🎶 Alone with you - Alina Baraz. 🎶
"My names Jimin, do you want to come home with me Vita?"
I sat there too stunned to speak.
'Is this guy for real right now'
"I'm sorry, what?" I looked at him in shock, as he sat there smiling not a care in the world.
He laughed, "Come home with me, I could use the company and I'm sure you want a break from this place, what do you say?"
"I do want a break from more than this place that's for sure, but I'm not going home with you." I scoffed taking a sip out of my glass.
"Then hang out with me at least, we can go anywhere you want. I just don't want to be alone tonight." His smile fading as he started fidgeting with his ring again.
"Mmm" I sighed, "Fuck it, alright fine we can hang out." I watched as his eyes lit up and his dimples started to form on his cheeks. "But let's make it clear, I'm not a prostitute." I stared blankly at him.
"I never thoug.."
"Just making sure."
"What time can I pick you up?" He said shifting in his seat.
"I can leave right now? I'm done anyways." I got up from my seat and downed the rest of my drink. "I'll be back in a few." Jimin nodded as I took off upstairs to get changed.
I made my way upstairs to the dressing rooms, feeling my chest start to get hot and my legs turning to lead. "I am too nervous for this shit." I muttered. I heard Clara skip over to me from the hall as I got to the doors. "Soooo.. who is that babe you were sitting with??!" She grinned, smelling like wine and cigarettes. "Jimin, and apparently I'm getting changed to "hang" out with him, whatever that means." I stood before her with a terrified look in my face. Clara laughed at me and grabbed my hand in hers, "Babe, listen. He's a guy, he's hot as hell and he's rich. I saw the belt. Go and have a good time you deserve it. And don't forget to send me your location in case I have to kill him." She grinned flashing her perfect smile at me.
"Ugh, okay fine. But if I'm not home by 7 am tomorrow? Worry." I pointed my finger at her chest and smiled.
"Yeah, I'm sure I'll be worried." She smirked and rolled her eyes at me. Turning around to go back downstairs.
I changed into light blue jeans with white sneakers and a white Celine hoodie leaving my hair down. "I hope he didn't plan for the met gala after this." I laughed to myself.
I got back downstairs and saw he wasn't sitting at the bar anymore. I looked around and saw no sign of him. "Of course." I muttered under my breath. "I'm an idiot."
"Vita?" A familiar voice came from behind me. "You ready to go? Sorry I just had to take a call. My cars outside." His eyes flickered as he smiled.
"Sure, yeah I'm ready to go and my names Athena, you don't have to call me that name anymore. I just use it for here or when guys creep me out. You passed the test so far, but don't let me regret it." I smirked at him causing him to turn a shade of pink.
Did my fake confidence just fluster this man? Was that even possible?
"I figured, but I didn't want to push it." He said as I followed him to the parking lot. "This is me." As he stopped in front of a jet black Mercedes Maybach.
'Oh no, so he's rich rich'
"Damn Jimin, someone's got good taste."
"Sometimes." He chuckled.
"So where are we going?" I asked, sitting quietly in the passenger seat. Everything smelled so good inside, it was as if he had just bought it. He had a blue crystal hanging from the rear-view mirror. "How fitting." I thought.
"The beach." He stared at the road, resting his veiny hand on the gear shift. "Why the beach?" I asked. He turned to look at me and smiled, the road lights reflecting in his eyes causing them to sparkle. "You ask too many questions." He laughed, "Just trust me okay?"
After a while, we pulled up to Santa Monica pier and parked. Turning the car off as we sat in silence for a few minutes, I looked over at him waiting for him to speak. "I come to this spot when i want to get away from everyone, it always makes me feel better. I love the ocean, it never talks back to you." He smiled softly and turned to get out of the car. I got out and walked beside him down the steps to the sand and took off my shoes. "I love walking barefoot down here, I've been around some ocean spots here before a few times with my friends, I didn't come to this exact spot, but it's funny you say that because it's been a place that's also calmed me since moving here."
"Seems like it's a spot for the both of us then"
"Yeah." I smiled, watching his eyes flicker again.
'Why do they keep doing that'
We walked a few minutes til we got to the edge of the water. The waves crashed against the rocks and pier structure, the tide slowly going out and coming back up to splash my feet. "Come, let's sit." He said grabbing my hand and walking up the sand just enough so that we didn't get wet anymore. I sat beside him and dug my feet into the dark specks of rocks around me. Feeling the heat on my body from the days worth of sun. "Jimin, tell me why you were at the bar by yourself, Is that a thing you do?" I asked staring off into the black abyss.
