Balance: Benedict Bridgerton's Tale

Chapter 12: Resignation

He narrowed the distance between them by coming closer, pressing his body against hers, not taking his mouth off her as he kissed and kissed her, like a desperate man, as if he knew he would never be able to kiss again, as if he knew time was running out. Her body folded into him and once again confirmed that no other woman would 'fit' him well, as if her body were the missing piece of the puzzle he had been searching for all his life. When he touched her right there and she let out a sound that made him melt he knew he had to have her; but not here and so it happened that he reluctantly took his mouth from hers but stayed close, his forehead resting on hers

"Come with me... to my flat" he huskily stated.

She saw something. Benedict was holding her face with both hands; affectionately but out of the corner of her eye something caught her eye. Benedict was holding her face with both hands; affectionately but out of the corner of her eye something caught her eye. A piece of gold wrapped around his finger. The sight of it overwhelmed her and the next moment it was as if someone had thrown a bucket of water over her. The sight of it overwhelmed her and the next moment it was as if someone had thrown a bucket of water over her. Last time he had met her he had not had a ring on his finger but now he had, and it was something she could not ignore.

What was she doing? This was not her; someone who slept with a married man even though she had made this mistake before. But not anymore.

He was genuinely surprised when she gently but emphatically pushed him away; leaving him in surprise and he looked at her not understanding until he followed her gaze to his ring finger, and he understood.

"Alina... I-" but she already started shaking her head. He sighed deeply and looked at her with pleading eyes.

"No Benedict. Not this time. You need to go home" she stated softly,

"And then what, Alina? Then what?" he asked as he took another step towards her.

"Should I pretend I never knew you? Should I ignore that I love you? Should you ignore that you love me."

"Yes. Benedict. Exactly that" she replied in an even tone and inwardly he started to panic at the risk of losing her for good.

"But I can't do that! And neither can you because we tried this before, remember... but we can't".

" We must. Why don't you get it? There's no going back. There's no parallel life that you and I could have led. This is it. You're Benedict Bridgerton and I'm Alina Kennedy and that will never change, society is-"

"Fuck society! Fuck SOCIETY!" he yelled in aggravation.

"Do you know how sorry I am? How much I regret every day, every DAMN DAY, not going to Gretna Green with you to marry you there or just here in London. I don't care what people would say, what anyone would say or what it's deemed right. I know what is right. You" and he came closer again and looked deep into her eyes.

"You belong with me and I with you.... It's as simple as that" he concluded She swallowed the lump in her throat and avoided his gaze, deliberately but he gently grabbed her jaw and turned her face towards him and placed further gently on her right cheek.

"Listen... I know I don't deserve you. I know that... the situation is not ideal, but the alternative is many times worse, and you can scold him as much as you want but.... I can't live without you Alina. I know that deep down and if I would say here that I will never look for you again it would be a lie. A promise I can't make. So, I have bought my friend's flat. You can stay there. You don't have to marry that Tommy. You can stay with me, and I'll take care of you. I will take care of our children and all you have to do is say yes".