*• June 2013 •*
- Los Angeles, USA -
~< Liability >~
(SONG: LIABILITY - LORDE)
MAYBE ADDIE'S FAMILY WAS JUST CURSED TO FOREVER BE UNHAPPY. That was the only reasoning she could find as to why every family reunion ended in tears and an aching heart.
It was hard to remember the last time Addie had laughed, smiled or even tolerated her family. It seemed like she was always on the verge of breaking around them.
Was this how family was like?
Just crying and screaming and frustration?
But Addie swore it was supposed to be different. But maybe all those movies and books had lied. Maybe blood relatives were just cursed to hate each other.
At least, that's how it seemed when she was around her family.
It had all started over something meaningless, a throwaway bitter line from Addie about her parents never sticking around.
Then it unraveled into an argument about how Addie was such a troubled kid. The usual words were thrown around, selfish, arrogant, self-obsessed.
Addie knew she was at her core a huge narcissist. She knew she was self-centered. She knew she was selfish. They were all tags and labels that were sewed onto her since she was a child by her parents. She knew very well she was owned by her own selfishness.
At some point, you become desensitized to sharp comments about your narcissism, probably somewhere around the thirteenth time hearing it.
And then the discussion became about how Addie was a disappointment, and did she really want to wear those clothes?
"I don't approve of those 'outfits'," Mom said, with quotation marks around the word, "They barely cover anything."
Adelaide Heathers was a disappointment.
And then she was lazy. Didn't she want to work more? Didn't she want more?
Mom said, "You lie around all day and do nothing."
But then Addie mentioned she was going to start theater. And then the comments became, "You work too much. You need to focus on your family."
It was funny how you could do everything right and still be wrong.
Her crying became silent, her misery numbed as warm tears slid down her cheeks. She kept wiping them away half-heartedly, but for every tear she wiped away, two more came to take its place.
Addie didn't do enough. Addie did too much. Addie needed to be around her family. Addie needed space from her family. Addie was selfish. Addie was self-centered. Addie needed to work on her attitude problems. Addie wasn't enough.
She was never enough. She would never be enough.
Sometimes it felt so hopeless to keep trying when nothing made her parents happy. When Addie could never compare to her sister. No, perfect Paola would always be superior to Addie.
"Look at how well your sister's doing!" Mom said.
"I'm a millionaire. I wrote songs and bought this house with that money."
"You need to stop putting Paola down," Mom remarked, voice cold with an edge, "Stop rubbing your success in her face."
"Okay." Addie gave up that easily. She'd fought this battle a million times, and she never won the war.
After an hour of this cycle of Addie disappointing her parents, and her parents disappointing her, she was released from her Mom's grip.
And instead, with a pounding headache and her eyes burning with how dry they were after leaking moisture for an hour, Addie got into the car with her dad.
Dad was fine, she guessed. He never stood up for Mom. But he also didn't stand up for Addie. He was always traveling for work. And he didn't really give a shit about anything.
Addie tolerated her Dad, except for those moments when she hated his apathy towards everything. She'd always despised people who didn't give a shit about anything, because it always felt so fake. They had to care about something- anything.
But her Dad didn't. He just existed. Never really lived. Didn't make anything of his life, didn't throw it away, didn't risk or gamble, didn't win or have any victories.
Dad was average. He was mediocre.
He was everything Addie feared becoming. She'd rather be an asshole than an apathetic person.
"Do you want anything?" Dad asked, pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant. He would be picking up lunch for everyone.
Addie wanted a burger more than anything. She hadn't had a proper meal all week, and the one proper meal she had a day would end up being purged. Addie had been surviving by the bare minimum.
But her Mom's words echoed in her mind, "You eat too much carbs. You need to lose weight. You need to workout more."
And so Addie shook her head, despite every cell in her body begging and screaming for food. "No thanks. 'M not hungry."
It was fine. Addie had it under control.
