Chapter 3: Sleep Disorder
Johanne Olbrich was insufferable. You had no idea what you had done to warrant such nasty behaviour from her, but it had been going on ever since the two of you were in medical school and at work. It used to be tolerable, because back then you had many friends and a lot of space to avoid her. But now, your friends were limited to Mario and Niko, and you spend a lot of time in an enclosed space with Johanne, that is the Survey Corps HQ.
A month has passed since you joined the corps, and she found many ways to step on your tail. Whether it was by flaunting her surgery cases, questioning your medical skills, or putting you down in front of Doctor Kohlmann, she was insufferable. Her new gaggle of friends were no better, as she had somehow found a way to influence them into thinking you were problematic and had wronged Johanne in the past.
You had considered going to her and asking her what her problem was, but decided against it to avoid confrontation. However, you reached the edge of your limits today when Johanne touched on something she shouldn't have.
She commented on seeing you and Levi in the training grounds a month ago, it must have been that time when he helped give you advice on ODM gear training.
"I wish I was as relaxed as you about training. If you spend all your time flirting with squad leaders and Captain Levi, you must have mastered your ODM skills," Johanne had said. Ridiculous. Since when did you even flirt with any squad leader? You weren't even the one who approached the Captain back then when he helped you with the ODM training.
"If you spend more time focusing on yourself rather than paying attention to every single thing I do, maybe you'd actually have a decent personality."
Johanne laughs. "I didn't expect you to be so bold, you used to be quieter. Did Luca teach you to be louder?"
You crossed your arms, eyebrows furrowed at the mention of your ex-coworker, Luca. Luca Steinhauser is a handsome, blond man with blue eyes, coupled with a friendly and outgoing personality. You used to have a crush on him for about a year during medical school, and found out he shared the same romantic feelings for you. However, both of you decided not to pursue a relationship, choosing to fully focus on medical school and your careers. Besides, Luca was kind of a playboy, so you were hesitant if he could commit to a relationship anyway. He did end up transferring to your workplace years later though, and you were colleagues before you left for the military.
Why is Luca relevant now though, you wondered. You knew that Johanne must know about your past situation with Luca, but that was years ago.
"Why are you bringing up Luca?" you asked, genuinely confused.
"You'll let me know when you're through with him, won't you?" Johanne taunted.
"What?"
"Oh, did I misunderstand? You two seemed so.. close. But I'm sure you're setting your sights higher these days." Johanne smirked, glancing to her right where Captain Levi was training at the field.
You knitted your brows. Is Johanne really still hung up on Luca? Is that it? And who was she to question your choices on men?
"Do as you please with Luca, you can have him all you want," your lips curled up in amusement, a mask to the anger swirling in your chest.
Ah, that's right. Johanne liked Luca as well back then, but he never saw her that way. In fact, he avoided her after her relentless pursuits and when he saw how mean she was to you. Perhaps that's why you were a target of hers, and still are.
Johanne appeared unsatisfied with your response and how you seemed unfazed by her words. "Then know your place and don't get in the way again."
"The only person cockblocking yourself is you!" said a voice that didn't belong to you. You whipped your head to find Mario with his arms crossed, shaking his head at Johanne. Did he overhear your conversation? Nevermind that, his response to her was actually hilarious. You held back a laugh.
Johanne sneers at Mario, "I don't remember including you in the conversation."
"Then I've inserted myself in it! And this conversation is over, go take your snotiness somewhere else, Olbrich." Mario snorts, and pulls you away from Johanne.
When you're far away enough from Johanne, you burst into convulsing laughter.
"What the fuck was that?" you guffawed, stomach hurting from laughing too hard.
"Me rescuing you from that viper," Mario huffs. "You know, she's just trying to find a bone to pick. You don't owe her anything, not even an explanation or your time. Just walk away."
"I did want to walk away, but I can't stand her insults and accusations."
"What was that about anyway, the Luca guy and all?" Mario asked.
You sighed, and told him all about your ex-crush, how Johanne used to like him, and all that. Mario was understanding, offering you words of support. You wondered why he had taken such a liking to you, and what exactly made you so drawn to him as a friend?
