**This chapter contains mature subject matter**
⚜
Shut up and listen - Nicolas Bonnin ft. Angelicca
🎵
The ocean was a familiarity that I'd always remember.
The sound of the waves, the bright white collections of frothy foam that hit the sand bank.
The sound of a far away land that mimicked the devil and also my home.
The home of all my sisters who died before me.
The cold night air hit my cheeks, the tears had already dried in light streaks across my tired skin.
Weathered.
I was barely recognizable by now. Memories held in my face only, haunted by the afterlife of my sins.
No sign of retribution. No sign of clarity.
No sign of him.
I sat down on the cold earth, deja vu all over again.
But this time wasn't me being on the right path.
It was history repeating itself again.
To not seek the answers but become them.
Wish the inevitable away.
Wish death away.
Wish me away.
New warm salt rolled down my skin again, in between the lines of age.
I wasn't supposed to get older they said.
I was immortal they said.
Why did I change?
Did my broken heart desecrate me?
Was I being punished for loving one too much?
Instead of myself?
I am nothing now. Nothing but air. Spirit. A soulless body.
Nothing left of me.
All that's left now were feathers, fallen from grace.
A grace I had forgotten existed.
Blue feathers.
Someone help me.
⚜️
I shot up in bed, clutching my chest for the third time this week. "F-fuck!" I yelled out loud into the black abyss of my room. My chest was heaving up and down so fast I could feel my heartbeat rise to my throat. "Fuck this is insanity."
Nightmares were a normal thing for me most of my life, most of the time recurring in the same story. Over and over again, until some days I'd completely lose it. But things had started to change, when I met the guys and when I transitioned. My nightmares became premonitions for the future and once they happened, the dreams subsided. For the most part anyways.
I hadn't had the ocean dream in a long time. It instantly brought me back to all those times I would see my mom or Vera. Just the thought had sent chills down my spine. One thing was for certain though, I was sure dreaming about blue feathers a lot.
I didn't even know if a bird native to Cali was a color blue like that. I mean it could've been a fake one from a craft store, that was way more believable than me thinking Jimin was subliminally trying to reach me via Morse code.
Maybe delulu wasn't always the solulu.
Especially when I hadn't heard a word from any of them since.
I managed to calm myself down and put my lamp on. The last time the ocean was on my mind was at our old apartment. Now I'm in a completely different place and disorientated.
My room was twice the size of the one before. I changed it up this time and put black curtains up, opposite from the sheer red they were before. I got a huge canopy bed with sheer curtains to lock me in, and brand new black vintage dressers and night stands. I wanted a fresh start and nothing to remind us of what used to be.
I slowly got up from my bed and went downstairs to get water. Clara wasn't home and Hobi was passed out in the spare room, since his apartment was getting renovated and he needed a place to crash. We had an open concept loft now, dark cherry wood decorated throughout the home. Brand new appliances and neatly decorated with both of our styles. Contemporary with a hint of gothic.
It was almost as if the past never happened. There was never talk of it, traces of it. Sometimes I felt like I was the crazy one, still stuck in limbo over it all.
"You okay?"
Hobi slowly walked up behind me in the kitchen and wrapped me in a back hug. Groaning from sleep and leaning all his weight into my back. I held his arms around me and smiled. "Yeah, I'm good. Just a bad dream."
"Life is a bad dream." He said releasing me and going to flop down on our giant puffy sectional Clara just "had" to have.
I felt guilty that we still hadn't told him everything about us, it felt like some hidden relic secret that if we told him, the world would crash and burn. Maybe it would and I could finally be at peace.
"Do you work tonight Hob?"
He nodded as he curled into a blanket and shut his eyes. "Yes love and so do you, and I'm not going to lay here and pretend that you aren't hiding something in that beautiful head of yours."
The void that had fully come back with a vengeance pinged in my chest. As soon as I left J.K that night, the dread reopened old wounds and I've felt a heavy chest ever since. Something else I've kept to myself.
"Nah, I'm good I promise I need to stop stressing about school and have a good nights sleep. I'll try to go back to sleep, you should too or you'll be crashing by midnight."
