A/N: So it has been a REALLY long time since I have last updated. I am sorry about that. Life kept getting in the way of my plans. This portion of the story was difficult for me to write and I thank all of you who patiently waited for me to write it. I tried to make up for it by making it a bit longer than most. Happy reading!
Chapter 43:
How the hell am I supposed to do this?
I had been pondering this question for the last couple of days and now it was now repeating in my brain like a broken record. I stood in the doorway of the living room, staring at the back of the couch that my sister was currently curled up on to watch the television, still unsure of how to even begin to tell her what I had been keeping from her for the last seventy-two hours.
How was I supposed to do this?
How was I going to tell her without her becoming panicked and afraid?
I had spent the whole day waiting for this particular moment and now that it was here I was even more confused and anxious.
Today had been a day spent in torturous waiting.
Waiting for the Monster to release me from his bed, for him to pack his things, for him to leave this house and waiting to tell my sister something that would probably scar her for the rest of her life.
She was the Alpha's mate. Just thinking about that evil monster made my stomach turn and my hands ball into clammy fists. The suspense from the whole day was building, threatening to smother any resolve I might have left in my tired and werewolf weary body.
My thoughts flickered back to when the Monster had left this afternoon while I was trying to think of a way to start this particular conversation with my baby sister. Chey had still been sleeping the day away and I was back in the kitchen mechanically baking more cookies when the Monster finally had his bag packed to leave for the tribunal. He had cleared his throat as he entered the kitchen, making me glance up from what I was doing to look at him. He wasn't dressed in business clothes like I thought he would have been to be leaving for the Tribunal. Instead he was wearing an old long sleeve shirt and some basketball shorts. He looked more like he was going to go run rather than travel to a formal meeting. Despite his relaxed clothing however, his shoulders were tense as he leaned against the entry way with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder and his jaw was tight as he kept his black emotionless eyes trained on me like it was an obligation. I couldn't help but compare his demeanor now to when I had first seen him in my kitchen so many months ago.
He had been wearing business clothes instead of causal then and his shorter hair had been styled instead of left to hang into his eyes. He had been cocky then, taunting me with his very presence and the underlying purpose of his words. Now he was simply...bland.
His eyes were dull and his facial features held no expression. He looked at me like I was a plain piece of toast that he could not get rid of but he didn't want any part of either. The latter part of that observation I was quite happy with. I was really tired of this Monster wanting something from me.
After tonight he would never get anything from me again.
"I'm leaving." He told me evenly not showing any recognizable emotion or expression. I just nodded and looked back down to the dough I was rolling out on the counter without a word. I didn't need or want to say anything to that. I wasn't even sure I was supposed to say anything in response.
What could I say?
Bye Honey, I'm going to miss you so much!
Bah. Good luck with that. Just the thought of saying something like that to him made me cringe.
"Nothing to say?" he asked suddenly asked interrupting my internal disgust. I grimaced and kept rolling the dough mechanically.
Don't hurry back.
See you later sucker.
Try to get hit by a bus while you are out.
I hope animal control picks you up and throws your overgrown doggie ass in the pound.
I was fairly certain that a comment of that sort would have been taken rather badly so instead I just swallowed the lump in my throat and spoke the only word that I thought I could say without feeling more disgusted with myself.
"Bye."
He breathed out through his nose as a low growl grumbled in his throat. I lifted my head to look at him right as he appeared at my side and grabbed my arm, pulling me behind him out of the kitchen, through the living room and into the hallway.
My heart was starting to pound in my chest as we approached the front door, his tight almost painful grip never loosening. Before I could pull against him he stopped right in front of the entrance and yanked me to him, making me collide with his chest.
I tried to push against him but his grip just tightened and a low growl escaped from his throat.
I froze, feeling the Beast in that growl.
"Mate will stay here." The Beast stated, his voice commanding. The creepy crawly feeling that I got from him touching me only allowed me to nod my head in response. He growled again.
"Mate must promise...promise us." The Beast demanded, forcing my chin up with one hand while he kept me pinned to him with the other.
He was looking into my eyes with those onyx black ones layered in an intensity that I didn't like or understand.
"I promise." I muttered.
It was a lie, but what did it really matter anyway?
If I was caught after the events of tomorrow I would have worse problems to deal with. Primarily an extremely pissed off nut job Alpha that was going to rip my throat out.