"No, it's not something I normally do. I came with my brother but he was pre occupied with someone so I came in for a drink." He spoke, slightly looking at me. "Ahh, did you tell him you were leaving or is he just going to assume you bailed." I let out a small laugh. "That's actually why I was on the phone when you left. I told him I was hanging out with someone and to not wait for me."
"Can I ask you another question?"
"Of course." He nodded.
"Why me?" I turned and looked at him this time. "What's so special about me that you couldn't look away from me." I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.
"Because there's something different about you and I wanted to find out what it was." He spoke.
"Different? Like what kind of different?" I nervously looked down at my feet embedded in the wet ground.
"You're special Athena." He spoke calmly.
I chuckled, "Special? Me? I think you have the wrong person."
"No." He shook his head.
"Why are you talking cryptic, you can ask me anything you want Jimin. I'll let you know if you've crossed a line with me." I raised my brow trying to urge him to tell me what he really wanted to say.
"I already have." He whispered, slowly standing up to walk ahead back to the edge of the water. Feeling confused at what he meant, I got up and walked over to stand beside him. "What does that mean." I asked him. "Don't worry about it." He smiled and lightly grazed my hand with his fingers. Noticing me shiver a bit he pulled me over to him, "May I?" I nodded, as he held me close to his chest wrapping his arms around me to rub my back, warming me up. I could feel his hot skin on me even through his sweater, he was a walking furnace. I started to feel a familiar warm twist in my stomach forming, my mind feeling fuzzy.
"If you're cold, we can go." He leaned down to smile at me still rubbing my back. I nodded as we walked slowly back to the car, I trailed behind him looking out into the open water, dark as midnight. "This looks exactly like my dream." I shuddered at the thought. "Too much like it." I didn't realize I had stopped in a daze until I heard his voice in the distance, "Athena? Are you alright?"
"Yeah, sorry. Coming." I skipped over to him as we got to the car. "Now what?" I giggled just to pester him about asking too many questions. "I can show you my house if you want. You don't have to stay, I just figured you're cold and I have a wine cellar." He smirked, his eyes forming into little crescent moons on his face.
'God, what are you doing to me'
I paused for a few moments before answering him, "Fine, but only one glass." I turned to look out my window, feeling his eyes burn into the side of my profile. "One glass works for me." He smiled.
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"We're here." We pulled up to a long, dark and massive driveway. My eyes almost came out of my face as I looked ahead. "Holy shit."
"Jesus Christ Jimin, what do you do for a living? This place is amazing." I laughed as I walked up to the front doors. The gothic exterior of the mansion felt cold but inviting at the same time. The lot was otherwise empty, other than just his property. The high steel fencing and tall greenery served as a private secluded oasis. "Nobody is invading this man's privacy." I thought to myself.
"Coming inside?" He grinned in the doorway, showing off his dimples again.
I nodded as I followed behind him inside closing the heavy doors behind me. "Wow." My mouth hanging open at the interior. The inside was just as dark, but matched so well. The windows went from the floors to the ceiling and contrasted beautifully with the dark accents and black stained wooden floors. "This is beautiful Jimin, truly."
"Thank you, but I've seen more beautiful things." He winked.
"Red or white?" He asked as I sat down at the end of the large black leather couch. "Red is good." I smiled, looking away quickly.
'Here come the nerves again'
Jimin walked over to me with two glasses and sat down on the couch a few spaces away. Popping the cork and pouring a sea of a thick bodied red into my glass. I could feel my legs start to shake again with nerves as I bit my lower lip and took the glass from him. "This is really good, It tastes expensive." I giggled, after taking a sip. "That's because it is." He grinned back at me. My stomach dropped into a twinge of fluttering when I caught his smile. It was making me feel weak all over and I wasn't sure how much longer I could sit and feel like this.
"So tell me, have you worked at that bar awhile?" He asked politely taking a sip from his glass.
"Yeah, I have for about 3 years now, I started when I moved here from New York." I said as I turned to make slight eye contact before looking down again. "Do you like it?" He asked.
"Yeah, I mean, it pays the bills and it's not a hard job." I nodded. He moved a bit closer and put his half empty glass down gently on the table. I could feel my stomach tighten again as I looked at him briefly sitting with his arms resting on his knees. His blue hair reflecting the dim lighting from above us, he was godlike, I couldn't fucking breathe.