He grunted and covered his head with the throw blanket as I headed back upstairs. Laughing under my breath and fully knowing that sleep wasn't going to happen anymore for me.
Probably not for either of us. Workaholic life.
I got back into the dark abyss of my room and crawled into my bed, the sheets still warm and cozy from when I left them. Opening my phone I started searching places that carried potentially files on my parents or even the lineage. When I came up with nothing but "23 and me" and "Ancestries.com". I knew this was proving to be a bigger challenge than I thought.
I tossed my phone onto my blankets and curled back up again, ironically my eyes started to feel heavy again as I drifted off into nothingness.
Peaceful nothingness.
⚜️
The club was packed tonight.
We had a group of showgirls guest star at the bar tonight, bringing in a ton of customers and bachelor parties. All Clara saw were dollar signs, and all I saw was a giant headache.
I was on my third red room of the night.
Luckily nobody got too handsy or expected more than what I was willing to offer. Two private dances with two hammered young men fresh out of college for a weekend out, and now I'm sharing drink with an older divorcee crying into his hands as he rubs my inner thigh.
"You're right baby, she didn't deserve you. You did all you could." I said sweetly as I rolled my eyes and checked the time on the wall. "12:03 am"
Jesus it was going to be a long ass night.
I finished up with the sad sap as I hugged him and he tossed me a wad of bills. Saying all women were the same except me, and that I should never change. I smiled and thanked him as I headed back for the dressing rooms. "Yeah, never change is right"
I wanted to call it a night when I couldn't fit more money into my cash bag in my locker. The money was always so worth the trouble, but tonight I just wasn't feeling it. Being in the red rooms again, made me remember J.K and that night he surprised me here. Seducing me into letting him help me transition and when the problems all started. As toxic as that was, tonight I wish I could go back to it.
I wondered where they all were now. If Yoongi was living somewhere secluded again, not talking to anyone of his brothers. Or if J.K was off on some rampage in another city, fighting his hurt feelings with booze and pussy.
I have a funny feeling that I was right about all of the above.
I sat at my little vanity table and opened my cherry lipstick and reapplied, staring back at my baby blues that were faker than the smile I had on tonight.
What was Jimin doing? Was he with someone new? Did he feel remorseful truly for doing what he had done?
I shook my head at the thought, I didn't want to relive that night again. Seeing him fade away from me just as fast as I met him.
Maybe I shouldn't have stayed working here. I could try to apply to work at a studio, maybe a gallery in town here. I'm sure there's a ton who need people. This place has been good to me, but holds so many memories I wish I could forget.
"Athena?"
I turned and saw our boss Jerry crack the doors open just a sliver to call my name out. "Yeah?"
"Sorry love, I just wanted to ask you if you wanted another red room. There's a ton of guys that came in that want a private dance?"
I hesitated as I sat in silence for a moment. Man I was really working for my money tonight.
"Yeah, sure why not? But one at a time Jer."
"Of course, I'll set up room 9."
I heard the door click shut as my heart dropped. Room 9 was the room that J.K and I shared that night. Room 9 was the room I've avoided since being back to work. I shook my head in the mirror as I felt my eyes burn against the tears threatening to fall.
"You got this Athena, it's just one dance. He's not going to hurt you, he's not any of them. That's in the past, you got this."
I changed into my red lace bustier and lace thong and covered it with a sheer black teddy night gown that met my mid thigh. I grabbed the set of keys that were hanging as spares and tightened my straps on my black leather Louboutins.
Walking back down the dimly lit hallway, as quick as I could walk without drawing too much attention to myself. I was met with number 7, crawling to 8 and now standing before mine.
9.
I put my key into the door and slowly opened it, meeting the red lights already on and music softly playing from the right corner of the room. Sitting on the edge of the red deep satin sheets was a man. He sat with broad shoulders, tall in stature and had dark ebony hair that fell against his forehead.
He was younger and looked well kept together. I closed the door behind me and turned to speak until he met my gaze immediately.
"Oh-my god."
"Athena?!"
"Jin?"
'No fucking way'
The silence hit the room and so did the nausea in my gut. How. Fucking. Embarrassing.
