Hello, quick note. I forgot what the name was of the 'new' Whistledown. I think it was Canterbury, I do not know for certain as I do not reread my work and while I want to, keep forgetting to make a 'shortlist' of characters and major events as a guide. Oh well. There is some shifts in time forth and back going on in this chapter, if that reads as confusing do let me know. Just FYI, I wanted to change a storyline, initially what I had thought of for that character was way worse.
TWO YEARS LATER
It shouldn't have come across as a surprise, but it had blindsided him somehow though, he had to confess. but now the whole of London was talking about him and his failed marriage. About Eleanor and Mr Michael Huntsville who had been spotted together in a hotel according to Lady Canterbury.
"Dearest reader...
Do I have tantalising news for you.... a few days back, my publisher received a tip from an anonymous source, who shall remain anonymous that he was trying to check in none other than Eleanor Bridgerton and Michael Huntsville, under a faux name of course, at Hotel Clarence. Although Mrs Bridgerton did her best to disguise herself, she was indeed recognised, and this author believes that people should have been a bit more cautious. Then again... perhaps they wanted to get caught. It's no secret that Eleanor Bridgerton has been unhappy in her marriage to her cold and unfeeling appearing husband for years".
That last bit was a lovely dig thought Benedict before continuing reading.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures. I do not blame Mrs Bridgerton for pursuing her happiness elsewhere. After all isn't our right to be happy during the limited stay of ours in this world?" and he could not fault Lady Canterbury for that, for that statement because he agreed.
Eleanor deserved to be happy. Deserved to feel loved. He had tried in the beginning, to love her. It might have been a short-lived attempt, but he had tried it on the advice of his brother Anthony.
"Have you made an actual effort Benedict? I know the situation is not ideal, but you can make the best of it now," Anthony suggested.
The difference between him and Benedict however was that although Anthony too had been forced to marry (writers note shameless reference to my story "Last Chance") he had grown to love Mara and there was undoubtedly an attraction, from the start between the two, which was clearly visible to mainly Colin and Benedict.... It was amusing to watch as how the two looked at each other, exactly when one of them glanced away, for example. There were knowing looks exchanged between Benedict and Colin, many of time and often one of them had to do his best not to smile and give their secret away.
What had worked for Anthony did not work for Benedict. From the beginning, he struggled to connect with her. She had sought more closeness with him, really wanted to bond with him but he had not let her come close as it felt wrong, to the depths of his core.
Benedict, had, bedded her in a momentarily lapse of judgement and state of drunkenness and had hated himself for it. First, it gave her so many wrong messages, one of them being that he didn't want to give her any illusions, secondly he hated himself for being so weak. He was weak. They didn't have a wedding night as he was just so shaken by what happened and busy coping with the status quo.
They still slept in separate rooms days after the wedding and at one-point days turned in weeks, turned into months. He could see the hurt in her eyes but to him it felt wrong. To him it felt as if he would use her for his own personal gain and he didn't want that. But one day he was so drunk, alcohol sometimes helped to drive away the thought of Alina, he had found and so affected by the hurt expression and feeling guilty, also having an increasingly challenging time suppressing his basal urges against it that he had bridged the small distance from his room to hers.
The next morning, he woke up with a hefty headache followed by heavy case of self-loathing as he realised what he had done. He had felt horrible. Nothing had changed for him as it came to feelings towards her. There was still only one woman who was the sole beneficiary of his heart.
The door swung open, and Eleanor entered her room with a happy expression on her face that quickly faded aways as she saw Benedict's.
Benedict dressed quickly and walked towards her. He bit his lip, something he always did when he was struggling, and addressed her in a soft voice.
"I.. I shouldn't have entered your room last night. It was wrong of me. I apologise for my mistake and the grief it may have caused you", he said earnestly before bowing his head and walking away.
"It was a mistake to sleep with your wife?" he heard her say in a trembling voice and Benedict was immediately overcome by a sense of regret. He slowly turned towards her and stared at her. Benedict could see that she was trying her best not to burst into tears but at the same time anger radiated from her eyes.
"It shouldn't have happened, Eleanor", Benedict replied.
"Why? Am I that appeal to you or is my character that repulsive that you need to define what happened last night as an error?".
Benedict shook his head and walked towards her.
"You're not hideous. Far from it, you're beautiful, Eleanor and there is nothing wrong with your character," Benedict stated earnestly.