"Alright," Dad shrugged, so unemotional in his response as he unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed out of the car.
Addie watched someone else pass by, a bag of food in their hands. She could feel her mouth water, her stomach growl as her body begged for some food. Anything.
But her body didn't need food. She didn't really want it. All she needed right now was a little self control.
When her dad came back with a bag full of food, the smell of salt and cheap cooking oil permeating the air, Addie shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
She regretted not asking for food. But it was too late now.
And that was for the best. She didn't need food.
There was a deadly silence in the car, and although Addie kept glancing at Dad, she couldn't get any words out.
Addie didn't know what to say. She didn't know if she should even speak or how he'd answer.
Addie didn't know where she stood with her family anymore. They didn't know her the same way she didn't know them.
They were just strangers who shared genes and lived together occasionally. That was what her family had been reduced to. Familiar strangers.
"I remember when you were six," Dad began, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel as he turned the corner, "And your mom would leave for groceries. You'd run up to me and ask, 'Where did Mom go?'. And whenever I'd leave, no matter how long, you'd always run to the door and hug me and ask me what I did and if I'd had any fun adventures."
"I remember," Addie admitted, voice quiet to hide the way it was threatening to break. "That was a while ago."
Addie pursed her lips, feeling as tears began to fill her eyes. She had to stay strong. She couldn't be weak, she needed to be strong. She had to stay strong.
The burden she'd placed on her family's shoulders was heavy enough already. Addie didn't need to add anything more to that.
"And when you were ten, and you'd get back from singing lessons, and you'd play the guitar and sing these songs. You asked what my favorite songs were and you learned every one of them by memory and played them for me on my birthday."
Addie remembered the late nights strumming her guitar in her room, trying to commit to memory the words to the five different songs. She used to play until her fingers began to bleed.
And she remembered the look on her dad's eyes so well when she played the songs. He mouthed the words of the songs, eyes filled with pride as his smile encouraged her.
Addie couldn't remember the last time her dad looked that proud of her.
She couldn't remember the last time he'd expressed a single emotion.
Maybe that was where Addie had inherited her numbness and that cold, untelling mask from.
"You were polite and kind, you always had so much energy and we used to laugh about everything. You would talk to me about your friends and the books you read and all the music you loved. You would talk about your dreams, and you were... you were my little girl."
Just a single small ray of emotion flashed through her Dad's face. Minuscule, but alive.
Addie used to love getting back from outings with friends and telling her parents every little detail about it.
She used to be so happy.
"I remember," Addie said, her voice breaking as she was overcome with tears. She cleared her throat, trying to wipe the rapidly falling tears away.
Dad sighed. "Where did she go?"
Addie sniffled, because how do you tell the person who made you who you are, who raised you and made you a person, that person who taught you to be full of life and energy-
How do you tell them you forgot everything they taught you?
There is no way to tell them that the person they gave birth to is now dead and all that's left is an empty shell.
I swear I'm trying. I swear. I wish I was still that girl. I wish I had that much life, I wish I was still that innocent and carefree.
I wish I could be her again.
Addie had so much she wished she could say. So much she needed to say.
Instead, all she said was, "I don't know."
***
The blanket on her bed was soft. A perfect angel white, the plush the fluffiest thing she'd ever felt. Addie ran her fingers up and down the blanket, tracing invisible shapes into the white.
Staring up at the blank white ceiling, Addie felt tears trail down the sides of her face. It was the kind of tears she'd become used to shedding. Quiet and numb.
Crying used to be something cathartic, something she used to vent, where she would cry until her face turned red and she begun to hyperventilate. But now it was just a regular old thing.
Crying wasn't special. It didn't mean she felt particularly sad. Everything was just a little bit numb.
Addie turned over to her side, seeing the dark patch she'd left where her tears had slid onto the pillow. Her stomach growled and she was reminded of how hungry she was.
But it was fine. She had it under control.
She just had to hold out until breakfast and she could have some fruit. And her stomach screamed its protests, but Addie turned a deaf ear to it.
