*• September 2013 •*
- Los Angeles, USA -
~< Say Don't Go >~
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF ADDIE JUST JUMPED?
Would anyone even come running?
Or would no one give a shit?
Addie pondered this as she stood on the edge of a very tall building, staring down at the passing cars with their headlights on to guide them.
The night sky stood above Addie, but it was too cloudy and she couldn't see the stars or even the moon. It was as if someone had stolen them from the sky.
But it was just pollution. Stupid New York City pollution.
Addie knew this building. It was where Harry lived. And so it was just pure fate when he walked out of his apartment right when Addie was on the edge.
She expected him to look up, to notice her and understand what she needed. But he didn't.
So she grabbed her phone and called him. The phone rang and rang and rang endlessly. Waiting for him to answer her call.
She was standing on the edge of a building and she needed someone to talk her down from that ledge. Only Harry could save her.
She wanted him to answer, to look up and see her and scream that he loved her and needed her in his life. To tell her that he would never survive her leaving.
Harry pulled out his phone, seeing the call from Addie. He put his phone on silent, and got into a cab and drove away.
No one cared enough to save Addie.
So she turned around, her back to the street, as she let herself fall backwards, plummeting to the ground, to her death. Wind bit at her neck, flapping her hair around as she fell until her bones would crush on pavement-
Addie woke up.
It wasn't the kind of waking up like you see in movies, where the character wakes up in a sweat, gasping for air and in shock.
No, it was the kind of waking up where you know you could move, but all you can find it in you to do is stare at the ceiling. Stare at the white ceiling and try and ground yourself in reality before the terror overtakes you.
She lied, paralyzed only by her mind and her fear, trying to hold back tears.
Harry never saved her.
He didn't care anymore.
He wasn't in her life anymore and he would never be.
Thinking about him and dreaming about him would only cause so much more pain.
Addie felt like an open wound that kept bleeding.
So where were her stitches?
Taking deep breaths, Addie couldn't help the tears running down her cheeks. God, how desperate was she for Harry's affection and attention that she'd be willing to jump off of a tall building just for him to come running?
"Idiot," Addie muttered to herself as she hugged her pillow, feeling completely and utterly alone, with only her fear to accompany her.
***
Addie came into the studio, holding Cheshire on one arm and a Frappucino in the other. She wasn't sure why, but she'd started getting Starbucks every day before going to the studio. It just felt nice to do something a little special for herself.
Somewhere between a reward for getting up in the morning and something good to try and start the dat on the right foot.
Cheshire struggled against Addie's grip, wanting to worm her way out and run off to god knows where. But she didn't manage to escape until they were locked inside the studio room and all Cheshire could do was run underneath the couch and then jump on the coffee table, knocking over a closed water bottle.
"Cheshire!" Addie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.
Karl laughed as Cheshire weaved in between his legs, almost running in the shape of an infinity around him. "So this is the beloved Cheshire, huh?"
Setting down her bag on a chair, Addie chuckled. "Yup. The one and only." Cheshire jumped and leapt into Addie's lap the second she was sat. "I woke up at like 3am because she was throwing up, and I took her to the vet. Looks like she ate something she shouldn't have. She's going to be fine, but I have to be with her for the next 48 hours to make sure she doesn't get worse."
Waking up find Cheshire vomiting non-stop was not the best moment of Addie's life. She was crying as she tried to calm Cheshire down, trying to figure out what to do.
She'd sworn she'd done everything right, and there was no reason for Cheshire to be sick.
But her hands had shook as she picked Cheshire up and put her in the car, driving her to the vet. Waiting for the doctor to check her up was the most anxiety-ridden moment of Addie's life.
Cheshire had been in Addie's life for less than a month, and already she was incredibly attached to the cat.
And if something had happened to Cheshire, Addie could never forgive herself.
"Aw, well it's nice to have a little bit of company in the studio," Karl cooed as he pet Cheshire's head. "She's fluffy."
Addie nodded, grabbing her notebook from her bag. "Yeah, she is. So, I wrote a lot of stuff last night."
"Yeah?" Karl prompted, grabbing the notebook Addie offered him. He flipped through the pages she'd scribbled on last night with all the ideas that came to her mind. "Oh Lord, I have dreams, of jumpin' off of very tall somethings, just to see you come running." He looked up from the notebook, tapping the words scribbled with black pen. "What's that melody like?"