Nevertheless, my words seemed to calm him slightly because his eyes lost the hard gleam to them. Instead they adopted a slightly dazed look that I had never seen before on the Beast's face. He dropped my chin and circled both of his arms around my waist, pulling me so close that I was literally pressed against him from chest to knees.
I could feel my knees begin to shake in fear as he leaned over me and rested his face in the crook of my neck, moving my head to the side with his stubbled chin. His face was pressed right into my misshapen collar bone and his lips grazed the scarred puncture wounds that came from his teeth. Those gruesome scars made the mark that permanently fixed me to him.
And I hated them.
But before I could try to shove against him of do anything in protest his mouth lowered down onto the mark and his tongue moved over the scarred holes. A scream built in my throat but before it could escape he lifted his head, placing one more peck on the area before straightening and turning his head to the side.
When I just stared at him in panic and shock he glanced back at me through the corner of his eyes and stretched his neck out further toward me, even leaning forward to accommodate for my only slight smaller height.
What the hell was he expecting me to do?
What the hell was this?
"Mate seals her mark. Tradition." The Beast told me, trying to explain.
Seals my mark? What the hell was that supposed to mean? I looked at his neck in confusion once more before I saw what he was referring to. In the junction between his massive shoulder and neck there was a barely visible crescent moon shaped scar. The recognition of my own denture outline was unmistakable. This was where I bit him before to get him off of me. I thought about the location of the wound in relation to the much bigger and more gruesome on that was emblazoned on my shoulder and realized that he considered that my mark. Kyrie had told me long ago that werewolf mates typically bite each other as a territorial mark but I had never really thought about that particular bite being claiming in any way. At the moment I did it my only concern has been getting him the hell off of me.
"Seal it." The Beast demanded again.
I thought back to what he had just done to the scar on my shoulder.
He couldn't mean....eww.
He wanted me to lick it.
Of course he did. The Monster was overdue on his daily dose of creeper. I sighed mentally. Compared to all of the other things I had been forced to do since my acquaintance with the monster I guess this ranked amongst the least repulsive. With a grimace I leaned forward and licked the designated area. His skin tasted like salt and soap while his hair smelled slightly of dog.
Figures.
The Beast growled low in approval which made me jerk my head back and turn away from him. It was not the first time I had heard the Beast make such a noise and it replayed memories that made me feel vial and afraid.
It took all of my strength not to struggle in his hold. It took all of my willpower not to cry out in fear. I felt sick to my stomach. The Beast ducked his head and nuzzled his face back into the column of my neck.
"Want mate with us but humans not allowed." The Beast whined into my skin, sounding much like a child that was told he couldn't bring his dog to school. It was frightening and kind of pathetic at the same time. "Next time mate will be wolf-mother like Norma. Next time mate and pups will come with us." He nuzzled deeper. "We will have our family."
That would happen on a cold day in Hell.
Just the thought of what he would have to do to make that happen made my heart try to leap out of my chest. He hadn't tried anything in a while but that would be the only way he would impregnate me.
By force.
By Rape.
If somehow this escape did not work and the Alpha did not kill me on sight, that would be my future. He would rape me until I was bred and I would have to birth his monster spawn for the rest of my child bearing years. If the plan failed there would be a lot of repercussions that would alter how we human mates had defensively played the game. Carlos would be found out immediately and they would most definitely find the plants Kyrie has been growing to keep Sasha, Red and me from being impregnated.
What would the fall out of that be?
What would happen once they learned that the human mates' infertility had been a plot, something that was planned and regimented by Kyrie, a human that they had all trusted? It was no secret that Kyrie was the most trusted of all of us. Kyrie was always professional, always seemed to play by the rules.
I was a threat, Carlos an invalid, Sasha a child and Red...well Red was Red.
Kyrie was the ideal choice in which to place their trust. What would happen to him if found out that he was the reason none of them had monster spawn yet? What would happen to him if they found out and we were still here to feel the consequences?
Would they kill him?
The queasy feeling that tightened in my chest made me certain that I knew the answer to that. Kyrie had to know it too...he was too smart not to and still he took that chance.
And what of Carlos?
Carlos was the mastermind of this whole plot. If they found out that he was the most conniving and resourceful of us all what would happen to him? When they found out that Kyrie lied about his condition and Carlos fooled them for so long what would the punishment be? What would the chances for anyone else be?
And Sasha and Red?
