HEYYYY LATE NIGHT SUNDAY ANGSTTTTT GATHER ROUNDDDDD
though there's a lot of description and buildup to the actual angst so....
so this one took me like six hours to write in total- (can you tell it's going to be long?) (help me it's nearly 4k words)
as always, please read the trigger warnings and tysm for your support! <3
TWs:
- anorexia
- self-deprecating thoughts
- non-physical force-feeding
- crying
i will say beforehand i kind of went above and beyond with descriptions, so you visual readers are getting some tasty snacks tonight :P
The avian walks out of his base, spreading his wings and soaking in the sunlight. He feels his colorful feathers warm up, enjoying the gentle heat of the sun.
Grian opens his eyes. He enjoys the scenery for a bit more before going back into his base. Walking over towards the conjunction between his kitchen and living room area, the blonde takes a look at his hanging calendar, seeing that today is the event Xisuma and Keralis had been planning.
The two of them had built a log cabin a respectful distance from anyone's builds in a snowy biome, and had invited all of the Hermits over for a break during the holiday season. The plan is for them all to live in the cabin for 2-3 weeks, just enjoying themselves and taking some pressure away. Grian approached Keralis a few days ago to ask if he needed any help with anything, to which he just asked the avian to bring some food if he could.
Walking over to his fridge, the blonde takes out some foods he had prepared. Platters of baked potatoes, golden carrots, glow and sweet berries, and some melons sit on his table, ready to be taken to the cabin.
Grian quickly runs back to his bedroom to grab his bag before putting the food in his inventory and exiting his base. He spreads his colorful wings, carefully jumping off the side of his bridge and gliding until he finds an updraft and gains height. Once he's at the right altitude, the avian begins his flight to the cabin, looking at the coordinates he was given.
After 15 minutes of flying, the rather large spruce cabin comes into render, the smoke spewing out of the chimney seeming very inviting in the cold of winter.
The blonde gracefully lands on the front porch and knocks on the door. A few seconds later, it swings open and Grian meets the happy face of Keralis, who invites him in with a smile.
"Hey there, Brian," Keralis says. "So glad you could make it early! Come inside, it's cold out there."
"Yeah, it really is," Grian replies, stepping into the warm atmosphere of the cabin. "I have the food you asked for."
"Great!" Keralis says while motioning over to a smaller table in the center of the entrance hallway. "You can put whatever you have there, I can organize it later!" he explains with a smile before going back to where Grian presumes is the kitchen. It's only then that he really takes in the architecture of the building.
Right when you walk in, there is a small foyer for coats and/or shoes, which opens up into a semi-massive entrance hallway. There's a fluffy red carpet with gold trimmings in the middle, on which sits the small table where Grian is to put his food. On his right, there is a staircase leading up to a second floor. On his left, the wall opens up to a dining room where a long table is adorned with candles and other holiday-themed decor. In the corner between the dining room wall and the wall straight ahead of Grian, there is a wide door cut into it that leads into the kitchen, where Keralis looks to be making preparations of food. The structure is entirely built out of spruce wood, and decorations made from balsam fir branches adorn the place along many different spots.
Now, this may not seem like a cabin because of the size and a few other factors, but keep in mind just who is staying in this cabin. These are the Hermits we're talking about, and you're surprised by that? On top of their over-the-top-ness, there's also simply a lot of them, and the extra space is necessary to accommodate the number of people in attendance.
After soaking in the details of the building, Grian drops his bag against the wall and takes out the various platters of food he brought. Placing them softly on the table like directed, he spaces them out in a nice way, making the display look pretty. Once he's done, the avian grabs his bag and walks to the kitchen.
Grian pops his head in through the door to see Keralis doing the last of his cooking. "Hey Keralis," he says, loving the aroma of the fresh food. "I finished putting my plates on the table. Where can I put my bag? I would like to put it down so I can be more of a help around here." Grian smiles as he fully walks into the kitchen.
