Chapter 28 - Shadows of the Truth (Samson POV)Pt. 1
Fatima wasn't what everyone or someone else would call 'hot' or 'sexy', but she was so beautiful to me.
Her eyes too large for her pointy face and her lips, the top one larger than the bottom and while Cynthia had nearly dark blonde hair and pale skin. Fatima had thick dark brownish red wild natural curls, and her skin tone was different, not quite Sepia, but not Fawn either. A natural undertone that many others would need to use blush to recreate but was seemingly catching and natural on Fatima's face. As though she'd run a mile or was always embarrassed.
Though, as I think it, I'm disappointed in myself really. It was not that she was always embarrassed, or maybe Fatima was. But I think grimly, that it was there was so much that she did not know in the world. So much that she had been made to believe that every new fact was either a welcomed piece of information or a dreaded jab at her time spent indoors. As though mocking her.
Her lips, though that was what always captured my attention.
With all the sisters I had, I knew that with makeup they could make their lips more defined, but with Fatima, she had this natural line, more defined by her rosy lips. The top part of her mouth appeared like a spaced out 'M.'
Still no matter how I describe them, I'd never get them right, but I'd also never see that on anyone else. I'd never see her small smiles or curled pursed lips on anyone.
Sure everyone, anyone could do the same action, but they'd never look like Fatima while doing it, and they'd never have her story, they'd never appreciate someone holding their hand, or having a conversation to get to know one another.
They'd never be so brutally honest with their words or facial reactions like her, and yes, there were probably some girls that would think talking until we fell asleep was a wonderful way to spend the night. But I had yet to meet anyone that had that approach or belief, until Fatima.
I wasn't even much of a talker, but when I was around her, it was like I wanted to give as much as I got and then some. Fatima was intelligent, but it was how, or what she said during conversations, she never said what I expected, and she was honest.
The best trait she had, was her honesty. Sure she was beautiful, but Fatima was on her level, she always spoke genuinely, never answering to please me.
But most importantly, even though I wouldn't say she had no feeling about what she was asking, or saying, I knew she did. I knew that she was putting herself on the line when she answered or spoke because there was so much that she didn't know.
So now, when she asks, "Samson, are we friends?" I'm half a bit cursing myself because if I had done a better job of being honest with her, she wouldn't have to question. However, her bravery to even ask once again sets her apart.
So when Thaddeus starts to laugh silently, I glare, unable to control my reaction because he doesn't know. He acts as though it's funny, but the truth is, he's mocking her by mocking me. Still it was a shock, Fatima shied away from others, but just when I assume she wouldn't ask me such a question; she does.
I thought when she returned to school that she would probably try to stake a claim on me at school, but it was the exact opposite. Fatima was as friendly with me as she was with... with Thaddeus. So to say I'm startled is just an understatement, but I have to get quickly past my shock.
"Yes, I'd like to think we were - are - friends." I had to carefully choose my words right now, the slightest foot out of toe and Fatima reacted. I wouldn't...
If I wasn't careful she was liable to run away or ignore me, I thought fearfully. "but if I had my way, I would like to be more than just your friend Fatima," I go with honesty. I put myself out there like she had done with me, hoping that I hadn't scared her away.
"I - I can't be your girlfriend Samson," she says sadly, and though the smile Thaddeus wore drops at her words, I keep my face stoic as ever. Because the truth was, I expected this reaction, this response. But unlike all the girls that would approach me under the guise of being 'just friends' but in reality were hoping that it would grow to be more, I wasn't going to play that game with Fatima. , I had been honest, making my intentions known.
"I-"
"Okay everyone quiet, unless you're speaking about the worksheet, there should be no talking," our teacher interrupts me. I look down sighing, before giving Fatima a small smile after she keeps gazing at me with a nervousness that sent my only fills my stomach with knots, then swiftly avoiding eye contact.
We work together well, Thaddeus continues to seek out my attention, and I'm sure he was just bursting or nearly ready to shout out, 'Samson are you okay?' But I kept on the subject. Not convinced this made me more of a hypocrite because I didn't understand why girls would continuously try to get with someone when the guy didn't show interest. But here I was doing the same thing, in a way, although, in my defense, in my head it was entirely different.
I had been honest. I didn't start out having feelings for Fatima, the truth was, she looked so afraid of where she was, and I just wanted to help. I wanted to offer her something, even if it was just a listening ear because Fatima was unique, I knew that. She was great to be around, entertaining and not in a severe project type of way. It was more she-could-hold-my-attention kind of way.
When we finished working, the bell sounding that the class was over Fatima stood up quickly, packing her things and darting from the room. Knowing that she was running to her next class and from me I hung back, packing slower.
"Whoa!" Thaddeus chimed in a shocked voice, "what - what was that?" I push my textbook in my bag, ignoring Thaddeus. I was not in the mood for his jokes; to be the punchline in any way.
"Way to put her on the spot! How did you think that was going to turn out?" he grilled. But I just shook my head a small smile on my face.
"I don't know what you're smiling about," he said as I stuffed my last book into my bag.
When I was done, I waited before turning to him entirely. "I was honest; you know how I hate people lying or pretending? Well, she doesn't want that Thad, I wasn't expecting for her to jump in my lap and hug the life out of me, that's not who she is," I smiled happily.