The shine of silver caught Addie's eyes, and she reached over, grabbing the small set of keys on her bedside counter, with a cute Mickey Mouse keychain on it.
"Look, it's a rat just like you!" Harry had gasped, as if he hadn't been the one to put the keychain on.
Addie had slapped his arm. "Shut up. I am not a rat, and second, Mickey Mouse is a mouse, you idiot."
Harry had kissed her. "I love it when you call me an idiot."
Addie turned the keys over in her hand, gazing at the silver. She wondered what it meant that he'd voluntarily given them to her. He'd asked for her to take them.
Harry had given her the keys the last time he was here. The last time Harry was here...
Addie didn't like to think too much about it. If she did, she was afraid she would go insane with all the thoughts rushing through her mind.
But what did it mean? What did it imply that she held the keys in her hand? They were hers.
"I actually have an apartment in New York," Harry stated, rather matter-of-factly.
Addie sat up quickly, turning her body to face him properly. "What? You have an apartment in New York and you never told me? Since when?"
"Dunno, I got it like a year ago I guess?" Harry mused, running a hand through his hair. "We recorded a lot of Take Me Home in New York, so it was convenient to get it."
"Damn, how did I never know?"
"Guess I just didn't tell you," Harry shrugged casually. As if he hadn't had a secret apartment all this time. "I could give you the keys, y'know."
"What?" Addie furrowed her brow, not quite grasping what he was implying.
Harry rolled off of the bed, digging through a pocket of his suitcase and pulling out a set of keys with a Mickey Mouse keychain. He threw it and Addie caught it with one hand.
"I'll send you the address, and you can make yourself at home, no big deal."
No big deal? You just handed me the keys to your fucking apartment, Addie thought. "Um- Okay?"
Harry smiled, giving her a soft kiss. "Love you."
"Are you sure about this?" Addie asked, frowning at the keys in her hands.
"Yeah," Harry answered without hesitation. He locked gazes with her, flashing his green eyes and a cheshire cat smile. "I trust you, and I want you to be safe. You're in New York more than I am, so there you go."
"Love you," Addie muttered, grasping his face in her hands and pulling him towards her.
As she was brought back to the present, refusing to think about that moment, another tear fell from her eye, from her nose down to her cheek, and reached the pillow. She could've wiped it away. But she didn't have the energy to.
God, she just really wanted food.
Addie rolled over until she was belly down, face buried into the pillow. She took a deep breath, groaning as she exhaled. She punched the pillow, trying to get rid of the nervous energy gathering within her.
She needed food. And it was so tempting to just go down to the kitchen and get a quick snack.
But no. She wasn't allowed to eat.
Something began to grow inside her, a dark, jumbled mess that set her on edge. She needed to do something to get rid of all that extra energy inside of her.
Addie dug her nails into her arm, scratching up and down, bathing in the ache of the bright red marks. Maybe if she scratched hard enough, she could draw blood. Or maybe she could just skip the pleasantries and stop pretending like her nails would satisfy her.
There was a blade hidden in one of the drawers of the bedside counter. But she didn't want to do it. She wanted to stop, she didn't want to make herself bleed.
Her mind refused to let her rest even a second, and Addie knew it was a matter of time before she reached for the blade and dragged it across her skin-
Ring. Ring. Ring.
Addie's eyebrows furrowed as her phone rang, a picture of Harry and her kissing lighting up her phone as his contact name, 'Idiot <3' was displayed. She picked up the phone, wiping her tears away and hoping her voice wouldn't break.
As steady as she could, she answered, "Hazza?"
"Ads," Harry's voice came through, broken and hoarse with tears.
Addie sat up quickly, her own struggles shoved to the side as she hurried to comfort him, "Harry? What's wrong?"
"I-I talked to Modest."
"Yeah?"
Harry sniffled. "Uh- they told me we had to do pap walks. At least three times a month, and the next time we meet up, they- they're going to..." He trailed off, quietly crying on the other side of the line.