Addie sang the words with the melody she had in mind. And then she said, "I'm not sure about the line though. I don't think SyCo will like it much."
"Suicidal thoughts?" Karl mused, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Highly doubt it. But I want to work on it anyways."
They started working on that song, only to leave it untitled because no name sounded right for the song. They wrote more of it, and then jumped to another song Addie had come up with. She mostly just had the concept.
It was about the fantasy of a guy who works his hardest to win a girl back after she walks away. Talking about how to get a girl back.
And maybe it was based on Addie's fantasy of Harry showing up, begging for forgiveness and giving a million apologies for what he did.
Because the truth was, if he just tried a little harder, maybe even tried again, Addie would take him back.
Sometimes that made Addie feel like she'd lost all sense of self-respect and dignity.
Or maybe she was just infatuated with Harry, and missed his loving kisses, the way he held her when she cried, or the ways he came up behind her to wrap his arm around her waist. Maybe it was because something about the way he said 'I love you' truly had her fooled, and she wanted a chance to hear a genuine declaration of love again.
Maybe love made you lose your dignity.
Because Harry could've torn apart Addie's stubbornness with his grin and dimples, with his glimmering eyes and smooth words.
In Addie's eyes, Harry was still the boy she loved. He was still the one who kissed every part of her body that she'd sworn to hate, and each of his kisses almost seem to drip with adoration, and for a little while, she didn't hate her body as much.
Harry was still her best friend who called her whenever she felt down, who held her when she needed it, who held her hand underneath the table at interviews because she got nervous and his warm touch felt.
Love is so fucking humiliating.
Several hours later, Addie left the studio and made her way to the other side of town, for her theater. She walked in with her hair braided back, although a few strands had come loose from it during the day. She had Cheshire in her little crate and hoped the directors wouldn't be too mad about the cat at rehearsals.
Addie walked into the theater, watching as everyone else began to stretch. She was barely scraping by on time. She should've been there ten minutes earlier.
Grabbing the hem of her sweatshirt, Addie tried to get it off only for her head to get stuck. After a few moments of struggles, she was finally left only in the black shirt that was uniform for rehearsals.
Clutching Cheshire's crate, Addie frantically searched for Jack backstage, hoping she could entrust him with her cat.
Finally, she spotted his head of gelled-back hair, and whistled to him. "Jack!" She waved her hand, gesturing for him to come closer.
Jack grinned at her, greeting her with a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, Addie-" A soft meow escaped from Cheshire. He blinked. "Is that a cat?"
Inhaling through her teeth, Addie gave him a pleading look. "It's my cat, Cheshire. She got sick last night, and the vet said she'll be fine she just has to be monitored constantly and I have rehearsals, so I was wondering-"
"I'll take care of her," Jack interrupted Addie's rambling, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, just go and warm up with the rest, okay?"
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Addie said in rapid succession, passing over Cheshire's crate. "I owe you one." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and rushed off to the stage.
Her mind then reeled back to that moment not so long ago with Jack.
Jack reaching out and grabbing her chin to tilt her head up. Gazing into her eyes and asking what color it was.
"Hazel green," Addie replied, her words quiet and small as his lips were inches away from her.
"You have nice eyes." He'd told her, his eyes locking with hers before drifting down to her pink lips covered in lip gloss.
And then there was a moment of pure electricity. Of lust-filled confusion where Addie wouldn't have pushed him away if he kissed her.
Was that the same thing that happened to Harry?
Because maybe on that day, Addie would've kissed Jack the way Harry had kissed Pam, if they hadn't been interrupted.
So, why did she stand on such high moral ground, when it was so unsubstantiated?
After all, she would've probably done the same thing to Harry that he did to her.
God, she was a horrible person.
***
Addie wasn't sure what made her drive to the outskirts of the city with the sun setting behind her, the keys she hadn't used in a year hanging from her keychain.
It was a long drive from her theater in the center of the city all the way to the South, but she did it anyways, the radio sounding in low volume. And right then, Fallingforyou by the 1975 came on the radio.
Fucking hell.
Really?
Hadn't Harry and her been driving in this exact same car when they'd declared this song their song?