"Then what is the issue?" she wanted to know, her voice skipping in intonation again. Benedict looked at her in a way that was a mixture of compassion and guilt. He wanted to tell her the truth but couldn't.
"It is just that- ", he began but he couldn't possibly continue stating her what the actual reason was and retreated last second.
Eleanor remembered something at that specific moment. An article in Lady Whistledown's leaflet and abruptly she felt like she had found the final piece of the puzzle. She had read about the mysterious woman in Benedict's life had thought it had been idle gossip. Eleanor was a fool for believing that it was only gossip, she now realised.
"Who was the mysterious woman Lady Whistledown wrote about, Benedict?" she asked him directly and it was clear to her that he didn't expect to be asked his question as his jaw dropped in astonishment.
"I asked you something" she stated coolly as she regarded him with a determined look.
"I can't tell you" he finally said softly, and it was without delay, her heart broke into a million pieces.
"And why is that?," Eleanor pressed on even though she felt absolutely gutted inside and on the verge of tears once more.
"I can't reveal her identity as it might give her consequences she doesn't deserve."
"But I have a right to know!" she yelled.
"No, you don't. You don't!" he countered even though Benedict knew he did.
"Then do answer me this and please Benedict. I implore you to be truthful for once."
She took a deep breath and with dread racing her asked the question she didn't want to the answer to.
"Do you love her?."
Silence engulfed the room and somehow in that silence more words were spoken than someone could ever say.
"I do" he said softly after a few moments later, experiencing guilt as he saw how defeated she looked after hearing his statement.
"I'm very sorry. I should have stopped this marriage from happening... but it's not too late. It's not too late, Eleanor. I know it's unconventional but maybe we can get an annulment. I shall speak to my family's barrister and-".
"No!", she yelled, interrupting him.
"No?" asked Benedict in astonishment.
"What do you mean, Eleanor? It is clear as day that we are both miserable in this house. Please don't pretend that you are not. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't want to lie either. I see your disappointment; I see how you turn to me and wish me to give affection, but I can't give you that. ".
"Then try harder" she stated grimly.
"You can't be serious!" Benedict shouted.
"I could not be more serious. Do you have any, any idea, what an annulment would entail for me? I shall never be able to even walk on the streets of London again. I shall be damaged goods forever. My reputation will be ruined. Who would want to marry me? Who would want to marry a woman whose husband left her?" she stated furiously.
"So, as unfortunate as the current circumstances are," she took a moment to compose herself before continuing" Benedict but I am not willing to ruin my life and everything I hold dear for you".
"You're not suggesting we stay married, are you?" he asked incredulously.
"I am, Benedict, and I tell you one thing, don't you dare refer to an annulment again" and after saying that sentence, she walked past him and left her room.
Benedict looked back on that day with mixed feelings, if only they had separated right and then.
He is pulled out of his thoughts as he sees the door opening and Eleanor enter his drawing room, adorned in a dark blue dress with matching coat. She had a black hat on with a stone stuck on it and a black feather or two on top. He could say a lot about his still current wife but not that she had not always appeared immaculate. She fidgeted with her beige gloves, a sign of nervousness and he saw her swallow nervously a few times.
"Hello Eleanor" he greeted; a tad dejected but polite anyway.
"Hello.... Benedict" she said on her turn, somewhat cautious and unsure.
"Have a seat" said Benedict and he gestured to one of the fauteuils. She paused for another moment before slowly moving towards the piece of furniture, arriving here she sat down and continued fidgeting with her gloves, staring at her patch.
"Where is Charlotte?" wanted Benedict to know. Eleanor slowly raised her head to face him.
"At my parents... it seemed better to come alone" she explained.
"I suppose you are aware of me and Michael" she spoke demurely.
Benedict nodded as confirmation but also gave a vocal one.
"I am and with me probably all of London", he quipped. He wasn't angry at her. Why should he be? He had neglected her for years after all, there was perhaps resentment at finding out the way had but even that seemed to fade away now.
She sighed deeply before continuing and took a few short breaths.
"It might be cliche but still true. I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. I ran into Michael a few months ago at a Richard's ball. You weren't there. You never want to go to balls, at least not with me" she said with a sad look.
Benedict wanted to lie that that was not true, but she shook her head.
"No use in lying, Benedict," she smiled sadly.
"I just lonely, Benedict. So lonely and he was there... giving me the affection I didn't know I was so desperate for. I am not saying what I did was right, but can you honestly maintain you were faithful to me during our marriage?".