"Wait? You work here??" He said as he casually got up and put his hands in his pockets. Slightly turning red and away from me.
'This room is cursed'
I stared at him in sheer horror as I tried to speak a proper sentence back. "Uhh. Wow. Uhm, yes I do part time to put me through school. This is- this is so awkward isn't it? I should go. I'm so sorry you had to find out this way."
I turned quickly to leave as he spoke out.
"Stop! Please. Don't go."
It fell quiet again as my hand still gripped the metal doorknob so tight I could see my knuckles turn white.
"Jin, you don't-"
"I want to. Just come have a drink with me at least."
I sighed as I nodded and released my hand. Slowly covering myself with my arms and making my way over to the chair to sit with him.
"Red or white?" I asked as I opened the mini cooler as he put his hand out to stop me. "I got it."
My stomach moved a little as if I had butterflies all of a sudden. "Relax Athena, it's called manners. You'll be alright." I thought as I smiled and let him pour me a glass of red wine.
"Thank you."
"So since we have an hour, maybe we can talk for a bit?"
I shyly looked up at him and nodded, "Sure, that sounds fine."
"So how come you are working at Havanas? I know you said it's because of school but, is it the money that's good?"
"Yeah and the fact that I can come in when I want, but don't have the added stress of working so much and school. It is a good balance for me."
He took a sip of wine as he smiled at me. Not saying a word and just taking everything in. He wasn't shaking or visibly nervous like I was. He was just as beautiful as the day we met, which was posing as a danger alarm for me when I haven't been around someone intimately like this for a long time.
"Why are you here Jin?" I asked flatly as I ran my fingers over the stem of my glass. Trying to occupy myself to get my mind straight.
"I came with my brother and friends, it's his birthday tonight. They all wanted dances and I thought why not? This was the last thing on earth I expected to have happen though." He smirked as he looked around, gently holding the wine glass in his hand.
His large hand.
"Ahh, that makes sense. This seems to be the hot spot for birthday parties these days. Must be the atmosphere." I giggled taking another sip.
"Yeah, I'm sure it's the talent too." He said as he met my gaze and held it.
I felt my stomach twist again, and become warm like my body wanted to get up and ravage the shit out of him. But my mind kept screaming at me to not even dare to think of it.
"You know I never thought in a million years I'd be doing something like this. I always wanted to be a painter and work as an artist my entire life. There's so much beauty in this world and to capture it in the moment you feel it, is a one of a kind experience to have. And here I am, in school sure but also shaking my ass on stages for money."
I shook my head and frowned, staring down at my stiletto matte black nails and fidgeting.
"There's nothing wrong with the sex industry Athena. If it's what makes you happy, then I say fuck whoever doesn't agree with it."
"It doesn't make me happy."
He paused and looked at me again.
"Then what does?"
I stopped sipping my wine and placed it down on the table as I pondered him. Nobody ever asked me that, I didn't even ask myself that question.
"I am actually not sure, other than art. Art I think is the one thing that brings me happiness now."
"Now? Did something else? Someone else?"
I swallowed and looked up at him. "That's a story for another time." I said quietly as I slowly got up from my chair. "Maybe I should go, I'm sure they'd refund you downstairs I-"
"Stay."
I stopped and in my confusion looked down at him still sitting. "Why?"
"Because I like talking with you and I don't want you to leave yet."
"Jin. I'm not your type, I can promise you that."
"I think you're wrong in that, very wrong."
As much as my brain was screaming at me to leave the room, my body found itself walking slowly over to him as he still remained sitting down.
"And how would you know? You've met me for 5 minutes in class." I said as I smirked.
"Something about you, tells me I'm supposed to know you. Like I feel drawn to you, I've seen you in the halls before at school but I never said anything to you. I was hoping that we'd run into each other again."
"Yeah and I bet you, this was the last place you'd wish to do that right?" I smiled as I felt my chest get tight with nerves.
"No I think it's perfect the way it happened."
I finally stopped walking over to him, when my knees met his and the contact startled me back to reality. Before I could step back, he reached his hand out and lightly wrapped it around my wrist, pulling me softly in between his legs and then releasing me. There I stood between his legs, as he looked up at me through his deep dark eyes and held my gaze intensely.
