7th of July, 2023
Jake is 60
Prince: I lifted my fist for what seemed like the tenth time by now.
It made contact with the door, the sound of knocking echoing through my apartment.
"Leo, please. We gotta go." I said.
"Then go." he could barely be heard.
Lily appeared next to me. "He still won't open?"
Sighing, I shook my head.
"Leo! Come on."
"Maybe we should just leave him. We're gonna be so late, grandma Katherine is gonna kill us." my step-sister crossed her arms.
"We can't show up only eight siblings, you know it doesn't work like that." I mumbled and kept knocking.
Leo grunted loudly, then he yanked open the door. "What?!"
My baby brother's face showed how annoyed he was. Still in his PJ's, shoulder-length curls were frizzy, his room behind him a mess.
"Can you get dressed, please? We have to leave in 10 minutes." I tried to stay calm although I was upset with him not being ready.
"I already told you, I'm not not going. Why the fuck can't you just leave me alone, Prince?!"
"Woah. Calm down, bro. You know we all have to go-"
"But I said I'm not going, bro. Leave. Me. Alone."
He was about to a shut the door in my face, but I stopped it.
I looked into his eyes, "What would dad say if he heard you didn't want to come to his memorial service?"
"He'd be grateful," Leo scoffed. "Because he wouldn't want us to take part in this... Circus."
I looked down, not wanting to admit he was right. And yet we had to show up, because it was expected of us as Michael Jackson's children. His 'legacy', as I heard someone say once.
Dad passed away almost two weeks ago, on June 25th, at the age of 64. From non other than an overdose.
It started about three months after mom died; dad was just a mess.
His insomnia took over, there were days on end when he didn't sleep. He tried to distract himself with making music, and he even went back to do some performances.
That cycle soon led him to confide in sleeping pills and pain killers once again. He kept it quiet, for about four years.
Until I stepped into his bedroom at Neverland one day, accidentally finding a pill bottle under his bed.
We tried to send him to rehab, after we begged him to go. Telling him we can't lose him too, not after what happened to mom.
He really gave it his all, even went to therapy to try and battle his demons, his grief. But he lost, and a couple weeks ago I got a phone call from Leo early in the morning.
"Prince, it's dad! I- I went to wake him up for breakfast but he won't wake up. Dad? Daddy?! Please, wake up!"
That day still haunts my nightmares. The drive to Neverland, seeing all those cop cars when I arrived. They asked me to identify him, still in his bed, surrounded by empty bottles and puke.
And poor Leo, he wouldn't leave his side. He just sat there on the bed, staring at our father's lifeless corpse as if it would bring him back.
"We all have to be there, Leo," Lily reached to take his hand. "We're his family. We're all he had before-"
"Before he died and left us alone, yeah. Because we weren't enough for him." my baby brother rolled his eyes.
"That's not true. He loved us more than anything."
"Not more than mom."
I raised my eyebrows, surprised by how serious and hurt he sounded. Not that I could blame him, losing our mom was so hard. Non of us got past it, and now it was all resurfacing again.
Especially since what he was saying was true. If mom was alive, dad would be, too. It's as simple as that.
Lily hit Leo's shoulder, "Don't say that, Leo. He was the best dad we could have."
"When he wasn't busy working or popping pills, you mean."
"Stop it."
"Why? It's the truth."
"You know what? Do whatever you want," Lily turned away. "We're leaving in 10. Come or don't, I don't care. If that's what you think of dad then maybe you really shouldn't come."
When she was gone, our brother tried to close the door again. I slipped inside just in time.
Leo glared at me. "You just can't take a hint, huh?"
Ignoring him, I looked around his room. Clothes were everywhere, along with plates and other takeout containers.
My youngest siblings have been staying with me since that dreadful day. Rose, Jared, and even AJ seemed okay.
It was Leo that had let go of himself, barely coming out of his room or talking to anyone.
"What died in here?" I covered my nose. He snickered and plopped down on his bed. "Jeez, Leo. You gotta clean up."
"I don't feel like it."
He took out his iPhone, the screen blaring with those stupid 60-second videos.
I sighed when taking a seat at his feet. "Leo? Please, you gotta come with us. For dad. For mom, too. Wouldn't she be disappointed if she knew you won't be there?"
That made him look at me again. He then glanced at his phone, where the lock screen showed a picture of him with our parents.
They were all so happy in that picture, especially Leo who was only 5 years old when it was taken.
Still looking at it, my brother finally agreed with me.
"I wish she was here."
"I know."
"Why weren't we enough for him, Prince?"
The tears spilled out of his eyes, so I hurried to pull him into a bone-crushing hug.
"We were," I shushed him. "He loved you, he loved us."
"If he did, why would he leave us? You don't know, you weren't there, you already had your own life here. There were days when he didn't even leave his room, or the recording studio. Before mom died he would spend every possible moment with us. I mean, I saw Adam and Grace more than I saw my own dad! That's so messed up."
