I open my eyes and I feel a little bit lost till I remember that I am at Madison's. I try to get up when I feel the biggest headache ever.
-Hi- Madison says smiling as she enters in her room- how you feeling??
I shrug- headache- I say to her.
-That's what I expected, here- she says handing me a glass with water and a pill- this will make it way better.
-Thanks- I say smiling a little bit, taking some sips of water and swallowing the pill.
-You wanna go to the living room??- she asks.
-Bailey i am okay, you don't need to ask for everything- I say to her trying to smile- what time is it??
-1 pm- she says looking at her phone.
-Oh- I say surprised and I try to get up to go to the living room, where I lay down on the couch.
-You wanna talk?- she asks.
I shrug and I focus on the wall.
-Maddie just say something please, I wanna know what you are thinking about- she says worried, lying down next to me.
I shrug again.
-Please- she says, I can feel her staring at me.
-I don't know, everything sucks- I say staring at the wall.
-Why did you get drunk??- she curiously asks.
-someone that I cared about said that I had disappointed them- I say remembering every single word that he told me.
-Who??- she asks- look if that was Xio-
-Chase- I say whispering.
-Chase??- she asks surprised.
I nod.
-You really care about his opinion don't you??- she asks.
I nod, again.
-So then you got drunk??
I nod, a little bit embarrassed.
-Cool- she says, now staring at the ceiling.
-So, are you gonna tell your parents? - she asks- or even your friends.
-No- i say.
-You have to, at least to your parents Maddie- she says.
-But..h..how??- I say, my voice cracking.
-I don't know, but you should- she says.
-I can't- tears start to roll down my face.
-You can and you can't give up Maddie, chase told me what happened at the ba-
-wh-
-No Maddie, do it for me, for your love in your work, for every fan that is going to love you, for your family...-
-do you work tomorrow?- I say changing the topic.
She nods- but Chase doesn't, you can stay with h-
-why??- I ask.
She shrugs- I don't know Jonas told me that he was taking some days off, apparently him and Xio have split up definitely-
I don't say anything- when can I go back??- I ask her.
-maybe in a few weeks??- she says looking at me.
I shake my head- in three days- I say trying to sound convincible.
-You are kidding me right??- she says laughing a little bit.
I look at her and I shake my head- if i stay here I'll only overthink about everything that happened and at least there I'll be busy.
-Jonas won't let you- she says.
I shrug- but it'll help me- i say.
-Look Maddie it's okay if you spend some days at home, it's really hard to move one from what you have been through and it's harder to know that it's not your first time and-
-I don't like people feeling sorry about me- i say, staring at the wall.
She sighs- okay Maddie but you are not alon-
-I know- i cut her off.
-You wanna watch a movie??- she asks me, holding the remote control
I shrug for a second and then I nod.
-mmm what about twilight??- she says, scrolling down through the netflix page.
I nod and like that, we spend the whole day watching twilight, but to be honest i didn't even pay attention, my brain was going crazy.
-Maddie come on, you have to eat something, you threw up yesterday and you haven't eaten anything since then- madison says, getting every kind of food out of her fridge so I could choose something, I just couldn't eat.
-I am not hungry- I say from the sofa, staring at the wall.
-But you have to Maddie- she says looking at me when her phone starts buzzing a lot, its being doing that the whole day.
Before saying anything else she goes to her room and start talking to someone, i didn't pay attention until I noticed that she was talking about me.
-Yeah chase she doesn't want to eat i don't know what can i do- she says in a desperate kind of way.
I immediately felt like a burden.
-I think it's better if you don't visit her for a long time- she says trying to sound as soft as possible. Thanks Bailey.
-Chase i don't know, she told me that you told her awful things and-
-i know that it was all Xio Chase, don't feel guilty, you literally saved her, you are one of the best people she has probably met in her life.
-yeahhh I'll update you- she says to him.
-Byee see you around- and she hangs up.
She comes to the living room again and sees me standing up.
-Um...i feel like i am a burden here...i wanna go home- I say to her and I can see her smile dropping
-Maddie i am not leaving you alone that easily- she says grabbing my hands.
-I don't wanna be a burden so I need to be alone- I say going to the door.
-Maddie you are no-
-I don't care, i am hating me right now, i don't wanna do anything and i feel like i am a burden here so please let me go- i say, my eyes filling with tears.
She sighs- chase is gonna kill me but okay if that's what you want, but i am gonna visit you every single day and i'll call you every hour so you better answer me- she says hugging me.
I just nod- bye- i say my voice cracking a little bit.
-Bye- she says, and like that i find myself in the hall, walking to my apartment.
I open my door and I immediately remember everything, I couldn't, I don't think how I thought this was a good idea. I couldn't even lay in the couch without thinking about it, so I decided to change the decoration wishing that it'd make the situation better. Shopping was like my therapy anyway.
I sit on my kitchen island and I start scrolling down through the ikea page, then through the amazon one and then I do the same with some instagram's ones.
-two thousand dollars- i say, reading the final price. It wasn't that bad considering that I had renovated the whole living room.
I look at my phone to see my wallpaper, it was chase, being goofy and he has me, doing something stupid and messing around. I go to my settings and I change it when suddenly chase starts calling me and after thinking about it, i decide to pick it up.
-Maddie??- he asks.
-What?- i say.
-Um...your mother's been calling me the whole day worried about you and i don't know more excuses so um... when do you think that you are gonna tell her??- he says sounding vert nervous.
-I don't know- i say.
-But Maddie you'll have to tell her soon or later- he says.
I keep in silence.
-please- he says- she deserves to know the truth.
-tell her-I rapidly say, I knew I couldn't see my mother crying in front of me.
-Mad- he tries to say but I cut him off.
-I just can't, please, tell her- I say begging him.
-h..how??- he asks- how I am supposed to tell a mom that her daughter has almost been raped.
-I..I don't know Chase, but if you want her to know you tell her, because I can't see my mum like that- I say almost crying.
-And Maddie- he says.
I don't say anything, waiting for him to tell me whatever he wants to.
-You are not a burden for anyone, we all just want to see you smile okay??.
-Mmmm- I say nodding.
-You are sure you want to be alone??- he asks.
Of course I didn't want to but I didn't feel like having someone asking questions every minute.
-You sure you want to spend the night alone??
That question takes me aback but instead of overthinking it I just say no, not even wanting to think about what could happen.
-Do you want me to go?? At least to make you some company??- he asks.
If I hadn't known him, I would have probably thought that he was desperate to sleep with me but, at this point, I didn't care with who, I just didn't want to be alone.
I sigh, giving up- if you want to- I finally say, hanging up. Not even two minutes later I hear him knocking at my door.