For a month, you saw Mario everyday and had grown considerably close to him. You learnt about his likes and dislikes, his quirks and habits, and he learnt yours. You found out that he hated waking up early, is addicted to coffee, hated mushrooms, and loved his job as a surgeon. Mario also makes over-exaggerated faces when eating something he doesn't like, gets cranky when he doesn't get to drink coffee, and is always making some sort of noise.
He's quick to accompany you whenever you're alone, quashing any feelings of homesickness or loneliness that may rise.
Mario is also extremely perceptive to the emotions and behaviours of others, not afraid to lend a hand to any injured Scout on the field or open up to befriend someone. He's a little too jumpy around superiors though, often squirming when Captain Levi is talking to him or shying away in front of Commander Erwin.
He gives off little brother vibes, and there is no chance that you both see each other in a romantic light. Though unspoken, you both know you shared a purely platonic relationship, almost in a sibling-like manner. Mario is simply a blond bundle of sunshine and a breath of fresh air, and you're grateful to at least have one reliable friend in the Survey Corps.
—
Two months pass quickly, and you're in high spirits, for you were finally able to use the ODM gear smoothly with minimal faults.
You soared through the trees with the Scouts during ODM gear training, drawing surprised glances and looks from the others. You could barely use the ODM in the first three weeks of training, but after hearing Levi's advice to form a mind-and-body connection, you improved quicker since then. He was right, you overthink a lot. Once you listened more to your body and intuition, you were able to gain better control of yourself.
In two months, you've also gained more muscular definition to your figure, and you no longer huffed and puffed like death was coming during physical training. You often enjoyed staring at your reflection in the mirror, flexing your biceps and abdomen to see how much progress you've made. You smile with innocent satisfaction whenever you spot a new bulge of muscle forming. Even your ass looked slightly bigger from all that glute training.
Keith Shadis deemed the Military Doctors ready for training for the basics of Titan-killing, and that is what you're focusing on this month.
Besides your usual training, interesting developments have risen in the Walls. A boy who could transform into a Titan had appeared one day, who apparently was a part of the 104th Training Corps, and he was arranged to be under the care of the Survey Corps. You're not exactly up to date with these developments, as you're too busy with your duties in the medical ward and with training, but you do get information once in a while from Mario or other Scouts.
It didn't take long for the Titan boy to join the Survey Corps, along with several other new Survey Corps members. Ah, that's right, the 104th trainees had just graduated and are supposed to choose their regiments this season.
One morning, you met a cadet with messy brown hair and turquoise eyes who introduced himself as Eren Jaeger, the Titan boy. Your eyes widened in surprise to see him already making himself comfortable in the Survey Corps HQ. He was friendly and in high spirits, but he can't be much older than sixteen. You wonder if he really was able to transform into a Titan, and secretly hoped to be able to witness it with your own eyes. You'd take the time to study his biology if you could, but he's currently under the close watch of Captain Levi and his elite squad.
Speaking of Captain Levi, Commander Erwin had sent a Scout to inform you that he wanted you to come to his office this morning.
"What did the Commander want to talk about?" you asked the redheaded Scout, Nifa, nervously.
"I'm not sure, but I don't think it's anything bad from the look on the Commander's face," Nifa shrugged as she guided you to his office.
"We're here, hope all goes well!" Nifa smiled and walks away and you're left standing in front of Erwin's office.
You knocked raptly on his door, and heard the Commander's voice urging you to come in. When you enter his office, you're pleasantly surprised to see Captain Levi inside as well.
"How can I help you, Commander?" you asked and saluted him politely.
"Ah, relax. You're not in trouble. I just asked Nifa to call you over because I have a task especially for you," Erwin said with a welcoming smile on his face. "Please take a seat."
"What task would that be?" you asked and sat on a chair across from Erwin. Levi remains standing next to Erwin, arms crossed and expression as unreadable as always.
"I heard you're familiar with the field of psychology," Erwin said. "I suppose this task is somehow related to that."