He hadn't been. In fact, he had out of necessity done what he loathed seeing other men do, visited brothels on one more than once occasion. Relief was temporary though, as soon as he was back in his house, the aching continued.
Benedict stared earnestly at her and shook his head. She nodded and then once more looked at her lap.
"He wants to marry me, Benedict. He says he doesn't care about scandals or the ton if I am with him".
"That is commendable", Benedict replied after because it was, commendable.
"It is. He says he loves me."
"And do you love him?" Benedict inquired. Eleanor looked briefly downwards and then towards Benedict.
"I do" she said as she swallowed the lump in her throat away.
"I came to you here today to ask for a separation. I hope you will grant me one, I say this fully acknowledging that is rather hypocritical of me to ask you this since I declined a similar request you made. I don't expect it from you but if you would be so kind to be lenient in this matter, I would greatly appreciate that."
It took Benedict a few moments to consider but there was nothing to consider, really. There was nothing to be gained by being petty or revengeful. It wasn't the way he was he could have declined but he knew that both weren't happy, and it didn't make sense to prolong the relationship.
"I will grant you a separation but what about Charlotte?" he asked anxiously.
"That is what plagues my too, Benedict, Charlotte. I don't want to hurt her. I know she is quite fond of you. I would never keep her from you, please believe me" and Benedict could tell she was being earnest. In all the years they had angry words, he had never caught her speaking ill of him to Charlotte.
"Michael has an estate in Gatwick. I suggest she may stay with you until everything blows over. I will visit her of course but it seems better this way until the formalities are overseen. My father has connections, as you might know, at the court and he assured me that there will be no drawn-out divorce proceedings. ", she explained.
"I want to state that I do need any financial support from you. However, f you may want to provide for Charlotte I won't oppose." Eleanor continued.
"I will provide for my daughter and cover what expenses she has expenses. What I am worried about is you staying permanently in Gatwick and not returning to London. Do you think that'll happen?".
She cast her eyes down and nodded.
"I don't see how I can return to London", Eleanor said dejectedly.
"I understand. That is unfortunate, I am not going to lie".
Eleanor's heart sank, this was going to be difficult after all, trying to find an agreement.
"I suppose Gatwick isn't the farthest away... could have been worse, I could come visit or she can stay with me in the weekends. I reckon we can figure something out".
Her eyes lit up and she looked happy, happy. He hadn't seen her like that well since ever.
"That would be wonderful, Benedict", she beamed.
"I'll have my family's barrister contact your father's to sort out the details".
"Thank you", she replied, gratitude seeping through her voice, and he nodded in affirmation and there was a brief silence between them, but it was a pleasant one. There was no hostility in the atmosphere anymore, as if they both could breathe for the first time in ages. There was no pretension, there was no resentment, from either side.
"I should go but before I do, I have to tell you something".
Eleanor cleared her throat and resumed, and Benedict looked at her tensely.
"I am sure you are aware but years ago I did a horrible thing.. I concocted an awful plan with my brother, and it led to you having to marry me. I am, genuinely sorry for what I did. Back then I was selfish and spoiled and used to getting what I want but I know now that I never should have interfered because if I hadn't maybe you would have been happy. You never told me who she was but when I came back early from my parents, a few weeks back, I heard you talking with a gentleman in your study and heard you say that you wanted to track a woman down.".
She could tell from Benedict's contrite look that he would soon apologise. She wanted to get ahead of him and say this was not necessary.
"It's alright, there is no need to apologise. I am only mentioning this because I want to say that I really hope you'll find her. I mean that."
And with that statement, Eleanor got up and Benedict followed her in doing so.
"All the best to you, Eleanor" wished Benedict after a few seconds of them standing there.
"And to you, Benedict" replied Eleanor, then she turned and exited the room.
THE NEXT DAY
Benedict greeted the man and motioned for him to take a seat.
"Nice to meet you Mr. Richards. Thank you for stopping by".
"It is my pleasure Mr Bridgerton. How can I be of assistance?" said the man with steel blue, piercing eyes, and short blonde hair.
"Mr Thawes referred me to you. According to him, you specialise in finding missing persons. It is my understanding that you have a high success rate, at least that is what Thawes told me.".
"I am certain that Henry gives me too much praise, but I must acknowledge, I am good at my job, yes."
"Perfect. I need you to find someone. I will tell you details now".