"Come upstairs with me?"
'What'
Before I could ask why, he was already heading up the stairs unbuttoning his shirt. "Wow he moves quick." I thought, sheepishly following behind him.
He walked into a massive bedroom at the end of the hallway, removing his shirt as he walked in. I walked in after him and headed over to his bedroom window staring in awe at the view. The window overlooked a massive field of green, with nothing but stillness and a slight breeze coming in through the opening. The room was almost the same size as the living room, gold and forest green accents were decorated all around and there was a large king size bed covered in satin right in the middle. "Damn" I thought.
"You like it?" He asked, coming out from his bedroom closet pulling a hoodie over his head and down his shoulders. "Yes, this is so beautiful." I nodded, feeling a sigh of relief that his intentions weren't what I had originally thought they were at the bar.
"Sorry, I just had to match you with comfort." He chuckled. "Come, I'll give you a tour."
Jimin took me to every place in the house, he showed me every room and every bit of space he had. He showed me portraits he had made, art he had designed and pictures of his family from ages ago while we sat cross legged on his living room floor with scattered photos all around us. It didn't feel like we had just met, it had felt like I had known him already. My nerves started to leave, as I realized that he was more than just some guy at the bar I met. He wasn't cynical or mundane, he didn't have a pompous attitude and bragged to me about all the things he owned like I was used to hearing. No, he wanted to show me who he was. It left me feeling confused, why did this random stranger want to invite me in? Why did he open up to me like we were already friends and just catching up? Why didn't I understand how he could be himself so easily with me, when I couldn't even open up to my best friend of 3 years. Maybe people were just different than I was, maybe I am just so closed off that I forgot that the problems lie with me and no one else.
I found myself enthralled with him, as he spoke. His facial expressions lighting up every time he talked about something he loved or wanted to do. He was calm but fearless, like the ocean we were just sitting by. Intimidating and wild, but protective all at once. I felt my heartbeat increasing, my palms feeling prickly. "Why am I so drawn to you?" I thought." Why do I want to open my heart and tell you everything, can I tell you everything? Will you still want me around?"
"Who am I kidding, he doesn't even know me. He probably doesn't even feel things as intense as I do. I'm a monster remember?"
"Tell me something about you Athena." I snapped out of my thoughts as I heard him ask.
"Me?" I shyly fumbled with my fingers in my lap.
"Yes you." He smiled.
I told him that I wanted to be an artist before I worked at the club and that my dream was to be in my own gallery one day. I told him about my passions for painting and how I used art to convey my feelings to the world. I spoke about my best friends Clara and Hoseok (Hobi) and how the three of us became a family when I lost my mother. I didn't go into detail about her, and he knew to not push me on it as he just nodded listening with his chin on his palm.
"You must be tired." He smiled as he watched my eyes slowly fading as I leaned against the couch from the floor. "I can take you home if you'd like." He stood up, giving me his hand to pull me up from the dark hardwood.
"I'm not that tired, I-I'd like to stay a little longer, if that's okay?" I shyly looked downwards. "I feel really comfortable here." I could feel my face get hot.
He smiled and held out his hand to hold mine. "Come with me." He said, as he laced my fingers in his, feeling his hot touch and the strong energy surge starting to pulse through me. My stomach started tightening again as I swallowed the lump in my throat.
'What is he doing to me'
I walked with him down to the basement to an old hidden wine cellar. It had brightly lit cobblestone walls and expensive one-of-a-kind wine bottles that surrounded every inch of surface. I could smell the wine resting in old wooden barrels pushed up against the wall. "Pick one." He said still lacing his fingers with mine. "Any one?" I asked. "Any one." He nodded with his angelic smile.
"That one up there that's blue. It reminds me of someone." I smiled.
"Ahh, good choice." He smirked back.
Grabbing the bottle and dusting it off, he returned his hand down to mine and laced our fingers together again. Grabbing two new glasses as we got back up to the top floor and headed back to his master bedroom.
"Make yourself at home."
I smiled, heading over to sit on a chair next to the window. "So, you never told me what you do for work." I waited as he poured my second glass of wine of the night. "Well, it's not very interesting, I just work for my family. We have a lot of investments in companies and property. So, I oversee a lot of it." he came to hand me my glass and walked over to the edge of the bed to sit down.
