At this point we had watched 5 episodes of Sponge Bob and I was starving.
-You wanna eat something?- I ask him since I couldn't stand my stomach roars any longer.
-oh yeah it's almost two- he says looking at the clock- um... i have some vegetables and some chicken from yesterday- he says thinking.
-Okay- I say smiling a little bit.
He stands up and opens the fridge (which was almost empty) and grabs the two Tupperware with chicken and vegetables in them. He puts some vegetables in two plates and does the same with the chicken (putting a little bit more on mine).
There is this awkward silence between us which makes me think about when was the last time we had an actual conversation.
September
This was my first day going back to work and after everything that had happened, acting was the only thing that I could think about.
Portraying Sarah's feelings made me feel so much better that I sometimes even forgot what I'd been through not even a week ago.
Drew and Austin have been very supportive and I can say the same with the rest, even though some of them treated me like I was broken.
Chase and I had been talking again but just between our scenes and breaks.
I really don't feel anything for him, it's like all my feelings had evaporated.
I don't know what's going on his mind but I hope that we can go back to being friends.
And if not, I just hope that we can have a formal costars relationship.
That is all I'm asking for.
-Maddie- someone says, which makes me turn around.
-We have to refilm the bell tower scenes- Chase says.
Great.
-Oh- that's all I can say.
-I know- he says giggling a bit as he touches his hair- you wanna get going? they are already setting some cameras.
-Let's go then- I say.
As we walk to the bell tower set, i start remembering it all again.
Chase seems to notice that and grabs my hand- you are gonna do great- he says as he rubs my face with his thumb.
I smile a bit and we continue walking.
Once we are there, we meet with Valerie, the director of that episode who engulfs me in a hug as soon as she sees me.
Don't get me wrong, I really appreciated that but again, they were treating me as if I was broken and I wasn't, I was just healing.
After a few rehearsals and several make out sessions we hear the one and only word -and action-
To our surprise, we only had to repeat that 8 times, which isn't actually a lot.
But, Valerie and Jonas agreed that they were pretty satisfied with the result so they let us go.
Like always, I started overthinking.
Maddie from the past would be jumping of happiness if she had gotten this kind of intimate moment with Chase.
Maddie from the present doesn't feel anything anymore.
Of course she stills love him and her eyes get sparkly whenever she looks at him but it was different. I couldn't tell why or how but I knew that something had changed and I knew that we had to talk.
-Hey Chase- I say which makes him turn around since he walked faster than me and stop.
He smiles a bit- what?
-We need to talk- I tell him.
He just nods and we go to his trailer, where I sat down and he did the same, leaving a small space between the two of us.
-I know it's my first day back here again, and I know that this question can take you aback but, is there something between us anymore?
He coughs a little bit- um, well...I don't think we'll ever stop having this kind of chemistry Mads, I... I'll always like you and I'll always be your biggest fan and supporter- he says.
-I also admire you a lot but... erm... I think that it could do us good if we took some time for ourselves you know? we've been really close since filming started and I know it won't be easy but, work will come always first to me and I don't want whatever happened to us to ruin all the hard work we've portrayed these past months.
-So you want us to stop talking?- he says, obviously not happy.
-Not to stop talking, just to stop i don't know, hanging out like this- I try to explain him.
-Like what?- he asks confused.
-Like we used to do, where we couldn't stop flirting with each other- I say.
-I don't get you Mads, why?
-Because of work- I say.
-So are you telling me that you would choose working on a project than being with me? a boy who you supposedly like?- he says, his voice cracking.
-Chase come on, you know what I mean- I say, seeing how he was trying his hardest not to cry.
He just nods- I'll miss you- he says, which makes me get closer.
-We'll continue seeing each other, but just not alone- I say- It'll do us good.
-I don't think it'll do me any good but if that's what you want there's nothing I can do- he says, finally understanding that this was the only way I'd be able to heal.
I shrug as our foreheads touch, we both stared at each other eyes and then he whispered- please? just one last time- as he stared at my lips.
Without thinking much about it we kissed, it was not a happy kiss though, it was that kind of goodbye kiss because, we both knew those last kisses were not Sarah and John B kissing, it was Maddie and Chase doing what they didn't dare to do when they were not at set.
He tries to turn that kiss into a make out session but I stop him- I'm sorry- I say.
