(Ai POV)
It's been a few hours since we finished filming, and now, as night falls, I find myself staring at the peacefully sleeping triplets. Getting up from my seat, I naturally head towards the tranquility of the balcony, seeking solace in my own thoughts.
The memories of the performance that Aikara and I delivered earlier on the set resurface, flooding my mind. Despite the passage of time, their vivid impact refuses to fade away. The lasting impression lingers, refusing to be dismissed.
Saying those three simple words, "I love you," a phrase that comes so effortlessly to most mothers when addressing their children, doesn't come as easily to me. Its weight and significance go beyond mere casual expressions, making it a sentiment of profound depth and emotional complexity.
I'm sorry, Aikara, for not reciprocating your feelings earlier. I really want to say it to you too, but deep down in my heart, there is a single fear - the fear that my declarations of love might be nothing more than lies.
You see, I'm well aware that I am not always honest. I have a tendency to say things that sound appropriate in the moment, without thinking them through beforehand. So those three words, "I love you," often find their way to my lips, not just because they seem like the right response, but also because I genuinely want to show love to my dedicated fans.
However, because of the constant flow of falsehoods that come from me, I find myself questioning the authenticity of my expressions of love. I'm unsure if my words hold any truth, and this uncertainty extends even to the idea of expressing my love to my own children. That's why I held back, driven by fear and my inclination towards cowardice.
I'm sorry, Aikara, Aqua, and Ruby. I fully acknowledge my shortcomings as a mother, and I'm sorry for not being the mother you guys deserve.
Just as I was about to delve deeper into my thoughts, an unexpected voice suddenly breaks the silence, making me turn my attention towards its source.
"Mom, can we talk for a moment?" Aikara asks, his bright smile etched on his face. However, beneath that cheerful expression, I sense a subtle trace of sadness.
How am I able to perceive that? It's not like his face reveals anything.
Is it perhaps due to maternal instinct? Or is it a the instinct of a fellow liar, someone who hides their true emotions behind a mask?
Wait, why did I think of that? Instinct of a liar? Aikara isn't like that, he's not a liar.
He's different. Unlike me, a flawed and deceptive individual, Aikara is pure-hearted. His smile is genuine and sincere, and his words of affection come from the depths of his being. So how could he be a liar?
Interrupting my thoughts, I realize I haven't responded to Aikara yet.
"Sure, Aka!" I exclaim, gripping the balcony railing and gesturing for him to join me. With a faint smile, I ask, "What do you want to share with me, mama?"
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(Aikara POV)
"What do you want to share with mama?" Ai's voice reached my ears, making me think deeply.
I intentionally chose this moment, when Aqua and Ruby had fallen asleep, to talk to Ai about that specific incident. But as I stood in front of her, I couldn't find the right words to say.
If it were my persona, I would have known exactly how to act, what to say, and how to express myself. But this time, I wanted to confront her as my true self because it was an important moment. The problem was that I wasn't sure who my true self was. So, how could I approach her without feigning authenticity?
I never realized that I was socially awkward without my persona. Even the gloomy kid Noah Anderson seemed to be better at socializing than me in this situation.
Could it be because I habitually strategize my actions, leaving me clueless when attempting to be spontaneous?
Suddenly, I realized that I had yet to respond to Ai, prompting me to momentarily halt my overthinking, at least for the time being.
"It's nothing important!" I said loudly, walking towards her with a small smile. "I'm just curious about something."
It looks like I'll have to depend on my persona for now.
"Sure, what is it?" Ai asked, sounding curious.
"Do you love me?" I asked, catching her off guard and making her take a step back.
She seemed lost in thought for a moment before laughing and scratching the back of her head. "Hahaha," she started, "Why are you bringing this up all of a sudden, Aka?"
I stared at her, feeling my heart pounding in my chest. The smile on my face faded, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. My voice quivered as I spoke, "Don't play dumb, Ai. I noticed your hesitation when I said I love you. And I know that wasn't an act."
Ai's eyes widened, her laughter fading away as she realized the seriousness of the situation. She took a step closer, her expression turning concerned. "Aka, I..." she began, but I interrupted her.
"Do you really not love me?" I asked, my voice breaking. "Do you not love Aqua and Ruby either?"