Addie growled in fury, changing radio stations. Best Song Ever by One Direction.
Fuck!
She changed radio stations again, and this time it was- What Makes You Beautiful.
Holy shit, did radio stations just hate her today?
Addie switched again, and finally, it was Cowboy Take Me Away by the Dixie Chicks. It was from their album 'Fly'. And her mind immediately jumped to the fact that Harry had bought her that CD, and it was still in his apartment in New York.
"You ruined the fucking Dixie Chicks asshole!" The words ripped out of Addie's mouth in fury, a shout that no one could hear as she drove down the highway. "You goddamn piece of shit!" She slammed her hand down against the steering wheel, her fury a hot ball of emotions in her stomach. "And I still love you so fucking much!"
A scream- an actual real, anger-fueled scream escaped Addie's lips, filling the car with the noise.
She was going insane.
She was sure of it.
Finally giving up, Addie turned the radio off and drove the last five minutes in complete silence, hands shaking as she tried to think about how she ended up throwing a temper tantrum with no one to see it.
Addie pulled up to the parking lot, the one she used to see from her window every day just two years ago. It was funny to think how things changed.
Shutting off the engine, Addie got out of the car. It was late now, a little later than ten at night, and the stars were a little clearer once she got away from the city a bit.
Grabbing the old keys, Addie placed them in the lock, jiggling it a bit to get it to unlock. The door had a trick to it where you had to lift it and then push with all your force, because the hinges were old, and Addie had been too lazy to change them. And then it was because Addie wanted the house preserved exactly as it was, like a picture to be frozen in time forever.
This was Addie's old apartment. Given to her by her Grandma Townes.
After Grandma Townes had passed away about a year and a half ago, Addie hadn't touched the apartment, making sure it was maintained but keeping it frozen in time.
The last remainder of Grandma Townes' impact on Addie.
Addie wandered down the hallway, glancing at the pictures hanging on the wall, one of the very few decorations she'd left behind before moving to her new house.
She looked at the picture, one of her when she was 13, when she moved into this apartment and she was hugging Grandma Townes with the biggest grin on her face. The kind of happiness you could only find with childhood innocence.
Before Addie was slapped in the face with the reality of what life really was.
Before Addie had lost her Grandma Townes.
Addie sat down cross-legged in the middle of the empty apartment, in the spot where there used to be a living room. She stared up at the photo of Grandma Townes.
"Hey, Grandma Townes," Addie said, her voice a little shaky, "How you doing?"
No answer. Because she was speaking to a goddamn picture.
"I miss you. A lot. You were the only person I truly liked in the family," She admitted with the tilt of her head. "You gave me this apartment and told me to chase my dreams. You- you made me promise not..." She blinked tears out of her eyes, trying to get rid of that burning in the back of her throat. "You made me promise to not give up on my dreams."
"Well, I didn't. I'm working on my fifth album now. But I... I think I've lost my way. I feel really lost. I wanted to do this for myself, for the fans. But now... I'm doing it for everyone else except the right people."
"I do it to keep the press happy, to keep the paparazzi at bay, to make Syco and Modest happy. I'm trying to keep everyone except myself satisfied and I don't know what to do anymore. I just..." A sob ripped out of Addie's throat. She just wanted to feel Grandma's Townes warm arms wrap around her again, giving her forehead a light kiss as gray hair fell in front of her face. "I just wish you were here to give me advice."
Addie cried on the floor for fifteen minutes.
She would've given the whole world for just a minute more with Grandma Townes. To say I love you one more time.
Would've asked her all the questions left unanswered about her past, about her dreams, her life in LA, her failed marriage.
Addie just wished for a second chance to do it right.
And she wished for someone to guide her.
Maybe that whole day had just been filled with signs of why Addie should give Harry a second chance.
Maybe it was because of everything that happened that Addie reacted the way she did.
***
"Are you sure about this?" The hairstylist, Emily asked, pulled Addie's hair back into a ponytail.
"Yeah- yeah," Addie nodded, her hair stuck on the scissors in Emily's hand. "I need this."
Emily sighed, holding the ponytail and cutting through the long, wavy hair. It was excruciating how long it took for her to cut through it completely and hold up the chopped-off hair.