We hug each other and I wipe some of his tears away- I'll see you tomorrow at set right?- I tell him, trying to make everything normal.
He just nods and I get out of his trailer.
In the next weeks we only exchanged some stares and words if we were surrounded by people.
That's all though.
The sound of the microwave gets me off my thoughts and I see him walking to me, handing me my plate.
We both sit again on the couch, well actually on the floor, our backs resting on the couch.
-So um.. how's your life been going?- he asks me, not even looking at me.
-Good- I quickly say- um...i've been with my parents and um...helping Austin to move.
-Oh- he says biting a part of his chicken.
-How about you- I ask him, not knowing what else to say.
He shrugs- just been hanging with Rudy, JD and Bailey-he says.
-Cool- I say nodding and eating some broccoli.
-And um...are you like..better now??- he asks, after thinking a lot wether to say it or not.
I nod- yeah i am happier now- I say smiling a little bit.
-Do you have any plans for later on the day?- I ask.
-Not at all- he says- just stay here, do you??.
-Umm my parents won't be home till late and I don't know where to go so um...no- Why was this so awkward.
-But weren't you helping Aus-
-I finished- I say before he can pronounce his name.
Suddenly someone knocks at the door and Chase yells- who is it??- as he stands up.
-Austin bro- Austin says from the other side.
-Going- Chase says as going to open the door- what do you want??
-Um...Have you seen Maddie- he says as Chase finally reaches the door.
Before he opens it I grab his arm and he looks at me confused, I start shaking my head- I am not here- I whisper as I go to his bedroom.
I can hear Chase opening the door, my fingers crossed, hoping he didn't say anything- No um, she has just dropped some Rudy's shoes here but she left without saying a word, well i was kind of sleepy- he says laughing sightly.
-She didn't say where she was going or something??- Austin says.
-Um..not that I remember, have you called her??- Chase says.
-Yeah but she won't answer, i don't know I just need to talk to her- Austin says. FUCK.
-Well If I see her around I'll tell her that you were looking for her- Chase says.
-Thanks bro- Austin finally says as Chase closes the door.
I can hear him walking to his bedroom with a what-was-all-that-about?? kind of look.
-So...- he says sitting on the bed.
-Thanks- I say to him, smiling.
-You are not gonna tell me why are you hiding from him??- he says interested.
-Gossip- I mutter, grinning a little bit.
He looks at me, waiting for me to tell him.
-HemightlikemebutIdont- I say as fast as I can, a little bit embarrassed.
-What??- he says, confused as fuck.
-HemightlikemebutIdont- i repeat.
He sighs- Maddie not that fast.
-He um...might like me- I say trying not to look at him, considering that we were into each other not that long ago this conversation was not the most comfortable thing
-Nothing new- he says.
-What?? you knew??- I say surprised.
-I mean it was pretty obvious- he says.
-Oh- I say rubbing my nape.
-But do you like him??- he asks interested.
I shake my head- as a friend- I say.
-That hurt and I am not even gonna be the one that's going to get rejected- he says smirking.
-Shut up- I say- Drew told me that he thinks i'm into him.
-That sucks- he says.
-Chase- I say to him, but he couldn't stop laughing- i just don't wanna ruin our friendship.
-Stop hiding from him then?? that would be a great idea- he says.
I shake my head- Drew is gonna tell him and then he'll be over it- I say trying to convince myself.
-Mads, he's been into you for a long long time, I don't think he could get over you that easily- he says.
-Thanks for your help Mr.Stokes- I say looking at him.
He shrugs- so are you gonna ignore him for the rest of your life??- he asks.
-No stupid, till Drew tells him- I say.
-And don't you think that that's gonna be uncomfortable??- he asks.
I look at him with a shut-up look.
-I am just trying to help- he says in his defense.
-It won't be uncomfortable because he won't know that I know- I say.
-Yeah but you know that you know so I don't think you'll be able to act the same way, and he is not gonna get over you that easily he even jacks off thinking about y-
-Why does everyone know that??- I say trying to get the thought off my mind.
He looks down, kind of embarrassed.
-Do y'all tell each other those things??- I ask disgusted.
-Hey, he told those things i promise i didn't, that's kind of private- he says defending himself.
-Anyway I am gonna call Drew so he can tell him and all this will be over- I say trying to convince myself.