"Ahh I see. You mentioned you had a brother too, is he the only other sibling you have?"
"Technically I have 6 brothers, we aren't related but we all grew up together, so we consider each other family."
There was a sudden quietness in the room as we both drank our drinks, he was still arm's length away from me, purposely to not to be too close.
"What about you?" He asked. "Nah, I'm the spoiled only child of the family." I giggled, feeling the wine start to rush to my head.
"Jimin?"
"Yes?"
"Why am I really here?"
"What do you mean?" He looked up meeting my eyes now.
"I feel like we've met before, or already know each other. But there's no way that is true right?"
"Right."
"If I'm being honest, I was drawn to you back at the bar. I can't explain it, I just felt this pull to you." He said, looking up at me before continuing, "I don't know, I feel just safe with you, I feel like i can be myself around you and don't have to pretend to be someone else."
"Do you usually pretend to be someone else?" I continued.
"Yes."
"I had felt it in my gut before I went on stage that something felt weird, I remember. I was trying to make sense of it once I stepped out because the energy shifted, it got heavier. Then I spotted you and instantly lost control of myself. I started to lose focus and my head started spinning. I didn't understand how someone I didn't know could make me feel so many things intensely all at once, things that I've never experienced before." I replied.
He put his drink down and got up slowly making his way over to me.
"And now I'm here and I don't feel like an object anymore. I feel like you want to actually get to know me." I could feel the trembles start, but this time not from nerves.
"I do, want to know you, Athena." He spoke.
He slowly approached me, taking my glass from my hands to set it on the table beside me. Raising his hand to the side of my face lightly grazing my cheek with his fingers as he put my blonde hair behind my ear. A shot of electricity shot through me and down my neck causing my breath to hitch. He stepped back and grabbed a remote from the top of his dresser. Pressing play as music started to play from all corners of the room.
"You don't gotta tell me about it, we can dance around it."
🎶
"Dance with me."
I stood up to face him, taking his hand as he held it out for me. Interlocking his fingers into mine as he brought me to the middle of the bedroom. He placed one hand on the small of my back and raised our hands together to his chest. I leaned my head on his shoulder and swayed to the music with him. I felt in that moment that nothing else mattered, not the nightmares, not the insomnia, not the hatred I felt for myself. In that moment I felt like the only girl in the world. He made me feel invincible, like I could do anything, like I mattered.
'How could this be real'
I could feel his heart beating fast under my cheek as I smiled. "I'm glad you came." He whispered pressing his lips to the top of my head. "Me too." I smiled again into his chest now, still swaying with him slowly as we danced together.
"I want you to stay with me tonight." He whispered again, still moving with me.
I stopped moving and looked up at him as he stared into my eyes intently. "I can't." I breathed out, putting my free hand up to his face and cupping his cheek as he leaned into it.
"Why?" He whispered.
"I don't trust myself." I swallowed that familiar lump in my throat again, putting my hand back around the middle of his back.
He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to my forehead. I got hit with the warm shock of him again and shuddered letting out a gasp at his touch.
"But I trust you." he spoke.
He let go of my hand and rested both of his hands loosely over my hips, as I wrapped my arms around his neck with our foreheads touching. Looking at each other while swaying again without saying a word. I could smell the vanilla coming off his skin, his warm gorgeous golden skin. I could feel the stomach warmth hitting me again, but this time it was different. I wanted to feel every fiber of him, I wanted him to know me, I wanted him to know everything.
"Lay with me?" I asked.
He nodded, as I took his hand and walked to the bed before releasing it, he laid down beside me as we both turned to face each other. I finally had the courage to really look at him now, as I studied his face and how his icy blue hair fell on the pillow so elegantly. I watched how his breath hitched every now and again telling me he was just as nervous as I was. I reached forward and lightly dragged my fingers up his arm in silence, his skin glowing in the moonlight that was shining through the bedroom windows. I looked deeply into his beautiful blue eyes, a shade of blue that was as strong and as dark as the sea. A shade of blue that felt like the summer sky on a hot day, a blue that resonated so well with me. A blue that was so oddly familiar, because it was the same shade of blue that I wore to hide away.
'how did I not notice this'
I continued to drag my fingers down to the edge of his sweater and lightly ran them under the fabric and over his hard stomach up to his chest. He arched his back slightly and let out a harbored breath, as my hand was met with goosebumps across his skin.