"Ah, I'm not a licensed psychologist though, I just study some theories in my free time, though I will try my best to help with the task in hand," you smiled nervously. It's true, psychology had always intrigued you, but you chose to pursue medicine instead of those that discipline.
"Don't worry, that is good enough!" Erwin chuckled. "Anyways, this matter is confidential so do keep it to yourself. To put it simply, we need your help to get Levi to sleep properly."
Levi's mouth twitches, but you don't see it.
"Sleep?" you raised a brow.
"He's quite an insomniac, he has a sleeping disorder you see," Erwin continued.
"It's not a disorder. It's just a habit," Levi muttered to Erwin and shot him a dirty look, and continued staring at you with an unamused expression. You started to worry that you had offended him. Though given how little you both had interacted, you weren't sure how you could have managed it.
You panicked internally and started to churn your brain. You're a general surgeon and have been intensely practising your medical skills, you hardly knew anything about sleep disorders or how to treat insomnia.
"I keep advising him to get it treated because I want him to be in top condition before expeditions, but he doesn't want to go see a therapist in the walls because it might stir up some rumours. I heard you have some experience in the field of psychology, so I thought you may be able to help him out a little. You're one of us now after all, so it's much more discrete too," Erwin explained.
"I will try my best sir," you responded immediately, feigning confidence. The slightly confused look on your face didn't escape Levi, and he wondered if you actually knew how to treat sleeping disorders properly. Oh well, he would still prefer this over seeing a therapist in the walls.
"Fantastic. I'll let you go to your morning training first, this whole sleep treatment thing is flexible, and you can start arranging your schedule with Levi tonight," Erwin said. "I'll leave the rest to you, Levi."
"Thank you, Commander," you saluted Erwin. Oh boy, I need to read up on sleeping disorders.
"Come see me in my office tonight after training. Preferably after dinner time," Levi sighed. "I'm only doing this for you, Erwin."
"Sure, Captain," you nodded. "Where is your office?"
"Right wing, second story. First door to the right of the stairs." Levi said, looking impatient. His steely grey eyes struck a shiver down your spine.
"Got it. Thank you, Commander and Captain, I'll head straight to your office after dinner!" you saluted them one last time before leaving their office.
Your head swirled with thoughts. You had no idea the Captain was struggling with something like this. Poor thing. No wonder he was always out and about during ungodly hours in the mess hall. Well, the same could be said for you, but you were different as you sometimes have night shifts in the medical ward. Besides, being a medical student and doctor meant that you were used to having a disorganised sleep schedule. Even now, you still get calls at hours like 2 a.m. when emergency surgery is needed.
Anyway, how bad was the Captain's sleep disorder? Well, you'd just have to find out later. You fixed up your gear and headed over to training. Today, you were going to practise horseback riding and the basic techniques of using the swords.
—
Later in the evening, Eren Jaeger invited you to sit with him for dinner where he introduced you to his childhood friends Armin Arlert and Mikasa Ackerman. You're not sure why Eren had asked you to eat dinner together, maybe because you saw him during training earlier and had another friendly conversation about the special-bred horses in the corps.
You called Mario over to the table as well, of course. You two were practically attached at the hip at this point.
Eren and his friends were an interesting bunch. Mikasa appeared unapproachable while Armin looked shy at first, but they were both quite nice to talk to. You definitely noticed the close bond the three of them shared and learnt about how they grew up together.
"So you're a real doctor?" Eren asked while chewing on his bread. "I think I heard the Captain say something about the Survey Corps having new Military Doctors, but I'm not sure."
"Yup, I went through almost seven years of medical school and six years of residency."
"Wait, so you're way older than us? But you look so young- ow!" Eren's sentence was interrupted by Mikasa who pinched his thigh.
"Sorry, he can be a little rude sometimes," Armin muttered sheepishly.
"Don't worry," you gave an apologetic look to them. "Yes, I'm in my very late twenties. I won't give you a number though."
"Why? You're not that old?" Mario said and you ignored him.