They have been secretly collecting things for Carlos for months, spreading out purchases of supplies that we would need so that they would not show up on any watch list and storing the materials in floor boards of their apartments. What would happen to them when they were caught for taking Kyrie's leaves and for gathering the supplies?
And me? Lying to the Alpha meant certain death and if it was not certian like with the Monster would bring it to me. I couldn't live though more of this. I wasn't strong enough.
If this escape plan failed we all stood to lose more than just our freedom...we stood to lose our lives.
That thought brought me back to the present, back to staring at the most innocent yet most problematic portion of the web of lies that we all had spun to get out of this hell hole.
Looking at my sister's dark hair, hair that we shared, I knew what I had to do.
I had to tell her.
She deserved to know the stakes that we were against in earnest. She needed to know what would happen if this plan failed.
I walked forward into the room.
"Chey...I need...I need to tell you something." I mumbled as I sat down beside her on the sofa. She kept flipping through channels, keeping her eyes on the screen.
"Chey are you listening to me?" I asked her still unresponsive form once more before I reached forward and snatched the remote from her hand and turned the television off.
"Hey I was watching that." She complained and she stubbornly reached to get the remote back from me. Instead of giving it back to her I casually threw it into one of the other chairs. I needed her to pay attention to me now and I couldn't have her trying to wrestle me for the stupid television remote when I had to tell her something this important. She frowned at me and heaved a dramatic sigh.
"What then?" she asked petulantly, like a child would when they didn't get there way. Her mother's blue eyes looked at me with exasperation and annoyance reminding me again of what we both had in common and what we did not. Cheyenne and I had different mothers, different eye colors, different facial features, different ages, different heights and wildly different personality yet we shared the same father, the same hair color and the same tip to our smiles. And we now had one more thing in common, something that a long time ago she had wished for as I had cleaned our father's gun in that small windowless room.
It made telling her feel even worse.
Could she even handle this? I didn't want her to enter the hell that I was living in....but she was. Even if I didn't tell her she would still be the mate to that psychotic alpha.
I had to tell her. I had no other choice.
"What did you hear about the Alpha's mate?" I asked her, trying to ascertain just what kind of rumors were going on outside the walls of the apartment that I had been prisoner of for too long. By this time I knew that everyone else knew he had gone to find her in one of the Western packs, even the Chinese food delivery boy knew about it the other night, but I need to know what Chey knew. I needed to know where to start.
"Alpha Steele?" she asked in a tone that was tired and a little annoyed. Clearly she thought that this interruption had something to do with me wanting to hear gossip.
If only.
"Yes...Alpha Steele." I confirmed, looking down at my hands as the memory of that monster's face appeared behind my eyes. The cold conniving glint of his eyes and the sadistic tilt to his smile had haunted me for the past several days. So had the fading imprint of his hand on my cheek.
"He left rather suddenly to find his mate in the Western Region Packs. Apparently he had a revelation about it of some sort." She informed me as she curled a strand of her hair around her finger and glanced back at the blank television screen. "Rumor has it that he has been searching through the lower sector for days...looking at humans. I never thought an alpha could have a human mate. I've never heard of such a thing." She looked back at me with a pointed expression, sticking her hand out. "Now can I have the remote back? I want to know whether Willamina picks the blue dress or the green."
"The Alpha's mate is a human." I said bluntly, obviously ignoring her interest in said stupid television show. Chey looked at me with a blank expression, her blue eyes wide and confused for just a moment before her nose rose slightly in the air in a disbelieving expression.
"And how would you know something like that? It's not like this apartment is gossip central." She glowered at me. Her tone was ambivalent but I could see deep in her eyes that what I said had made her wary. I could see the gears turning in her head as to why I was telling her such things.
"I know because the Alpha was here."
"When?"
"Right before he left, two days ago."
Chey's expression was starting to turn fearful, she looked around the room as if the Alpha could be lurking in a corner at this very moment.
"W-why was he here?" she stammered.
All humans feared Alpha Steele. His image had been the propaganda of our oppression. His face was the one that we were taught to expect to punish us for our crimes and keep us in line. He was the oppressor.
"The Monst...Blakewell has been acting strangely." I had to force myself to say his surname. It burned my throat just to say that much but Chey would not understand my internal jargon. "The Alpha came to find out the reason."
Chey's eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement.
"He has been acting strange lately but why would an Alpha care?"
