I sat in the room I once occupied. This room seems so unfamiliar and foreign. I lived in here so long ago, I barely even remember living here. The room hasn't changed since I made the move to the room I shared with Harry. I sat down on the bed and felt myself just break.
My walls were falling and I don't think I could pick up the pieces. Not by myself anyways. This is the worst he's ever hurt me. Consciously, that is. He said words like that to intentionally hurt me, and I think that's what hurt the worst. He made me feel as if I were imagining the pain I was in. I couldn't even begin to describe what I was going through and he basically pushed me away.
"Em," Gemma's voice said softly as she knocked on the door, opening it. "May I come in."
I quickly wiped my eyes and composed myself as best as I could.
"Y-yeah," I stuttered. She closed the door behind her and walked over to me. "What's up?"
"What's up with me?" she asked incredulously. "That's a question. It's more of what the f.uck just happened out there? I don't think the aliens could hear you two."
"Not funny," I said. "I think it's just the past few months all pent up into one argument."
"Months?"
"This is just the icing on the cake," I said to her, sniffling lightly. "We'd been fighting about when to have a baby, naturally. But after the incident last month, everything just got so crazy and he- he didn't think anything of my pain. He moved on with his day like it was nothing, but I couldn't. I've never killed a man before and I-I feel so damn guilty about the whole thing. He makes me feel like I should be rejoicing about it, screaming it from the rooftops that I murdered a human being."
"Wow," she said, smacking her lips. "Deep."
"Be serious, Gemma," I said.
"I am!" she said. "Harry's just been under a lot of stress lately, and I'm sure you being—"
"You're defending him," I scoffed, sliding off the bed. "Why are you defending him?"
"Emerald, I'm not," she said, putting her hands to her chest. "Believe me, I'm not. Harry's been under a sh.it ton of stress and I'm sure when you said you were fine, he believed you."
"But I'm far from fine!" I said. "I just wanted him to ask me if I wanted help. I didn't know I had to beg him for it."
Gemma walked up to me and wrapped her arms around my body tightly. I shook in her arms as I cried. I just wanted the boy I fell in love with once again. That boy I fell in love with was so calm and helpful. This version of my husband is a complete stranger. It was like I didn't even know him. I knew him to an extent, but this extension of what is King Harry is the version I didn't like. He was turning into his father.
"Do you want me to grab something for you?"
"I want my Mum," I sniffled. "My mum, not yours. Mine."
She nodded silently, leaving me alone in this room. I curled into a ball on my side on the bed. I couldn't even begin to fathom what was going through my head right now. I just knew that I was so upset with Harry and the entire situation. I'm also upset with myself for allowing it to get to the point it's gotten. I shouldn't have let it get this far, I should have addressed the situation when it was getting to be like this. Back before the incident.
"Sweetheart," I heard, a hand lightly shaking me awake from my tear driven sleep. I turned over to be greeted by the sweet face of my mother. Her hands rubbed over the bare skin of my arm as she looked at me, scanning my face.
"Mum," I said. She pulled me up into a tight hug.
There was something about just having my mother hug me that felt so incredibly comforting. Her smell was something I grew up with and almost instantaneously calmed me down from the feeling that I felt. I buried my face into the crook of her neck and closed my eyes.
"Sweetheart, what is going on?" she asked, running her hands through my hair.
"Everything," I said, sitting up and putting my hands in my lap. "Everything is just so wrong. After what happened, he just pushed it off."
"So the honeymoon phase is over?"
"It's been over for a while," I admitted. "The arguments have pretty much been nonstop and I don't think I can do this anymore."
"You can't give up on him, sweetheart," she said, tucking some hair behind my ear. "You married him and marriage is far from an easy task, especially for the both of you."
"No kidding," I laughed.
"You saw your father and me as well as Harry's own parents. None of us have the perfect marriage, dear. People have to overcome the obstacles that life faces, and this is just part of it. You and Harry will get through it. I know you both will," she said, a smile on her face.
"How? How can you possibly know that?" I asked her. "Because I don't know what situations I'll be facing on a day-to-day basis. With Harry, my life is so unpredictable, and I don't know if I can go through that anymore."
"Yes you can," she assured me. "Wanna know how I know this? It's because you're the strongest girl I've ever known. I should know because I'm the one who raised you. Us Price girls know how to stand up for ourselves and overcome obstacles. You will do the same, no doubt."
"I don't know if I can overcome this one, Mum," I said softly, doubting myself. "He's just so..."
"Infuriating? Irritating? Selfish?" she asked, a smile on her face. She wrapped her arms around me tightly. "That's just men, they're all like that. Some grow out of it, some never do...like your father."
"I just wish he would listen to me, you know? He's always listened to me before and now it's like he just doesn't care."
"I think it's partially because of the life you two live," she explained. "You're the king and queen of our country. You're both expected to do so much more than just be married. You are expected to give birth to an heir and keep the monarchy thriving. Plus you're being asked to be an excellent queen."
"It's so much to handle, Mum," I confessed. "Especially when Harry won't even talk about the baby thing."
"Did you ever think he's scared?"
"He doesn't even give me the chance to think that," I sighed. "Whenever I bring up the situation, he's pushed me away by the time I could ask. He just does not want to talk about children."
"He'll come around, darling," she said. "They always do."
"I don't know," I said quietly. "He's so stubborn."
"You both need some time to think and breathe after the argument you both had. A day of being separated from one another will be good for the both of you, just to think over everything."
"Would you stay here with me?" I asked. "I don't want to be alone right now, but I don't want anyone else."
