really sorry. I'm sorry ben, I don't want you to be sad and i want us to still be friends. You're my best friend and I was being dumb, I'm-"
Jamie sniffled, i squeezed their shoulder and they finished
"Am sowwy. Am sowwy I'm mean"
Their eyes were going glassy and I i was was ready to rebutt what they said. But ben beat me to it
"Oh james no no no, you aren't mean-"
Jamie cut off ben and argued, just like with me earlier (but with much less shouting). I just let the two at it
"No! what I said about your friends... about you doing nothing. Didn't mean it, was wrong"
The little wavering in Jamie's voice must've made ben cautious to go on as he asked, in the sweetest tone.
"Jamie... I want to be honest with you, so you have to be honest me too-"
Jamie nodded along very seriously, raising their blanket to stroke along their cheek in self soothing.
"Do you think you're big enough to hear this? We can talk more later if you're tired"
Jam stuck their thumb in their mouth and grumpily replied, a little muffled.
"Am big"
I stifled a laugh while Ben's failed attempt to do the same could be heard over the phone.
"Alright-"
Ben switched to the simple language as he picked up that jamie was clearly dropping.
"Those things you said did make me feel sad jamie. They were mean-"
I could see jam's bottom lip begin a little wobble and i hoped ben would reach a point.
"But a mean person would never say sorry. You saying sorry at all, thinking and fretting about how what you said could affect me. That makes you not mean"
Jamie might've tried to rebuttle but from around their thumb it just sounded like
"Buh wuhwuh, ab no ada wim me"
I couldn't glean a single word from that and I don't think Ben could either as he went on.
"And Jam on top of everything today, you weren't feeling very good were you? Your head was at you, being the real meanie here-"
Jamie nodded solemnly, thumb still in mouth. It irked me.
"-Andi helped me see that. Cause if you were feeling bad, it's pretty understandable you'd act bad too"
Jamie hummed thoughtfully.
And while ben spoke i sneakily took my hand off Jamie's back, snuck their pacifier back into my hand and swapped Jamie's thumb for the cleaner piece of rubber.
As thanks I received a little glare and a huff, but the pacifer eventually started bobbing, accompanied by the adorable nkuk nkuk nkuk sound and nothing else was said.
Thankfully ben was wrapping it up as I felt naptime was coming ever closer and jam was dropping quick.
"And just one more thing james, thank you for apologising. I obviously accept, and we're still best friends. Don't you ever worry about that"
Jam babbled
"Bes fwens!"
"Yeah kiddo, now I reckon it's time you get to that nap"
Jam babbled even more incoherence into the phone. But ended with
"-M'otay... Nigh bubby"
"Sleep well James"
"Lub!"
Jamie added and Ben reciprocated.
"Oh yes, lub you too"
And with that, little jamie was done. They pushed away the phone and thumped my chest a few times. I got the message, lifting them up into my ny arms as i turned off speakers and brought the phone back to my ear.
I stuck the almost forgotten bottle of milk in the warmer as i finished up the call with ben.
"Hi again ben, I'm sorry but i won't be able to chat much longer, we're both wrecked. I might as well just go down with jam and, thank you for doing that"
"Ha no problem. That was nice... I uh don't think I've ever heard Jamie admit they did something wrong before, like properly"
Ben said a little dreamily. I looked down at my little pup and ended the call with a quick goodbye.
I nuzzled my baby's nose, eliciting some quiet gurgles.
"I'm so proud of you Bambi. So so proud"
---------------------------------------------------
I said bye bye to Ben and rubbed at my eyes. They felt so heavy and my head felt so fuzzy. Daddy picked me up like i weighed nothing. He's so strong. He tucked my blanket in around me and i felt so warm.
I could still hear him talking. I wasn't sure what he was saying but I just liked hearing his voice. I felt so heavy, just like my eyes which had fallen shut. I snuggled into daddy's chest and was so close to falling asleep when out of nowhere my pacifier was taken.
I was about to cry out at him to give it back, when it was replaced by something else. I sleepily nursed at the new piece of rubber, happily snuffling when my mouth filled with warm milk.
Daddy must've started walking back upstairs as I was rocked in a gentle sway. I didn't even realise how hungry I was until the bottle was finished and I felt so full.
D
addy bounced me few times before giving me back my pacifier. And my mind just drifted. It was like I was floating, full tummy, comfy onsie, tucked up in daddy's arms.
I tucked my head back into him and let sleeo finally wash over me.