Balance: Benedict Bridgerton's Tale

Chapter 4: Temptation

She had run home as fast as she could and then slammed the door in a hurry. Then she stayed there; pressed up against it for a few minutes with a heart pounding so hard it seemed to want to jump out of her chest.

What possessed her to do such a thing? It had been a lovely evening; she had fully enjoyed a glimpse of another life, but it wasn't really. What she had felt, and experienced tonight was not real, what she had done in a fit of insanity was an illusion and only that.

The tension between them had been palpable yes, the attraction more but it was wrong to do so. Yet it was strange, with him she did not feel afraid at all, as perhaps she should have been. The "incident" had left its mark on her for a long time and many a night she woke up screaming and she had been afraid of every man but he, he was different. With him she did not feel afraid, on the contrary, but what did it matter?

In the long run or in the short run, it would make no difference at all, and inwardly she became angry not only with herself but also with him. No, the kiss had not been against her wishes, but he should have known better. That she had behaved like an idiot was one thing, but he... He should have realised that kissing someone of her stature would be 'not done' and he had done it anyway.

Alina changed her clothes immediately and then jumped into her bed which was about to collapse at any moment and pressed her eyes shut, but every time she tried to push her head and body to sleep, the memory of his soft, warm lips that had kissed her gently the first time and then wildly touched her the second time returned. She recalled his slightly bittersweet taste, probably from the wine he had consumed and the way he had put his hands on her waist. And maybe she should have been startled by this movement, by this touch, but she hadn't, and instead had felt safe and secure.

Until the spell broke.

She knew that his 'request' had been a spur of the moment thing, something suggested in the moment of the heat, but it had upset her. She had no intention of sleeping with him, not of sleeping with anyone before she got married and since it was certainly impossible that she would do that with Benedict and since she had no intention of becoming one of his 'ladies' either, she had now unfortunately left a sour taste in her mouth for what had been her first kiss.

Yes, it had been her first kiss and it had been everything and nothing at the same time and somehow, she suddenly felt very melancholic, and she felt a pang of ... no idea what. Well, she did know because suddenly she missed him, out of all people and wished that the evening hadn't ended so abruptly even though she knew that what they had done should never have happened. And she would make that clear to him the next time she met him. She kept turning over in her bed for a long time but finally she fell asleep.

The next day her mother came back early in the morning, accompanied by her friend's son, Thomas Watson.

"Good morning, dearest" her mother greeted as she encountered Alina who was about to leave.

"Good morning, mother. Thomas..." said Alina as she acknowledged him.

"Tommy here was so sweet to escort me home" her mother told her with a glowing expression.

"How kind of him, Alina, don't you agree?" she asked her daughter.

"Yes, kind of you indeed. Thank you, Thomas." said Alina who realised what her mother was doing and gave her a devious look, but her mother played innocent.

"Tommy. Please. Call me Tommy. Alina. Everyone calls me that... Thomas sounds so formal" he explained shortly with a shy smile. He had taken off his cap and now held it in front of his waist and was fidgeting with it.

"Right." Alina nodded. "Tommy. Thank you" she said kindly, and Tommy smiled at her as a way of thank you.

"Well, I should go, bread is not made by itself" he said with a slightly shy smile.