Tears streamed down my face as I struggled to control my emotions. "I experienced your actions, mom. I noticed how you cared for us, how you supported us. Even though you never said the words 'I love you,' your actions spoke volumes. But when you hesitated just now, it made me second guess everything. Do you not love me, even like this? Do you not love Aqua and Ruby? If that's the case, then what should I do?"
Why am I being so emotional right now? Is it because of my child body?
I looked at Ai, waiting for her response, and she let out a sad smile as she gazed at the sky. "Hey Aka, I'm a liar, you know?" she said, surprising me.
A liar? Her? What is she talking about? If anyone should be called a liar, it's me. Unlike me, Ai is pure-hearted. Her smile radiates genuineness and sincerity. So, how could she claim to be a liar?
I struggled to process her words as she continued, "I never learned how to love someone, so I became an idol, lying to my fans every day because I hope that one day my lies will become true, and I can truly love my fans." She paused and then looked at me. "That's why I didn't respond, Aikara. Because I'm scared that if I say those words, they'll turn out to be a lie. I really want to say them, but I don't want it to be a lie."
I took a moment to understand what she said.
So, she's a liar? It turns out we're more alike than I thought.
We're two sides of the same coin. We both act and lie because of love, but while she does it to be able to love, I do it to be able to receive love.
And even though I find it easy to love people, she finds it easy to receive people's love.
It's ironic that what we desire the most is present in the other, while the one we don't desire is within ourselves.
Does that mean she loves me?
I'm not completely sure yet. I won't know for sure until she says it, but strangely, I didn't feel anxious about it.
Is it because I understand the struggles of a liar? I'm not sure, but what I'm sure of is that I'm willing to wait for those words because we still have many years ahead of us.
"I see," I said, making her look at me. "Then I'll wait." She seemed surprised by my response. Did she not expect me to say that? Mom can be quite adorable sometimes.
"After all, you're just scared it might be a lie, right?" She nodded in agreement. "Then it's okay, I'm willing to wait. We still have many years together, right?" I said, giving her a gentle smile. "Just so you know, me, Ruby, and Aqua love you so much. And I want you to know that."
Ai's surprise faded as she beamed with joy, and with a grin, she lifted me up. "That's my son!" she exclaimed. "So understanding! I couldn't ask for better children." She twirled me around.
"Thanks for the compliment, Mom!" I said with a beaming smile, but then my grin faded slightly as I reached out and tapped her arm repeatedly. "Um, Mom, could you please put me down? We're on the balcony, and I'm a little scared of falling." As I spoke, I shifted my weight nervously from one foot to the other, my eyes darting down to the ground below, showing my genuine concern.
Ai looked surprised as she realized her mistake and quickly let me down. "Oops," she said, "My bad, tee-hee." She playfully tapped her head with her fist, slightly tilting it while closing her eye.
___
(Aqua POV)
I woke up to the sound of commotion, and when I glanced in that direction, I spotted Ai and Aikara conversing cheerfully on the balcony. Their faces were adorned with radiant smiles as they playfully teased each other with mischievous grins.
In moments like these, it completely slips my mind that Aikara also retains memories of his past life, for he truly resembles Ai's son in every way. It's not just his physical appearance; his personality mirrors hers as well.
That beaming smile, that teasing grin, and that playful demeanor—all reminiscent of Ai. They truly embody the bond between a mother and son, unlike Ruby and me, who, in the end, still regard her as an idol.
With their shared energy, countenance, and smiles, Aikara is perhaps the closest thing to Ai. He may not be aware of it, but he truly resembles Ai's son in every sense.
However, at the end of the day, despite their similarities, there is one crucial difference: Ai is deceptive, while Aikara is unreservedly honest. Nevertheless, it appears that this disparity doesn't affect their harmonious relationship.
I continued observing their interactions for a few more moments, witnessing their laughter and lighthearted conversations infused with teasing grins. Eventually, fatigue washed over me, prompting me to settle back onto my pillow.
As my head sank into the soft cushion, I couldn't help but contemplate.
Perhaps, I am somewhat envious of the bond they share.
___
A.N
Done
I know I said I won't post, but I felt inspired. So I decided to write.
I'm being serious right now, I won't post tomorrow, I'll take a short break.
And, childhood arc is almost done! And this is the 20th chapter, so much more than I predicted.
I think there will be 3-5 chapters left before the arc is concluded. I already have an outline, I'm just unsure how long it will take.
And once I'm done, I'll take a week break. Since I need to plan what direction the teenage arc will go.
That's all, bye!