Adalia POV
I push the top off of the bottle and chug it. I stare off into the distance, not really looking at anything in particular, but my gaze is on a blank spot on the wall.
I push the hair out of my face just as I hear my phone go off rapidly. I tip the bottom of the bottle up and lean my head back against the headboard.
I haven't answered or even been on my phone all day as today is the day I am alone with my thoughts. Well, me and my vodka.
My parents aren't home. They've been away for a few days. They also weren't home for Christmas either. Sophie offered to spend it with me, but I said I'll just spend it with Ariel, Maddilyn, and Alex at his house. Which I did.
The past few weeks, I've been doing a lot of undercover work with Asher, including meetings and clubs. I'm pretty sure he had something today, but I wouldn't know.
I haven't moved today unless it was to use the bathroom or get another bottle. I've had no contact with anyone today and haven't slept since my nap yesterday.
I hear my phone go off again in the distance, and I have no clue who it could be since most people know not to contact me. Not today.
Today is January 28th. And as Luke from Gilmore girls would have referred to it, my dark day. I isolated myself and sat in the dark in complete silence. Well, besides my mind.
I close my eyes as I take another sip and let my mind wonder, yet I have to stop letting it go loose because I don't want to think about him. I can't take any more tears.
I finish the bottle, gulping down the rest once his face becomes clear in my mind. He'd be so disappointed in the fucked up piece of shit I've become.
Tears fall down my face and I groan throwing the glass bottle towards the ground. It smashes instantly and I hear my sobs in the air. My hands lock in my hair as I grip it tightly trying to relieve some of the pain in my chest.
I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. I squeeze my eyes shut as I feel the attack coming on for the third time today. Tears are flowing rapidly down my face soaking my shirt.
Your a monster.
I watch my hand shaking as I gasp for my breath again but the more I try the more it seems to avoid me.
You should have been dead instead of him.
"Stop." I gasp but it sounds so faint coming from me. I let go of my hair grabbing the pillow and screaming as my thoughts get louder.
You killed him.
I use the strength left to walk towards my closet and get to the mini alcohol cabinet hidden behind my clothes. I try to find the strongest one but my vision is blurry.
Just as I'm about to open the bottle, I feel it being snatched from my hands. "What are you doing?"
"No, no, no, no.." I keep muttering under my breathe reaching towards him for the bottle. "Please." My voice trembles and I reach for it again, trying not to snap.
"No." He holds it so I can't get to it. I feel my heart increase faster than it should, my breathing follows suit.
I walk back behind my clothes grabbing another bottle and struggling to open it with my shaking fingers. Just as I hear the top hit the floor, I'm already trying to poor it down my throat.
"Adalia," he pulls my shoulders back and I drop the bottle, me falling along with it.
I scream when glass shards hit my skin from the bottle. He is immediately on his knees pulling me up from the broken glass he tries to grab me and I pull away. "Why are you here!"
"You weren't answering-" he starts explaining trying to grasp at me again."Just let me fucking help you."
"Get out!" I groan just wanting to be alone like I have been and I was good. I just needed it to calm my nerves and let me have my inner peace.
"Adalia I'm just trying to help you," he grabs my arms finally and pulls me towards him no matter how much I fight him.
"Please stop fighting." I feel my tears soaking his shirt. I keep pushing against him because I don't deserve this comfort.
No you don't. You deserve to be the one hit by the bullet.
"Let me go, Asher." I cry and I keep pushing against his chest but he won't let up. My panic rises and suddenly I'm not here again.
I keep my hand pressed on his chest and I'm sobbing relentlessly once I see the blood seeping through my fingers. I keep calling his name but I don't know if I'm actually speaking.
"Look what you did," the masked man stood above me as I tried to stop him from dying."You're a selfish bitch."
"Don't tell her that." His head turns and I feel his heart slowing down. He slowly turn his eyes back to me."it's not your fault, A."
"Yes it is. Look at him, tesoro. Watch the life in his eyes die ever so slowly." The guy is now near my ear. I can hear the ambulance so far in the distance. "You got him killed. Trying to save yourself while he spent his last few minutes trying to save you."
"No..No!" I scream once his eyes start to close and his heart is so slow. I look around to see as the paramedics are running toward me. The other guy gone.
I finally push hard enough against Asher that he lets go off me. "Please stop touching me. Leave me."
I see him run his fingers through his hair panicked on how to deal with me. He seems to think of something once he pulls his phone out his pocket and starts typing rapidly."Come on. Come on."
I spot the bottle he's no longer holding onto and is focused on the device in his hand. I slowly reach toward it and grab it, putting the top to my lips and drinking.
He looks up and goes to reach for it but his phone dings in his hand.
"I need your help. " He says immediately, putting the person on speaker. I can still hear my self crying. The person on speaker stops all movement.
"Asher, where are you?" I hear Ariel say on the phone.
"With Adalia." He responds not taking his eyes off me and watching my alcohol intake.
She groans. "Why are you there?"
"She wasn't answering my calls!" He excuses.
"She's not answering anyone!" She tells him."look just give her time, talk to her tomorrow and just go."
"I'm not leaving."Asher speaks into the phone. I hate that they're acting like I'm not sitting here but maybe it's for the better if they act like I don't exist because I shouldn't. I'm a horrible person.
"Stop." He cuts off her talking and his eyes are set on me. "I can see it on your face. Stop it."
