May 17, 2015
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A S P E N
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A hot breeze hits my legs, making me shudder and awaken. Wiping the gross stuff out of sleepy eyes and sitting up, I look at my surroundings and sigh in content when I see Calum lying beside me. He rests on his stomach, one of his arms around my middle, his head to the side displaying his squished up cheeks and parted lips that let out light snores. I chuckle at the sight and rest against the headboard, putting my hand on Calum's head to run my fingers through his tangled bed hair.
A small smile spreads across his face, and his lips pucker up to kiss the upper side of my thigh. His tired eyes snap open in surprise, looking straight up to me.
"I thought that was your face." Calum frowns, looking disappointed.
"You literally kissed my ass." I chuckle, and he breaks down into laughs with me, his eyes closing as he scrunches up his nose. I forget that I'm in my underwear, and I forget about all my insecurities. Calum smiling made that stuff vanish. I don't know how, but it did.
But last night was bad for me. I've been trying to get more confident in my body since I'm most likely going to be stuck with it for the rest of my life, but I just can't. Example: last night; I attempt to sleep in my underwear and then tell Calum he can't look at me or touch me. What was the point then?
I don't think being okay with my body is ever going to be an option. And that really sucks.
"I'm sorry about last night, Calum."
"What are you talking about?" His eyes open again, meeting mine. Those lovely pupils stay hooked onto mine with concern, not looking any where else.
"I was being too conservative. I shouldn't care if you see me in my underwear, and I shouldn't care if you touch my bare leg. I'm sorry." I sigh, staring at my legs out in the open and wanting to pull the covers over them. But I don't. I hate my legs, but I force myself to keep themcout in the open.
"Don't you dare say sorry for that. We all have our boundaries and I don't mind if you tell me to not step over them. I'm not Raff, I actually respect you." Calum says. "If you don't want anyone to see your legs..." He grabs the comforter and pulls it over my legs. "So be it."
"But you're my best friend. I shouldn't be insecure around you."
"Aspen..." He lets out a sigh and pushes himself up, his back against the headboard of the bed like mine. "I don't care about seeing your legs. If you wanna keep them hidden, because you want to, I won't mind it. Just knowbyou can trust me, okay?"
"I trust you, It's just... I want to be confident around you, especially if we're turning into something. I just can't bring myself to actually be asserted."
"You know what? ...I'm gonna tell you all of my insecurities."
"Why-"
"Sh. Just listen."
"Um, Okay..."
I lean my head on his shoulder as he wraps his arm around me. He takes a deep breath before continuing.
"I don't like my nose. Frankly, I think it's too big for my face. My eyes are the boringest color in the history of eye colors. My hair is too crazy and it's so hard to manage. I feel like my voice isn't deep enough and that I annoy people sometimes with it. The way my ears poke out make me look like a monkey. My teeth are really crooked, and I would look stupid with braces. And my feet are too big for my body."
As he names every single insecurity, my heart breaks. All those little quirks are things I love most about him. Calum's nose is adorable. I love the shade of brown his eyes are. His hair is perfect to run my fingers through. His voice is so soothing, everything about him is perfect. I can't find a flaw in any of the things he told me about.
"But, Calum... Those are all the things I love most about you. You're perfect, no doubt about it." I say, placing my hand on his resting in his lap.
"Exactly. Do you see what I'm getting at here? I think you're absolutely flawless no matter what you think of yourself."
Just like I think he's flawless...
I lean over to kiss his cheek in gratitude, letting my eyes flutter closed as i do so. Calum takes his hand away from mine and places it on my thigh covered by his duvet.
"I love all of you."
"I love you, too."
His grip around me tightens, bringing my face closer to his. Soft lips press against my jawbone, and I can tell it's supposed to be a sweet kiss, but it turns me on so much. My eyes flutter closed, and I can't help but bite my bottom lip.
"I wish you could see how I see you. You're not just beautiful, it-it passes that boundary."
"I wish I could, too. But when I look in the mirror all I see is fat and ugly."
"Damn it, you're not that at all, darling."
"How? I weigh like 200 plus pounds."
"That's just a number. A meaningless number. Weight doesn't have a single factor in beauty." Calum says boldly, his lips still close to my skin.
"You don't even care that I weigh more than you?"
"I couldn't care less. I care more about.... ants dying than I do your weight." He states, making me chuckle.
Unbelief and insecurity rip at my heart, but I try to push it aside. There's no way Calum can just think nothing of my weight. It must bother him at least a little bit.
"Okay." I sigh, my mind spinning in confusion.
Does what Calum say make me feel confident? Or does it make me feel like he's lying?
"Let's go make breakfast."
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I fucking hate this chapter I'm sorry who am i?
SO I SAW JURASSIC WORLD IT'S WICKED i highly recommend it of u like things like that
(pls pls pls if u like my books go read Missing because I've recently just become really passionate about it thxxx)