"He just didn't know how to live without her. Maybe you all just reminded him of mom too much, Leo. His heart never healed after she passed away-"
"And mine did? I was 10 when she left us, Prince! I needed my dad and all he did was push me away. All of us, even AJ said she doesn't think she can forgive him for that. He forgot my birthday this year, did you know that? Rose had to remind him, and because he didn't answer his phone, she had to go pick up a cake for me. He came home from the studio so late we were already in bed because it was a school night. I found him high out of his fucking mind the next morning."
I stayed silent because I didn't know what to say. His birthday this year fell on a day that I was out of the country, so all I could do was FaceTime him. He never mentioned any of this, not even once.
But looking back, I grew up with a father that was present, and a mom that was well and alive. Even Debbie, she was there for me. My youngest siblings never had that after mom passed.
"Do I have to go?" Leo asked quietly after a few moments that I just held him.
"We all do." I answered.
"Fine, I'll get my suit on. But I still don't forgive him."
"I know, and that's okay."
Leaving his bedroom, I could hear some arguing down the hall. It came from another guest room, the one Jared was sleeping in. Curiously, I tried to open the door but to no success.
I recognized Lily's voice instantly, and that of a man's which I definitely knew from somewhere.
"Lil? You okay in there?" I called.
The door opened slightly, and she peeked her head out. "Hey, yeah. I'll be out in a second. Wait for me in the car?"
"Sure, I convinced Leo to come... But who's in there with you?" I tried looking behind her.
"No one, I was just talking to Austin on speaker." she said, referring to her boyfriend.
I nodded, although still very suspicious of her behavior. She went to close the door when a ringtone was heard behind her.
"Shit." the man cursed. Lily rolled her eyes and fully opened the door for me, revealing someone I thought had died a long time ago.
Her dad, Jake, and our mom's first husband. Someone I knew as uncle Jake. I could feel my heart beat faster, not knowing if this was real or fake.
"W- what? Is that-"
"Yeah," she looked down in shame. "My dad... Who isn't even supposed to be here."
"How..."
"It's a long story, Prince. But I'm really glad to see you." Jake put out his hand for me. I just started at him, a little speechless.
He didn't even look like I remembered him. His hair was fully gray, his posture a little less tall. He definitely resembled Eric, which confirmed it was really him.
Lily cleared her throat, "You need to go, daddy."
"We aren't done with our conversation, Pumpkin."
"I was, you just decided to keep going with it."
"Because you have to know I'm sorry. I didn't mean for Mike to go this far-"
"Right," she scoffed. "Like you didn't mean to leave mom and us all those years ago. Save it, he needed your help, and all you did was be too busy with her."
Her?
"She's my wife, Lily. We talked about this."
"And he was my dad and your best friend. What's the difference?"
Jake sighed, "What do you want me to say? He didn't ask for any help. He didn't want to get better."
"Bullshit."
His phone went off again, making Lily groan in frustration.
"Talk about the evil step-mother. Go ahead, so her big, stupid, blonde head doesn't explode." she murmured.
He gave her an apologetic look and answered his phone. I could hear a woman on the other end, her voice loud.
"Kim, baby, I'm sorry. I had to go see my kids- I know, I'll be home as soon as I can, I promise..."
Lily looked at me, her blue eyes showing nothing but guilt. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way. He just showed up here, I had to hide him. No one can know he's here, okay?"
"Why?" I questioned.
"Because it's a secret. Keep up, will you? Now go, I'll deal with him. He just wanted to come apologize to me or whatever. As if I'll ever forgive him for abandoning dad like he did." she said.
"Dad didn't die because of him, Lil."
"Well, he didn't do anything to help him, either."
"Did mom and dad know? About Jake?"
"Of course they did," my step-sister rolled her eyes for the second time. "They've always known."
When she said that, I felt a little betrayed by my parents. Why would they lie to us? And about this?
I opened my arms for her, offering a hug. She accepted and squeezed me tight.
"The others and I will be waiting in the car." I told her. Nodding into my chest, she sniffled.
As I left the room, I took a good look at Jake once more, still unable to comprehend that he was alive and well.
Leo waited for me in the living room, along with Rose, Jared, and AJ. We all got our things, and made our way to my car.
~
The crowd behind us cheered when Stevie Wonder got up on stage. He nodded in gratitude as he sat down in front of the piano.
"This is a moment that I wished I didn't live to see come. But as much as I can say that and mean it, I do know that God is good. And I do know as much as we may feel, and we do, that we need Michael here with us, God must have needed him far more... Both him and Angela, may God bless her soul. Michael, I love you, and I told you that many times... So I'm at peace. I wanted to tell the Jackson children who are with us tonight, that we are here for them and we love them..."