"My father was a doctor too. You must be very smart then, I'm glad you joined us to fight for humanity," Eren balled his fist and grinned.
"Is this idiot's preaching getting on your nerves?" A tall, light brown-haired man appeared next to your table and crossed his arms. "Eren, give the doctor a break, she just arrived here. Nice to meet you two by the way, I heard about the Survey Corps recruiting new Military Doctors. I'm Jean Kirstein!"
"Nice to meet you too, Jean!" you and Mario beamed and shook his hand. I guess pretty much the whole Survey Corps knows about you and the other doctors, you thought.
"What the hell? I wasn't even preaching this time!" Eren gritted his teeth.
"So you admit that you do preach!" Jean guffawed and Eren rose to his feet, fists balled as if ready to fight.
"Whoa, what is going on?" you said, half amused yet half worried a fight is going to break out.
"They're always like that," Armin slurped on his soup. "Eren, sit down, you're making a scene again!"
You giggled and felt happy that you were able to get acquainted with the new Scouts. They are so young, you thought. Barely sixteen and already fully-fledged soldiers. You're at the end of your twenties and even you found the training extremely harsh. You looked around the dining hall and caught sight of a clock on the wall. It was almost 8pm and you realized-
"Crap, I need to get going first guys, I need to take care of some paperwork," you gasped and scrambled to gather your cutleries.
"Paperwork?" Eren asked.
"Just some admin stuff. See you all tomorrow!" You lied as you can't tell anyone about treating Captain's sleeping disorder, and hurriedly left the table and headed out of the dining hall.
You got a little lost on the way there since you were still unfamiliar with the headquarters, but eventually found your way to Captain Levi's office.
You knocked on his door and hoped it wasn't another person's. The door opened suddenly and revealed a man with a familiar mop of jet-black hair.
"You took a while," Levi raised his brow as he opened the door for you.
"Sorry sir, got held back by some cadets earlier," you smiled sheepishly.
The first thing you noticed was how his office was immaculately clean and polished. Books and folders were neatly arranged in alphabetical order, stationeries grouped according to purpose, and there was no trash in sight.
The next thing you noticed was a faint, herbal-like aroma, with a slight hint of detergent. You also noticed a cupboard with what appears to be a bunch of tea sets and tea leaves. So that's where the pleasant aroma was coming from. The Captain appears to be a very organized man, and as you had already learnt, a tea-lover.
"Are you finished looking around? This is an office, not a museum," Levi muttered and closed the door behind him.
"Sorry! Couldn't help but notice how organised your office is," you felt embarrassed getting caught gawking.
"As how any office should be, really. I don't understand how anyone can be productive in a dirty, cluttered office," Levi said as he led you to his desk. Whew, that Scout was right about him being a clean freak.
He had some paper neatly stacked on his desk, it seemed like he was doing some admin work. You sat on the chair across him and tried not to mess anything up.
"Damn that Erwin, this is so troublesome," Levi muttered. "I don't see why Erwin is fussing so much about this sleep thing, I'm still alive anyway right."
"That's because you practically forced your body to get used to it," you sighed and looked at him empathetically. "Humans need eight hours of sleep to repair and maintain bodily functions. Even if you feel fine now this is probably only thirty to fifty percent of you. If you get enough sleep, your 'engine' will be running at one hundred percent and trust me, you'll feel the difference."
Levi only looked at you as if you were speaking a foreign language.
"Don't you want to get enough sleep Captain?" you asked, looking puzzled. This was the first time you've seen someone so disinterested at the thought of sleeping. As a medical student and doctor, sleep was like a precious privilege to you and you could literally fall asleep anywhere if you wanted to.
"It's not that I don't want to, I can't in the first place," Levi remarked. "Anyways, just do your thing-" Levi held himself back from calling you a brat at the last second. He has a habit of calling cadets brats because they are much younger than him and always looked so lost. For a moment he forgot that you were a grown adult with a doctor's degree, and decided that it would be better to hold his tongue.
"Alright, sir. I'll be asking you some questions so I can get to know more about your current condition," you asserted, feeling your initial nervousness fade away as you switched into doctor-mode. You took out a file and a pen from your bag.
