"You have to forget what's gone, appreciate what still remains and look forward to what's coming next."
"O, anong nangyari sa'yo?" It was the first question Rachel threw at Drei the moment she reached the table on the far end of their office where the rest of her coworkers were huddled and feasting on their lunch takeout.
Stunned, her brows furrowed as the rest of the group turned to look at her. "Huh?"
"Ano nga nangyari sa'yo?" Rachel repeated.
Standing in between Rachel and Tessa, she glanced at the four set of eyes that were waiting for her to answer. "Wala nga, promise!" she shook her head and gave them a ghost of a smile. "Ano ba kayo?!"
Crinkling her nose, she crossed her arms over her chest. " Teka nga, saan naman galing ang tanong na yan, Rachel ha?"
"Kaya nga nagtatanong di ba?" Rachel eyed her skeptically and then returned to slicing the pork belly that she was having. "Wala lang parang iba ang timpla ng mukha mo eh.. I mean, just saying..."
After that hullaballoo with Alex ended, Rachel and Tessa did a great deal helping Drei to get through it which eventually led the three of them to become closer than ever. And she was always thankful for that. And now here it is again, Rachel sensing that something was odd with her as she stood before them. Perhaps they could feel it. Perhaps they could sense that something weird had happened to her a while ago.
"Oo nga!" Tessa agreed, now studying Drei's pale and stricken face. "It's like you saw someone back from the dead! Tell me, nakita mo ba si Anton?"
Drei chuckled and just shook her head as the rest of them laughed. Tessa was right though. Certainly she saw someone back from the dead and now she was starting to hate the tricks that fate was playing on her. Because it wasn't just an apparition, it was real. So real that he even touched her. Remembering the warmth of his hand lingering on her wrist and rubbing her knuckles suddenly made her stomach flutter. That same old familiar flutter in her belly that's starting again right now as she recalled what happened a few minutes ago.
***
Just as she was a few steps away from Jeannie's room, Alex caught up with her. Grabbing a hold of her wrist, firm and gentle, he swiveled her to face him. Their faces were only a few inches apart from each other that she could smell him. His smell that suddenly made her dizzy but she took a whiff of it anyway. His very familiar smell that she missed the most.
Drei felt her heart twinge as he locked her gaze unto his.
'What does he want now? What is it this time?' she thought to herself. And it felt as if the whole world came to a pause and everything around them faded into oblivion as they stood there.
"I'm just making sure that we're still cool, Drei... Ok naman tayo, di ba?"
Of course, he just wanted to know if they were still 'cool', that they weren't awkward around each other just like the old times, after what happened to them.
She allowed that hope inside her surface back in that 10-minute encounter with Alex. Hope. She was hoping again. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, Alex wanted to tell her something more. But he didn't and he never would. Her thoughts found their way back to what that night. That night it felt different and it felt something more.
For her, it wasn't just the most mind blowing sex she ever had. She was making love. Making love to this man she was very much inlove with. Even at that very moment, she knows that she's still inlove with him and that love still clung unto that speck of hope that he could love her.
'What were you expecting, Drei? Na sasabihin niya sayo na you meant something to him? That you guys could try to make it work? That somehow he felt something for you? That he misses you?', she scolded herself and feeling sorry because here she goes again, spinning in the realm of emotional complications that she thought she got rid of already.
Heart pounding loudly – check. Knees getting shaky – check. Hands getting sweaty – check. Flutters in her belly ... double check because the flutters were getting stronger as he stood just a few inches from her. It was all still there as if these feelings were just lurking and patiently waiting for the right time to burst out again.
How could she still let him affect her this way? She knew that she meant nothing to him but why was she even assuming that maybe he felt that there was something more between them? I am nothing to him, she repeated to herself as she walked back to their office. Alex is allergic to commitment and lacks the relationship gene but still here she is again.
Hoping that he could see her in a different light.
Hoping that he missed her.
And hoping was wrong. It was like wishing for something you know you will never have. Ever.
Feeling sorry for herself, she cringed at that the thought. A hopeless hopeful Andrea. It was just pathetic that she hated herself for feeling this way.