He started playing the piano swiftly. Paris, who sat next to me, clutched my hand tightly.
"We can't help but love you forever, Michael."
Tears burned my eyes as he sang 'Never Dreamed You'd Leave in Summer', and I looked at my eight siblings.
Us, the older ones, were all listening attentively. While all my four younger brothers and sisters were looking down and playing with something to occupy themselves.
I thought back on what Leo said, how we all had our own lives away from home. How we weren't there for the past five years, we didn't experience dad the same.
And it hurt to admit he was right. Especially today, when we were mourning the loss of our father with the world.
Turning my attention back to Stevie, he effortlessly transitioned into 'They Won't Go When I Go'.
Paris put her head on my shoulder, whimpering quietly. All I did was squeeze her hand just a bit tighter, to let her know I was here for her, too.
~
The apartment was quiet. My siblings were all in their rooms, hopefully sleeping.
"Here," Molly, my girlfriend, handed me a beer as she sat down. "To your parents, who raised a beautiful family."
I smiled sadly and clinked our bottles. After taking a sip, I leaned back and exhaled loudly.
"What is it?" she ran her fingers through my hair.
Let me think. My father overdosed because he couldn't handle life without my mother, my siblings hate him, and I found out that our parents basically lied to us for 15 years.
Shrugging, I looked up the ceiling. "Did your parents ever lie to you, babe?"
"What kind of question is that? Of course they did, it's what parents do. They lie to protect us."
"But what if it's a really big lie? And for a really long time."
She stopped stroking my hair, "What did they lie about?"
Maybe I can confide in her... But then again, Lily said no one can know.
"...I can't say."
"That's okay," she nodded slightly. "Well, does it change anything?"
Looking back at her, my eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.
"Change what?" I asked.
"Do you think that lie changed anything about the way you grew up? The way your parents acted towards you?" Molly answered.
"No. They gave us the best childhood we could ever have." I said, truly meaning it.
"There you go, there's your answer."
We sat there for a few more minutes while I soaked it all in.
Does it actually change nothing?
I wanted it not to change the way I looked at my parents. These amazing human beings who only did everything they could to protect and love us. Then again, they did lie, and not just about the small things.
This was big, the fact that uncle Jake was alive explained so many of my parents' actions.
I vaguely remember one day, after mom was finally announced cancer free, I could hear her from dad's office.
She was talking on the phone with someone, laughing at his jokes. Since she accidentally left the door open, I allowed myself to listen.
"Ja- I mean, Matthew," she giggled and quickly noticed her mistake, using an unsuspicious name instead. "Stop it. No, I didn't say you can't date her again, I just think it's bad for you..."
My dad then caught me eavesdropping, so he called me over.
"Mom's talking to someone named Matthew... She's laughing at his jokes." I told him quietly.
Being 13, it definitely raised some suspicions for me.
He smirked and patted my head. "Matthew? Yeah, he's an old friend of hers. You gotta stop listening to our conversations, son. They're private, and most times don't concern you. Okay, Prince?"
I nodded shamefully. That evening, after we had finished dinner, I heard my parents arguing from the kitchen. All I did was close my bedroom door and wondered if this was my fault.
"I love you," Molly kissed me goodnight after declaring she was going to sleep. "You sure you don't wanna come to bed?"
"I'm sure." I kissed her again. She fondly caressed my shoulders before leaving me alone.
Drinking the rest of my beer, I placed the bottle on the table and leaned back. My eyes instantly closed, the exhaustion taking over.
"Prince?"
I opened my eyes and looked behind me to find AJ standing there.
"Hey, sis. Can't sleep?"
She shook her head and came to sit next to me. Her box braids were wrapped under a hair wrap which looked way too familiar.
"Is that mom's?" I pointed at it.
"Huh? Oh, yeah," she blushed. "From her chemo days. I found a few of them a couple months ago, and daddy said I could have them."
"It looks good on you."
"Thanks."
"You wanna tell me why you can't sleep?" I wrapped an arm around her.
My baby sister sighed, "Isn't obvious? I miss him. I miss them both."
Her own arms wrapped around me too as she put her face close to my chest.
"How about we watch a movie? Something they both loved." I suggested.
When she agreed, I got up to find the remote. We looked all over our streaming services, only to give up a few minutes into it.
"I think I have just the thing we can watch..." she said, looking through her phone, then connecting it to my TV.
An image of our family popped up. I saw the Neverland living room, surrounded by gift wrappers and presents. It was obviously Christmas, and since mom had her hair shorter, I guessed it was in 2011.
"Where did you find this? I thought dad had all the home movies in a box somewhere!" I gasped, the smile never coming off my face.
"I have my ways." AJ bit her lip.
Soon enough, the others joined us. Rose cuddled close to me as well, while Jared and Leo sat on the other side of the couch.
We stayed up all night, just the five of us, laughing endlessly at these precious memories.