"I'm going to start off by asking some questions for formalities and record tracking, don't worry, your personal information is confidential," you reassured him. "Full name and date of birth?"
"Levi. I don't know my birth date."
You tilted your head in confusion, wondering if he was being serious or not. Seeing Levi's unfazed eyes and flatline mouth, he really does seem serious and you don't press further. You've heard rumours about Levi's notorious background, so you were afraid to offend him.
"No problem, for the next set of questions you can answer with a simple yes or no," you continued. "Do you have any pre-existing medical conditions?"
"No."
"Are you currently taking any medications?"
"No."
"Any known allergies?"
"No."
The Captain is as flat as a rock, but this makes your job easier. Some patients get anxious over the questions, start doubting themselves, and will start to ramble.
"Are you sexually active?"
"No."
That 'no' took slightly longer to answer compared to the rest, you noted.
"Do you smoke or drink?"
"No."
"Any significant physical or mental health conditions that run in your family?" You continued checking off boxes on your list.
"I wouldn't know. I have no family. But I feel healthy so far."
The Captain has no family? You wonder why and what happened to them, but choose to forget it for now.
"Height and weight?" you asked. "I didn't bring my weight and height measuring equipments with me, but maybe we make a quick trip down to the medical wards to-"
"160cm. 65kg." Levi interrupts. If looks could kill, you'd be dead meat by now. Perhaps you've treaded on a touchy subject?
"Alright, we're getting to the end of it, just bear with me a little." You set down your file and picked up your stethoscope, ignoring Levi's feral cat-like glare. "I'm going to do a quick check up on you, Captain. Just to check on your general health and make sure everything is good, okay?"
Levi gave you a curt nod and you got up from your chair. "I'm going to press this on your chest to check your heartbeat, okay?"
As you lean down to press the stethoscope on his chest, Levi catches your calming scent. He manages to get a close look at your features as you keenly listen to the beat of his heart. He thinks back to the time he saw you at the infirmary when you first came in and how he thought you looked pretty. You still do, and that makes it a little more difficult for Levi to maintain his stoic, calm composure.
"Heart sounds healthy, very healthy. Next, I'll be taking a look at your ear with this tool, don't worry it doesn't hurt," you smiled and shifted to Levi's right side. Levi only gives you a flat 'hm'.
You gently placed your otoscope into his right ear, checking for any signs of infections or abnormalities. Levi gets a shiver when he feels the brush of your hand against his ear. It has been a while since anyone has been so close to him like this, let alone touch him with this level of gentleness and care. You touched him as if he were porcelain, something Levi is not used to.
"Looks good, now your other ear," you said and shifted to his left, softly pulling on his ear and placing the tool in. He feels your breath gently brushing against his ear and neck, causing a tingle to rise up his spine. "Ears look good. Next, I'll be checking your throat, okay?"
When you're opening his mouth and sticking a tongue depressor on his mouth, Levi doesn't seem to enjoy it. It somehow felt violating to him, but he bears with it.
"Good! No sign of infections or growth. Next your eyes," you smiled, using your gloved fingers to pull on his eyelids and observe him closely. This level of proximity is too close for Levi's comfort, but he allows it begrudgingly. "Last one, I'll be checking on your abdomen. I need you to lie down for me."
"Lie down?" Levi curled his brow, looking around his office for a suitable place to lie down at. "How about the couch?"
"Ah, the couch will do," you nodded, and ushered him over.
Levi lies down on the couch as you crouched down next to him, readying your gloved hands and handy hammer-like tool.
"Are you going to knock my stomach with that ?" He makes a face at your tool.
"It's not a real hammer. It's wooden and hollow," you patted his arm to reassure him. "I'm going to press on your stomach with my hands okay, just some gentle pressure. Relax your abdomen and if you feel any pain, let me know."
Levi nods and you got to work, gently applying pressure on him. It feels firmer than usual.
"I told you to relax your abdomen," you said.
"I am relaxing."