"Oh, yeah, Shishwammy should be just about done with the bedrooms upstairs, you can leave it there and ask him if he needs help with anything!" Keralis replies, returning his focus back on the steak.
"Okay, thanks!" Grian says, leaving the kitchen for the stairs.
"Of course!" The blonde hears Keralis yell from the other room as he walks up to the second floor. Once there, he observes it to be a long hallway with many doors, each having lit candles between them. There are five doors on the left side and four on the right–nine in total.
The avian is about to call out the admin's name before he hears a thud coming from the third door on the right, causing him to run to it and look inside. Much to his relief, it was only Xisuma not looking where he was going and running into a chest.
Pushing the door open slightly, the blonde internally giggles at the scene before him. "Hey there, X," he says, the admin whipping his head around in surprise.
"Oh, Grian!" he exclaims. "I didn't see you there! How are you?" Xisuma asks, getting up and moving the chest where it needs to go.
"I'm doing alright, and you?"
"That's good to hear, I'm doing alright too. Anyways, what's up?" the admin asks, finally diverting his full attention to the blonde.
"I just finished helping Keralis with food and he said to come ask if you needed any help, so, can I help you with anything?" Grian asks, folding his wings neatly on his back.
"Oh yeah, that'd be great!" Xisuma replies. He walks out of the room as Grian follows. "I'm trying to personalize each room so that each Hermit is comfortable. After all, we will be here for quite a bit."
The admin pushes open the fifth door on the left side of the hallway, leading the avian into it. "There are 25 Hermits, but we don't have the space or materials for 25 rooms right now, so I decided that there would be seven rooms with three people and two with two people," Xisuma explains. "Each Hermit is being assigned a room and, based on their bedrooms in their bases, is what the room will look like. I'm trying to make these rooms as homey and comfortable as possible. This is yours, Mumbo's, and Scar's.
Grian surveys the room. The window has pleasant red curtains, which meet a table with drawers and a flower pot with a poppy on top. In the two far corners, there are two beds, one with white sheets and the other with a nice sage green. Perhaps the most outstanding, however, is the tree branch that extends from the wall and the hanging nest-bed that dangles from it. In the left corner closer to the door, three bean bags sit with some shelves above them and a carpet in the middle. Three double chests sit in the final corner of the room–the one closer to the door on the right.
"Wow, it's gorgeous, X," the avian says, taking a step further into the room. "You've truly outdone yourself!" he exclaims, looking back at the admin and smiling. The blonde glances back towards the nest-bed as he drops his bag next to the double chests. "Is that for me?"
"Thank you!" Xisuma says with pride. "And yes, it is. Again, I wanted to make it like a second home for all of the Hermits and I thought you'd appreciate this."
"Oh, X, I love it! And I'm positive the other two will as well," Grian says, returning to Xisuma's side. "Now, what exactly did you need help with?"
"Well, I'd just like you to go through the rooms with me. I'd like a second opinion on my design choices."
"Okay, let's get started!"
Walking to the next room, Grian and Xisuma review the rooms, changing a minor detail here and there until the rooms are perfect for each future inhabitant.
"Wow, that took a long time," the admin says. "Let's go downstairs, I think some of the Hermits are arriving."
The two go downstairs again to see a few Hermits already there, talking to Keralis. A bunch of couches had been moved into the room since the two had last been down there, and a fireplace pops and crackles, giving a warm aura to the room.
Grian and Xisuma sit down with the others. More Hermits arrive until they're all there, at which point the sun has already set.
The avian is sitting on a comfortable red couch, using Mumbo as a pillow while listening to him and Doc discuss redstone. Grian, with his limited knowledge on the subject, is happy to listen in, even though he understands absolutely none of it. He just enjoys the company of his friends.
"Alright, do we wanna have dinner now? We can also wait a bit more if nobody's hungry yet," Keralis announces, grabbing the attention of the Hermits.
"Yeah, I'm getting kind of hungry," Ren says, standing up. "I'll help bring some stuff to the table for you!" the dog hybrid offers.