"He's the Alpha's cousin as well as one of his Gammas...he is apparently very protective of his family." I whispered remembering how the Alpha had smiled at me when he walked out of the door that day, looking back at me and calling me his cousin. If he knew the truth he would have called me sister.
The thought of that made me afraid in a way that I had never been before.
Chey reached out and touched my shoulder during my momentary distant expression and brought me back to the conversation at hand. The expression on her face as she regarded me was one that I had never seen on her but stuck me with a familiarly that made me want to cry. Her blue eyes were regarding me with concern, the corners of her mouth were turned down in worry and her eyebrows were slightly raised. She may have had her mother's face...but that was our father's expression.
"He hit you didn't he? That is where that bruise was from?" she asked.
Sometimes I realized that Cheyenne was much more observant and compassionate than I gave her credit for...this was one of those times.
"Yes. He hit me." I admitted. At this point there was no point in keeping it a secret from her. I had, had enough of hiding, of lying because a monster would get me if I didn't. I was going to tell the truth to my own kin, monsters be damned. "He was trying to get me to tell him why his cousin was acting so strange...he wouldn't accept the fact that I don't have a clue what has been up with him either."
"How did you get him to leave? How did you fight him?" she asked fear blistering in her blue eyes just imagining the situation.
"He saw this picture when he threw me against the bookcase." I told her as I pulled the picture from her sixth birth day out of my pocket and placed it into her hands.
She looked down at it; her brow still furrowed in confusion the gears turning like mad behind her eyes.
"Sarah lives in the Western packs doesn't she?"
The speed at which Chey had jumped to this conclusion astounded me. I looked at my sister with new eyes then. Selfish, vain, inconsiderate, foolish and prudish were all characteristics that described my sister but I guess stupid had never been one of them.
"She does." I confirmed with a shallow nod.
"That's why he is in the Western Packs looking through humans....she's his mate isn't she?" She asked me with a pale face.
I swallowed hard.
"That is what I told him."
She looked up from the picture.
"What you told him?" she echoed softly with the look of someone who could feel something bad coming but didn't want it to be true. I reached forward and touched my index finger to the smiling snaggle toothed six year old grinning in the picture.
"But that wasn't who he was pointing to."
It was dead silent for a moment, a sinking sort of silence that made your gut clench and the air stick in your chest.
"Me? He pointed at me?" she whispered.
"Yes."
"But you told him..."
"Yes."
"When I-I'm actually..."
"Yes."
"You lied?"
"Yes."
"To...to t-the...Alpha?"
Her fingers were trembling as she held the picture, shaking so hard I was sure she was going to rip it. I reached for her hands and wrapped her trembling fingers in mine.
"Yes."
It was silent for only a moment before her body jerked in the first tremble of a sob. I automatically pulled her too me, forgetting the picture as it fell out of her hands and onto the floor. She was shaking all over and her fingers dug into my shirt, balling the fabric into tight terrified fist.
I don't know how long we stayed like that. Her clutching onto me in panic and fear while I held her tight knowing exactly what she was going through and not being able to do anything about it.
"shhhhh. Cheybae it's going to be alright. It's going to be ok." I tried to comfort her after a while, patting her back like I did when she was afraid of monsters under her bed.
She suddenly jerked away from me then, pulling out of my grasp and struggling to her feet and moving away from me. I got up as well, watching her warily.
"Chey-" I started to ask where she was going but she whirled back to look at her, eyes wide and face ashen with fear and anger.
"No it's not going to be ok!" Cheyenne screamed at me, horrified tears forming in her eyes. "Why did this have to happen? Why is this happening?"
"Cheybae please. It'll be ok. We'll get out of this." I tried to console her and myself. It stuck me right in the chest that my baby sister was starting to ask the same questions that had been rolling around in my head for months.
Chey shook her head, tears streaming down her face.
"How Juniper? How are we supposed to get out of this? By running? Running forever away from them?" she questioned, her chest rising and falling so quickly that I feared she might hyperventilate.
"We won't stay here. I won't let what happened to me happen to you. I will protect you with my life Chey." I confirmed, my hands clinching into fists.
"You already are, aren't you?" she asked, horror filling her blue eyes. "You lied to the Alpha. That is treason Juniper. The punishment for treason is death."
I nodded.
"I know the consequences of my actions Chey." I told her in an even almost tired voice. How long had I pondered the consequences?