"What?" It feels way too firm for a relaxed stomach. Just how many layers of abdominal muscle is the Captain hiding? You pull your mind away from the Captain's taut muscles and focus back on the health checkup, checking for lumps or hardness. You use your tool to knock on his abdomen, checking for any abnormal sounds.
"Stomach seems good as well," you said. "Okay, I'm done. Let's go back to the questions."
You and Levi sat back on the chair, and you picked up your pen and file to write down notes of his health checkup results. "Captain, you are one of the healthiest people I've ever met."
"Are we done with the checkup? I feel like a specimen in a lab," Levi mutters.
"Yep we are. Now tell me, how many hours of sleep do you get every night?" you started. "And what time do you sleep and wake up?"
"I don't know, probably only two or three hours. I don't really keep track," Levi sighed and leaned on his chair. "Maybe around 2 or 3 a.m. and then I get up at 5 a.m. for training or paperwork." Damn, this is worse than you thought.
"Can you tell me what you do before bedtime? Do you work or relax?"
"A mix of both. I do work because I can't sleep and when I don't work, I just end up lying down on my bed for hours. Sometimes I read," Levi explained. He was slightly amused at how focused you were while you jotted down notes about his sleeping habits.
"I see..." you muttered to yourself as you jotted furiously.
"Do you wake up often when you sleep?"
"Yes."
Gosh, he only gets two to three of sleep a night and still wakes up in between? You shook your head. Levi wondered if you were silently judging him. You were even more aghast when he started explaining how he slept on his chair more than his bed. He treated sleep as a nonevent, like a chore. Major red flag.
"I assume you take tea as your main source of caffeine. How often?" you asked.
Levi pursed his lips before answering, "Four to five cups a day?"
"Captain! That's more than the recommended caffeine intake per day," your mouth hung open. He must really love his tea, you mused.
"What's the problem? I can't sleep even if I don't drink tea."
You scribbled on some more notes before you finally decided to ask the tough one.
"Sir, sleep disorders stem from a root cause, yours seem to be psychological," you softened your expression at him and leaned closer. Levi felt his breath hitch a little. "I know this may be difficult to talk about and that's completely normal. But can you tell me if you've experienced anything in the past that particularly triggered this sleeping habit?"
Levi's expression grew sullen. There was something about your voice and expression that made Levi's heart ache and made him want to tell you all the frightening things he's experienced.
Maybe it was the slightly dim lighting of the office or your calming aura, that made the atmosphere rather.. emotional ? He didn't even know the proper word to describe this situation. It sounds crazy, because he had only known you for two months, but why does he feel like you are someone he could rely on?
He didn't want to admit it out loud, but you'd make a pretty good therapist.
"You don't have to tell me all the details, just a simple yes or no will do, and maybe with a brief description," you made your voice as soft and as relaxing as possible, as you knew that getting people to discuss past traumas was never easy. But you needed answers if you wanted Levi to get better. You know that as a Survey Corps member, he definitely must have experienced nightmarish moments, but you needed to know what exactly the trigger was.
You tried to be encouraging, coaxing him out of his shell with a gentle voice and an open heart.
After a few seconds of silence, Levi sighed, "Yes, I did. I lost important people in my life years ago, they were like family to me."
You felt sadness after hearing this. It was rather vague, but they must be people he really cared about. Behind that apathetic and tough expression, you just know that he was hiding a lot of hurt, pain, and traumatic memories. You've seen this same expression in patients before.
"I've always had bad sleeping habits as a child. Let's just say I didn't grow up in very good conditions. But it hit the hardest when that incident happened, and that was probably when I started having sleeping problems," he continued, finally giving in to you.
His expression had softened, and he looked like he was in deep thought. You felt a twitch in your hand and without thinking, you reached your hand out across the desk.
Those sad eyes. That was all you could think about at that moment.
You couldn't take it anymore and before you knew it, you had placed your hand on top of his.
Notes:
Hey fellas! Thanks for reading Be Kind 🤩 Do leave a comment if you enjoyed it so far, comments are so fun to read and it makes me so happy to write more 🥰