Clarkton homicide detective Donnie Valdez stood in the middle of the Happy Trails Nursing home's cafeteria. The smell of liver and onions lingered in the air while he avoided Rowena and Rosa's hateful expressions. Lorena, Rowena's cousin, divorced Donnie after he cheated on her with a 911 operator.
"Let me get this straight," Donnie said, scratching the back of his neck with a ballpoint pen. "Rosa Flores--"
"Do not speak my name!" Rosa spat in her accented voice before mumbling insults towards Donnie in Spanish.
Rowena chuckled.
Donnie cleared his throat. "The woman wearing a Mexican dress," he pointed to Rosa, "threatened to kill the victim, Jasmine Smith, after she slept with a Nicholas Doorman? Is Mr. Doorman around?"
Dr. Domé jerked his head to Nicholas. "That's him. But before you question him, you should know he thinks he's Santa Claus."
"As in the fat guy who breaks into people's homes and leaves kids heads of cabbage?" Rowena asked.
Rosa sighed and looked to the floor, shaking her head.
Donnie's brows rose in confusion. "Cabbage? Santa only ever left you cabbage for Christmas?"
Rowena shrugged. "Every year that's all I got as a kid."
Everyone turned to her with shocked expressions.
Rowena looked around the room. "What? Did I say something weird?"
"Santa normally brings toys," Donnie said.
"Only adults got good stuff like toys," Rowena scoffed. "Everyone knows if you're a kid, he brings heads of cabbage and if you're really good, you get some baby carrots in a stocking."
Rose nudged Rosita. "Did that hooker just say Santa brings adults sex toys?"
"Mi nieta is not a hooker!" Rosa hissed at Rose.
Holly, the pink-haired nurse, sighed. "I swear all these geezers are perverts. If it weren't for the restraining order, I'd be in a much better job."
Rowena nodded. "Yeah. Wait. What?"
Before Rowena could ask Holly what she meant, Dr. Domé handed Rowena a business card. "It sounds like you had an interesting childhood. We should talk sometime."
Donnie leaned toward Nicholas who still wore his Santa hat and Christmas sweater. A strand of green garland hung around his shoulders.
"Mr. Doorman?" Donnie called out.
Nicholas stared at a poster on how to stop someone from choking, ignoring Donnie.
Donnie tried again. "Mr. Doorman? Can you hear me, Mr. Doorman?"
Dr. Domé stepped forward. "Mr. Claus?"
Nicholas jerked his head up and said in a raspy voice, "Ho, ho, ho! Are there any hoes around?"
Rose raised a wrinkled hand. Rosa slapped it down.
"Hoes?" Donnie's eyes widened as he turned to Dr. Domé. "He thinks he's old Saint Nick?"
Rowena scoffed. "More like old Saint Di--"
"Are you kidding me, right now?" A redheaded woman in a tight purple dress shouted in the doorway of the cafeteria. "I shouldn't be getting phone calls in the middle of my pedicure telling me one of the oldies is dead! George, how are you running this place when I'm not around?"
"Did she just call them the oldies?" Rowena asked Holly. "Who is she?"
"Pamela Wells but everyone just calls her pendeja." Holly leaned to Rowena. "She's the owner so try not to upset her if you want a good recommendation letter when your community service is over."
Rowena frowned. How did Holly know about the letter of recommendation?
"Ms. Wells, I've told you, I'm not in charge while you're away," Dr. Domé said, irritation strong in his voice.
Pamela pouted. "But Georgieeee...."
Dr. Domé looked away.
"Do you all mind?" Donnie huffed. "I'm in the middle of an investigation here!"
Rose pushed the wheels of her wheelchair forward and leaned forward, grinning at Donnie. She crooked her finger at him.
Donnie's brows rose in confusion as he bent down to hear what she had to say.
"I bet you make love like a chipmunk," Rose said.
She bared her teeth like a chipmunk and made a clicking noise with her teeth.
Rosita laughed. Rosa grimaced.
"No, he just screws around like a cheater," Rowena muttered, thinking of her cousin Lorena.
Rose glared at her and mouthed, "Hooker."
Rowena took a threatening step forward but Holly grabbed her arm and shook her head.
Donnie ignored the women and asked Nicholas, "What can you tell me about Ms. Smith?"
"She had a spot on the naughty list," Nicholas answered wiggling his eyebrows.
Rosa Flores clicked her tongue in disgust. "I hate to speak ill of the dead but she was a whore! Una puta fea."
"Abuela!" Rowena hissed. "Don't incriminate yourself."
"No tengo nada que esconder," Rosa said, advising Rowena she had nothing to hide.
"Let's all speak English," Pamela Wells demanded, clapping her hands. "Speak-o English-o!"
Rowena scowled at her. "Pendeja."
Pamela smiled, saying, "Thank you."
Rowena frowned. "Huh? Why are you thanking me?"
Pamela pointed at Rosa. "She told me pendeja means pretty."
Rowena's smile returned. "It sure does, Pendeja."
"Dr. Do Me," Rosita called out.
"Your name is Dr. Do me?" Donny asked, laughing. "Nice!"
"It's Domé, Rosita. Dr. Domé!" The psychiatrist tugged on his tie in frustration.
Rosita frowned. "That's what I said."
Rose nodded. "That's what I heard but back in my day when a woman gave you a nickname that was an invitation to make the beast with two backs."
Rowena shuddered. "I think I just threw up in my mouth."
Pamela tittered.
Dr. Domé grunted in frustration. "What is it, Rosita?"
"If Jasmine kicked the bucket, will a new activities director be named? I want my name in the running. We can have pinochle Saturdays and Sundays. It'll be a pinochle weekend!"
"Did she say a peanut weekend?" Rowena asked Holly who shook her head.
Donnie frowned and turned to Dr. Domé. "Would someone have killed Jasmine for her position as activities director?"
Dr. Domé shook his head. "I can't imagine it would be a reason to kill her. It's just a title in name only. Holly, our head nurse, is responsible for planning the activities."
Holly slightly raised her hand and nodded, confirming the psychiatrist's words.
"Detective Valdez," a young officer in her twenties rushed forward. "We found this at the crime scene!" She held up a plastic bag the size of palm. It contained a rose earring.
"The janitor came by an hour before the victim was murdered and there is no matching earring in her jewelry box. What if it belongs to the murderer?" The young officer handed the bagged earring to Donnie.
Rosita and Rose both gasped. Rosa sighed.
"Is that what I think it is," Holly asked.
"Do you recognize the earring?" Donnie asked. "Did it belong to the victim?"
Holly shook her head. "No, it didn't belong to Jasmine. It belongs to her." Holly lifted her finger and pointed it at the earring's owner, Rosa Flores.