-Sure- Chase says not that convinced.
I click Drew's contact and I call him, I was about to say hi when I hear another man.
-Maddie?- Austin says- wh..where are you??- he immediately asks.
Chase hears that and starts laughing so I throw a pillow at him and I give him my phone, trying to tell him with signs what he had to do.
He looks at me with a confused face- Oh Austin- Chase finally says looking at me with a i-am-gonna-kill-you look.
-Chase??- he says.
-Yeah, um i found Maddie's phone in my apartment, she might have left it when she dropped Rudy's shoes, I wanted to call you but um...- he says looking at me, not knowing what to say.
I just shrug- um...-he says clearing his throat- I found Drew's contact name first- he says. He was the worst lier on planet earth.
-Thanks Bro- Austin says, surprisingly believing the whole thing- but how can we localize her?? should I go to her parents house??- he asks.
I immediately shake my head.
-Um...no bro she'll appear, she is probably with some old friends don't worry- he says.
-Do you wanna give me her phone, you know, i am closer to her so-
I just make a confused face and I start shaking my head again.
-I mean I wouldn't mind but um... i don't know maybe it's better to keep it in my apartment in case that she remembers where she left it you know..- Chase says trying to convince him.
-Oh- Austin says- Of course.
-Um... can you put me with Drew?? I need to tell him something- Chase says handing me the phone.
I can hear Austin giving Drew the phone.
-Maddie??- Drew asks.
-It's actually Chase- Austin clarifies and I can feel that Drew is confused.
-What do you want Cha-
-Drew- I say to him- don't say my name and act like you are talking to Chase.
-Um...erm...yeah bro- he says, i cringe at the whole bro thing.
-Please tell him now, i want this to be over please please please- i say, begging him.
-Erm...that's not that eas-
-Thanks Drew- I say hanging up.
I put my phone on Chase's nightstand and I can feel him looking at me- What?- I say, rolling my eyes.
-You should talk to him Mads..ddie- he says playing with a white pillow.
-It would only make things weirder- I say laying down on his bed. that bed.
-Yeah but i wouldn't want my best friend to tell me that i got rejected, that's like breaking up with someone via messages- he says.
I sigh- Just let's wait and see what Drew is gonna tell him and then i'll maybe talk to him- I say.
-You probably should- he says, laying down as well.
I roll my eyes- will i be able to have a normal guy friend ever- I say and then i notice that i may have fucked up- i mean not that i don't have one but like every single one thinks that i have feelings for them when i am just being nice but i am not saying that everyone is into me because thats not true but-
-Maddie I get it- he says smiling- you are just so kind to everybody so they just think that you are flirting with them- he says staring at the ceiling- but you are just being yourself- he looks at me with the corner of his eye.
-So should I stop being nice??- I say joking.
-Definitely- he says laughing.
-But does it look like i am flirting with everybody??- I ask, wanting to know.
-I mean when they really meet you no, but from my own experience yeah... i guess i thought you were flirting with me- he says smiling embarrassed.
I was flirting with you stupid- maybe because i was- i say turning around so i wasn't facing him.
-Oh- I can hear him- i thought...um... you didn't feel the same way as i did- he says.
I turn around, again- yeah...i DID um- I say highlighting the did.
An awkward silence covers the entire room.
My phone starts ringing.
I look at it.
-It's Drew- I say alarmed.
-answer it- he says as if it was the most obvious thing.
I hand him my phone and he looks at me confused- maybe it's Austin- I say.
He rolls his eyes- you owe me one...or even two- he says as he grabs my phone.
-Hi Drew- he says a little bit annoyed.
-Put it on speaker- I say whispering as he does what I said.
-Hi Chase is Maddie there??- Drew asks.
-Yeah um... let me call her- he says- Um...MADDIE it's Drew- he says yelling.
I laugh a little and i grab my phone- Hi Drew- I say nervous.
-Hi Ma-
-Did you tell him??- I ask.
-Yea-
-And what did he say?? was he mad?? or was he like sad?? mayb- chase covers my mouth with his hand as he whispers -let him talk- in my ears. I feel something, should I feel that?? that feeling I was scared i'll never feel again?? Maybe it just wasn't because of that
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I hope you are liking this!!! and im sorry bc this chapter is reeally loonng