Pathetic and stupid and foolish.
***
"So nakita mo nga si Anton?" Tessa repeated, raising a brow at her.
"Hindi ah!" she snorted as she brushed the thoughts of Alex aside, for now. Her eyes suddenly scanned the table for her lunch. The smell of Chicken Inasal swallowed up the whole office and it made Drei's mouth water.
"Drei, eto na ang Chicken Inasal mo!" Beverly, one of their coworkers said, pointing at the plastic bag on her right and immediately, Drei sat at the vacant seat beside her. "Completo yan ha, dalawang garlic rice and plus extra na atsara!"
She opened the plastic bag giddily, clapping her hands with delight like a little girl as she opened the styrofoam. "Thank you, Bev! Teka! Yung pineapple juice ko, saan na?"
And then, Jessie, another coworker, handed it to her. "Large yan ha, like you said!"
"Thank you, Jess!" she smiled.
"Ang weird mo talaga lately, Drei!" Rachel suddenly butted in. "Di ka ba nagsasawa, for the two straight months you've been ordering that same meal and in that same combination! Dalawang garlic rice, tapos maraming Atsara!"
"Eh masarap eh!" She just grimaced. "Masama ba?"
"Oo nga Drei... tapos maka pineapple juice ka wagas! Kahit umagang umaga, pineapple juice agad iinum mo!" Bev added. "Kahit wala pa laman tiyan mo, hala bira! Di ba sumasakit sikmura mo niyan?"
"Healthy kaya ang pineapple juice, Bev!" she answered proudly. "Di ba nga may Omega 3 yun, good for the heart!"
"You're really weird!" Tessa concluded. "Kung ibang tao lang ako, mapapagkamalan kitang naglilihi sa ginagawa mo eh!"
Drei gave them all a look of disbelief and chuckled at their speculations. Not minding them at all, she started chowing down her meal. Taking delight on it hungrily like she has never eaten for days.
"Mmmmm... darn, this is good! Ang sarap talaga!" she mumbled as she relished her first bite. "Heaven!"
"Lakas maka PG ni Drei eh!" Jessie, a father of three, said looking at her amused. Drei just stuck her tongue out at him. "Naalala ko tuloy ang wife ko nung buntis, ang takaw! Akala mo di pinakain ng ilang araw!"
"Ganyan din ako nung buntis, Jess!" Bev, who just gave birth last year, joined in. "Sobrang takaw ko din! Saka ayaw na ayaw ko yung amoy ng patis! As in!"
"Grabe ka naman, Bev!" Tessa, a mother of two, said.
"Oo, ayaw ko yun, saka grabe morning sickness ko." Bev added, then she turned to Drei and Tessa. "Kayo ba nagsuka kayo?"
"Di ko naranasan mag morning sickness dati kay Matty..." Drei answered.
"Ako naman, nung buntis ako kay Jared, di naman ako nagsuka at wala akong ayaw!" Tessa recalled. "Nung nabuntis naman ako kay Kate, ayun na, doon lumabas ang mga ka artehan ko!"
"Kaartehan? Bakit naman?" Rachel, who was the only one without a kid, asked.
"Ay oo naalala ko yun, Tess!" Drei said letting out a soft laugh at the memory. "I remember you were craving palitaw!"
"Oo nga! Jusko! At talagang naghanap tayo after work! Kaloka talaga yun!" Tessa added. "Alala mo umuulan pa nun and I dragged you all the way to Robinson's Galleria para bumili! Dun kasi ni Dennis binibili yun eh!"
"Yung wife ko naman, singkamas!" Jessie shared. "Akalain mo naman pinapahanap ako ng singkamas (Mexican turnip) at ten in the evening! At gusto pa may patis at asin!"
"Grabe naman yan, Kuya Jess! Naiimagine ko tuloy kung paano ka nakanap noon at that time of the night!" Rachel commented and they all laughed. "Ikaw Drei, dati kay Matty, di ka naglihi?"
"I had the usual craving for food," she recalled. Somehow she never experienced the morning sickness during the course of her pregnancy with Matty. "But I particularly liked Jollibee's Spaghetti! And green mangoes! Yung talagang green!"