The room felt like it was closing in on us, the air became heavier with tension. I couldn't speak or move in the moment, all I could do was wait for him to make a move.
He slowly stood up as the front of his chest lightly grazed up my own body til he stopped, looking down at me from his height. I remained frozen as I was freezing cold on the inside, and most likely burning on the outside. "Athena leave." I kept chanting to myself, but I never was one to listen.
Always falling on deaf ears.
I lightly dragged my fingers up his right arm as I looked up at him through my lashes, neither of us speaking still. I felt goosebumps follow my touch, as he raised his left hand up my arm the same way, til it was cupped to my cheek. I shuddered at the contact of him, and couldn't once take my eyes away.
"You're beautiful, do you know that?"
I shook my head no as I felt my chest tighten even harder, feeling like I could almost stop breathing.
'He used to call me that'
The way he was making me feel, I couldn't explain it. It was as if I was frozen in time, with a powerhouse of a man who could snap me in half in a split second.
I let myself lean into his touch as he took both hands and lightly dragged them down my back til he got to the back of my thighs, lifting me up so that I could wrap my legs around him. We said nothing as he carried me to the edge of the bed and sat down with me straddling him. He rested his hands on my waist, and bit his lower lip. My stomach was hot as hell as I felt the need to tell him to let me go, but couldn't.
I couldn't speak at all.
I was in a trance.
"Just stay here with me." He whispered into my hair, as I came down and rested my lips against his neck. Peppering little kisses along his warm sweet skin, begging silently for him to rip through me. If I couldn't be happy with anyone else, at least maybe I could forget it for a little while.
'God what the hell am I doing?'
I paused as I sat up and looked at him, his face was pleading for me to make contact with him. Like I was his dying wish, and this was the end. The end of both of us.
"This is a mistake Jin. I am in no place to handle any form of anything right now."
He looked up at me as his chest was rising and falling quickly, trying to keep his sanity in check. He brought his hands down from my waist and rested them on top of my thighs. "Whatever you want, the control is yours."
'Fuck'
I said nothing as I just stared back at him, "I know we don't know each other well, but I'd like to. At your pace of course." He said.
"Jin I-" I stuttered out, "I haven't been with anyone in a long time."
I looked down at his chest as I traced small circles around the satin fabric on his navy blue shirt. He put his finger under my chin and raised my face up to meet his. "We don't have to do anything, I'm okay with just talking to you. I'm sorry if I came onto you, I just- I just am super attracted to you and if I'm being honest? I haven't been with anyone in awhile either."
I smiled softly at him and cupped his face with my hands, feeling the warmth hit my stomach again as I looked from his eyes to his lips and back up again.
"You don't need to be sorry." I said quietly as I still kept my stare. I felt my thighs tighten a bit around his as he slightly shifted himself from under me.
"Can I try something?" I asked as he nodded.
I kept my hands grasped around his face lightly, as I leaned in and gently grazed my lips against his and shuddered. Causing me to lightly grind my hips against him. He didn't hesitate and kissed me slowly back til I pulled away again.
The feel of his lips on mine, sent shock waves down my body. Causing it to burn up and my head beginning to spin. All I had to do was kiss him just a bit harder, faster...
"Times up." I said as I smiled down at him after I pulled back.
He remained emotionless as he looked up at me, every muscle in his body going tense. I saw him clench his jaw a few times until he finally smirked back.
'That look was a look I've never witnessed before'
"Already?"
"Already." I said as I got off his lap and stood up, fixing my outfit and hair a bit before getting ready to leave.
"Can I take you out?" He said as I opened the door to head back out. I stopped as I faced away from him, biting my lip and trying to find a way to get out of it.
"I- I don't know."
"That's okay Athena, you don't need to worry about it. But can I at least take you home? It's almost 1:30."
I wanted to scream at him no, run away and never look back. Having someone else take me home that wasn't him. My heart sank.
"Sure, I'd like that. Thank you." I said as I smiled over my shoulder. "I'll meet you outside in 15."