"Asher just go-"
"What the hell kind of best friend are you that is telling me to abandon her when she needs help, Ariel? She's crying, drinking, bleeding and having attacks and you want me to just walk away like I didn't see shit! That's bullshit." He yells.
"Why is she bleeding?" She asks confused.
"I tried to get the bottle from her and fell at the same time she dropped it." He explains.
"Let me talk to her." She whispers. He gets up from his spot and slowly approaches me. He sits arms length from me, scared I'll move away.
"Dals, babe you hear me? Let him in. You don't have to explain or talk about but don't push him away. No more pushing, there's no where left to go. Stop listening to them and I know it's getting louder but you got to try to ignore it. Let him stay with you and help you because you do deserve it." She speaks so gently.
I'm nodding slightly as my knees are still bouncing in front of me. "You remember the medication that Nessa gave you? Take them. Not a lot. That's it. Let him help you with the blood and you can continue with your silence but just let him help you, ok?"
"I love you, ok?" She says and I shake my head trying to focus on her voice but I can't. I'm trying but I can't.
"Alright, Asher take me off speaker."
He takes her off speaker but I already know that she's talking about the medication.
I get up off the floor and walk out shakily as I hear him hang up the call. He rushes after me and I turn around looking at him and he stops walking abruptly. He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly just as I turn around.
I walk to my bed and sit down looking at the drawer containing the medication. I slide open the drawer, inhaling sharply looking at one container with pills and another with liquid. I turn to see if Asher came out yet but he's still inside, probably cleaning up.
My eyes fall back on the pills again and contemplate on wether to chug them and be in a state of calm and peace or just take the liquid like Ariel said. I reach in the drawer pulling out both and dropping the one with pills once I hear footsteps.
I try to open the container and struggle, my movements frantic."You alright?"
"Yep." I say frustrated. He reaches to try and help me but I finally pull it open just as he starts pulling and it spills all over the floor.
Fuck it.
I reach into the drawer, pulling out the pills and trying to open it. Asher doesn't realize as he squats down and picks up the container just as the pills are already in my mouth. He looks up at the container in my hand before at me. He lunges forward and I lunge back.
"Spit it out." He tries to grab me and I try to pull away as he grasps onto my wrist. One hand leaves my wrist and goes to my neck.
"No!"
"Dammit Red, spit the fucking pills out!" He yells but I already swallowed two.
"Fine." I say trying to push him off me. He lifts his body off and I fake spit the pill out before laying onto my bed. He gets off the bed and walks into the bathroom, coming back out with paper towels and a first aid kit. He gives me a rag and cleans my arm of any blood, including my shoulder. I've already swallowed the last pill. He cleans the medication off the floor before looking around my room for something.
"Where's your broom?" He asks looking at my state.
I forgot how nice this felt.
"Don't worry about it, I'll do it tomorrow." I giggle.
"Where is the broom?"he ignores me and looks confused.
"Asher," I raise my hand and look at it. I geture for him to come with my finger."C'mere"
He takes caution steps towards me until he's standing over me.
"Down," he bends over slightly so his face is closer to mine. I have a sloppy smile on my face as I push his hair back with my fingers, resting my other hand on his cheek."Leave it."
"Lia," I hum in response as I play with his hair,"How many pills were in your mouth?".
"One."I lie. Smooth, Dals.
"Adalia, how many pills were in your mouth?" He says, not smiling.
"Three." I pout. A giggle falls from my lips."You're pretty."
He leans down and kisses my forehead."And your high."
"Nu-uh, I only had two-three." I pull my hands away only to find his hands.
"But that's strong medication." He says with a faint sad smile on his face.
"How would you know that?" I booped his nose.
"My, uh, my mom used to take that." I stop my movements and meet his eyes who start glossing over.
"You wanna talk about it?" I ask him.
He shakes his head making his hair fall back down."Do you?"
I don't respond and take my hands away, my mind now racing. I lay on my side, turning away from him. After a moment I hear footsteps walking away from me and I close my eyes. Untill the bed dips in.
My eyes snap open to see him lying on his back, eyes trained on the ceiling. I admire his side profile as silence takes over my room. We sit in peace in the dark. I love it.
"Tell me something completely random." He says and turns to look at me. The storm clashing with the ocean.
"I don't like touching worn socks."
A small laugh falls from his mouth.
"Like I can put them on and stuff, but like I don't like touching them even if they are washed but you can still tell they have been worn." I explain.
"That was in fact random." He says and his hand rests on his chest. I turn on my side and he turns his head at the movement.
His walls are down, his eyes holding no barriers. I think mine are the same. But this time I don't fear that. I was comfortable with him.
Asher followed my movements and turned on his side as well. Once his eyes meet mine he refuses to look away from them.
I love his eyes. They're so expressive, you could see everything in them.
'Eyes are the windows to the soul.'
Well I'd sit at that window all the time and never get tired of looking though them.
"I love your eyes." I announced. His gaze softens as a small smile takes its place.
"Well then you're in luck because I love your eyes too." Asher mumbled. A sigh of content fell from me as the world seemed to fade away.
Time passes but I couldn't tell. I don't know when I started crying again but now his arms are around me and the pad of his thumb is wiping the tears away. His lips press against my forehead and my eyelids fall close.
I wanted to stay here forever.
I wanted to stay with him forever.