I doubt he saw my logic, "now she is aware of my feelings, my intentions. When she's ready to talk about what I said; she will come to me again." I wasn't cocky, or very convinced at this moment, but that's how things had gone with her so far. Fatima needed a bit more time to process new information. When she did, and when she came to me again, then I would have to find out if she possibly saw the same thing. Felt that we had potential.
It wasn't a done deal, but there was so much that hadn't sent her running, that she took the time to open up and reveal. Heck, Fatima knew that we were werejaguars and instead of running for the hills, or seeking help, had I not been informed I wouldn't know that she knew.
There was no reaction or fear about her discovery.
No glances filled with disgust.
The truth was, I could see a stack of reasons why Fatima could or would think, honestly believe that she wasn't the girl for me. But I had just as many reasons why she was, and I was ready to tell her, granted she gave me the opportunity to share them with her.
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Fatima had the same lunch period as the rest of us, so when lunch rolled around, I had noticed that she never ate the premade food here at school. I had taken it upon myself to bring in some plain white bread, jelly, and peanut butter packets, and cookies I knew she made herself.
Each in their own separate container, however when I entered the lunchroom, Thaddeus, Harleigh, and even Brennan were looking around for her.
Typically – she had only just returned to classes – d Fatima would come in the lunchroom, grab one drink, iced tea, then she'd leave and with our schedules I wouldn't see her again until physics. "Hey - Faith wasn't in class," Brennan said first, and although he and Devin had broken, up, and I had told Taylor I wasn't interested, along with all our other friends they were at the table with us.
"Was she in your class?" I asked Harleigh who I knew had one class with her before lunch as well, and would see her between third and fourth periods. Harleigh shook her head, "No, maybe she - had a repeat of the first day?" my eyes flashed to Thaddeus.
Had he already told Harleigh that, I had told Fatima how I felt? As though he could see what I was thinking, hear my thoughts on top of his own, he shook his head, "I haven't said a thing..." he left in the air hanging.
Worried, I called mom first, a bit of regret forming because of what I told Fatima during our first period, "Hello," she murmured, calm. It's not her voice or tone that gives away her underlying tension. I'd spent enough time with Fatima to recognize her hidden discomfort. Her shoulders are perfectly squared and though anyone would think she just had good posture. I knew the truth. Fatima was always on guard, waiting for an unknown monster.
It's the same behavior anyone would show when there is an imminent danger, but it's the attacker or moment that's a mystery.
"Are you calling about Faith, Samson?" mom said and just that she knew it was the reason settled my heart a bit "Is - is she okay?" whispered, hoping that her disappearing act wasn't my fault although I knew it was. I had been too consumed with being upfront and honest.
"She's a girl, not a dog, Samson," Taylor snorted, and next to her Devin, kept her head down, saying nothing. But I focused back on mom, "I'm not sure honey, I'm driving to Nova's now, it seems that Faith showed up about forty minutes ago-"
How did Fatima get to Nova's? "Wait - she walked there? It's nearly twenty miles!" She wouldn't have walked that... maybe she called a taxi?
"I don't know Samson, but we'll talk later - after school," mom said distracted, a bit flustered and ended the call. Not in the mood be around Devin, Brennan or anyone I grabbed the bag I made and stalked out of the lunch area. Was Thaddeus right? I had said too much too soon? I had, in my attempt to be honest and upfront with her, I had pushed her too far.
Walking blankly, I went to my car, sitting there until my next class.
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Faith POV
As soon as the class was over, I stuffed all my books into my locker, taking my cell phone and wallet, I left the school.
At first, I wasn't sure where I was going. Only aware that could not go home it was nearly forty miles, but I needed to think after what Samson revealed to me. How he felt but what really was itching my mind now was how I had missed it because I thought for sure that he only wanted to be my friend, but now I had once again been duped.
I hadn't read his face correctly, because now, when I concentrated on his facial expressions for the last three weeks, even before, they all pointed to the truth. Samson gazed at me, the way Thaddeus regarded Harleigh. There was a twinkle in his eye when he spoke to me, and I actually did enjoy his conversation and his company, but I couldn't be his girlfriend.
I couldn't even tell that he liked me, more than a friend.
Yet each time I started thinking of all the reasons why I couldn't be more with Samson, there was a small part of me that was fighting back. Telling me that I felt comfortable with Samson, he made me smile, he made my stomach feel like it was filled with bee's, and he held my hand. Most importantly, there wasn't much fear in my heart, or in my belly when I was around Samson.
Confused, I started walking, and after an hour, it was evident that I was going towards Nova's office... walking with more gusto, I arrive at her office nearly an hour later, sweaty from jogging. I was feeling like I had when I was running on the treadmill back in the safe house although this was utterly different, better. The wind was pushing against me, and even though Samson was the reason I was feeling out of sorts, I couldn't help but think about how he explained about when he took leaps.
Only, running as fast as I had been, the air whipping around me, was severely less frightening than being lifted to the enormous sky piece by piece.
Or was it the knowledge of Samson's feelings, the different bonds that were being offered by the Conrads?
All the things I was desperate to speak with Nova about, nothing was making sense and the back and forth I was experiencing now with his reveal were driving me mad.
With any luck, Nova could provide support, contribute to making some clarification and order of the chaos.
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