'Idiot'
I closed the door behind me and took off my heels, making a run for it down the hall. Feeling the tears threaten to fall as my chest got tighter and tighter with anxiety. "What the fuck is wrong with me?"
I swung open the dressing room doors as it was filled with the guest girls of the night, loud laughter and shit scattered everywhere. I just wanted to go home so bad.
I rushed into the stall to change and threw my hair up in a top bun, throwing a black hoodie over my head and pulled on my favorite light blue jeans with the rips in the knees and sunk down to the floor. I wrapped my arms around my knees as I started to shake.
"Why can't I just get over him? Why can't I fucking breathe without him!"
I felt a tear fall down my cheek as some girls came into the change rooms. I quickly wiped my face and go to my feet, grabbing the rest of my stuff and headed out. Walking the hallway to the stairs felt like an eternity, like my feet were treading through mud.
"It's okay it's just a ride." I said out loud to myself. "It's just a ride with a man whose tall and hot and who let you kiss him. It's fine."
I don't remember even getting to the bottom and saying goodbye before I realized I was already in the back alley. I didn't get a chance to catch my breath when he cleared his throat beside me. "Jesus! You scared me!" I said as I put my hand to my chest.
"Sorry, my bad. I just wanted to walk with you to my car, it's dark outside."
I smiled at him as he held his arm out for me to hold it. "I appreciate that. So where are your friends?"
"They're already bar hopping elsewhere, I texted them." He smiled back.
I nodded as we turned the corner to the back parking lot. He took his keys and unlocked the doors to the black Escalade parked in the last stall. He walked ahead to open the car door for me and I thanked him as I got in. The smell of sandalwood hit me first, then vanilla came second. I didn't know it it was an air freshener or him.
"Comfortable?"
I nodded as I put my address in his GPS. "Yes thank you."
I thought the drive would be silent, but it wasn't. We talked about everything, how he was the oldest in his family and how he had two brothers and a sister. He didn't talk to his mom, just his dad. Who I heard was a real asshole at times. I learnt a lot about the random man who was now sort of in my life now.
He learnt that I was an only child, basically an orphan and that I lived with my bestfriend who I also work with. I told him that she had incredible sass and he laughed saying no wonder we were close.
Eventually he pulled up to our now new place as I sat in silence with him. The ride was so comforting that I completely forgot about my nerves, or how scared I initially was.
I looked over at him as he turned to face me back and smiled. Gorgeous straight white teeth and a pair of dimples looked back at me. Before he could say anything I spoke.
"Do you want a drink?"
The silence fell upon us as I instantly regretted asking.
He scoffed as he held the steering wheel tight and looked ahead with a slight smile. "I'd love that actually."
I nodded and showed him where to park, after trying to fit in an end stall and the result had me cackling. We finally made it to the elevators and up to my door. "I don't know if anyone's home just so you know, my friend sometimes doesn't come home but she always lets me know and she hasn't."
"That's fine Athena." He said as he laughed under his breath.
We walked into the dark and silent house as I flicked all the lights on and headed to the fridge instantly to pull out a bottle of red wine and two glasses from the cupboard.
He reached over me again and grabbed it all, "Please let me, you worked all night."
I smiled and went to sit on the couch while he trailed behind me with the two drinks. Sitting down beside me and setting them on the table in front of us. "So Jin?"
"So Athena."
"How do you know Lena?"
He fell quiet as I watched him swallow and smile, "Well she always had the hots for my youngest brother and I dated her sister at one point. Her and her sister don't get along very well, and I think she may assume I don't like her. I couldn't care less if I'm being honest, she can date my brother if she wants to."
"Yeah it was just weird, her face got so pale. I thought maybe you guys hooked up or something." I said as I let out a laugh and shook my head.
"No, no definitely not. My tastes are a little different."
I looked to him and I clenched my jaw tight, knowing who he meant that for. Was it a mistake to let this man in my house?
Would I be regretting this?
There was something about him that had me in a chokehold. Like I was supposed to be here, with him. I shuddered at the thought, smiling back at him and grabbing my glass to take a long sip.
"How long have you lived here?" He asked as he grabbed his glass also, running his other hand down the top of his thigh.
The muscular thigh..