Addie swallowed harshly, messing with her hair and letting it fall around her. It reached down to right above her shoulders, where before it had reached mid-back. Her golden locks were now short. It was time for a change.
Taking a deep, slightly shaky breath, Addie tried not to panic at how short her hair was.
Her hair had been long since she could remember, always falling in waves around her. And sure, she'd started straightening it for the last two years, but it was still long and luscious.
It had been something that always gave her confidence, knowing that her hair was sleek and shiny, and seemed almost golden in the sun.
And now it was short.
"Wow," Addie exhaled a puff of air as she gazed at herself in the mirror. "That's a change."
Emily adjusted Addie's hair. "I still have to clean it up, don't worry. But you cut enough hair to donate."
"Perfect," Addie smiled softly. Maybe she wanted to cry because she missed her hair, but at least it'd go to a good cause.
Addie sat in her chair as Emily cleaned up the edges of her haircut, giving her only the slightest bit of roundness in the back, but it all fell in one sheet, except for the bangs that covered her forehead.
"Holy shit, babe, that looks amazing!" Tara exclaimed when she saw Addie sitting in her chair with her short, styled hair. "The short hair definitely suits you."
Addie chuckled nervously. "Thanks. I kind of miss my hair, y'know?"
Tara nodded, a thoughtful expression on her face as she combed her hands through Addie's short, straightened hair. "Why'd you decide to cut it, babe?"
Tara would be the first person to know.
"I'm doing a complete change, Tara. I'm sick and tired of the way I've been living so I'm making things change. I'm going to change my hair, I'm going to change my clothes, I'm going to leave behind country altogether and do a pop album. I'm leaving behind Los Angeles and I'm moving to New York."
Tara blinked, lips parted in surprise. "You're moving?! Addie- you're a West Coaster, you've always known that!"
"Well, I'm not anymore. I'm going to be an East Coaster now," Addie exhaled, knowing how the words must've shocked Tara. Addie'd been a California girl at heart from the very first time she visited LA and fell in love with the city. Everyone who knew her knew that LA was her city. "LA was for Old Addie. I'm moving to New York." She paused for a moment before quietly admitting, "This city is all stained with my memories of Harry. I can't stay here."
Tara's gaze softened as she gently said, "Addie, you can't let some silly boy make you leave a city."
She shook her head. "I know. But, I need this change. I'm changing everything. Hair, clothes, city, music, mentality- everything. It's about time."
"You're getting a new polish," Tara smiled wistfully. "So, you're really sure about this?"
"I need a change. And I'm starting with my album. It's not a California album, it's a New York album. No sunsets and beaches with waves crashing on the coast. No, I'm going to do a city album. Bright lights, and neon signs and tall buildings."
Tara took a deep breath, clearly surprised at all of Addie's bold statements. But she supported her through and through and it showed. "I'm here for you, babe. I'll miss you when you move, but I'll be there packing up boxes in LA and unpacking them in New York."
Addie hugged Tara.
Addie was never a hugger. Physical touch was weird for her. Only very specific people could touch her, otherwise it'd annoy her and freak her out.
But with Tara, she'd never felt that touch was uncomfortable or unnecessary. Tara was the first person Addie felt completely comfortable showing physical affection with.
And that was why Addie always hugged Tara, with hands around her waist and face burrowed in her neck. Tara cradled her head in her hand, holding her close.
Tara would always be Addie's favorite person in this world.
adelaideheathers posted
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adelaideheathers hair holds memories... 💙
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tararogue my short hair bestie 😍
2h reply
-> adelaideheathers thanks long hair bestie 😘
niallhoran It looks Amazing!!!
2h reply
liampayne Short hair suits you so well! ❤️
2h reply
melaniemel O-M-G! Your rock every hairstyle baby
2h reply
-> adelaideheathers thank you babe 😘
username OH MY GOD ADDIE CUT HER HAIR!!! I REPEAT: ADDIE CUT HER HAIR!!!
2h reply
-> username How is this the same girl who once said "My hair is my personality. The day I cut it is the day I die." 😭😭😭
username so... niall and liam commented. zayn liked. but harry and louis mysteriously ignore her post??? despite 3 years of always liking them???
