Balance: Benedict Bridgerton's Tale

Chapter 9: Lost

Her eyelids were heavy and felt like they might close at any moment; she estimated that she had slept an hour or two last night. She had trouble functioning and made one mistake after another, which did not go unnoticed.

"Alina... where's your head today? That's the second time you've made a mistake" said her colleague Emma. She was startled at the interruption and looked at the dress she was currently working on and indeed saw that she had not sewn correctly.

"What? Oh, right I see... Thank you for pointing that out, Emma" she replied meekly. Emma gave her another suspicious frown but then quickly focused them on something else; doing her favourite thing; gossiping. Ah if only she could be... Be Lady Whistledown instead of boring old Emma who worked as a seamstress. She would have given anything to be someone like Lady Whistledown; to be able to walk around at the balls of the 'ton'; secretly revealing their deepest secrets.

Emma was particularly interested in those of the Bridgerton family; she did not know why but it was fascinating to know that at least eight children had been born into this family; and she was curious about each of them. Last year, there was also much speculation on their shop floor about the marriage of the Viscount and a Mara Kensington; whether this relationship was based on a scandal, and they were forced to marry (Writer's note; see "Last Chance"; another story of mine).

"Benedict Bridgerton is getting married today" said Emma cheerfully. Alina immediately stopped what she was doing; took a short breath, as she felt that breathing suddenly became difficult and resumed her work.

"You know... There is speculation now as to whether this match is based on love.... Lady Whistledown states that it is 'probable' that Eleanor Shelby fell into Mr Bridgerton's arms; just like that, after she had broken her heel and that they were seen by her brother and other 'witnesses'. So, they are getting married to avoid a scandal or so she writes. Of course, I don't know if this is true, but one thing is certain; Eleanor Shelby is not held in high esteem by Lady Whistledown.".

Alina's heart raced as never before and the moment after she felt horrible. So, Benedict had spoken the truth; he had not lied to her; then it was also true that he did not really know her. She suddenly felt much better, only to feel a minute later as miserable as before, because what was going to change now? Nothing. He was going to marry her. And even if Eleanor Shelby had never come on the scene, nothing would have changed; in the end he would have moved on with someone else.

She had felt foolish. Even though his intentions were pure; it was clear now at least, even though she was glad that her intuition had not failed her; (she had felt so ashamed; thinking she could trust him, and he had proved her completely wrong, she thought). Alina had berated herself several times; for having gone along with something that had been going on for centuries; the upper class messing around with the lower class; on secret occasions and hidden chambers only to be cast aside like dirt. But she had sensed that Benedict was different; the way he had looked at her; the way he had loved her; made it clear to her that this was no fling... or so she thought.

But in the end; none of it mattered. He was getting married today. Fortunately for Alina,, she had not seen miss Shelby and her entourage at the last fitting; she did not know whether she should thank Madame Delacroix for that; although she suspected she would. She could not have borne to see the same blue, kindly eyes looking at her; nor could she have borne to see Eleanor Shelby parading in her wedding dress; which she had made for her.

"For the love of God, Emma. Nobody cares about the Bridgerton's but you" said Anne, another colleague. Anne and Emma did not get along very well; everyone knew that. Anne found her younger colleague too chatty, and gossip addicted and Emma in turn found her boring and overbearing.