"Me too, I can help wherever needed," Xisuma says, walking over to Keralis.
Grian, though reluctantly, leaves his Mumbo-pillow and runs over to the kitchen as well. Together, the four of them set the table with plates, silverware, and many different platters of food. Once they're done, Keralis calls everyone over to the table.
Grian takes a seat at the end of the table, but not at the head. Mumbo sits on his left with Scar on the other side of Mumbo. Xisuma is seated at the head of the table, which is essentially to the right of the blonde, while Doc sits across from him with Ren on the creeper's right.
The Hermits all dish out food for themselves as they pass platters around the table. Grian, unlike the others, doesn't take much food. Despite having been the one who brought a bunch of stuff, he only takes a few golden carrots. Mumbo notices this, but decides not to push, assuming Grian had eaten earlier and just wasn't hungry.
By the time everyone was done with their food, the avian still hadn't taken a bite of his carrots.
"Hey, Grian, buddy," Mumbo whispers to his best friend. "Are you okay? You haven't touched your food at all," he asks, having decided to finally speak up about his noticings.
At his friend's words, Grian starts to mildly panic. "U-uh, I ate earlier and I'm not hungry," the blonde fibs, hoping to keep his friend's questions at bay.
"Yeah, but it has to have been a long time since you ate, you didn't eat any snacks when we were hanging out on the couches over there," Mumbo replies, not really convinced by the blonde's story.
"I-," Grian desperately tries to think of a way to dispel Mumbo's questions. "I-it was a really big meal I ate earlier, and I'm just not hungry." Grian tries before adding "If I get hungry later, I'll just come down and get some food, okay?" the blonde offers, hoping that Mumbo wouldn't push it.
Mumbo sighs before replying with an unsure 'okay.' With a quiet sigh of relief, Grian looks towards his plate. There's only a few carrots, but just looking at them makes Grian feel sick.
Right when Grian feels like he's about to throw up, Xisuma catches his attention.
"Hey, G, Doc, can you help me get some firewood? Keralis and I made a space for a bonfire out back, can you guys help me get some firewood?" the admin asks, standing up and taking his plate.
The two both agree and bring their plates to the kitchen as well, leaving them by the sink. Unfortunately for Grian, Doc notices his plate, and the little on it, as well as the lack of food crumbs.
"Hey, Grian? Did you eat anything?" the creeper hybrid asks, an unreadable expression on his face.
The avian continues his lie from earlier. "Oh, I ate a pretty big meal before this, so I wasn't necessarily hungry. My plan is to just get some food if I do get hungry."
The creeper hybrid just looks at the avian for a second before huffing and walking outside, trailing behind Xisuma. This reaction makes Grian worry, wondering if he convinced Doc or not. It's probably the latter.
The three walk outside with coats on and start to gather logs from surrounding trees. After they've collectively gathered a sufficient wood supply, they dump it next to the fire pit and return to the warmth of the cabin. He notices that the Hermits have sort of migrated back to the living room, the sound of chatter filling the air. Grian looks towards the kitchen and sees Mumbo and Keralis having a hushed conversation. They both look at him at the same time before quickly diverting their gaze when they realize he's seen them. And between them on the counter, is Grian's plate, still with the few golden carrots on it.
Fear filling Grian, he puts on his poker face and fakes a yawn. "Hey, Xisuma, I'm kind of tired, I think I'm gonna retire for the night."
Xisuma looks at Grian. "Okay, that's alright! Would you like me to wake you up when it's time for s'mores?" the admin offers, kindness sparkling in his eyes.
"No, that's okay," Grian says, sickened by the idea of having to eat one. "Thank you though, and goodnight!"
"Of course, see you tomorrow morning!" Xisuma replies with a smile as he walks over to Keralis and Mumbo.
Not wanting to be there when X talks to them, Grian swiftly speed-walks up the stairs, down the hallway, and into his assigned bedroom. Once there, he closes the door gently and sees a mirror mounted on the back. Unable to tear his gaze away from the reflection of his body, Grian's thoughts consume him. Ugly. Stupid. Fat.