"Harry? Love, it's okay," Addie murmured, reassuring him as best she could, while a pit started to form in her stomach. These were the consequences of their actions. For being careless last time. "Baby? Please talk to me."
Harry cleared his throat, taking a deep breath, but there was a tremble to his exhale. "The next time we see each other, we have to kiss. And the paps have to see it."
Addie's hand tightened around the phone, almost turning it off in her daze. "We'll figure it out. It's okay, as long as we're together, everything'll be fine."
Addie didn't believe her own words, but her one focus was reassuring Harry. She needed him to be okay. Someone had to stay strong when the other crumbled, and Addie would always be strong for Harry.
"I don't know Ads," Harry whispered into the phone and sniffled. "Now that everyone knows, what are we going to do? What if it becomes too much? What- what if we aren't strong enough to survive this?"
Addie didn't know. She didn't believe they would make it. But that was her. She was the pessimist, and Harry was always the optimist who would believe in true love. He believed in happily ever after, and that everything would be okay in the end.
At some point, their roles had been reversed.
But unlike Harry, Addie didn't truly believe the words she was saying. She just needed Harry to believe it, so he could be okay.
"We can survive anything, Haz. We just have to stick together."
Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. The word repeated like a chant in her mind. They'd been dreading this day for months now, when they finally got caught together. And it had happened the last time they were together.
She knew deep down that the watchful eye of the press would be too much. That the questions would unleash like a hurricane, sweeping away everything in its path.
People had left her before because the media attention was too much. What made Harry different?
He would never have peace because of her. And they'd always be running away from everyone holding their opinions and judgment like knives.
[ARTICLE]
{May 2013}
ADELAIDE HEATHERS: NEW TEENAGE ROMANCE WITH HARRY STYLES?
Written by Joshua Hastings
Adelaide Heathers and Harry Styles are two kids ruling the pop industry. With both of them breaking several records in their separate careers and even shocking fans with a surprise appearance at each other's show, the two have become beloved figures.
And after months of rumors circulating the two, it seems the two heartbreakers have finally gotten together.
On May 30th, the two were seen fooling around a McDonald's parking lot, looking very intimate and even sharing a small kiss.
[view picture]
After these photos began circulating, Adelaide and Harry's mutual friend, Ed Sheeran liked a tweet talking about the young couple:
ellielovesaddie13 | ellielovesaddie13
sooooo, now that HarryxAddie is confirmed, what's their ship name? haddie? adielrry? addrry?
13:12 p.m. • 01 June 2013 • twitter for iPhone
Seemingly confirming that the two truly are together.
With this in mind, we can't help but worry that handsome Harry will lose himself with Adelaide. Heathers is known for dating a thousand men, sometimes even several at the same time, and fans also seem concerned that he'll be caught in her web.
[view tweet]
On the other hand, fans of Heathers are worried about Styles' track history with women, as he seems to be just as much of a serial dater as the other.
[view tweet]
Will the two heartbreakers be the right combination to get the other to settle down or will it end in a hot mess of teenage angst?
View: LOUIS TOMLINSON DOESN'T APPROVE OF ADELAIDE HEATHERS AND HARRY STYLES ROMANCE
View: HARRY STYLES JEALOUS OF NIALL HORAN AND ADELAIDE HEATHERS
View: ADELAIDE HEATHERS CHEATING ON HARRY STYLES?
View: WHY 'HADDIE' WON'T LAST
a/n: so i disappeared for a little while. it's only because i'm working on some really cool mastermind bonus content.
my life's been a bit of a mess lately, but i'm back in time for taylor to please send me the presale code for mexico dates because i will die if i don't get tickets
tbh, my posting schedule has been thrown out the window, into a trash can and lit on fire at this point. it's the wild west now.
hope y'all enjoyed the chapter, remember to vote and comment because i crave validation. love ya <3
~•~