The Jolly Spaghetti craving persisted throughout the first trimester of her pregnancy. She didn't want any kind of Spaghetti, she particularly liked Jollibee's and she could finish three plates of spaghetti in one sitting. She remembered how she'd nag Anton to buy her one every day and they would always drop by the nearest Jollibee before they headed home. Drei smiled fondly at the memory. She was one of those women who were lucky enough not to experience the worse side of pregnancy and to top that she had the most supportive and patient partner beside her through it all.
"Ay ang Ate ko ganun din, mangang hilaw!" Rachel said. "Ang hirap din pala maglihi ano? Kaloka!"
"Ay naku, Rach! Super! Pag di ko nakakain yung mga gusto ko nasisira mood ko!" Bev said and they all agreed.
It was already 12:30 pm when they were done with lunch and it was Bev's turn to clean the table. They heard a knock on the door and saw Keith, the clerk from the Administration Department, making his way inside their office. He handed Tessa a newly circulated memo.
"Teka, bakit ang baho?" Drei suddenly blurted out, covering her nose. Tessa, Jessie, Rachel and Bev looked at each other. "Keith, ikaw ba yang nangangamoy?"
Baffled, Keith took a whiff of himself. "Miss Drei, hindi naman po ako mabaho ah! Kakaspray ko nga lang po ng pabango ko."
Scratching his head, Keith glanced at Tessa who just shrugged. Then Drei walked towards them and sniffed Keith. Tessa and the rest of the guys stared at her in disbelief.
"Keith ang baho ng pabango mo!" Drei complained. "It really smells bad! Ano ba yan?"
"AXE po, Miss Drei!" Keith blushed in embarrassment and looked at Tessa helplessly. "Mabaho po ba ako, Miss Tessa?"
Tessa leaned close and took a whiff on Keith. "Drei ano ka ba?! Keith doesn't smell bad! Anu ba nangyayari sayo?!"
"Keith sorry ha, ang baho talaga eh!" Drei said apologetically and glanced at Tessa. "Baho talaga, Tess!"
"Ay naku, Andrea! Halika ka na nga, mag CR na tayo!" Rachel interrupted, dragging Drei away from Keith and Tessa. Closing the door behind them, they made their way to the ladies room with their vanity kit in hand.
"Ano ba nangyayari sayo, Drei?" Rachel asked, staring at Drei on the mirror. They were already inside the ladies room brushing their teeth. "Bakit mo naman sinabing mabaho si Keith, eh ang bango nga! Ano ba yang pangamoy mo?"
Drei paused and stared back at Rachel. "Eh ang baho talaga, Rach! The smell was really awful!"
"You're weird, Drei!" Rachel said. She shrugged and let out a faint smile. Recalling the scent of Keith's body spray, Drei found herself cringing and she suddenly felt dizzy. "And you're getting weirder every day!"
***
"Drei... Drei!" a voice interrupted. She opened her eyes and found herself staring at Tessa, who was sitting beside her. Then she felt Tessa's hand poking her arm. "Gising ka na diyan, oi!"
Drei found herself lying down on the couch inside Doc Nadz's office. Their boss was on her annual vacation and they'd made her office into a lounge area. She stole a glance at her watch, it was already two o'clock. "Shit!" she grumbled realizing that she dozed off for more than an hour already. Groggy and her body feeling heavy, she slowly sat up frowning. She still wanted to sleep and it was as if the couch was holding her back.
"Sana gising mo ako, Tess! Sabi ko sayo 30 minutes lang eh!" she whined, brows furrowed and lips pouting.
"Ang sarap kaya ng tulog mo!" Tessa complimented. "You were sleeping like a baby, Andrea! And you were snoring!"
"Shit! Talaga?" her eyes widened in surprise as her hands felt the corners of her lips, searching for traces of drool. "Napasarap ata ang tulog ko! I dunno Tess, nakakatamad lang kasi, sarap matulog!"
"Yeah I noticed!" Tessa snickered. "Tell me, Drei, are you still stressing out on him, Alex?"