'Fuck'
"About a year, we upgraded to a bigger place this time around, but wanted a change of scenery I guess."
"Oh? Running from something?"
I laughed as I set my glass down, meeting his intense gaze with my own, "I don't run from anything anymore. And no, just was tired of the area I guess."
He nodded as he looked around the place a bit, leaning himself deeper into the off white plush couch. "I have something to ask you."
I swallowed and felt my hands get clammy as I rested them on my lap, "Sure, go ahead."
"Where is he now?"
My blood ran cold, my hair prickling the back of my neck as I felt my cold sweat trace the skin.
"Who?"
'Please god, please don't say you know him. Please'
"Whomever has you this scared to get close to anyone else."
I chuckled softly as I stirred in my seat. "Well aren't we bold tonight."
He smiled and turned red as he looked away briefly, "It sure seems that way, doesn't it?"
I let the still of the room come to complete silence, tracing his every breath and move as I let my senses capture what was happening. I could feel the growl start in my chest as I pushed it away, I needed to remain in control tonight. As bad as I wanted to lose it.
"He left."
He jerked his head towards me with a sudden sadness over his face. I felt my dread invade me now, replacing the anger that was trying to tear through my chest to explode.
"How could anyone leave you?"
I turned red as I imagined I wasn't the first he's flattered in his lifetime with the saviour role. How fitting.
I kind of liked it.
"I told him to."
He stared blankly for a second and nodded in understanding. He cleared his throat, showcasing deep dimples against his glowing skin radiating from the city lights coming in through the window.
"I get it, I really do."
I rolled my eyes, "You don't. But that's fine, it's in the past now. I just am living each day for me now."
"Are you a risk taker Athena?"
I paused before answering. Was this a trap? Was this the typical save the damsel in distress vibe?
"No."
He scoffed as he fully faced me now, "I knew you'd say no, but what if the temptation was worth the risk?"
Silence.
"Let me guess Jin, the temptation is you?"
He smiled as he moved closer to me, causing my breath to hitch. Feeling icy in my throat as I swallowed my nerves and fake macho attitude.
"You're the temptation."
I felt that familiar warm feeling creep up on me in the pit of my stomach. "Oh he's good." I thought.
The room fell quiet as he inched even closer, I hadn't moved a muscle since. I stared into his dark pitted eyes as they tranced me to him again. Like a twisted form of seduction, magic.
"I don't know Jin, I-"
"Don't talk."
I froze as I looked at him confused. "Don't talk?" I thought to myself.
"You talk too much, you think too much. Just let things be as they are, for what they are."
"And what exactly is that?"
"Just two people, who are drawn to each other. Who are trying to escape themselves."
I felt tingles cover my entire body, as my eyes grew heavy with lust as I felt my control start to slip against him.
"What are you escaping from?" I whispered. Still not touching him.
"Everything."
He reached out his hand and lightly grazed the side of my face as I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. Smelling the leather and bergamot off his skin, causing me to press my thighs together.
'Double fuck'
"Be my escape Athena."
I said nothing as I lightly leaned against his touch. He smiled as he rose to his feet slow, pulling me up with him and putting himself in front of me now. Our chests lightly touching as I felt his breathing rise against my own.
"Jin." I managed to whisper as I reached my hand up to cup his against me.
"Will you?"
'Fuck it'
I nodded and reached up to wrap my arms around his neck, he read my move and pulled me up and around his waist as he backed up until my back was against the wall. Lips dangerously close to mine as my breathing picked up.
He leaned in without hesitation and licked a strip up my neck, causing my back to slightly arch as I bit my lower lip. He kissed me just under my jaw as I let out a small moan. Trying to hide my embarrassment as he paused and looked up at me, "don't hide it from me, I want to hear it all."
I gasped as he pressed himself harder against me, and smirked. His ebony hair messily draping over his face, cheeks flushed with agony and a grip so tight on me that I swore I could feel bruises forming on the skin.
I wanted him so fucking bad.
"Take me upstairs." I said as I leaned down and slowly kissed down his neck and felt him shudder against my touch.