2h reply
-> username This is the first time since they met that Harry/Louis don't like one of her posts
-> username I'm crying, I can't believe Mom and Dad are divorced
username Lmao. Good for Harry and Louis realizing they're better off without her
2h reply
-> username Literally
-> username Wtf, stop having opinions about other people's private lives
username IS THIS A NEW ERA IM SENSING?
2h reply
-> adelaideheathers 👀
username So, Adelaide has broken up with her boyfriend, stopped talking to Harry and Louis, cut her hair off, and publicly announced a new era all in the span of two weeks.
2h reply
-> username Life as an Adelaide fan.
[TEXT]
UNKNOWN
Addie, please answer me
ADDIE
Who is this and why do you have my number?
UNKNOWN
It's Harry, please just talk to me
ADDIE
No.
HARRY
I love you.
UNKNOWN
Addie, I'm begging you, please hear me out. I love you too much to let us end like this
ADDIE
Well, you sure didn't love me
"too much" to stop yourself from
kissing Pam.
UNKNOWN
Please just hear me out, love
ADDIE
Stop it, Harry
UNKNOWN
Please baby
UNKNOWN
I'll keep getting new phone numbers until you talk to me, baby
ADDIE
Don't call me love.
ADDIE
Don't call me baby.
ADDIE
Look at the fucking mess
you've made and realize
I'm better off without you.
HARRY
Please just hear me out.
HARRY
I love you, okay?
HARRY
I love you more than I think I'll ever love anything else. And I want to marry you someday and have kids, and I want to let you know how much I love you every second of every day.
HARRY
And I know I made it seem like I didn't love you, but I promise if you give me a second chance, I'll make it right
ADDIE
Harry, what even were we?
ADDIE
We fought all the time,
we argued and we're both
miserable in our lives, we
just know how to hide it
HARRY
We were amazing, Addie. We were beautiful, and this between us is magical. It's like you said, the whole world is black and white but we're in screaming color.
HARRY
And you in my apartment felt so right. And when you turn eighteen, I want to live with you.
HARRY
And I still have that photo of you kissing my cheek in my apartment and it hurts every time I look at it because I know how amazing you are.
ADDIE
I don't know, Harry.
ADDIE
I want to believe you, but god,
this hurts so much.
HARRY
I want you for worse or for better and I would wait forever and ever. I know I broke your heart but I'll put it back together. I'll love you forever and ever.
ADDIE
It might kill me, but I love you too.
HARRY
One chance to make it right.
HARRY
I swear I'll love you right.
ADDIE
Why'd you kiss Pam?
HARRY
I don't know. I wasn't thinking,
I got so caught up in the moment
I didn't know what I was even
doing.
HARRY
I didn't realize it until I was kissing
her, because I realized she wasn't you.
HARRY
She wasn't you, baby.
ADDIE
I get it.
ADDIE
Somehow, I understand that
feeling of getting caught up
in the moment
ADDIE
I've done things I regret, Harry.
ADDIE
Now that we've broken up.
HARRY
I heard you slept with someone else.
HARRY
Is it true?
ADDIE
Yeah.
HARRY
Who?
ADDIE
Blake.
HARRY
That situationship from two years ago?
ADDIE
Yeah. He liked me a lot
more than I liked him
ADDIE
And I didn't want a relationship.
Too much drama. I was already being
slut-shamed for hanging out with
him as friends
HARRY
But you had sex with him?
ADDIE
Yeah.
ADDIE
I kept thinking how he wasn't
you.
ADDIE
When he kissed me, it didn't
feel right
ADDIE
It wasn't you.
ADDIE
Can I tell you something?
HARRY
Yeah
ADDIE
I almost kissed another
guy
ADDIE
When we were still together
ADDIE
I didn't kiss him
ADDIE
But I came really close
HARRY
I'm really sorry I hurt you
ADDIE
I know
HARRY
I love you
ADDIE
I know
ADDIE
I love you too
HARRY
Can I have another chance?
ADDIE
One more chance
HARRY
I swear I won't screw it up again
ADDIE
I know.
a/n: so yeah. they're back together. oops.
this is a message to all my silent readers: i see y'all, and i love you guys so so much. i appreciate the heck out of you <3
thanks for reading this chapter, i hope you enjoyed it, please remember to vote and comment because i crave validation <3