"Wala na ah, I'm done with him, Tess!" she answered in her defense, lying thru her teeth as she stood up to fix her uniform. Truth is, she's been thinking about him quite often, actually. His eyes, the mole on his right eye, his smile and that smell of his. And just the very mention of his name made her stomach fluster, again.
"Mukhang antok na antok ka lately, have you been up all night or something?" Tessa asked as Drei stood in front of her buttoning up her slacks. She stared at her with so much curiosity.
One thing Tessa noticed was that she was putting in a little weight, especially after that thing with Alex ended a few months ago. The binge eating was just uncontrollable and she seemed hungry all the time. She remembered a few days ago how Drei gobbled up a box of brownies right after lunch. Watching all the twelve pieces disappearing in just a matter of five minutes left her horrified. Has she been putting all her stress out on food?
Another is her consistency in ordering that same meal for lunch these past few weeks already – chicken inasal, two garlic rice and lots of atsara. She just couldn't even imagine herself eating the same food every day for the past month already that it got Tessa wondering how on earth could Drei take it? And how she eats it with zest bothered her even more. Ganadong ganado, she thought to herself.
And then, the wild mood swings which was very unlikely of Drei. In all the four years they've been working together, she has always known Drei as someone who is always the 'grace under pressure' type. She was always calm and composed. But lately it seemed different. She seemed out of focus, distracted and irritable. What's happening to her?
She turned her head to look at Tessa. "Ummm.. medyo! Lately parang antokin ako, Tess! Sarap matulog! Why'd you ask?"
"Ang weird mo lang kasi lately, Drei." Tessa managed to say. Drei has been acting so strange and she couldn't help it any more. Earlier, she said Keith smelled awful and it got her taking a whiff at him too. She saw how grossed out Drei was as she stood in front of them, wrinkling her nose at Keith. Tessa found it strange because Keith didn't smell awful at all. There was only one word in her mind at that very moment and somehow deep inside, Tessa hoped that she was wrong. "I dunno if you've been noticing that too."
"Weird?" she repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Like?"
"Yes, weird!" Tessa sighed. She's been meaning to ask her about it for a while now. "Like you're pregnant!"
"Pregnant? Ako?" she cackled, shaking her head in disbelief and then she took a seat beside Tessa. "Where did that come from?!"
"Hey you tell me, Drei! You've been acting really weird lately, di mo ba napapansin?" Drei sat there and listened as Tessa went on blabbing about the signs that she has observed.
"So you think I'm preggers?" she asked smiling.
"Hell yes, I do!" Tessa replied in a serious tone.
"I'm telling you now, Tess, I am not!" she assured her, giving Tessa's hand a squeeze. But then again she found herself contemplating over what Tessa said and asking herself the same question.
Pregnant? How could I be pregnant? She got her period just a few weeks ago and plus, she was on the pill. So how could that possibly be?
"Are you sure?" And just as Tessa dropped the question she suddenly felt hesitant. Am I?, she thought to herself recalling all the signs that Tessa said a while ago.
Food craving. Chicken Inasal. Pineapple juice. Mood swings. Sleep. Tiredness. Dizzy spells. Sensitivity to the smell. Binge eating. The weight gain.
The signs were repeating over and over again in her head as if her brain was memorizing every bit of it. Drei sat there frozen as the realization was now sinking into her. It was history repeating because this is how she was five years ago when she had Matty.
Food craving. Chicken Inasal. Pineapple juice. Mood swings. Sleep. Tiredness. Dizzy spells. Sensitivity to the smell. Binge eating. The weight gain.
Her right hand found its way to her belly. Out of the blue, Alex's face flashed in her mind and something in her belly flipped. Her heart started to race, pounding loudly. Because what she felt right at the moment was a kick. And it kicked her again. The first kick. It just kicked her.
It.
She glanced at Tessa with a mixture of emotion that she couldn't name. And there Tessa understood. Biting her lip, she buried her face on the palms of her hand. "Oh shit!"
Alex – 2 Drei – 2
===================================
Music: Fader by Temper Trap
Playing For Keeps © 2013 C.Ellaine. All Rights Reserved