I was more than familiar what would happen to me if I was caught. It meant nothing if I could keep my only family safe.
"How can you stand there and be so calm?" Chey asked me, her voice trembling as she gazed at me with horror in her eyes. "How could you have done something like this...done something that will get you killed and be so damn calm?"
"I'm calm because I did this for you Chey. I did this to protect you. That makes it the right decision. I don't regret it and I would do it again." I confessed to her, stepping forward to try to catch her hand. She pulled away from me before I could touch her and looked at me with the most panicked expression I had ever seen on her face.
"How can you sign your own death warrant? How could you...how could you make me live with something like that?"
The words she said echoed across the room and stabbed into my chest like one of my old throwing knifes into a wooden target. The silence that followed the strike was deafening.
"What did you say?" my voice finally asked.
"How could you make me live with that? How could you put your life on my shoulders?" she whispered, angrily...bitterly.
"I did what I did to protect you, to protect you from what I've been though. The consequences are mine, not yours to bear." I told her flat out, not understanding this sudden hysterical look that had taken over her face and her voice.
"Not mine to bear?" she whispered, her face contorting. "Not MINE TO BEAR?"
She was screaming at me then, her voice breaking and octave as she cried out. I looked worriedly toward the walls of the apartment and Chey shoved her hand over her mouth, choking back her voice to a quiet sob. "How am I supposed to live with the fact that you died to protect me?"
My heart clenched.
"Chey...you don't need to worry about that." I told her, reaching out again only to have her pull away.
"And who is going to worry about it Juniper?" she asked, her voice small. "You? Why do you always assume that the weight of the world should only fall on your shoulders? How can be so-so righteous all the time?"
"Cheyenne, I'm not trying to be righteous." I tried to argue with her but she cut me off with a hysterical laugh.
"You don't have to try Juniper. You-you just are. Everything is clear cut for you. It's always black and white. How can you always be the strong one? Why don't you ever falter or fall down? You don't even flinch about dying Juniper. How can you not even care about that?"
I stared at her incredulously.
"If you think that I am doing anything other than barely holding it together here you are sorely mistaken." I whisper hissed at her, my tone repremanding. "You don't think I freak out about things? You don't think that I haven't been absolutely petrified of even breathing since the moment that Monster showed up in our kitchen? Are you really that freaking blind Chey? Do you have any clue why I would rather die than have you suffer what I have suffered? To live though the hell I have had to live though? Chey you are my family. They killed our father Chey but no one else in my family will suffer because of one of those monsters while I'm still breathing."
"And there it is!" Chey barked back at me with tear filled eyes.
"There what is?" I barked back, my hands curling into fists.
"You wear our father's death like some sort of armor, some sick call to arms against them. When are you going to stop using this sick grudge you have against them as a means of self-destruction? When are you going to face the fact that dad is dead, he's never coming back and you need to fucking get over it."
The sound of my hand slapping against Chey's face stunned her into silence.
Her blubbering face had gone slack, her eyes held wide in disbelief as she touched the red hand print on the side of her face. But her surprise did not faze me.
It did not stop the words that came out of my mouth at that moment.
"You're right Chey...I have changed." My voice growled out in the coldest tone I have ever used toward my sister. "I changed the night I held our father's corpse on the street, bleeding out for all to see. It changed me to be soaked in our father's cold blood, screaming for help that would be too late and you're telling me to 'fucking get over it?" I asked with ice in my voice. Chey's eyes were as big as saucers as she watched my sudden viciousness. She had never seen the ugliness that I had pinned up in my heart for so long, never really known what that night had done to me.
"Do you know what it feels like to bleed to death Chey?" I asked her, glaring into her blue eyes that never had to see our father's eyes lifeless. "Do you know what it feels like to have teeth rip into your flesh and break your bones? Because I do Chey. I know exactly what it feels like, to feel life slipping away from you and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I know exactly how our father felt before he died alone in the street. I know what it feels like to die Chey. Forgive my fucking righteousness for wanting to spare you that knowledge."
I knew as soon as I quit speaking that I had made a mistake.
I shouldn't have slapped Chey.
I shouldn't have said those things to her.
But as she ran past me, crying to her room, I couldn't make myself follow her.
There was nothing I could say to retract my words to her. Nothing I could say to retract my actions.
I had told her the truth tonight.
Tonight it was finally her turn to be brave.