He reached over to me, softly tracing his fingers from around the frame of face, down to my neck and shoulder and all the way down to the middle of my chest. Putting his hand over my heart.
"Who are you Jimin." I asked as I continued to move my fingers in little light circles on his skin. "Tell me." I said in a whisper moving closer.
"What do you mean?" He shuttered to my touch, looking so intensely at me it began to give me chills.
"Who are you? I need to know. Are you like me? A monster." I broke his gaze and stopped my hand.
"A monster?" His jaw clenching. "You're not a monster Athena, you're beautiful." He said, still holding his hand to me but moving slightly inwards to close off a little more distance.
"You don't know that, you don't know anything about me Jimin." I began tracing circles on his skin again with my now trembling hand.
There was a sudden still in the room, air becoming heavy and thick. "You're right." He said in a faint whisper. "You're right, I don't know much about you. But what I do know is that you're not a monster, not to me." He continued to watch my face, still not moving his hand away. I didn't even notice how close we now had gotten, as our lips almost grazing each other's. I could feel his warm minty breath reach me as I felt the room spin. His now icy stare keeping me locked in and frozen to him.
He took his hand off my chest and brought it behind me to my back to press me into him.
"Athena?" He spoke.
"Yes." I spoke, shakily.
"Kiss me."
My heart started pounding, my head getting dizzy as I stopped being able to focus. All I could think about in that moment was him. I wanted to feel him and know what he tasted like. I was filled with so many questions, but that familiar warmth was hitting me like a wave into me over and over again. I brought my hands from under his sweater and placed them gently on each side of his face. I looked at him one more time before closing our distance to each other and putting my lips to his.
I kissed him gently as he kissed me back, his lips were pillow soft and fit perfectly with mine. I couldn't feel my body anymore, everything had gone tingly til it went numb completely. I was lost in my mind and body with him. He moved my face slightly with his to lightly graze his tongue along mine and then into my mouth. He kissed me raw, with hunger and passion. He kissed me like he wanted to know every part of me, moving his hands up my back and into my hair. I moaned, as he slowly pushed me back to move on top of me.
"Stay with me." He whispered between breaths. "Stay with me tonight, Athena, I trust you." He laid intertwined with my legs as he met my lips, crashing them together over and over again. My vision began to blur now, my hands were clammy and hot as they gripped the back of his neck.
My head was foggy, the room started to spin as my chest was slowly tightening. I started to feel like it was in a vice grip, just getting tighter and tighter as he held me. I started to panic knowing that if I didn't stop now, I never would. I was addicted to him already and it terrified me. I had to get out of before it was too late, and I was hooked too deep.
"Wait." I spoke, finally able to muster the words.
"Wait, we can't. I can't." I said again, suddenly stopping myself. Jimin looked down into my eyes stopping instantly and moving to lay on his side beside me breathing heavily. "Hey, it's okay, I'm so sorry if that was too far. I got carried away I shouldn't have crossed that with you."
"No, no it's okay. I- " I stuttered looking away from him as I stared at the ceiling, tears were starting to brim.
"Athena, it's really okay, you don't need to explain anything to me." He spoke sweetly, reaching over to grab me to pull me onto his chest. The feeling of the heat of his body calmed me instantly, I could hear his heart pounding against my cheek as I laid there with him wrapped around me. I felt so safe in that moment, like I could stay here forever.
"I'll stay with you tonight." I whispered. "Just like this, I'll stay with you."
He nodded, pulling the blankets over us as he leaned back onto his pillow. "I just need you to know, that you're safe here. You're safe here with me. I won't ever let anything happen to you." He kissed the top of my head, holding me tight to him as he relaxed with me. "Thank you." "Thank you, for tonight Jimin."
I could feel my eyes getting heavier and my breathing calming itself in unison to his, I was content for the first time in my life. I let out a small whimper clutching onto him harder, before slowly drifting off to sleep on his chest as he held me.
I didn't wake up that night screaming or had a nightmare. For once, the rotting open void that consumed my chest every night was gone, even if it was just for one night, I was happy. I didn't know what tomorrow brought, or how I was going to leave him.
But the vulnerability was starting to rear its head, my fears and impulses of feeling never good enough were still very much there but starting to dissipate slowly when I was around him. The question was, would I let him see me for who I was, the shell of a woman I once was? The broken and shattered Athena?
Only time would tell.
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