"You just need your Mum," she said. "I understand."
"Thank you," I whispered. "You're the best mum in the world."
She smiled at me and hugged me tightly. I rested my head on her shoulder and let out a sigh.
"Do you think he'll ever come around?"
"I think so," she nodded. "I think for him it will just take some time. You both probably said some things you both regret so I think you both will be fine. Everyone has those arguments and once you guys get past this first major argument, there will be plenty more fights."
"More?"
"Of course," she laughed. "They never end. The next one may be about, hypothetically speaking, a name you want your child to have."
I groaned, falling back against the bed. I hated fighting with Harry, it was the worst thing in the world not to be able to talk to someone who you would give your life for. Even though I was angry at him, I missed him. Being alone in this room without him sleeping by my side didn't sound appealing. He was my strength and my weakness.
Mum got off the bed and called to have two hot chocolates with cinnamon delivered. I sat on one of the chairs in the room, my feet curled beneath me and watched as my mother walked around the room reminiscing about when she stayed here for a brief time.
"It seems so strange to think I once stayed here," she said quietly. "The dresses, the jewels, and the idea of falling in love with a prince."
"Yeah," I nodded, agreeing with her. She grabbed the footstool and dragged it in front of me, sitting on it. She took my hands in hers and looked at me with her kind eyes.
"I know I'm the reason you're in this situation, Emerald," My mother started. "If I didn't push you out of the house to come here, be fed well, or anything, you wouldn't be so broken."
"Harry never stopped me from leaving," I said to her. "I wanted to stay and because I did, I fell in love with someone. I don't regret Harry, he's one of the best things that's happened to me."
"I just don't like seeing you hurt," she said, placing her hand on my cheek. "You're my baby."
"I'll always be your baby," I told her, a smile playing on my lips. "I just feel like with everything that's happened to us, I shouldn't be as upset as I am."
"Sometimes your emotions run wild. Especially if you've been holding in your feelings for a long time. This argument would have happened eventually, it's better now than later," she smiled. "Keeping your emotions pent up is only a cause for disaster."
"I know," I said. "We always bit our tongue though."
"But you never do that with your husband," she said, patting my knee. "You share your life with him in the best ways and the worst ways possible. Everything you're feeling should be put onto the table for him to know, and same to him. You want to have a baby, you tell him that. Don't beat around the bushes with him, he needs a direct answer and find no way to escape it."
"He'll find a way," I said. "He always does."
"Your father was similar to Harry you know," she mentioned. "I wanted a baby shortly after we married and he didn't. Like Harry, he wanted to wait until 'the right time' and I knew I was ready. So I made him dinner one night and as soon as he took a spoonful of soup, I told him I wanted to have a baby. I swear to God Emerald, I've never seen food fly so fast from his mouth. I had to bite my tongue from laughing because it was honestly the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life."
"Did he say anything?"
"He couldn't! He was stuttering and just didn't know what to say," she laughed. "We were happy. It didn't begin to get bad until after Lucas was born, that's when your father turned into the man he became. He became a darkened version of himself."
"In a weird way, I kind of miss him," I said to her. "I mean, he was pretty horrible to me, but he was still Dad. He was at least tolerable....most days."
"Most days," She laughed, shaking her head. "You and Harry will get through this, I know you both will."
"You're only saying that because you'll get a grandchild when this all blows over."
"Possibly," she smiled. "I've already got one on the way, so I'm not as bothered!"
I let out a laugh and watched as she went to the door to grab the two mugs of hot chocolate. She handed me one and sat in the chair opposite me and sipped at her hot chocolate. I looked at her in curiosity. My mother has always been a beautiful woman, but seeing her here in the palace made me think she belonged here. She always belonged here.
"How about we finish our drinks and head to bed? Just like old times," she smiled. "Sharing a chat as we lay in the dark."
"Sounds good, Mum," I said.
At around three in the morning, I let out a loud sigh before looking over at my mother who was still fast asleep. I got out of bed and brushed my fingers through my hair. I couldn't sleep, and it didn't help that I missed Harry. He was literally all I could think about it my attempt to sleep.
I needed to talk to him. I didn't care if he was asleep, but I needed to see him.
Quietly, I grabbed a blanket from the wardrobe, draping it around my body. I slid my slippers on my feet and walked out of the bedroom. Dim lights lit the empty corridors of the eerily silent palace. I've never wandered by myself through these halls at night. Harry's always been with me...or the dog. It's just a weird feeling that I'm not a fan of.
When I reached the staircase, as soon as I looked up, I saw Harry walking down the balcony from our bedroom. When he rounded the corner to walk down the steps, his eyes locked on mine. He stopped in his place and just stared at me, his face expressionless.
"I'm sorry," he confessed. "I'm sorry for everything."
"Me too," I said. Harry took a step down the stairs. "Everything I said was just— it was a mess and I made the situation even messier by calling you an asshole." This time I took a step up the stairs to him. He stepped down one more.
"You shouldn't have to apologize, Em," he said, both of us taking steps to meet each other. "I was the dumbass who was foolish enough to not notice you were hurting. I was selfish and I shouldn't have done that. You were right."
"I—" I started, but bit my lip, a smile playing on my lips.
"What?" he asked, his head tilting to the side.
"Can we talk in our room? I'd rather not have both of our families interrupting our conversation again?" I asked.
"Your family is here?"
"Just mum," I said. "Can we?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said, nodding and taking my hand, pulling me up the stairs.
I was going to do what my mum said. Just tell him what I want and give him no choice but to talk about it. That's it. Simple as that.