He pulled me away from the wall and slowly walked me up the stairs with him as I held on tight to him, still kissing and licking what was now mine in the moment. The sweet taste of him was making me throb, I didn't know how much more I could take of not feeling him inside me.
We got to my room as he dropped me slowly onto my black satin sheets. Pulling his belt slowly off his waist as he kept my stare, I pulled my hoodie over my head and tank top, leaving my lace bra to be the only thing separating me from baring myself to him. I sat with my jeans low and my legs spread on the edge of the bed, biting my lower lip as I watched him slowly unbutton his shirt and pants.
Walking over to me, he grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me. We both moaned into each others mouths as his soft lips swept over mine gently but rough just the same. He tasted like sweet red wine and lust. I felt the shockwaves of it enter me and flow through every vein in my body. I wrapped my arms around his back and pulled him in between my legs to harden my kiss.
Our tongues moving together, as I pulled away biting his lip and smirked. He tried to catch his breath as he looked down at me. Bunching his fists up against my sheets, caging me into him.
"Tell me what you want." He said as he kissed me in short spurts, reaching a hand behind my back and unclasping my bra letting my breasts fall and expose my hardened nipples for him to take.
"I want you."
"No, you have me. What do YOU want from me Athena?"
I paused holding onto his shoulders and he stopped to look down at me to hear my answer. "Make me forget him."
He smiled, "I thought you didn't run."
I smiled back. "I'm not running, I'm erasing."
Silence filled the room, as I chuckled and grabbed him by his neck and pulling his lips onto mine again. The kiss more passionate and aggressive this time, feeling every fibre of my being being set aflame.
He grabbed my waist and tossed me further up on the bed as I giggled, standing back and pulling my tight jeans off of me, and kissing my inner thighs as he did it slowly. Painfully slow.
"You're perfect." He whispered as he tossed my pants to the floor and crawled onto me, settling himself between my legs. I felt him harden under my touch, as I met his lips again. He pulled away as he kissed and traced every inch of me, leaving red marks behind on my chest and stomach. I was so wet for him, I wanted to never leave this moment.
I felt like a human again, even though I was far from it.
Normal human me.
How is that even possible?
I looked up at the beautiful man in my bed, watching as he bit and sucked my inner thigh, before placing his hand on top of my stomach to hold me down. I tried to move my hips in anticipation but couldn't, his hot mouth finally coming into contact with where I was craving him most.
I moaned and tried to arch as he licked me in circles over and over again, slow and agonizing as I felt his fingers slowly enter me at the same time. I cried out his name as I begged him to release me to move. He kept his arm like concrete against me.
I love a man in control.
He groaned into me as he pushed his fingers inside of me, over and over as they hit my spot perfectly each time. Licking my clit and causing my legs to shake against him. I could feel my release creeping up on me as my moans were growing louder and louder. I tried so hard to refrain from putting my hand over my mouth to silence myself.
"Let it go baby girl, I want you to cum. Can you do that for me?"
I rolled my eyes in the back of my head at his words and nodded. Trying to make sentences form but there was no fucking way. It felt too good to speak.
He pushed into me harder and faster, as my muscles started tightening and sweat began rolling down my chest as my climax was coming to rip apart every wall I had selfishly put up. "Come on baby, cum for me."
The orgasm shattered me to pieces as I screamed out, my vision blurring as he finally let go of his grip on me. Fucking me with his hand til I rode out my ecstasy. The waves continuing to flow through me as I slammed myself back onto the sheets, panting and trying to catch my breath.
"Holy fuck." I coughed out as he smirked and came to lay beside me, licking his fingers moaning at the taste of me I left behind.
"I could drink you forever." He said as he wiped the hair that was displayed against my neck and face as he tucked it behind my ear. He watched me and traced every curve I had, waiting til I caught my breath before he sat up and pulled himself to my headboard seating himself against it.
"Come get on top of me."
I jerked my head at him, feeling my legs weak I laughed. "What you want round two?" I asked as he kept his face emotionless.
"We're just getting started, get your fine ass over here and straddle me."
I swallowed but obeyed. Getting on top of him, bare as he slowly pulled his boxers off himself. I gasped as he let himself spring free, resting against his stomach. Hard for me and thick as hell, too thick if I was being honest.