"God, I really do need to stop eating so much," he whispers to himself quietly as a single tear rolls down his face. God damn it, the blonde thinks to himself. I'm so fat, I need to lose some weight. And ugly too. Why am I even here? Mumbo and Keralis we're probably talking about how much they hate me in the kitchen. I should just leave the cabin and go back to my base. They were definitely asking about my food tonight because they thought it was too much. Ugh, I'm so fat. And ugly. And useless. Xisuma and Doc could've gotten that wood so much faster had I not been there to bother them. And Xisuma wouldn't've been forced to change his beautiful designs for these rooms had I not been here to interfere.
He slowly lifts up his red sweater to reveal his chest, which is much too small for his age. But all Grian can think about himself is negative. Ugh, I really am so fat. I won't eat anymore tonight, even if I am hungry.
The thought of possibly even being hungry made Grian start to actually feel hungry, much to his dissatisfaction. Instead of grabbing a snack, the avian simply flies up to his nest-bed and curls up, holding his knees to his chest as he drifts off into sleep.
When Grian wakes up, he hears voices in his room. Keeping in his sleeping position, he tries to listen in.
"Yeah, I think it's best if one of us has a one-on-one conversation with him," A voice says. One of who? And a conversation with who?
"Okay, should you do it or should I?" a person with a heavy german accent speaks, which Grian immediately determines to be Doc.
"I don't know I'm-," the speaker is cut off by a yawn. "I'm a little tired, so I may not be able to have the best conversation with him right now."
"That's okay, Mumbo," Doc replies. "You can go to sleep and I'll wait for him to wake up."
"Sure, that sounds great," the person who Grian now knows to be Mumbo thanks Doc. The blonde hears shuffling as he presumes Mumbo is climbing into his own bed. After a minute or two more, Grian finally perks his head out of the nest-bed. He spots Doc sitting in one of the bean bags in the corner, seemingly gathering his thoughts.
Deciding to bite the bullet, Grian finds his voice and calls out Doc's name with a questioning tone, looking at the creeper hybrid with feigned confusion like he hadn't known Doc was there.
"Oh, hi, Grian. How did you sleep?" Doc asks, standing up and walking towards the avian.
"Fine, what's up? And what time is it?" the blonde replies, despite not really wanting to talk to anyone right now.
"It's around 12 am right now, and sorry to disturb your sleep, but I need to talk to you about something important," Doc says, stepping back a little. "Why don't you come down and we can go to my room to talk? I don't want to wake Mumbo up."
"Y-yeah, sure!" Grian replies, getting nervous at what Doc wants from him. He doesn't recall doing anything wrong, so what could the creeper hybrid want to talk about?
The avian comes down from his hanging bed and follows Doc out of his bedroom and down the hallway to the first door from the stairs on the left side of the hallway–four doors down from Grian's room. Doc leads him inside the room and closes the door softly behind him. Based on the configuration of the room and his tour with Xisuma earlier, Grian sees that Doc is rooming with Ren and Cub, though the other two Hermits are nowhere in sight.
They too, have a small area in the corner of their room where a few bean bags rest.
"Sit down," Doc instructs, motionting over to one of the bean bags. Grian complies, sitting down in a dark cyan one.
If his facial expression isn't enough to convey his nervous state, then his posture sure is.
"Grian, I hope you know that you can tell me anything, and I swear it won't be spread to anyone else," Doc says after sitting down next to Grian. He takes a deep breath before starting again. "Listen, I know I'm one of the more intimidating Hermits, and that we had a little war earlier on in the season, but I do truly care about you. And your behavior from today worries me."
Grian simply looks at Doc. Silence engulfs the room for a minute or two before Doc sighs, pulling out a potato from his inventory. "Can you eat this for me, please?" the creeper hybrid asks, sending shivers down the blonde's spine. The words ring in his head as he stares at the food item in his friend's hand.