To this, Richards grabbed from his jacket pocket a small notebook and pen and reached for a blank page with his hands....
"Her name is Alina Kennedy, but she probably still goes by the name of Watson. But I am not sure of this. She was last seen two years ago in the summer and left this city after her husband died. HIs name was Thomas Watson. She has a son aged almost five. While living in London, she worked at Madame Delacroix as a seamstress but shifted after the death of her husband, Thomas Watson. Her employer insists she does not know where she is and neither do her colleagues. She looks like this" and Benedict then began describing what Alina looked like.
Richards carefully jotted everything down.
"You will be greatly rewarded if you find her but in the meantime...".
Benedict handed him an envelope.
"In it I believe there is enough money to pay your travel expenses but do let me know if or when you run out of funds".
Richards looked at the thick envelope and thought that would not be necessary for now.
"Do you have any questions?".
"Does she have family she can go to?" Richards wanted to know.
"As far as I know a cousin and an aunt, but I don't know their names".
"I see... well I will do my best, Mr Bridgerton".
"Thank you... and oh before I forget if possible, weekly updates would be appreciated or whenever you can."
"Of course, " Richards concluded and then eyed the man sitting in front of him and couldn't help but notice how defeated he looked. Richards felt the need to say something, it wasn't his usual ammo, it was best to keep expectations low, but something told him that the poor bloke needed some encouragement, so he said:
"Don't worry Mr Bridgerton. I'll find her, I promise you".
*********
DUBLIN, later that evening
"Mrs. Watson."
The woman being addressed didn't respond.
"Mrs Watson!".
Alina blinked a few times before staring at her needlework and then at the direction the sound had come from.
"Sorry my dear. I didn't mean to startle you, but It is past five o'clock. Time to go home", Mrs. O'Malley reminded gently.
Alina glanced at the clock and concluded that what Mrs. O'Malley said was true. She stood up and reached for her coat and quickly put the garment on.
"Before you go" and her employer walked over to her, reached for Alina's hand, turning it to open. She then proceeded to put some notes in it.
"Mrs. O'Malley... no I couldn't possibly-".
"Hush, consider it a well-deserved bonus. Mrs. Fleming told me she was so happy with her daughters Maureen's wedding dress as it well received at the ceremony, the rest of her girls must have theirs made by us too. Mrs Fleming has five daughters left and they're all of age", Mrs O'Malley smiled.
"Your work is impeccable, and your compensation should match that".
"Thank you Mrs. O'Malley".
"You're welcome. now go home. I'll see you in the morning".
Alina soon shifted and walked quickly towards her small house. She usually took a bit longer to get home but since she was already late she did her best to walk as fast as possible. Arriving home, Alphie flew her in the afternoon and declared sobbing that he had missed her so much. Alina paid her babysitter, a young and shy girl called Anna and proceeded to quickly make some soup for her and her son. Afterwards she played with her son and read to him until it was time for bed.
"Mommy"" Alphie said as he was getting tucked in.
"Yes, sweetheart?."
"When will we see granny again?".
Granny as in Shelly Watson, her former mother-in-law.
"Soon, my love. Soon", she lied.
"And what about Daddy? When will we see him?".
Alina froze, it was a question Alphie had asked her before, but it always caught her off guard as she once more was overwhelmed with a variety of emotions.
"We can't. Daddy's in heaven, remember?" she smiled sadly and then quickly changed the subject.
"Now do you want me to sing to you or read a book?".
"Book! "Alphie exclaimed happily to which Alina grabbed a chair and the book Alphie loved so much, 'The two ducklings' and read till he fell asleep.
She wanted to follow suit when crawled next to him, they shared a bed, nay more of a mattress together but as always sleep wouldn't find her, no matter how tired she was.
It was just as well though because whenever she did fall asleep she woke up screaming oftentimes. The last nightmare she had experienced had been especially bad as she had seen Tommy again. He had demanded to know "how she could have betrayed him like that?" followed by a vision of Tommy laying in his casket, looking unrecognisable, just awful looking, covered with multiple wounds all over his body.
That nightmare had been particularly dreadful. She vehemently hoped it wasn't a recurring one as she closed her eyes in vain, knowing that once more rest wasn't something that would be granted to her.
And it shouldn't be as she wasn't worthy of rest. She deserved to be forever wandering in restlessness after what had happened because of her actions.
That was her price to pay and the burden she had to carry till the end of her days.