"I don't know if that will work." I said as my eyes widened but my mouth watered at the same time.
"I'll be gentle."
'Fuck this guy'
He grabbed my hips and pulled me to rest on top of his length and tangled his hand into my hair at the back of my neck, bringing his lips to mine as I exhaled against him. As intimidating as he felt, he made me feel safe in ways I hadn't felt in a long time. I wouldn't have been able to stop this even if I wanted to.
"Athena." He growled into my ear as I grinded against him hard and slow, feeling his grip tighten against me and his muscles flex tight.
"Fuck me Jin, make me forget them."
He paused as I closed my eyes, realizing what I said outloud in mistake.
He looked up at me as I froze, breaking his lust as he smiled at me again. "You got it babe."
He wrapped himself around my waist, raising me slightly and slowly pushed himself into me, one inch at a time to let me adjust. We both moaned at the sudden contact of us together, he stopped my hips from moving so I could ease the rest of him into me.
The stinging pain of him quickly turning into intense pleasure, as he filled every bit of me up to the hilt. Once all of him was inside of me, he released his hands and let me take control. I rocked myself slowly but hard up and down, feeling the thickness of him hit every spot. I moaned outloud with each thrust as I sat up away from him, placing my hands against his chest to ride him.
Memories of them started trying to invade my mind but I quickly buried them back deep down inside of me. Deeper into an abyss I wanted to never swim to again.
Jin and I. That's all that was in this moment.
Him and me.
Connected and lost in each other.
He pulled me against his chest so I was now burying my face into his neck, biting and sucking the skin as his groans and our slick sounds brought me closer to edge again.
"Fuck, I'm close baby." He whispered against my skin as I smiled. Knowing we were going to climax at the same time, my legs began to shake again as I felt the tightness in my stomach rise higher and higher.
"Me too, I'm so close."
"Cum with me, please." He begged, turning me on even harder as I nodded and my breath picked up. My whole body was on fire with lust and agony, past pain, past hurt and intense emotions of guilt but I pushed them away again and let myself go with him.
I moaned loudly into his chest as I tightened my whole body around his and climaxed around him. He moaned at the same time, shuddering as he let himself fill me up inside. Both of us riding out our highs, when I finally collapsed on top of him.
Weak, thirsty and numb now.
"Fuck I needed that." I said as I giggled against him.
"Me too." He said as he still tried to come back down to earth with me.
"Me three."
I paused as I sat up and whipped my head around to my bedroom door, meeting the frown and intense stare of my bestfriend.
"Clara! What the fuck?!" I yelled as I grabbed the sheet to cover myself, still fully connected the man below me.
She laughed out loud as she stared us both down, "Damn girl, that was some show you guys gave."
Jin laughed as he peered from around my arm, I was hiding my face and how red in embarrassment I was.
"I'm Jin by the way."
"Clara."
"Clara can you FUCK off?"
She giggled as she finally turned around to face her back to us, giving us absolutely no privacy still.
I slowly got off of him as I stood up and grabbed my robe, throwing it over myself and tightening the waist strap tightly around my waist. I winced at the feeling of him dripping down my thighs now.
"You could've knocked?" I said as she turned back around to face me.
"No I couldn't have, the door was wide open."
'Rookie mistake'
"My bad."
"It's all good ladies, I'm just leaving." I heard Jin say behind me as he buckled his belt and quickly put his shirt back on. Walking past us and kissing my forehead before heading back downstairs.
"Wait I can walk you out!" I said as I headed that way too.
"No need, I'll see you at school love."
'Love'
'No'
'He called me that'
I winced again, as I met Clara's eyes and judgement. "Don't even go there with me." I said to her as she laughed and shook her head, "I am beyond proud of you right now, he was hot as fuck."
'She had a point'
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Fair enough friend."
"Better get some sleep Clarabear, we're waking up early to start our new adventure. That'll serve you right for barging in where you don't belong."
She frowned as she crossed her arms against her chest. "And what adventure might that be bitch?"
"Finding out just what the fuck we are."
⚜️
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A/N. Jin. 🥴
That is all.