I stood in front of the mirror in our dorm, adjusting the tie of my uniform. It was still far too early for any of my friends to be awake so I sat on my bed and began flipping through my notebook again.
After a few more hours, Mandy began to stir. She was the one who had to wake up earliest for that curly hair of hers.
"Hi Y/N," she yawned. "You're up early."
"Mhm." I closed my notebook and placed it in my bag. "I'll wait for you in the Great Hall."
She nodded absently as she changed the colour of her hair from brown to blonde then back to brown using a magic hair cream from her mom."Alright."
I slung my bag over my shoulder and left, but not for the Great Hall.
I got to the hospital wing and slowly opened the door and poked my head inside. I spotted Harry asleep with Ron, Hermione, Bill, and Mrs. Weasley seated around him.
"Everything alright?" I asked quietly. "Where's... Snuffles?"
"He went with Dumbledore," Hermione replied. "How was your sleep?"
"Spiffy." I put my hand in my bag and pulled out the notebook containing everything I had found to prove Sirius innocent. "Here. It's for Harry."
Ron looked over Hermione's shoulder as she flipped through the notebook, her eyes getting wider and wider at every page. "Y/N, this... Oh, you've got newspaper clippings as well! This is amazing."
I nodded. At the very least, I'd like that to come in at the right time. Before anything awful were to happen that could have been prevented by that.
And I thought I owed it to Harry. He brought Cedric's body back.
I left the hospital wing without another word and went off to the Room of Requirement to return all the books and newspapers I had.
An apparently blank wall began morphing into a large door and I entered to find the large library that had been introduced to me by Helena Ravenclaw.
However, I didn't find Helena in there. Rather, I found my dad, seated on one of the velvet chairs around the fireplace, his fingers rubbing his eyes.
"Dad?"
He flinched and turned to the door. "Y/N... You're up early."
"Mhm." I sat down on the chair across from him. "What are you doing here?"
"What do you think I'm doing here?" He moved his hand from his face and placed both on the arms of his chair. "Investigate."
I looked him up and down.
Puffy eyes, trembling hands, tired eyes...
My brow raised. "Grief?"
"Yes... Over what?"
It couldn't be Cedric. My dad likely wouldn't tremble from it, because my father does not tremble. Not until now, anyway.
"I said investigate, not stare," my dad said, not moving from his position.
With that, I slowly stood and walked towards him, lifting his hand. There was nothing under his hand, but on his hand, his skin was ice cold.
All these negative emotions, the cold, it was adding up to something I didn't like.
"Dementor?"
"Dementor." My dad slammed his hand down on the arm of his chair again. "That bloody fool sent a Dementor to Hogwarts to kill..." His voice broke and his fingers pressed into his eyes again.
I tilted my head. "Barty?"
My father was one who smiled sparingly, and cried even less. Actually, I really only had proof of water in his eyes through a photo of my birth.
I guess a Dementor can really bring it all out of people.
Or perhaps, it was just the loss.
"We were just talking," my dad whispered. "It had been years since we just talked."
"So they just got the information and killed him?"
"No. I'm sorry, Y/N." He shook his head. "Fudge just doesn't want to believe that You-Know-Who is back."
My heart dropped.
The reality that life was unfair hit me harder than ever before. I hadn't cared before because I found that it wasn't unfair to me. Now that the scale wasn't tipped in my favour, that the cards in my hand were not the ones I wished for, my world stopped.
"Then who killed Mr. Crouch? Who took Bertha Jorkins? Where did the Dark Mark come from?"
"Y/N-"
"Who killed my brother?"
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes again and decided that this library could do to wait a little longer for me to return the books I had borrowed.
As long as I knew that Cedric wasn't killed by some freak accident, then that was what mattered, right?
•••
The Great Hall was significantly less noisy that year's leaving feast.
No one in Hufflepuff spoke, many in Slytherin didn't dare to. There was quiet conversation amongst the Gryffindors, and barely any in Ravenclaw.
There were black drapes on the wall behind the teachers, which made it seem a lot like a funeral rather than a feast. Karkaroff was gone.
"The end of another year," Dumbledore said as he usually did. "There is much that I would like to say to you all tonight, but I must first acknowledge the loss of a very fine person, who should be sitting here-" he motioned toward the Hufflepuff table, "-enjoying our feast with us. I would like you all, please, to stand, and raise your glasses, to Cedric Diggory."
Everyone in the Hall stood with their glasses in hand, and the glasses were raised as the Hall filled with one name. "Cedric Diggory."
I bit my lip, promising myself I wouldn't cry again as every sat down. I hung my head low, so low that Morag had noticed it and placed her hand on my back, whispering, "It'll be okay."
"Cedric was a person who exemplified many of the qualities that distinguish Hufflepuff house. He was a good and loyal friend, a hard worker, and fair. His death has affected you all. I think that you have the right, therefore, to know exactly how it came about."