"Uhm, n-no thank you!" He says, the room suddenly feeling smaller than before.
"Why not?" Doc asks, his facial expression unchanging.
"W-well," the avian stammers. "I-i'm just not hungry! That's it!" Grian desperately tries to convince Doc to drop the subject.
"Grian, I know you are. It isn't physically possible that you aren't," Doc says, looking directly into Grian's eyes. "And don't try to say you had a big meal and that's why you didn't want dinner. Because I spoke with both Xisuma and Keralis, and they said you had been working and helping them with the cabin all day today, so there's no way you ate a big meal. And you ate nothing when we all had dinner again, and immediately went back to work collecting logs right after. Then, you say you're tired and come back to your room to sleep for another few hours, which leads me to believe that you have been putting off your hunger for some reason that I'd like to know."
Grian is left speechless at Doc's words. So his faulty lies hadn't worked, unsurprisingly. Not knowing how to respond, Grian's wings puff up behind him and he pulls his knees to his chest, holding them there with his arms. He diverts his gaze to anywhere but Doc's.
After a few moments of silence, Doc sighs again. "Grian, I need you to eat this potato."
"B-but, I-"
"No buts," Doc says sternly. "I know you're not gonna like it, but you have to eat something. Just one potato. Please."
The creeper takes the blonde's hand and puts the potato in it. He observes the food item in his hand, and, feeling slightly pressured under Doc's watching gaze, he lifts it to his mouth and hesitantly takes a small bite out of it. It sits in his mouth for a good ten seconds before he forces himself to swallow it, already feeling so much heavier.
Grian moves the potato away from his mouth and rests his hand in his lap, looking at Doc again. "Another bite," he says, not looking away from Grian for even a millisecond.
Grian makes a noise, taken aback by Doc's words. He expects the avian to take another bite?
"Come on, you can do it. It's just like the first one."
Slowly but surely, with Doc's encouragement, Grian eats half of the potato, already feeling like he weighs ten times his weight from before.
"You can do it, Grian. I'm here for you," Doc says, attempting to encourage the avian.
As Grian lifts the potato to his lips to take another bite, he starts shaking and drops it, bringing his hands to his head and his wings to cover his sides.
"D-doc, I-I can't, I-" tears start rolling down the blonde's cheeks.
"Shhh, it's okay, you did so great. Look, you ate half that potato! That's amazing!" the creeper says, pulling the avian into a hug.
Doc whispers words of encouragement and comfort to Grian as he cries into Doc's chest. After the blonde has stopped crying as much, Doc pulls him off his chest in order to look him in the eyes.
"Hey, listen, I'm so proud of you for eating that potato, that was very strong of you to overcome that," he says, smiling at Grian. "Little by little, no matter how long it takes, you're going to get better, you're going to heal. And the Hermits will be here for you every step of the way."
A few moments of silence pass before Doc speaks again. "I think it would be good for you to go to therapy, probably with Joe. I know you're probably opposed to the idea, but I really think you should. He's always here to help you, just as I am right now."
"Fine..." Grian mumbles, moving his head to rest on the creeper's shoulder. "Who else knows?" He asks after a few seconds, closing his eyes gently.
"As of right now," Doc starts. "Just me, Keralis, Xisuma, and you."
He wraps his arms around Grian's back, carefully avoiding the feathers of his wings. "You're going to get better, Grian, I promise. Everything will work out in the end."
And with a short hum, Grian closes his eyes yet again and drifts back to sleep. He may feel like he weighs 100 bricks now, but it's all a process. And it may be a long process, but he'll always have his newfound family to comfort and support him.
3,994 words
WHY THE HECK DID I DECIDE TO WRITE 4,000 WORDS OF GRIANGST?! I DON'T KNOW. THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME
and yes this is one of the ones i said i was working on, the other one might come out within this coming week or the next one
anyways i had a lot of fun with all of the concepts in this oneshot, i even went as far as to actually assign each hermit to a bedroom in my notes for this oneshot-