I felt a chill surge through my body.
"Cedric Diggory was murdered by Lord Voldemort."
Panicked whispers sounded through the hall, with many horrified eyes staring at Dumbledore as if he had lost his mind.
"The Ministry of Magic," he continued, "does not wish me to tell you this. It is my belief, however, that the truth is generally preferable to lies, and that any attempt to pretend that Cedric died as the result of an accident, or some sort of blunder on his own, is an insult to his memory."
His wise eyes landed on the faces of the students seated before him. Perhaps there were traitors, enemies, pretenders seated in front of him, but his face didn't waver.
"It is my belief that we are all facing dark and difficult times. Some of you in this Hall have already suffered directly at the hands of Lord Voldemort. Many of your familiar have been torn asunder. A week ago, a student was taken from our midst."
He raised his glass once again.
"Remember Cedric. Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good, kind, and brave, because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort. Remember Cedric Diggory."
And I broke again.
I buried my face in my hands and Morag pulled me in, both her arms wrapping around me as she patted my back, continuing to whisper, "It's going to be okay."
Crying hurt so much in the moment. Not being able to breath when you want or hold back the sobs.
But there's a reason tears fall.
You're letting them go.
•••
With all my things packed, I looked around the dorm to see if there was anything I had missed.
Sue put her arm around me. "Another year."
"Mhm."
"You doing okay?"
"Mhm."
"The lack of snarky remarks or intelligent inquiries makes me not believe that." She intertwined her fingers with mine and smiled softly. "You'll do okay over the summer?"
"Of course."
I followed her out of the dorm with my trunk and saw the others waiting for us in the common room.
We waited for the carriages with the rest of the fourth years.
"Excuse me?"
I turned and Krum stood there, making Morag nearly faint. "Hello."
"May I speak with you?"
I nodded and followed him away from the crowd, where Fleur was already waiting. "We're very sorry about Cedric," she said. "He was very kind to both of us. He bragged about you a lot."
"Really?"
"I liked Diggory," Krum added. "He was always very polite and kind. A great loss, it was."
"Sounds like him. He told me that you three were friends. I'm glad he was able to become friends with you guys - of course, I never doubted his ability to do that."
"If you ever need anything, you may send a letter," Fleur said, passing me a piece of paper with their addresses.
I glanced behind me, seeing Morag peeking out from behind Mandy (who had gotten over her crush on Krum when she got asked out to the Yule Ball). "Erm... Krum? Do you think I could get your autograph?"
"Oh...! Sure."
He signed a piece of paper I pulled out and I returned to my friends with a quick wave to the two. "Morag." I held out the piece of paper and she gasped. "Oh, I couldn't."
"You sure?"
She stared at it before swiping it from my hand. "I mean... it's right here, isn't it?"
The carriages came and brought us to the station.
Dean waited outside of the train until Lisa came and he took her under his arm with a soft smile. "How cute," Mandy commented.
Padma spotted her sister and ran to her, who was with Lavender.
Sue and Morag, after I urged them, joined their friends in other booths and I had the bliss of being alone. Except, it wasn't quite bliss. This time, it felt a thousand times more lonely.
I sat in an empty booth and leaned my head on the window.
I heard the booth's door open and I turned to see Neville walking in, followed by Luna, Ginny, Fred, and George.
"Quite gloomy in here, isn't it?" Fred said, peering around the room as if he were in a grand exhibit.
Luna sat across from me, her copy of the Quibbler held upside down. "How are you, Y/N?"
"Uh-"
"We got some sweets from the cart." Neville offered me a box of chocolate frogs. "A shame there wasn't any Quidditch this year, eh, Ginny? You could've tried out!"
"I was planning on it this year," she groaned. "I guess there's next year. I wonder who'll be the captain now that Wood's gone."
"It'll probably be Harry." George turned to me. "He's the best on the team, isn't he?"
"Why are you asking me?"
"You can do your weird little observations," Fred said.
I stared at them, perplexed, then laughed. It was a laugh that was needed, one that I didn't think I missed the sound of so much because I thought I hated it.
"Well, he's technically never not gotten the Snitch. After all, that one time, it was the Dementors' fault."
"See?" Ginny threw her hands into the air, turning to her brothers. "You're fighting with nobody, getting upset about that match!"
We saw Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle walk down the train and George and Fred gave each other a conniving look. "We'll be right back," they told us as they left the booth.
The four of us heard a loud clatter and looked at each other, laughing again.
I don't know if they knew what they did. Honestly, I don't know if I knew what they did.
Perhaps the worst part about death is how lonely you feel after it, even if there's a million people around you, you could close your eyes and open them and they'd still be there. With death, there is no such luxury.
It takes a special kind of person to show you that you're not alone.
You know you're not alone when you're at your lowest, when you show your worst, and they're still standing there, right next to you under the same rain.
I just wish that the thunder didn't come again to remind me of the storm.